Thursday, July 13, 2023

Henifin Speaks!

 JXN Water Manager Theodore Henifin issued the following statement. 

JXN Water releases the closing statement of Interim Third-Party Manager Ted Henifin shared in Judge Wingate’s courtroom earlier today:
  • Thank you, your honor, for holding this status conference and for giving me the opportunity to provide a few closing thoughts. I will try to be brief.
  • Being responsible for the drinking water system in Jackson, MS, especially given the history of the failures that residents have endured for so long, is an immense and humbling one for me and my team. 
  • I have a small team of caring people who only want the best for the citizens of Jackson. They bravely stepped into the management and operational void at great risk to their reputations and careers. The job descriptions, qualifications, and the method by which fair compensation was determined were discussed in detail during a previous status conference. In the case of Jordan Hillman, her salary – market based for the new responsibilities she has assumed as the Chief Operating Officer of JXN Water is approximately 185 percent above her previous salary with the city. She earns every penny in that as she is responsible for practically every improvement in the system JXN Water has accomplished to date. She works around the clock – everyday of the week. We would be struggling without her knowledge, expertise, and passion. I owe her a huge debt of gratitude.
  • The same is true of the major contractors we have hired – both within Jackson and from outside.   
  • We learned a lot over the past two days.
  • We appreciate all the people that took time to be here in person or sent in statements or who just listened in. I hope all of you will stay engaged. We will need your support and confidence if we are to truly be successful.
  • There were many common themes:
  • The water system has been struggling for a long time
  • Most speakers feared that it would take upwards of a decade to fix
  • There is little trust in the water quality
  • People are so accustomed to receiving Precautionary Boil Water Notices that they are suspect when they are no longer seeing them regularly
  • We are aware of these concerns and have been working to prioritize our efforts. 
JXN WATER PRIORITIES
  • JXN Water has been racing to accomplish the top two priorities:
  • Ensure the water is treated at the plants to be safe – meet all standards
  • Ensure the system pressure is maintained to get all customers pressurized water at all times
  • There are thousands of miles of pipes and water infrastructure that keep water flowing every day in the City of Jackson. Water crews are fixing leaks and main breaks that waste the water you need and cause water availability issues.
  • Since February 2023, we’ve repaired nearly 200 leaks and opened 90 closed valves.
  • Water operators are creating a professional system that maintains the water treatment plants and distribution system according to industry standards.
  • In the months ahead, JXN Water will improve the distribution system, replacing small-diameter pipes and upgrading treatment processes at the water plants. 
SUPPORTING LOCAL FIRMS
  • JXN Water was created under the direction of Judge Wingate and with the assistance of the City, State, USEPA, and USDOJ, and your congressional representatives, because the people of Jackson could not wait years for systems that did not exist to be built and for expertise that did not exist locally to be grown. To expeditiously meet Judge Wingate’s demands for improving the water system, help was secured with qualified contractors who could deliver immediately. At the same time, we have worked foremost to partner with local firms whenever possible. We are committed to engage with local firms even more extensively going forward - while insisting that they perform to the high standards we are trying to deliver as your water system.
  • JXN Water is inspiring a new generation of local water professionals who will take care of the system for their community well after the federal order is completed. We are standing up a minority contracting program with the assistance of a local minority owned consulting firm. Our goal is to directly employ small Black owned firms whenever possible, help navigate the sometimes challenging path to become a subcontractor to one of the prime contractors JXN Water is using, and ultimately to establish new Black owned small businesses with the capacity to perform many of the needed long-term maintenance and operational support work necessary in Jackson and Central Mississippi long after this interim order has ended.  
JFD PARTNERSHIP
  • We have been at this for 7 months and have made great progress – opening valves, fixing leaks, building systems to support operations – GIS mapping, hydraulic modeling, asset management, and assessing all valves. Soon we will evaluate all hydrants in the system – something not done in a long time and which will provide the JFD with critical data to support their operations.  
  • During this status conference we learned how JFD has been successful in spite of decades of water issues in Jackson resulting in low pressures throughout the system – THEY COME TO EACH FIRE PREPARED TO FIGHT IT WITH WATER ON THEIR TRUCKS. Time is not lost when they encounter a dry hydrant as they have already developed plans to account for this potential – they are professionals and they are prepared. 
  • Rather than wondering IF a hydrant will have water, when we are done they all will be color coded so with one glance the JFD will know how much pressure they can expect from each fire hydrant in the system.
  • We’ve been in regular communication with the JFD on the maintenance of fire hydrants and we’ll continue working together. 
YOUR WATER IS SAFE
  • Let me be clear -- Your water is safe, straight from the tap. We recognize that there can be issues with the plumbing in your home or office that can impact what’s happening with the water delivered to you. There can also be events with the distribution system such as water main breaks, broken pipes, flushing the water lines as part of normal system operations or sudden changes in temperature outside that can account for short-term discoloration and/or cloudiness. 
  • Water meets all Federal and state requirements. The discussion this morning about the MSDH recommendation was covered at length during a previous status conference and the transcript is available to the public. I do not think we need to revisit that as a result of Mr. Kricun’s comments this morning. The MSDH recommendation is just that – a recommendation and not an advisory. It appears to have no regulatory basis and only applies to Jackson.
  • The consumption of water or anything else by vulnerable populations is a personal choice between the individual and their health care provider.
  • Taste and odor issues are very common in the water industry and are not new to utilities throughout the country, including here in Jackson. 
  • Let us know if you have any issues.
  • Troubleshooting your water is something we’re here to do with customers to understand what is causing the issue. Please call customer service at 601-500-5200 so water quality professionals can help. 
  • Your water is tested regularly and most of that testing is done right here in Jackson by highly trained Jacksonians. They care about your water because it’s their water too! The latest water quality report is available on JXNWater.com with the most recent test results. 
 
