Editor's note: This column was received Sunday. Obviously it is slightly dated.
Saturday, March 1, 2025
D.L. Gardner: A Deal to Save Lives
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Trollfest '09
Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.
Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).
Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.
Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".
In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.
In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.
Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.
Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).
Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.
Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".
In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.
In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.
Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.
Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
Trollfest '07
Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.
There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.
If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.
If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
35 comments:
We have decided to be on the Axis side of the world war. This is the first time in my life I’ve be been ashamed to be American. Thanks Donald. At least you fixed the economy, oh wait.
How can anyone still claim the Russian Hoax with a straight face? I’m not sure the head of the KGB could be so dishonest. If Trump talked half as lovingly about Canada, Europe, or Ukraine as he does about Putin, you could call it a hoax. There is zero doubt who Trump is working for and it sure ain’t us.
I can't wait to see how this idiot tries to spin the ass kissing Trump just gave Putin while Zelensky was sitting in the White House. Trump is nothing but a Russian puppet.
A petty spoiled heir was angry that Z did not kiss his feet and cut a deal signing away his nation's wealth with no guarantees of security.
Then, we have some hick "reporter" from some blog asking Z why he wears no suit, just after Ellen wore a T shirt, trucker hat, and a coat out of a dumpster to the same Oval Office AND a Cabinet meeting. Who was "disrespecting" who?
Transactional billionaire traitors out to further enrich themselves with US GubMint contracts, while cutting out their competitors. Pathological liars with no empathy for humans unless they have a yacht and a bimbo wife and private jets. Whores for Davos and Wall Street. Despicable immature frat boys.
Hmmm, why does that sound so familiar? Oh, it's straight out of the MS GOP RINO LiberaLtarian playbook.
DL never fails to disappoint.
Should have never spent a f'ing penny in Ukraine. Is warmongering Wicker still kissing Zelenskyy's behind?
Doesn’t the president understand Putin is a a little Stalin Putin is a liar and war criminal. Why is the president sucking up to Putin? Putin is the one who goes around threatening America not Ukraine
I don’t want America to be a friend of a war criminal like Putin
The TDS is going to be strong in this one. FACTS: billions of taxpayer dollars were laundered through this “war” and returned to the deep state in the USA and the EU
Zelenskyy is a cocaine addicted actor puppet that the Obama CIA put into power after using USAID fund a coup to depose a democratically elected leader named Viktor Janukovyc. The anti-Putin talking points are being peddled by the deprecated media on behalf of those corrupt bureaucrat benefliciaries of laundered aid to Ukraine just like Hunter and corrupt Joe Biden laundered checks from Burisma.
REMINDER: Donald Trump and JD Vance were elected in a landslide that painted the electoral map MAGA RED from coast to coast. The majority of Americans voted for this. The majority of American finds it preferable for Russia to reclaim Crimea and Ukraine than to send more treasure to be plundered.
We need to get our own house in order. Fix our own roads and bridges instead of giving Zelenskyy billions to blow up bridges that Russia built.
Trump is Putin's boy. DL is fine with that. He likes strong men
I’m a republican but I’m off the trump train
Because of trump the next president will be a democrat
Ukrainian sock puppet city on this one KF.
Because of JD Vance, the next President will be JD Vance. He’s killing it! I will be proud if he is the first Millennial POTUS!
I’ve supported Ukrainian businesses for a decade. I own several Krikzz Everdrives and two Podavach U-Loaders. But we can’t sustain this. Sorry but I don’t have a hate hard-on for Putin. I visited Russia in 2004. I know that was over 20 years ago but I have fond memories of how friendly Russians are. And their quality of life has increased exponentially with Putin/Medvedev.
Talk about derangement. T did NOT win a landslide. He won less votes than Biden last time. He did not even win a majority. His ratings are lower than any other POTUS in history. NO MAJORITY. Stats don't lie, son.
How is "fixing our own house" sending yet billions more TO ISRAEL? How is "ending wars' getting US troops killed in Gaza so he can sell condos? How is that "fixing our own bridges and roads" when financing Gaza reconstruction? How is buying Greenland "fixing our own roads?" How is "protecting American jobs" asking for 100,000 more H1B visas for low wage foreign tech workers? How is asking for 700,000 Communist Chinese wealthy to be given "Golden" visas for citizenship to pay for tax cuts "America First?"
Answer: NONE of what T is doing is what he promised. He LIES. Every time.
@5:04 sounds like you're fixin' to have a 'near stroke'. Seek some counseling or a script for sedatives. Going to be a lonnnnggggg four years for you.
Zelensky shakes down Starmer for a token kick-in. Certainly enough for Volodymyr to pack his nose for another week. Wonder if the Ukrainians are letting all their old guys rape the young girls like over in good ol' Britain. Mum's the word, seriously!
You were never on the train.
5:40 said, "His (Trump's) ratings are lower than any other POTUS in history."
5:04 is right. Don't believe those extreme right-wing outfits like the Washington Post, NY Times, NPR, CNN, and MSNBC. Those right-wing crazies say that Trump's approval ratings are very high.
Don't believe the crazies. Believe 5:04.
