Saturday, October 23, 2021

The Fall of the Tribe of Hotty Toddy

 And there arose to the north of Eden a tribe called the Hotty-Toddys, who were also called metros. And the Hotty-Toddys were very displeasing; they didst place centerpieces on their banquet tables, and didst exalt themselves much. And they didst glorify the southern kingdom of the past.

And for a brief time they didst enjoy success on the battlefield. But in the second year of the reign of John son of Joseph, a man named James, of the house of Meredith, of the nation of Cush, didst attempt to enter the seminary at Oxford. But the Hotty-Toddys despised and oppressed the Cush-ites, and refused him entry. But the Judges decreed that James must be allowed to enter. And the Hotty-Toddys rose up with great vengeance and furious anger, and didst burn their own city, and even slew two aliens in their midst. And the LORD saw that it was no good, and was much angered, and uttered a curse upon the Hotty-Toddys:


And after the following harvest, they didst enjoy their last great victory, then their warriors became lost in the wilderness. And a man named Elisha, who was also called Archie, didst attempt to lead them back to glory, but was wounded in the land of Eden and tasted not the fruits of victory. Then a great famine fell upon Oxford, until Eli son of Archie arrived upon a white horse. Eli led the Hotty-Toddys to many small victories, and girded his loins against an invasion by the warriors from Eden.

But Eli fell backwards*. And a great roar arose, and Johnny of the house of Vaught, the great king of the Hotty-Toddy past, didst ask "What be the meaning of this tumult?" For Johnny was a very old man, 93, and nearly blind. And the Hotty-Toddys cried in despair, "The invaders from Eden hath carried off the West championship! Our curse is still upon us, and the Heisman shall never come to the house of Manning."

And the LORD then caused a great delusion to fall upon the tribe of Hotty-Toddy, and they drove their general David from their midst, even though David had led them to victories for the first time in forty years. And they chose a recruiter of warriors from a western land, Bay Bay of the house of Yawyawyawyaw, because their delusion kept them from seeing he was a fool. And Bay Bay disdt tear his garments, and shout words none could understand. And the LORD loosed against the Hotty-Toddys bands of Cowboys, and Bulldogs, and even Commodores, who laid waste to Oxford. And the Hotty-Toddys continued to exalt Bay Bay, even as half his warriors disappeared from Oxford, and rued the days of Cutcliffe. And finally Les of Eden came to Oxford and destroyed it once and for all. 1 Samuel 4:3.

Then there arose a false prophet from the House of Nutt. Although he was cast out by swine, the faithful's hope was restored as he trampled the Tiger, vanquished the Raiders of Red, and slew the Cowboy in the House of Jerry. There was much feasting as milk and honey flowed from the rivers of the Delta to the lands of Elvis. However, more sorrow smote the tribe as the prophet's promises proved false when the curse struck him with a madness that left him speechless and confused. The prophet wandered at times on sidelines alone, quiet at times, babbling at others, while the faithful said oh no, we've been cursed yet again. However, Les of Eden was not without mercy as he was indeed a just man and knelt to end the game. 1 Samuel 4:4.

However, Les suffered the same fate as King Saul by showing mercy to the enemy. The Lord shewed his wrath and withdrew his favor from Les of Eden. Les and his Edenites came back to the land of the Hotty-Toddys, boastful of their strength. The Hotty-Toddy's drank the blood of many sacrifices to their false idols in their pagan temple called "The Grove" as they worked themselves into a frenzy. The Edenites fell into a trap as their exalted general Zachariah slept while the Hotty's caught them unawares. When Zachariah finally awoke, he slew many Hotty's but alas he fell in the end. The Hotty's made more sacrifices to their false idols as they feverishly danced naked after they vanquished Les of Eden.

However, the Hotty-Toddy's grew lazy as they lived off the fat of the land and drank much wine. They returned to the Valley of Death led by a young king named Beaux, III. He danced naked before the enemy, pointed three fingers at the heavens, ignored the counsel of his lord, and died in the Valley of Death. The Hotty-Toddy's were held to much scorn as their pride went down along with their downfall. 

Prediction: This game is usually close, regardless of who wins.  LSU slaughtered Ole Miss in the first half last year but Ole Miss refused to quit and ran like crazy all over LSU in the second  half.  LSU had a great win against Florida but is still thin and bedeviled by quitters.  Kiffin has a chip on the shoulder while Orgeron is trying to figure things out this year.  LSU isn't going to sneak up on Ole Miss last week.  Despite the win, Florida still gained over 600 yards against Bo's defense.  Expect Ole Miss to set records Saturday night. Ole Miss by ten points.  

2001: Ole Miss win.
2002: LSU by 1.
2003: LSU by 3
2004: LSU by 3 despite a record-setting rushing performance by Broussard.
2005: LSU blowout because Ole Miss quits on Orgeron.
2006: LSU in OT
2007: LSU comes back in fourth quarter
2008: Ole Miss ass-kicking
2009: Les Miles can't tell time.
2010: LSU wins at the end of the game.
2011: The knee game.
2012: LSU needs 4th quarter comeback to win game.
2013: Ole Miss wins by 3.
2014: LSU upsets Ole Miss 10-7.
2015: Ole Miss won 38-17
2016: LSU won 38-21
2017: LSU won 40-24
2018: LSU won 45-18

Prediction: If Matt plays, Ole Miss wins going away. LSU might have a chance if Marucci has some more input in the office this week. However given the injuries and incompetence of the coordinators, LSU's chances are slim. The Ole Miss fans will be out for blood today since it will be Orgeron's last game on the sidelines as the LSU coach. Kiffin has been pushing for the LSU job behind the scenes so it will be interesting to see if he runs up the score if given the chance.


