Sunday, May 22, 2022

Idiot of the Day

 You really shouldn't bring a knife to a gunfight.  Seriously.  The Flagler County Sheriff's Office posted on Facebook: 

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Sunday Morning Sermon

If you overslept and missed church, a remedial sermon is posted below for your benefit.  Enjoy the homily presented by the late Dr. Frank Pollard. 

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Bill Crawford: Opposition to Medicaid Expansion Beginning to Look Dumb

 That’s the dumbest thing ever in Mississippi complained a businessman. Other businessmen at the table piped up. That may be dumb, they said, but not the dumbest. But, uh, none said it wasn’t dumb.

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Saturday, May 21, 2022

Chop Shop Busted

 The Byram Police Department issued the following statement. 

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D.L. Gardner: The Big Picture is World Conquest

 Over the past two decades or so Americans have begun to realize how deceitful our government, media, and academy have become. It’s not so much we can’t trust them as we ought to question them to verify their claims.

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Jackson Black Rodeo Canceled (Updated)

There will not be a 2022 edition of the Jackson Black Rodeo.  Real Cowboy Association President Jarriet Edwards announced on Facebook: 

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Friday, May 20, 2022

Funny of the Day

 What can one say? It's Jackson. 

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Ridgeland Seeks Jewelry Thief

 The Ridgeland Police Department issued the following statement and pictures. 

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Food Fight: Mayor Fires Back at WLBT

Jackson Mayor Chokwe Antar Lumumba took strong exception to WLBT's reporting of how the Siemen's settlement was spent. The latest food fight between the two started when WLBT reported Monday: 

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He Started It!

 Football season might be three months away but football drama is here to stay, especially in the SEC.  The folks at SEC Shorts just couldn't resist making a quick video after yesterday's shenanigans.  Enjoy. 

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Thursday, May 19, 2022

Canceled!

 JXN Fest is to be no more.  Festival organizers announced a few minutes ago on Facebook: 

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Ben Shapiro: The Media's Big Lie About the 'Great Replacement Theory' and Conservatism

 This week, a racist mass shooter massacred 10 people and wounded three others at a Buffalo, New York, supermarket. The shooter was a white supremacist; his hate-filled 180-page screed about why he had committed the shooting was replete with neo-Nazi sentiments. According to the shooter, he had to slaughter innocent black Americans in order to prevent the white population of the United States from being crowded out. "We are experiencing an invasion on a level never seen before in history," wrote the perverse murderer. "This is ethnic replacement. This is cultural replacement. This is racial replacement. This is WHITE GENOCIDE." 

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Jackson to Lay Pipe

 The city of Jackson issued the following statement. 

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The Affair at Veteran's Affairs

An investigation alleged sexual misconduct between Mississippi Veterans Affairs Director Stacey Pickering and Deputy Director Melissa Wade.  MSVA announced their resignations last week.  

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For "Heart Babies", Care from Children's of Mississippi Begins in the Womb

 Annie Oeth authored the following press release for UMC. 

 Stephen and Rachel Sims found out early on that something was wrong with their third child’s tiny heart. 

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Myers Makes Chief

 The city of Ridgeland issued the following statement. 

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Wednesday, May 18, 2022

Partying in Puerto

Check out where a man is having fun.  

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Capitol Police if Lucky for Luckey

The Capitol Police if getting a new chief.  Governor Tate Reevef appointed Bo Luckey to be the new Chief of Capitol Police. He alfo appointed Major Charlef Haynef as Director of the Miffiffippi Bureau of Inveftigationf and Jofhua Fhipp as the Affiftant Chief of Capitol Police.  Governor Reevef announced the appointmentf at a preff conference this morning.  Chief Luckey ran for Brandon Mayor in 2019.  The preff conference if ftreamed below.

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Pepsi Pops Moved to Memorial Day Weekend

 The 2022 edition of Pepsi Pops will be held on May 27 at Old Trace Park after it was rained out Friday night.   Tickets are $15 in advance, $20 at the gate.   A limited number of parking passes are available for $30.   