IMPROVING COMMUNICATIONS
  • Over the past two days many people seem to be using the word transparency in the place of communications. 
  • There are three ways to get the best and most credible information about JXN Water:
  • ONE – The website – JXNWater.com and JXN Water social media posts
  • TWO – Our call center – 601-500-5200. Reach JXN Water anytime to manage new service requests, ask billing questions and report leaks. 601-500-5200 connects you to staff 24 hours per day, and every day of the year. 
  • THREE – Directly from the JXN Water staff – with direct mailings to your home or business; at community meetings, events, town halls, etc. where JXN Water is present; other printed materials produced by JXN Water
  • We follow up. Call center representatives work with the JXN Water team to actively resolve issues and quickly get back to you. 
  • Nothing is being hidden but we can do a better job communicating what information is already available on our website JXNWater.com.
  • The quarterly report – required by Your Honor’s Interim Stipulated Order, requires an in-depth discussion of everything JXN Water is doing. That report has been publicly available since it was completed at the end of April 2023. The next report will be equally informative and is due to be completed at the end of this month. There is no lack of transparency with that information – it just has not been communicated as well as we could. 
  • The Financial Management Plan (referenced by at least one speaker) was posted at the end of January and really lays out the path forward – at least the one we could develop with the information we had at that time.
  • We know there is no lack of transparency about that because we have gotten a great deal of feedback on the issues addressed therein, including during this status conference.
  • One of those key issues has been the future of JXN Water. On that subject, I have been transparent and consistent in my commitment that (1) the water system assets must remain publicly-owned and (2) that great weight must be given to the desires of the Citizens of Jackson as I develop any recommendations to the Court about how we ensure the water system will be resilient into the future.
  • One of my mantras – I reserve the right to be smarter tomorrow – will play out with updates to this plan – as we have better/new information – including public input - we will adjust our plan accordingly.
  • JXN Water has tried to accommodate any and all requests to speak to groups within the community – answering questions at all events – I personally have attended more than 30 since December and JXN Water staff has participated in another dozen. JXN Water has made accessibility a priority throughout these first 7 months, despite the overwhelming operational demands on our team. 
  • We also learned we still have much room for improvement with communications.
  • JXN Water was stretched thin in these early months – we triaged the many things we needed to accomplish to ensure safe and pressurized water.
  • We recently had a two-day communications workshop at the end of June and our communications strategy is being developed with our communications team – staffed with various consultants.
  • Many things we discussed during that workshop align with the comments made here over the past two days – as we implement you will see improvements with JXN Water’s communications.
  • We also learned we have a blind spot for the Latino community here in Jackson and need to focus effort on reaching that community to ensure everyone has access to safe drinking water all the time.
IN SUMMARY
  • We know we have a long way to go to earn back our customers’ trust that their water is safe, pressure is reliable, and their bill is accurate.  
  • JXN Water takes all of the concerns seriously and we’re working hard to serve the community better every day.
  • Again, thank you Judge Wingate for this opportunity for the public to provide input on how we are doing and areas we need to improve while we strive to implement your Order to restore the water system. As has been discussed today, you have been a step ahead on these issues with the very detailed status conferences held to date. Those transcripts provide detailed answers to the questions raised and I encourage citizens to read them. 
###
 
