Monday, May 31, 2021

Dan Berger: Tabletop Chemistry

 What do you do when you buy a bottle of wine that, for one reason or another, is not to your liking? If the wine is sound and not spoiled in any way, but you just don't like the style, you could always cook with it.

    But that's impractical and costly. Instead, what if you could fix it in your own kitchen? Since you bought it to enjoy and don't relish cooking with a $30 bottle of shiraz, maybe there's a way to make it better.

    This happens to me often, especially with bottles that are not undrinkable, simply disappointing. In such cases, I resort to old tricks, ones I've used often.

    In one recent case, a wine was both a little high in alcohol, so it burned my mouth and throat, and a little sweet from the high alcohol. It tasted like it was close to 16%. (The label said 14.5%, but I seriously doubt that.)
    I added about a tablespoon of spring water to our glasses: Problem solved. 

    Purists might be aghast at the notion of doctoring our wine, but we weren't about to drink it the way it came out of the bottle. Water solved two problems: It didn't alter the wine's aroma, other than making it a little fruitier because it lowered the alcohol, which was masking some of the fruit. And it cut the heat.

    Caution: Avoid using tap water. Some tap water contains chlorine and can change wine in unattractive ways. The same applies to ice cubes -- a strategy that works especially well on hot days.

    No, I would not put chocolate sauce in my cabernet sauvignon, but adding a little water or an ice cube isn't very invasive.

    Decades ago, I knew a woman who added a little sugar to her bone-dry white wine. It made her happy. The "sour" wine was $1.99 a bottle, and adding a bit of sugar gave her a palatable drink that was satisfying. (I do not do this!)

    There is a history here. For the last 70 years or so, a drink from France called kir has been a popular aperitif. When a white wine is too tart, a tiny dose of either creme de cassis, a blackberry liqueur, or occasionally some other fruit-flavored brandy makes a delightful kir.

    This same tactic also works to enliven the neutral taste of inexpensive, ordinary sparkling wines. Such drinks are called Kir Royales. 

    As for wines that are too soft and lack acidity, I simply chill them further or add acid back into them.

    It's easy to determine if a wine is balanced for our palates: Just take a sip. If it seems flabby and/or sweet, one trick I've used is to add a tiny bit of citric acid to each glass.

    Citric acid is inexpensive and may be found in stores that cater to home canners. A quarter teaspoon of citric acid stirred into a four-ounce glass won't change the aroma or taste of a wine, but it will make it a bit crisper, allowing it to work better with food.

    Also, some restaurants serve red wines far too warm, so we often ask for an ice bucket. The idea is not to chill the red wine, just to get it closer to "cellar temperature," which is more appropriate for proper enjoyment.

    I've often been chided by snooty waiters, who think I'm a heathen for wanting my red wine "chilled." I ignore such ignorance. (I've tried educating them, but that too often fails miserably.)

    Wine of the Week: 2020 Rodney Strong Rose of Pinot Noir, Russian River Valley ($25): Delicate aromas of stone-fruit florals, blossoms and cherries, and a relatively dry midpalate and finish. Serve chilled on a patio in summer. Often seen for less than $20. 

    To find out more about Dan Berger and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate webpage at
www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2021 CREATORS.COM

 

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Not to be snooty, ‘cause this guy knows more about wine than I’ll ever know, but creme de cassis is made from black currants, not blackberries. Black currants are black berries, but not blackberries.

Anonymous said...

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Anonymous said...

I am enjoying the wine content. My spouse makes wine that is usually excellent, but occasionally in need of repair, and uses some of these same tips.

Anonymous said...

I store red wine at about 50 degrees and don't care what others think about my drinking it chilled. Simply decanting a wine will improve the flavor. Sister-in-law always put an ice cube in her wine glass.

If you have leftover wine that you don't want to drink, pour it in an ice cube tray and freeze it. It's useful to deglaze food when you're cooking.

Kingfish said...

You've hit your quota of boone farms, hills, or whatever it is jokes. It got old after three straight weeks, especially when it never changes.

Anonymous said...

No doubt a little Jackson tap water will add some extra notes of flavor to your favorite Cab....

Anonymous said...

I hope 5:25 is deglazing the pan and not the food.



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Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


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Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

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