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Robert St. John: Bowling, Movies, and the Restaurant Biz

 “What's it like owning a bowling alley?” That's a question I am asked a lot these days. To be honest, it's a question I never thought I would be asked. When I got into the restaurant business over 40 years ago, all I wanted was to open one restaurant. That's it. Just one. I wanted to be an independent restaurant owner so I could wear shorts and t-shirts to work every day. Seriously, that was my goal. It wasn’t about money, or accumulating wealth, or anything other than I love restaurants, and didn’t want to have to wear a suit and tie to work every day. That part has come true, but the one restaurant thing has grown legs.


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Sid Salter: Mistrust, Political Division, & Isolation Threaten More Than Elections, Economic Policies

  Pew Center Research reflects a widely shared belief in this nation that distrust of the federal government and distrust among fellow Americans is a fundamental obstacle to finding meaningful solutions to the problems that confront our country.

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Tuesday, May 17, 2022

Brand Busts Bill

 Russell Brand skewered, mocked, and derided the Public Virtue of the World, Bill Gates.  Now, it's not nice to question our global conscience but the Brit showed him no respect as he passed out the red pills.   Enjoy. 

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Dan Berger: Tabletop Chemistry

 You're browsing the wine aisle in your local supermarket or wine shop and see a bottle that looks interesting. And the back label carries purple prose about how superb the wine's fruit is.

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Accused Baby Killer Appears in Court

Accused baby killer Makaylia Jolley  made her initial appearance in Pearl Municipal Court today after she was arrested Thursday for allegedly killing her eight-week old baby.  

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Catch & Release for Credible Messenger?

 JPD arrested Credible Messenger John Knight in March for drug possession and possessing a firearm as a convicted felon.  JJ obtained a copy of the police report through a public records request.

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Mayor Blames WLBT for "Salacious" Reporting

 Jackson Mayor Chokwe Antar Lumumba issued the following statement. 

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Coke Bust in Rankin County

 Rankin County Sheriff Bryan Bailey issued the following statement. 

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Monday, May 16, 2022

We Report, You Decide: What Did the Mayor Really Say?

 Jackson Mayor Chokwe Antar Lumumba accused the media  of taking his "Jackson is safe" quote out of context at a press conference today.  A rather strident Mayor aimed squarely at the media for mischaracterizing what he said two weeks ago.  He said:

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Dukes Gets Life

 Hinds County District Attorney Jody Owens issued the following statement. 

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Archie Speaks!

 Hinds County District 2 Supervisor David. L. Archie is holding a press conference right now.  Don't know what it is about so tune in below. 

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JSU Pair Dominate Target HBCU Tech Challenge

 Jackson State University issued the following press release. 

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Express Grain Bankruptcy Settles

This post is reprinted with permission of The Taxpayers Channel (Greenwood). 

This afternoon, the bankruptcy court entered an order approving the Settlement Agreement in the Express Grain bankruptcy case. The Settlement Agreement settles most, but not all, of the disputes between Farmers, EG, and the warehouse receipt holders about who has an interest in the grainproceeds in the bankruptcy estate.

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From the Mailbag

 A reader witnessed a little crime in Jackson this past weekend.  

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Sunday, May 15, 2022

It's the Crime, Stupid

Crime must be getting pretty bad if Bill Maher notices. Mr. Real Time went on the warpath about crime Friday night but oddly enough, didn't point the finger at anyone. 

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Ouch!

 A pile-driving barge capsized Friday night by Forest Park at the Rez.  

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A Wise Look at Wisdom

Wisdom always seems to be in short supply.  Such is true in the past, such is true today, and such will be true tomorrow.  The late Dr. Frank Pollard (First Baptist Church-Jackson) preached on what it means to be wise in this 1993 sermon.  He presented his message in his usual style that was serious but not boring and at times entertaining.  Enjoy. 

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Bill Crawford: What Services Should Conservative Government Provide?

 A conservative proposition: State government should only provide the services our people need and only tax enough to cover costs for these needs.

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Saturday, May 14, 2022

The Return of the Dragon

HBO dropped The House of the Dragon trailer recently.  A prequel to the series with the infamous season eight, The House of the Dragon tells the story of the Targaryan rise to power.  The show lacks several flaws that doomed its predecessor. The Fat Man actually finished the book (bastard),  thus providing a script for the showrunners to follow.  Speaking of showrunners, D & D are not affiliated with the project as Miguel Sapochnick is in their stead.  He directed the best episodes of the earlier series such as Hardhomme, Battle of the Bastards, and the best episode of all, The Winds of Winter. Enjoy the trailer posted below.

