Saturday, October 23, 2021

The Fall of the Tribe of Hotty Toddy

 And there arose to the north of Eden a tribe called the Hotty-Toddys, who were also called metros. And the Hotty-Toddys were very displeasing; they didst place centerpieces on their banquet tables, and didst exalt themselves much. And they didst glorify the southern kingdom of the past.


And for a brief time they didst enjoy success on the battlefield. But in the second year of the reign of John son of Joseph, a man named James, of the house of Meredith, of the nation of Cush, didst attempt to enter the seminary at Oxford. But the Hotty-Toddys despised and oppressed the Cush-ites, and refused him entry. But the Judges decreed that James must be allowed to enter. And the Hotty-Toddys rose up with great vengeance and furious anger, and didst burn their own city, and even slew two aliens in their midst. And the LORD saw that it was no good, and was much angered, and uttered a curse upon the Hotty-Toddys:

"THOU SHALT TASTE VICTORY ONCE MORE, THEN NEVER AGAIN SHALL THOU BE FIRST AMONG THY BRETHREN"

And after the following harvest, they didst enjoy their last great victory, then their warriors became lost in the wilderness. And a man named Elisha, who was also called Archie, didst attempt to lead them back to glory, but was wounded in the land of Eden and tasted not the fruits of victory. Then a great famine fell upon Oxford, until Eli son of Archie arrived upon a white horse. Eli led the Hotty-Toddys to many small victories, and girded his loins against an invasion by the warriors from Eden.

But Eli fell backwards*. And a great roar arose, and Johnny of the house of Vaught, the great king of the Hotty-Toddy past, didst ask "What be the meaning of this tumult?" For Johnny was a very old man, 93, and nearly blind. And the Hotty-Toddys cried in despair, "The invaders from Eden hath carried off the West championship! Our curse is still upon us, and the Heisman shall never come to the house of Manning."

And the LORD then caused a great delusion to fall upon the tribe of Hotty-Toddy, and they drove their general David from their midst, even though David had led them to victories for the first time in forty years. And they chose a recruiter of warriors from a western land, Bay Bay of the house of Yawyawyawyaw, because their delusion kept them from seeing he was a fool. And Bay Bay disdt tear his garments, and shout words none could understand. And the LORD loosed against the Hotty-Toddys bands of Cowboys, and Bulldogs, and even Commodores, who laid waste to Oxford. And the Hotty-Toddys continued to exalt Bay Bay, even as half his warriors disappeared from Oxford, and rued the days of Cutcliffe. And finally Les of Eden came to Oxford and destroyed it once and for all. 1 Samuel 4:3.

Then there arose a false prophet from the House of Nutt. Although he was cast out by swine, the faithful's hope was restored as he trampled the Tiger, vanquished the Raiders of Red, and slew the Cowboy in the House of Jerry. There was much feasting as milk and honey flowed from the rivers of the Delta to the lands of Elvis. However, more sorrow smote the tribe as the prophet's promises proved false when the curse struck him with a madness that left him speechless and confused. The prophet wandered at times on sidelines alone, quiet at times, babbling at others, while the faithful said oh no, we've been cursed yet again. However, Les of Eden was not without mercy as he was indeed a just man and knelt to end the game. 1 Samuel 4:4.

However, Les suffered the same fate as King Saul by showing mercy to the enemy. The Lord shewed his wrath and withdrew his favor from Les of Eden. Les and his Edenites came back to the land of the Hotty-Toddys, boastful of their strength. The Hotty-Toddy's drank the blood of many sacrifices to their false idols in their pagan temple called "The Grove" as they worked themselves into a frenzy. The Edenites fell into a trap as their exalted general Zachariah slept while the Hotty's caught them unawares. When Zachariah finally awoke, he slew many Hotty's but alas he fell in the end. The Hotty's made more sacrifices to their false idols as they feverishly danced naked after they vanquished Les of Eden.

However, the Hotty-Toddy's grew lazy as they lived off the fat of the land and drank much wine. They returned to the Valley of Death led by a young king named Beaux, III. He danced naked before the enemy, pointed three fingers at the heavens, ignored the counsel of his lord, and died in the Valley of Death. The Hotty-Toddy's were held to much scorn as their pride went down along with their downfall. 


Prediction: This game is usually close, regardless of who wins.  LSU slaughtered Ole Miss in the first half last year but Ole Miss refused to quit and ran like crazy all over LSU in the second  half.  LSU had a great win against Florida but is still thin and bedeviled by quitters.  Kiffin has a chip on the shoulder while Orgeron is trying to figure things out this year.  LSU isn't going to sneak up on Ole Miss last week.  Despite the win, Florida still gained over 600 yards against Bo's defense.  Expect Ole Miss to set records Saturday night. Ole Miss by ten points.  

2001: Ole Miss win.
2002: LSU by 1.
2003: LSU by 3
2004: LSU by 3 despite a record-setting rushing performance by Broussard.
2005: LSU blowout because Ole Miss quits on Orgeron.
2006: LSU in OT
2007: LSU comes back in fourth quarter
2008: Ole Miss ass-kicking
2009: Les Miles can't tell time.
2010: LSU wins at the end of the game.
2011: The knee game.
2012: LSU needs 4th quarter comeback to win game.
2013: Ole Miss wins by 3.
2014: LSU upsets Ole Miss 10-7.
2015: Ole Miss won 38-17
2016: LSU won 38-21
2017: LSU won 40-24
2018: LSU won 45-18

Prediction: If Matt plays, Ole Miss wins going away. LSU might have a chance if Marucci has some more input in the office this week. However given the injuries and incompetence of the coordinators, LSU's chances are slim. The Ole Miss fans will be out for blood today since it will be Orgeron's last game on the sidelines as the LSU coach. Kiffin has been pushing for the LSU job behind the scenes so it will be interesting to see if he runs up the score if given the chance.