About JXN Water
JXN Water is the Mississippi corporation formed for the appointed Interim Third-Party Manager to achieve the objectives of the federal stipulated order that re-establishes the utility’s operations and maintenance functions for the entire water system. Customers can continue to call the new JXN Water customer call center at 601-500-5200 at any time, any day, seven days a week to connect with staff who can check on their account, help them establish new service and resolve issues quickly and directly. For more information, visit jxnwater.com


30 comments:

Anonymous said...

Seeking Equity

Anonymous said...

Screw off Chokwe… your a brat!!!

Anonymous said...

Professional people doing a professional job. Wow, whoda thunk it.

Anonymous said...

He very nicely told Rukia Kai and her little brother to pound sand.

Anonymous said...

One question Mr. Henefin: how does Mayor Henefin sound?

Anonymous said...

@5:57
Chokwe may be a brat, but he knows the difference between your and you’re because he completed his education.
You’re an embarrassment.
And you contributed nothing to the discussion.

Anonymous said...

An adult having to appease and address stupid, selfish people. This will NEVER get fixed.

Anonymous said...

Henifin For Mayor!

Anonymous said...

A well crafted, detailed and appropriate response by Mr. Henifen on behalf of Jackson Water. However, those complaining (with an agenda promoted by the mayor) do not want and will not accept the reasoned response. Rather, they want answers and a resolution that cedes the authority of the 3rd party administrator to do his job. Where was all of this activism and interest when Mayor Lumumba was in charge? Where was their demand for transparency and accountability from the one they elected to insure the functioning of basic city services? Most Jackson citizens --- black or white, simply want the water and sewer system FIXED by whoever is most qualified to do so. It is not wise to bite the hand that feeds you. Doing so burns needed bridges. And where do you go after you've trashed those the federal government has put in place to resolve a HUGE issue? Again, not WISE, Mayor Lumumba. Learn and do better.

Anonymous said...

I think Henefin now realizes ... ( after riding down on his yankee steed to save jackson) ...is not what he expected.

"His new community is now trying to eat their own savior ".



Anonymous said...

The year is 2045. The City of Jackson water system has failed again.

Why? The “water czar” was more concerned about minority participation being set up to run the water system instead of the BEST contractor to run the water system leaving the water system in the same incompetent hands that created the need for a water czar in 2022.

Thanks Ted. You allowed your woke mind virus prevent you from setting up clean water for generations.

Anonymous said...

That yankee liberal ran into a bunch of communists! Probably not exactly what he was expecting. He’ll be gone in less than a year.

Anonymous said...

"They bravely stepped into the management and operational void at great risk to their reputations and careers."

He got that one right. Everyone who hitches up to Lumumba's wagon risks professional suicide (or assassination).

Chockwe and his buddies want that money, and they will not rest until they can divert the money to fully-fund the Republic of New Afrika, and of course their own lifestyles. Making white folks pay for their Black Nationalist dream is the delicious revenge they crave.

Anonymous said...

This bowing down to a bunch of whining ass residents that don't pay their own water bills makes me sick.

Consultants, consultants, consultants to waste endless dollars on endless meetings to hear nothing but complaints about who gets the contracts.