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D.L. Gardner: The Source of Hateful Division in America

What an odd intersection of emotions. This past Sunday many celebrated Mother’s Day at church while others protested at the same churches in favor of mothers’ rights to abort their children. Imagine the emotions of mothers who had chosen to abort their children interacting with mothers who had chosen to carry their children to birth. If emotions were not high enough, imagine how the thoughts of church influenced all of these mothers. 

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Pearl Baby Dies From Savage Attack

 Eight-week old Khalysie Lashay Jolley died this afternoon.  She was born on March 10.  Pearl Police charged Makaylia Jolley with capital murder. Please comment in yesterday’s post.  

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Idiot of the Day

 Some drama took place under the interstate yesterday as a man attacked a woman in the middle of traffic.  Thankfully, the person shooting the video rescued the woman and took her to the police precinct. Good job.  

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Ted Rall: How the U.S. Lost the Ukraine War

  The effect of Western sanctions may cause historians of the future to look upon the conflict in Ukraine as a net defeat for Russia. In terms of the military struggle itself, however, Russia is winning.

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Friday, May 13, 2022

Now It's Official

 The Mississippi Veterans Affairs Board issued the following statement. 

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Pearl Baby Expected to Die

A nine-week old baby is expected to die after her mother repeatedly threw her baby on the street on Biederman Road yesterday in Pearl.  Pearl Police charged Makaylia Jolley with attempted murder. 

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You Realize of Course, This Means War

 The Commish declared war on crime in Jackson yesterday.  WLBT reported: 

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Chris Stapleton Coming to Brandon

 Red Mountain Entertainment announced country music star Chris Stapleton will appear in Brandon in July. 

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Lil Lonnie Killer Convicted

 Hinds County District Attorney Jody Owens issued the following statement. 

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Thursday, May 12, 2022

Ben Shapiro: For the Left, Children are Either Obstacles or Tools

In the aftermath of a leaked Supreme Court draft majority decision prospectively overruling Roe v. Wade, the Left in the United States has gone into full-fledged panic mode. That outsized panic has manifested as a variety of unconvincing or blatantly immoral arguments: the argument that abortion is a necessary adjunct to women's freedom -- as though contraception doesn't exist, and as though women are never responsible for their own sexual decisions and the consequences thereof; the argument that unless society provides for any number of government programs, abortion should not be prohibited -- as though the solution to lack of universal child care is the death of the child; the argument that conservatives will next attempt to outlaw interracial marriage -- an absurd slander on its face.

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Pearl Woman Tries to Kill Own Baby

 The Pearl Police Department issued the following statement. 

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Eight Shot at Mudbug Festival

An affidavit reports eight people were shot at the Mudbug Festival as law enforcement officers heroically stopped a shootout from becoming deadly.  The affidavit was submitted during a bond hearing for alleged shooter Calvin Berry, Jr.  

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No Comment!

WARNING: GRAPHIC VIDEO POSTED BELOW!  NSFW!

Meanwhile, over by the Iron Horse Grill yesterday........ (Don't say you weren't warned)

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Chief Neal Retires

 The city of Ridgeland issued the following statement. 

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Food Fight!

 State Auditor Shadrack White fired a salvo at a certain online newspaper in Ridgeland on Facebook: 

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Wednesday, May 11, 2022

Trash Talk: City Council Sues Mayor

Another front opened in the Rubbish Royale of Jackson as the City Council asked a Hinds County Chancellor to bar Mayor Chokwe Antar Lumumba from vetoing negative votes of the Council.

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Boot-Scootin' Boogie

 Someone got a little creative in crossing the frontage road at Northside Drive. 

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14 Year-Old Charged with Murder

JPD issued the following statement. 

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Wife-Beater Gets 20 Years

 Rankin-Madison County District Attorney Bubba Bramlett issued the following statement. 