Anonymous said...

That “Poem” is the gayest thing I have read.

Anonymous said...


What a pile of horse crap...

Anonymous said...

I disagree.
Grown men playing and obsessing over sportsball is gayer.
Literally obsessing over men and their physiques and performance like Ancient Greek Homos.

Anonymous said...

All thinking men should know there's essentially no difference between sports & sex. They're all part of the same thing.

Anonymous said...

Like Bill Maher says, wrestling was invented so straight men could get to know each other much better.

Anonymous said...

Just silly. What a waste.

Kingfish said...

And straight forward bull rushes , no twists or stunts, surprise, kiffin exploits.

Anonymous said...

Because we on this board all know how to listen in on Kiffens agents calls with the LSU administration. It’s a game. Kiffen will play the game to get a giant raise at Ole Miss even if LSU never calls. And of course they will pay him just like LSU paid Coach O. Fans and ADs are just suckers looking on.

If Kiffen has a chance to succeed Saban or to land Arch, he won’t bail this quick. LSU is a dead end no matter what they pay him.

Anonymous said...

Bobby Boucher Momma nailed it. A bunch of over grown gargantuans man handling each other.

Anonymous said...

That didn’t age well. 31-7 right now

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

4:42 AM
LSU isn’t a dead end, not at all, the last 3 coaches won national championships AND earned bigger paychecks in the process.

BTW, it’s spelled Kiffin not Kiffen.

Anonymous said...

6:44. Been dead end since Saban left. Still dead end. Ask the last two natty winners. Dead end

Anonymous said...

6:44, what happened to the last two coaches? They got firet!! You can win a natty and still not last 3 years with those idiots. Good money. But a dead end job for sure. That’s why Saban got the hell out. Let Saban be the lesson!

Curly Hallman said...

I want another shot.

Anonymous said...

Kiffing simply used UM to get his foot back into the SEC. Rebels will be on the search at the end of the year and will probably try to hire whoever Eli tells them they’ll hire. Met some old money Ole Miss fans today and they know the routine. All the kings men just can’t push the Land Sharks over the finish line. Somebody always breaks the damn rules and effs it up.

Let’s Geaux Tigas

Anonymous said...

@7:44 AM
Although you can read, you lack much-needed comprehension skills.

Anonymous said...

Ed walked away with a national championship and $17 million guaranteed dollars.

Go to your dictionary and tell me the similarities between “national championship and $17 million guaranteed dollars” and “dead-end.”

Ed will coach, again.
After reading my comment, you probably won’t post again.

Anonymous said...

@8:45 AM
The “dead-end” led to Saban becoming Alabama’s head coach.
If what you’re saying is true then the sentence shouldn’t make sense to you.

Last 3 years? If you’re job told you they’d pay you the remaining years on your contract, would you—you know what, nevermind. If I gotta explain then you won’t understand anyway.

BTW, Ed wasn’t asked to resign due to on the field issues. Off the field issues involving one of his players accused of rape (which Ed failed to report and/or downplayed to the victim) led to his demise.

Anonymous said...

Lane Kiffin will definitely leave Ole Miss for LSU. I can’t blame him.

Anonymous said...

Oh man, LSU trying to promote that Kiffin is politicking for the LSU job behind the scenes is hilarious!!! You Cajun dreamers are a hoot and good for a deep belly-laugh. Kiffin is going nowhere and lives Oxford. He now has a top 10 program and it’s only going to get better.
Dream on Kingfish and the rest of you “tooth-less tigers”…dream on!!! :)

Holy Shat Whatta Grave Yard! said...

Kiffin is spelt disaster and BYE...Jess like the last six who landed at Laffayette Int'l. Count 'em with me!

Anonymous said...

10:54, Saban saw it was a dead end job. He got out. He would have been fired after a down year. Just like everybody else has been. I can see Kiffen at Bama, Georgia, UT Austin or maybe Notre Dame. I think he realizes he has hopped around too much and will wait for a truly top 5 opportunity. Not a top 10-15 opportunity with pending NCAA troubles like LSU.

Anonymous said...

Somebody spent a lot of (wasted) time trying to be clever. Too bad. He/she failed.

East-Batesville Boot-Hill said...

Twas thee, 3:15.

The only truth posted above is that except for Cutcliff, TsUn is a graveyard with lots of vacancies and perpetual care provided by the faithful. You lame goobs would take Pastor Froze back the day after Thanksgiving! There ain't no honor among lawyers, thieves and ne'er-do-wells.

Anonymous said...

Originally, this was hilarious.

But it's now so dated.

I'm not sure when KF first posted this, but it's been awhile.
(2013 or earlier ... I think).

Anonymous said...

this little story has been posted on JJ 10 times in the past.
its proof just how gay the eternal sophomores and the beautiful people of the SEC truly are.

Anonymous said...

"I'm not sure when KF first posted this, but it's been awhile.
(2013 or earlier ... I think)."

Just goes to show you nothing ever changes up at TSUN except the coach.

PS: Kiffin has about the same shot at LSU as Jeff Bower does.

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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).

Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.

In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

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Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

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