So many of these comments are just too funny.
Trump is a "boy dog with a pair", not mention common sense ... and he sprays testosterone into any room he enters.
The soy milk crowd of "males" are not used to such normal masculinity, thus many tend react like little girls throwing a "hissy fit".
In my best Mr. Roger's voice ... "Can you say Zelenskyy? I knew you could".
All is going exactly as planned. Have faith
I have been anti-communist since the 1960s. It is a disgrace that Trump, Vance, and the Republican Party now so rabidly support communism.
Now Wicker is deleting tweets. Mississippi can do better.
Wicker deleted all photos about his support for Ukraine. Wicker is now a Putin asset.
That was 5:40, 7:09. Good grief. Read much, Santa? Oh, I mean Satan.
And, it's less than 2 years to midterms, and actual lawyers and judges are slowly grinding the Trump Derangement System to dust. Very slowly, but those wheels of justice rotate that way. This is how it works in government, not dope fueled Silicon Valley playpens for nerds who've no idea how to do anything in real life.
Instead, the meeting was for Trump to attempt to get even with Zelenskyy for not being willing to go along with Trump's political scheme by providing " proof" that didn't exist.
Trump is Putin's boy and given that Trump started visiting Russia in his 40's when the KGB tracked every foreign visitor, especially American visitors fearing they were spies or would bang the drum for freedom it raises questions about Trump's admiration of Putin and Un Jong and Xi.
The only other explanation is Trump craves flattery and can't tolerate being held accountable. That is actually more disturbing as it speaks to a serious personality disorder.
My shock is that so many American males are not alarmed that Trump is aligning himself with dictators. And, that they have such short term memories ( or lack of keeping up with foreign affairs) that they don't remember what happened to early supporters at the lower rungs of society or even quite a few who did rise in the regime and imagined they could survive . You've all forgotten his best military oligarch's fate.
10:50 pm If Wicker did that, then it's too late to fix it.
Indeed, more than a few supporters who hope to be rewarded for their loyalty are going to find out that they are expendable. Putin's have. Hitler's leader of the Brown Shirts was offered the choice of suicide. Dumb dude was too popular with his men just like one of Putin's generals was too popular with his men.
They will be replaced by Trump's extended family members and those who need to be rewarded for doing his " dirty work" or just have their wealth taken away. The naive will include Elon's baby techies.
I suspect DL will be quite surprised that if his Medicare isn't available, that he'll not be able to get private health insurance he can afford at his age. It's not profitable to cover old guys. Social Security will not be administered as well or cut. There won't be enough people to get the checks out in a timely manner or to resolve errors. What will happen if DL's check goes into someone else's bank account by mistake? Few checks go by mail, smart folks have it deposited straight to their bank account. DL may be too old to know that option even existed.
You see, DL, government is not a business. Their market is much, much larger and they have to produce far more goods and services than even Elon...not all of us have Starlink or drive a Tesla.
But then you think teaching speech and going to church and living in a college town in a small state means what is best for you is best for everyone. Indeed, that so many men think that because they are successful in their work or community, that they know everything about everything is astonishing. My father's generation had more lesson in humility maybe because a Depression and World War are brutal learning experiences.
As my very brilliant and successful father told me, " When I killed my first German soldier, I looked at him and figured he probably had grown up on a farm or in some small German town and thought he was fighting for his country too". Daddy knew not all Brits, or all Americans supported Churchill or Roosevelt, and many were isolationists and that's why he taught his children not to blindly be a follower but to do our due diligence and be a good citizen so we wouldn't end up on the wrong side of history.
I knew men would never vote for a woman. But, I think it'd be hard to argue women have done worse or screwed up as badly. At least, most women can admit a mistake and try to fix it. We are great at "sweeping up the mess".
To all you bedwet knuckleheads, you really chose a great candidate in Biden. I'm sure you were so proud of Joey being led by the nose in those rare times he was awake. That led to the horrible position Trump inherited. Do yourself a favor and go wash your putty cat.
The United States has given Ukraine $118 billion of aid, not $350 million. Europe has given much more. Trump just wants Zelensky to grovel for more aid.
Zelensky made 2 mistakes, he didn’t stoke Trump’s ego by lapping updo praise on him. Then he allowed Vance to pile up on him, it was a double team , Zelensky should have had someone there to correct the record , mZelensky has Thanked the American people throughout the war. After the French guy made him look like a fool on national TV he had to have help.
The United States has given Ukraine $118 billion of aid, not $350 million. Europe has given much more.
Link? Put up.
The lies being spun by the liberals in the comment section is better than banana pudding. You girls should just settle down, you have your panties in a wad.
You don't have to like what Trump is doing, but you better get used to it. Four years of Trump, and eight years of Vance will require a lot of tears, yes sir, a lot of tears.
The Ukraine people themselves say Zelensky is corrupt!
It's amazing. You get a team in the White House that's finally doing what they campaigned on, they are finding all kinds of waste, fraud, thievery, and the liberals can't be glad about it.
It must really suck to be them.
I can't speak for anyone else but me, But I'm ashamed that you try to identify as American.
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