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Robert St. John: To the Mississippi Graduates of 2022

 It’s graduation season. This year’s high school seniors have experienced an extremely uncharacteristic high school career filled with Zoom classes, masks, and mandates. But this this once-in-100-years craziness appears to be over. We are, once again, hosting graduation ceremonies with caps, gowns, cords, and commencement addresses. 

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Idiots of the Day

 Scene from the Mississippi River Bridge in Baton Rouge.  

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Sid Salter: Leaked Decision Puts Mississippi Center State in Abortion Debate

 As predicted months ago, Mississippi is now the epicenter of America’s divisive, bitter abortion rights debate.

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Tuesday, May 10, 2022

Dan Berger: The Importance of Regions

 There is a regional authenticity to certain food and beverage products, which is one reason that we make distinctions between the different coffees coming from Brazil, Ethiopia or Hawaii.

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Negligence or Misreporting? We Report, You Decide.

 What did he say and when did he say it? Such questions seem to escape WAPT's star reporter as he fabricated a story about MDAC Commissioner Andy Gipson last week.   

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Hark!

After days of reporting scandal and crime on this website, the readers could use a break. Nothing to lighten the mood then some good ole Shakespeare.   Enjoy some thespians at work.  

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No Comment!

 Nothing like brotherly love when there is so much hate in the world. 

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The Plot Thickens

 Mississippi Veterans Affairs Chief of Staff Melissa Wade enjoyed a rather meteoric rise in her short career at the agency.  

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Monday, May 9, 2022

The Mayor is "Heartbroken"

 Jackson Mayor Chokwe Antar Lumumba issued the following statement. 

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Suspect Steals Brandon Police Car

 The Brandon Police Department issued the following statement. 

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Let the Clawbacks Begin

The Mississippi Attorney General is finally trying to claw back the welfare funds shoveled out to the Krewe of New.   Brad Pigott sued John Davis, Nancy New, and 36 other defendants for TANF funds gained through illegal means in Hinds County Circuit Court today. Some of the high-profile defendants include: Ted "The Million Dollar Man" Dibiase, Sr., Ted "No Dollar" Dibiase, Jr., Brett Dibiase, Nicholas "Uncle Hushpuppy" Cronin Coughlin, Paul Lacoste, Brett Favre, and Marcus Dupree.  Never let it be said the Phil Bryant and the Krewe of New weren't jock-sniffers.  

JJ is still reading the lawsuit but it is posted below.  Stay tuned.

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For Sale

Campbell's Bakery announced it is for sale on Facebook this morning: 

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Aftermath

 Posted below are some photos of Capitol Street businesses after last night's shootout. 

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Sunday, May 8, 2022

Another Capitol Street Shootout

Correction: The shootout took place between the Daiquiri Bar and Mill Street.  Witnesses told JJ the shootout occurred outside of the Daiquiri Bar.  However, law enforcement said it was halfway down the block to Mill Street.  A witness said the target left the bar but law enforcement think he left the King Edward Hotel.   Law enforcement reports there were no injuries.

Original post: A shootout took place at where else but outside of the Daquiri Bar on Capitol Street a few minutes ago. 

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They Never Learn

 Undefeated is undefeated no matter how you slice it, hehe. 

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Honoring Your Mother

The late Dr. Frank Pollard honored mothers in this 19981 Mother's Day Sermon.  Enjoy and Happy Mother's Day.

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Bill Crawford: Out-Migration Critical Issue for Mississippi Politicians

 Too many Mississippi politicians focus on the wrong kind of migration. 

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Saturday, May 7, 2022

Roasted

 Live by the pub, die by the pub as William Edwards found out this week.  Polo's ex roasted him on Facebook a few months ago and that is putting it mildly. Have fun, Saturday night drunks. 

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D.L. Gardner: Things That Aren't So

Remember when President Reagan said, “It isn't so much that liberals are ignorant. It's just that they know so many things that aren't so.” Offspring of those liberals have grown up to be extreme far LEFT woke progressives whose belief systems have little to do with reality and everything to do with disruption and division.