28 comments:

Anonymous said...

That “Poem” is the gayest thing I have read.

Anonymous said...

TL;DR

What a pile of horse crap...

Anonymous said...

@2:23
I disagree.
Grown men playing and obsessing over sportsball is gayer.
Literally obsessing over men and their physiques and performance like Ancient Greek Homos.

Anonymous said...

All thinking men should know there's essentially no difference between sports & sex. They're all part of the same thing.

Anonymous said...

Like Bill Maher says, wrestling was invented so straight men could get to know each other much better.

Anonymous said...

Just silly. What a waste.

Kingfish said...

And straight forward bull rushes , no twists or stunts, surprise, kiffin exploits.

Anonymous said...

Because we on this board all know how to listen in on Kiffens agents calls with the LSU administration. It’s a game. Kiffen will play the game to get a giant raise at Ole Miss even if LSU never calls. And of course they will pay him just like LSU paid Coach O. Fans and ADs are just suckers looking on.

If Kiffen has a chance to succeed Saban or to land Arch, he won’t bail this quick. LSU is a dead end no matter what they pay him.

Anonymous said...

Bobby Boucher Momma nailed it. A bunch of over grown gargantuans man handling each other.

Anonymous said...

That didn’t age well. 31-7 right now

Anonymous said...

GO TO HELL LSU, HOTTY TODDY

Anonymous said...

4:42 AM
LSU isn’t a dead end, not at all, the last 3 coaches won national championships AND earned bigger paychecks in the process.

BTW, it’s spelled Kiffin not Kiffen.

Anonymous said...

6:44. Been dead end since Saban left. Still dead end. Ask the last two natty winners. Dead end

Anonymous said...

6:44, what happened to the last two coaches? They got firet!! You can win a natty and still not last 3 years with those idiots. Good money. But a dead end job for sure. That’s why Saban got the hell out. Let Saban be the lesson!

Curly Hallman said...

I want another shot.

Anonymous said...

Kiffing simply used UM to get his foot back into the SEC. Rebels will be on the search at the end of the year and will probably try to hire whoever Eli tells them they’ll hire. Met some old money Ole Miss fans today and they know the routine. All the kings men just can’t push the Land Sharks over the finish line. Somebody always breaks the damn rules and effs it up.

Let’s Geaux Tigas

Anonymous said...

@7:44 AM
Although you can read, you lack much-needed comprehension skills.

Anonymous said...

Ed walked away with a national championship and $17 million guaranteed dollars.

Go to your dictionary and tell me the similarities between “national championship and $17 million guaranteed dollars” and “dead-end.”

Ed will coach, again.
After reading my comment, you probably won’t post again.

Anonymous said...

@8:45 AM
The “dead-end” led to Saban becoming Alabama’s head coach.
If what you’re saying is true then the sentence shouldn’t make sense to you.

Last 3 years? If you’re job told you they’d pay you the remaining years on your contract, would you—you know what, nevermind. If I gotta explain then you won’t understand anyway.

BTW, Ed wasn’t asked to resign due to on the field issues. Off the field issues involving one of his players accused of rape (which Ed failed to report and/or downplayed to the victim) led to his demise.

Anonymous said...

Lane Kiffin will definitely leave Ole Miss for LSU. I can’t blame him.

Anonymous said...

Oh man, LSU trying to promote that Kiffin is politicking for the LSU job behind the scenes is hilarious!!! You Cajun dreamers are a hoot and good for a deep belly-laugh. Kiffin is going nowhere and lives Oxford. He now has a top 10 program and it’s only going to get better.
Dream on Kingfish and the rest of you “tooth-less tigers”…dream on!!! :)

Holy Shat Whatta Grave Yard! said...

Kiffin is spelt disaster and BYE...Jess like the last six who landed at Laffayette Int'l. Count 'em with me!

Anonymous said...

10:54, Saban saw it was a dead end job. He got out. He would have been fired after a down year. Just like everybody else has been. I can see Kiffen at Bama, Georgia, UT Austin or maybe Notre Dame. I think he realizes he has hopped around too much and will wait for a truly top 5 opportunity. Not a top 10-15 opportunity with pending NCAA troubles like LSU.

Anonymous said...

Somebody spent a lot of (wasted) time trying to be clever. Too bad. He/she failed.

East-Batesville Boot-Hill said...

Twas thee, 3:15.

The only truth posted above is that except for Cutcliff, TsUn is a graveyard with lots of vacancies and perpetual care provided by the faithful. You lame goobs would take Pastor Froze back the day after Thanksgiving! There ain't no honor among lawyers, thieves and ne'er-do-wells.

Anonymous said...

Originally, this was hilarious.

But it's now so dated.

I'm not sure when KF first posted this, but it's been awhile.
(2013 or earlier ... I think).




Anonymous said...

this little story has been posted on JJ 10 times in the past.
its proof just how gay the eternal sophomores and the beautiful people of the SEC truly are.

Anonymous said...

"I'm not sure when KF first posted this, but it's been awhile.
(2013 or earlier ... I think)."

Just goes to show you nothing ever changes up at TSUN except the coach.

PS: Kiffin has about the same shot at LSU as Jeff Bower does.



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