Reminds me of passing a dozen MDOT employees watching one doing the work.

Anonymous said...

8:40 gets the win here.

Anonymous said...

"I'll try to be brief".

Then he read for almost an hour.

Anonymous said...

@ 9:07 - You misunderstood. This is not about 'hitching up to Lumumba's wagon'.

Anonymous said...

My speculation is that a lot of commenters have changed their opinion about Heflin. Several months ago when Wyatt Emrich endorsed him he was blasted for doing so. I certainly don’t agree with the proposal to bill based on the assessed value of homes but otherwise I think Heflin has helped Jackson a lot.

Anonymous said...

@ 6:47 PM - Is a missing apostrophe all you've taken away from this, Mr. Mayor?

Anonymous said...

Henifin. H E N I F I N It's not that hard. I thought that this crowd's tendency to mock and misspell Chokwe Lumumba's name was due to intolerance, but it's apparently just IQ-related. At least the clown @8:40 can spell Ted.

Anonymous said...

It's a little amusing to watch SJW Yankee Liberals get a crash course in, If you are white...they hate you too.

And the minute you threaten the cashflow to minority contracts because (GASP) you are seeking to hire based on merit and get actual reliable water flowing...well, you become the enemy and no longer get the white savior glory they seek.

Anonymous said...

I have no problem with striving to get more minority-owned local businesses involved in operations of the water system as long as the second part of the commitment is upheld... "We are committed to engage with local firms even more extensively going forward - while insisting that they perform to the high standards we are trying to deliver as your water system."

Some people seem to forget that half the lawsuit against Siemens the mayor brags about had to do with Siemens hiring "sham" subcontractors to fulfill EBO requirements (or potentially side agreements in order to get the job) where these subcontractors either didn't actually do anything or didn't perform the work appropriately. I wouldn't be surprised if Siemens didn't settle due to breaking the terms of the contract but because they didn't want an even bigger corruption scandal coming out... probably was both, but largely driven by the subcontractor mess. Or at a minimum it drove the cost of the contract up tremendously for no additional work being performed. https://www.jacksonfreepress.com/news/2019/jun/11/jackson-sues-siemens-local-businessmen-bait-and-sw/

"Garrett Enterprises Consolidated Inc. was paid $4.6 million for construction management and quality control services. “However, it is unclear what services, if any, Garrett actually performed and how those services provided any commercially useful function for the project and benefit to the citizens of Jackson,” the lawsuit contends. “Like other sham subcontractors, Garrett received millions of dollars to serve as a pass-through entity under Siemen’s fraudulent EBO plan.”

"The lawsuit details “pass-through schemes” that use local minority contractors as “water meter middlemen” who got paid but who did little or no work. For instance, the City maintains, Siemens paid Marcus Wallace’s company, M.A.C. Associates, $19 million as a minority subcontractor responsible for water plant and sewer-line repairs and for installing new water meters. However, it says, Hemphill Construction Inc., which is a white-owned company, performed most of the repairs through either a separate subcontract with Siemens or a second-tier subcontract with M.A.C. Associates, who the City says was not qualified to do the work."

"The mayor said today that the city has hired local and out-of-state counsel to pursue its claims and the mayor says he has confidence in their attorneys. The City is seeking $225 million in actual and consequential damages."

If the mayor was so confident about the City's case, why didn't he hire a local minority-owned law firm to take it on and why did he settle for $89 million (less $30 million in out of state legal fees) instead of fighting for the full damages? Hell, we've got 15 attorneys on the City's payroll, let one of them take it on LOL.

Anonymous said...

@ 9:12 - Three words answer all of your questions, your assumptions and your concerns.

"It's Our Turn"

Anonymous said...

"Mayor Lumumba. Learn and do better. "

1) He is incapable of learning. He has proven that repeatedly.

2) He will never be capable of doing better, nor is he interested in improving things for those who are stuck living in Jackson. He will do more to destroy Jackson than the Union Army ever did.

Anonymous said...