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Can't Catch a Break

 Richard's Disposal can't seem to catch a break at Hawkins Field this week. WLBT reported: 

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Ted Rall: Better a Pretend Fight than None at All

 A friend and I were at a bar when someone opined that France didn't resist the German invasion in 1940. "It's true, France lost fast," my friend replied. "But they fought hard. They lost 90,000 troops in six weeks. It was a bloodbath. We lost 58,000 over a decade in Vietnam but we're still whining about it."

Every conflict ends with a winner and a loser. There is no shame in losing -- only in not trying. 

Democrats need to learn this lesson. Voters want their elected representatives to fight for them.

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Friday, May 6, 2022

Gone!

A big shake-up took place at the Mississippi Veterans Affairs yesterday.  

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Fitch Joins Fight Against Ministry of Truth

 Mississippi Attorney General Lynn Fitch joined 19 state Attorneys General in opposing the Biden Administration's effort to create a "Disinformation Governance Board."  The 20 A.G.'s sent a letter to Department of Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas yesterday. It is posted below.

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Funny of the Day

Leave it to New Orleans to teach a lesson in how to screw up economic development.  The Crescent City government managed to run off not just a Top Golf but its main competitor as well.  The Times-Picayune reported Tuesday


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Ben Shapiro: End of the Road for Roe?

 This week, an anonymous leaker violated generations of Supreme Court norms by passing on to Politico a draft decision by Justice Samuel Alito in Dobbs v. Mississippi, the case considering overturning Roe v. Wade (1973). 

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Addie Lee Speaks Out on Polo

 Addie Lee Green chastised law enforcement yesterday after the William Edwards hearing yesterday.  She said law enforcement refused to arrest him when she pressed charges against him last year.  She called out JPD, interim Sheriff Marshand Crisler, and others for allegedly protecting The Cipher.  The interview is posted below. 

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Faye Punts

When is a veto a veto? Tis a question that will be answered in Hinds County Chancery Court after Circuit Judge Faye Peterson punted Lumumba v. Jackson City Council to Special Chancellor Jess Dickinson yesterday. 

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Thursday, May 5, 2022

Dynamited Again

Polo tried to be pretty in pink today as he smiled his way through his initial appearance in Clinton Municipal Court today.  William Ervin Edwards may have found the proceedings amusing but his fate is anything but funny as Judge Will Purdie denied bond for the murder suspect.  Clinton police charged Edwards with first-degree murder in the death of Robert Davis Sunday.   Edwards fled the state but was caught in New Orleans yesterday.


 

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Ag Commish Vows to Protect Fairgrounds, Stand up to Crime

Commish won't say how many LEO's on duty during shootout. 

Warning: Criminals are not welcome and will go to jail if they act up at the Mississippi State Fairgrounds.  So warned Ag Commish Andy Gipson in no-nonsense terms during a press conference yesterday at the Mississippi Trademart. The press conference was vintage Commissioner Gipson, sans hat, as his trademark booming voice swore to fight Jackson's crime wave and make the fairgrounds safe for all as he liberally quoted scripture.  

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The Return of the Polo

 Napoleon Edwards arrived at his Elba this afternoon. 

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Veterans Cemetery Director Convicted

 State Auditor Shad White issued the following statement. 

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MPACT Art Contest Winners Announced

After going through more than 1,700 works of art from Mississippi students, we are able to announce the winners of this year's College Savings Mississippi Art Contest! Each winner will take home a Mississippi Affordable College Savings (MACS) scholarship worth between $100 and $500! So, let's get to the good stuff. THE 2022 COLLEGE SAVINGS MISSISSIPPI ART CONTEST WINNERS ARE...

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Savagery

 A woman reported on social media a brutal beating and rape that took place next to her office a few days ago:

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Wednesday, May 4, 2022

FAA: Remove Garbage Trucks

Kenneth Stokes had the last laugh on the Mayor as he announced at a press conference this afternoon the FAA told the Jackson Municipal Airport Authority to eject all Richard's Disposal garbage trucks from Hawkins Field. 


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Jail Capitalists Arrested

 Hinds County Sheriff Tyree Jones issued the following statement. 

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Commish Discusses Mudbug Shootout

 Mississippi Commissioner of Agriculture Andy Gipson blamed the criminal element for the shootout that took place at the Mudbug Festival Saturday night.  He made the remarks at a press conference this morning. Watch the fun for yourself in the video posted below as he declared war on crime.

