People say America has never been this divided before. Our founders declared America’s independence from England 248 years ago way back when this election started. As Jerry Clower used to say, “Someone shoot up here amongst us. One of us has got to have some relief. ” We’re glad the kickoff has finally begun.
Now they’re saying Trump is the favorite for those who want change. Maybe that’s why VP Harris is trying to move her policy positions to Trump’s right. You know, “No taxes on tips!” “Frack all you want! I’ve been for it all along.” “Universal healthcare for everybody who thinks it’s a good idea and doesn’t care how much taxes go up!” Trump continues to say he wants to build the economy from the middle class up. Harris wants to build the economy from the government out. At least that’s what someone at the Wall Street Journal quipped. And, they don’t quip about anything unless it’s true. Jobs numbers have been dropping the past few months everytime they have to revise them. After Harris began lowering inflation rates, prices on everything have dropped to about 20% higher than they were under Trump. Harris wants to fix everything they broke back on their first day in office. Have you heard her talking about the benefits of walls? Or, was that Walz? Governor Walz from one of the snowy states in the midwest has been a good call for Harris. He brings a lot to the table though his wife evidently believes he needs some refresher courses in grammar when he lies. And, Walz actually has experience defunding police while he and his family open their windows to smell the fires during riots downtown. Of course Walz does not have the experience Harris has dealing with military situations overseas. Everyone remembers how well Biden and Harris handled the airlift out of Afghanistan. Biden even boasted about not losing a single service member while serving as commander in chief. Or, was that his dog? As far as we know Commander has only bitten Secret Service agents, but not killed any of them, yet. VP Harris continues to tout her on-the-job training with President Biden. She stayed with him faithfully as the last person in the room when he was interacting with world leaders. What better teacher could she have had than a man who has held a government job for more than 50 years. Can you imagine how much knowledge about foreign affairs Biden has stored all these years upstairs as well as in the basement beside the Corvette? VP Harris has also cultivated an amiable personality as a boss. And yet, as a senator and vice president she has struggled to maintain staff. It seems that every time she gets one staffer broken in, another one leaves. But those who support her admire her moxey. Biden may have had a reputation for “no bologna,” but Harris has a reputation for securing our borders. Those who have slipped through have filled many of the good jobs lost by those who had to stay home during COVID-19. One of the goals of elections is to change what needs to change. The Harris-Walz ticket has highlighted needed changes and accepted what they won’t change. May voters have the wisdom to know the difference. Daniel L. Gardner is a columnist who lives in Starkville, MS. You may contact him at PJandMe2@gmail.com.Saturday, September 14, 2024
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Trollfest '09
Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.
Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).
Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.
Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".
In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.
In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.
Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.
Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).
Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.
Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".
In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.
In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.
Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.
Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
Trollfest '07
Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.
There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.
If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.
If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
15 comments:
Lay off the crack pipe Daniel. You are all over the place.
Is he trying to bring awareness of mental illness with this crap? This is one of the worst written rants I’ve seen. How does this man teach?
No, 6:56 - He's not all over the place. He painted a short but perfect picture of what Trump and most of us are up against.
And speaking of Biden, Daniel is not the one with the crack pipe. There's even one in the Corvette.
I wonder if DL knows anything about coaching football. I’m a creative problem solver.
Can you solve the problem of the obscure post?
@10:36. Not on JJ. Because KF has a closed mind and a censor’s gavel. You can only slip the truth past him with obscurity and dog whistles.
Hey, Daniel - woof, woof, meow, meow.
Daniel should eat a Trump sandwich while he drinks his Kool-Aid: White bread, full of baloney, heavy on the Russian dressing and a small pickle.
@10:36 - sure I’ll explain. Daniel is a terrible journalist who teaches at MS State. MS State has a terrible football team who got blown out by Toledo. If DL can coach football even a little bit, we won’t have to try and translate this wall of crap every week and MS State football can’t get any worse so … win - win.
DL and Trump are much alike. They use a lot of words to spew only nonsense and ignorance of the facts. I think the whole "eating cats and dogs" statements by the GOP candidates says it all. They believe in " the Big Lie" as did Hitler. Hitler made Germans believe Jews were eating babies. Indeed, if DL ever visited the propaganda section of the Holocaust museum in Washington, he could read entire sentences and phrases MAGA has borrowed from the Nazis. And Trump is travelling with Loomer who is among the most bizarre Neo Nazis. At least , Trump doesn't really try to mix religion with politics but it's probably because he had NEVER been a member of a church or regularly attended any church nor can he quote any verse from the Bible.
Trump is the rich kid we all met in college whose Daddy bought his pass in his PASS/FAIL schools. Bet a lot of you don't realize that schools that are difficult to get into, once you do, it's not A's to F's. It's Honors/ Pass/Fail. There's a reason Trump threatened to sue his alma mater if they release his class standing.
Some of us knew Trump was a joke back in 1968. We knew his classmates.
If you never venture out of Mississippi or when you do, don't make real friends and you bother to actually get to know them, you get a very limited view of the "real world".
Harris at the top of the ticket peeled away any support Trump had coming from white women. Harris being ostensibly black -- maybe -- peeled away any support Trump had coming from blacks. And continuing with the dogs and cats thingy, women see that as mean. There goes the rest of the women vote for Trump.
That will be excuse enough, then, to select and install Harris come November. You heard it here first.
9:28 AM, We need to get out more? That's funny. It took you about 4 sentences to get around to calling half the country Hitler and Nazi followers. There's a name for that strangely obsessed behavior. It's called Godwin's Law. Seems like you should be the one getting out more.
You knew Donald Trump in 1968? Go lie somewhere else.
@9:28 This kind of unhinged rhetoric is why you leftist nut jobs keep trying and failing to assassinate President Trump. FYI he is anointed by God and your evil can’t work against him!
The drama and jealousy from the left, on here, was heavy and stinky yesterday. These people can't enjoy a damn thing without pissing on it.
Angry, obsessed, unhappy people who want everybody else to join their pity party.
@5:49 - Trump is anointed by god?! Some people are delusional. Trump doesn't believe in God and doesn't attend church. The only things he is anointed with are orange hair dye and bronzer facial makeup.
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