It is disheartening to read that "[w]e are standing up a minority contracting program with the assistance of a local minority owned consulting firm..." and establishing a "new Black owned small businesses with the capacity to perform many of the needed long-term maintenance and operational support work necessary in Jackson and Central Mississippi long after this interim order has ended...".

The most qualified for the position should be hired. Until this mindset ends, the corruption and downward spiral will never end.

Anonymous said...

With all due respect, Mr. Henefin, please hire professionals who can do the job. Skin color does NOT have a thing to do with skill. We want skilled professionals handling the water please. I don't care if they are purple with yellow dots.

Straight Pipe said...

Observations:

✔ This courtroom hearing event was totally scripted and choreographed by the Lumumbas and Omari. Every soundbite, graphic, talking point, etc was 100% Lumumba directed.

✔ The Lumumba family rapid disgruntlement operation came away with essentially nothing from their multi-day tantrum. They received a promise for better communications and a guarantee of a Spanish language speaker in the call center. The call center can easily satisfy this commitment with A.I..

✔ Judge Wingate is a keen observer as to what has been happening with all these grievance groups in Jackson, more so than many realize. Judge Wingate is not going to be bullied or intimidated by the astroturfing.

✔ Judge Wingate exposed the selective outrage of all the cult groups with his (where-have-you-been?) questioning. Because he is watching, those speakers/groups that emerged from the woodwork to do Lumumba's bidding in the holy the name of transparency must now condemn publicly, and with the same ferocity, every transparency violation from Antar's administration going forward. Credibility is more than a word with Judge Wingate.

✔ The Jackson Fire Department dispatches to fires under the truck roll assumption that the proximate hydrants will be dry or of insufficient pressure. Let that sink in.

✔ In keeping with Antar's propensity to just say anthing, Jose Nuñez exaggerates the water system impacted Hispanic population living in Jackson by at least 250%. Census Bureau pegs Jackson's population @ 1.5% Hispanic, < ~3000 pop total, not 10,000 as Nuñez claims. No way the difference lives in Byram living on Jackson water.

✔ Don't believe and have seen zero indication that Receiver Henifin will hire minority firms that are simply administrative pass-throughs making money off the top only to then hire white owned subs to perform the actual work. Receiver Henifin looks like a trustworthy steward of money the likes of which Jackson hasn't seen in decades, at least since Danks.

✔ The only objective of demands for working groups, advisory commissions, and the like is to undermine Receiver Henifin, derail the decision making process and glean information to be used for the next Lumumba family coordinated political attack. Antar's efforts to run roughshod over the 1% commission is an example.

✔ Jordan Hillman (likely) makes more in salary than Antar and Rukia combined. Certainly more than either of them individually. The late emerging personal destruction attack on Hillman exposes the depraved depths the Lumumbas will sink to destroy.

✔ IMO Chokwe Antar Lumumba will never be provided access or decision making authority over the Federal money. The Federales through Judge Wingate will not return administrative and financial control of the system (from Receiver Henifin or his successor) to the City of Jackson as long as Chokwe Antar Lumumba is Mayor.

Anonymous said...

Antar is a saboteur. He sabotaged the water system and he’s doing everything he can to sabotage JXN water. He sabotaged the system through incompetence, willful neglect, dishonesty, and deception. He wanted it to fail so he could cry racism and get national attention. He doesn’t want responsibility for it because somewhere in his subconscious he knows he would run it right back in the ground and that would be too much personal embarrassment. Antar doesn’t want to do his job and he damn sure doesn’t want anyone else to do it.

Anonymous said...

"Antar is a saboteur."

I'd often wondered why he stopped collecting water bills. He knew the lack of revenue would kill the system. I'd often wondered what the end game for that was. I think now we are beginning to see. If he gets his hands on some of these hundreds of millions of federal dollars via "minority contracts" through pressure from these "community organizers" he and his sister pull the strings for, you will then be correct. He sabotaged the system for his own gain.

Anonymous said...

Kingfish, can you do a post on the Judge's latest filing? Thanks.



Recent Comments

Search Jackson Jambalaya

Subscribe to JJ's Youtube channel

Archives

Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
.