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Robert St. John: Home Again

 It’s great to be home. I have spent the last two months overseas. First in Spain leading a group of 25 enthusiastic Americans from the top to the bottom of that country while filming an upcoming television show. Then I spent a month or so in Tuscany leading tours for three weeks, and with a group of friends the final week. I've been home for six days. The adjustment back to Central Daylight Time in America has been easier than normal.

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Sid Salter: What the 42nd & Immigration Politics Mean to Mississippi

The latest skirmish in the nation’s highly partisan, often logically erratic fight over the broad topic of immigration is being fought over the Biden Administration’s plan to rescind an obscure public health law written 78 years ago to stop the spread of communicable diseases like tuberculosis.

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Tuesday, May 3, 2022

Caught!

 The Cipher has been arrested in New Orleans. 

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Jackson is Safe

 Jackson Mayor Chokwe Antar Lumumba said Jackson is safe at a press conference yesterday. 

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Flashback

This video from a JSU game aged really well.  Check out this blast from the recent past. 

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War Zone

Perhaps Pastor Dwayne Pickett should send Polo into the neighborhood behind his church to settle things down because it has turned into a war zone over the past week as shootouts and murders bloody the area.  

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Richard's Disposal Quits New Orleans

 To say New Orleans residents are dissatisfied with garbage collection is an understatement.  The city issued an RFP but Richard's Disposal did not submit a bid. The Times-Picayune reported yesterday: 

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Monday, May 2, 2022

Watch out for the Onions

It's been a rough couple of days news-wise so it's time for something more than a little sappy.  ESPN's Scott Van Pelt lost his best friend last week and memorialized him in this heartfelt tribute.  Enjoy.

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Dan Berger: The Significance of Savignon Blanc

 Sauvignon blanc is one of the world's most popular white wines, and for a columnist who started writing about wine 45 years ago, that's a shock.   

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Catch & Release! Squawk! Mudbug Edition

It should come as not surprise to JJ readers that one of the alleged Mudbug Festival shooters is a participant in the Hinds County Catch & Release program.  

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Lock and Load. (Updated)

Polo: Public Enemy Number One 

The Cipher is a wanted man and is considered to be armed and dangerous.  Clinton police obtained an arrest warrant for William Ervin "Napoleon" Edwards this morning for the murder of Robert Davis, but think he fled the state.   

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The Cipher Speaks

 Who are we to argue with the prophecy of Jackson's prophet? 

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Community Activist Murdered

Community activist Robert Davis was murdered in Clinton yesterday.  WLBT reported: 

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Bravery in the Line of Fire

Police officers flew into action as bullets whizzed through the air at the Fairgrounds Saturday night.  The video posted below shows Hinds County Chief Deputy Alan White and another law enforcement officer confront and pull two suspects out of a vehicle while the battle still raged.  Thankfully, no law enforcement officers were injured during the shootout and its aftermath.  

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Weed Wars Come to Madison County

 Look what is on the agenda for the regular meeting of the Madison County Board of Supervisors today. 

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Sunday, May 1, 2022

There Was a Firefight

 JJ obtained a copy of an audio recording of the Mudbug shootout last night.  It's only eleven seconds but it's bad enough as it shows what innocent families who merely wanted to enjoy the festival endured during several minutes of terror.

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Scenes from a Shootout & Update

WARNING: Graphic Photo Posted Below!!!

The investigation into last night's shootout at the Mudbug Festival is moving fast as law enforcement is working feverishly to figure out what took place last night..  Here is what we know so far: 

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Sunday Morning Sermon

 If you didn't make it to church today, a remedial sermons is provided below.  Enjoy the late Dr. Frank Pollard (First Baptist Church - Jackson) as he preaches from Genesis 39: 1-15.

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Bill Crawford: Ignoring Bad Things No Example for Nation

“Nation should follow Mississippi's conservative example,” read the headline in the Northeast Mississippi Daily Journal for a guest column written by Mississippi Republican Party Chairman Frank Bourdeaux.

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Mudbug Festival Cancelled

 Ag Commish Andy Gipson issued the following statement. 

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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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