Friday, July 29, 2022

Judge Takes Over Raymond Jail

U.S. District Judge Carlton Reeves denied a motion for reconsideration as he announced he is taking over the Raymond Detention Center.  Judge Reeves said Hinds County is simply not capable of managing its jail: 

After ample time and opportunity, regretfully, it is clear that the County is incapable, or unwilling, to handle its affairs. The County’s motion for reconsideration is denied. Additional in-tervention is required. It is time to appoint a receiver....

The County refuses to take responsibility. Instead, it offers a litany of excuses. But each of these excuses ultimately boils down to the same argument: conditions at RDC are out of the defendants’ hands. The County wishes to abdicate responsibility for ensuring the health and safety of detainees in its custody. The Court is compelled to grant that wish. We can’t wait for continued destruction of the facilities. We can’t wait for the proliferation of more contraband. We can’t wait for more assaults. We can’t wait for another death. The time to act is now. There is no other choice, unfortunately.

Upon appointment of a receiver, RDC shall no longer languish in the County’s inadequate grip. The Court will appoint a federal receiver to oversee operations at RDC, who shall begin work as soon as possible, but no later than November 1, 2022. The Second Order of Contempt shall remain undisturbed; the County’s motion for reconsideration is denied. Today’s Order is intended to serve as the final sanction for the Court’s two Orders of Contempt.

Within 14 days of this Order, the parties shall submit to the Court proposed orders that outline the proposed powers and duties of the Receiver. In the absence of consensus, the Court will consider the submissions of each party and devise its own list of the Receiver’s duties.

Start reading the opinion on p.21.  Judge Reeves has more than a few things to say about the leadership of Hinds County.  

 

73 comments:

Anonymous said...

now take over Jackson.

Anonymous said...

Should have happened four boards ago.

Anonymous said...

Is he really implying that the leadership of Hinds County are all shiftless, lazy, shuck’n’jive incompetents, not fit to run a lemonade stand inside a ball park?
Isn’t that a little bit racist?

Anonymous said...

Great News- Now judge, would you please appoint a receiver for the City of Jackson!!

Anonymous said...

Jackson water system takeover is next.

Anonymous said...

Not being a member of the legal community, it always surprises me when I read documents and decisions written with such panache. I suppose it's more common than I would guess.

Unknown said...

This is the Federal Government taking over a county jail. Who will he report to Bennie?

Anonymous said...

About Time !

Anonymous said...

Is he really implying that the leadership of Hinds County are all shiftless, lazy, shuck’n’jive incompetents, not fit to run a lemonade stand inside a ball park?
Isn’t that a little bit racist?

Anonymous said...

So, let's see if I've got this right. The Board of Supervisors has been tagged as incompetent and has been wasting millions of dollars on this fiasco for years. The Jackson Jackson Mayor and the board are failing and can't even put a garbage contract in place, have road and pothole issues, and the water and sewer systems are in crisis and crime is running rampant. The Airport authority is dysfunctional and the crappy airport is hanging on by a thread and you can't even get a cup of coffee while waiting on your flight. The system(s) is broken. What's the answer? ---oops, I forgot the Convention center, which is loosing its ass despite Visit Jackson spending lavishly on ads promoting this ghetto. There is no leadership capable of putting this puzzle together. The current leadership doesn't recognize that they are the problem.

Here Come Da Judge said...

Is there an organization similar to AA for local government "leaders?"

For example, "Hi, my name is Chowke Lumbubbles and I am incompetent."

Anonymous said...

Don’t overlook that the jail was built when Bennie was president of BoS & brought in friends from California to design & build the jail. When local longtime Jackson architects were asked to review the designs they were appalled at the structural, electrical & plumbing design. Anyway, Bennie’s friends from California were paid.

Anonymous said...

July 29, 2022 at 12:01 PM
It's only racist if you hold a position on the county board of supervisors.

Anonymous said...

Well Damn David Archie was right again, up under Credell Calhoun's Leadership, Hinds County has hit rock bottom..

Anonymous said...

"The County's culture of inertia..." (p. 18) is mirrored by similar maladministration by the Lumumba administration.

Burke said...

Judge Reeves could have done this three years ago, but he waited until there was absolutely nothing to keep him from his justifiably savage attack on so-called "leaders."

I have said this before: It's time for the State to take over Jackson, for the same reasons. How much longer can we go on here with the accelerating deterioration of a Capitol city? Until then, it would be nice if those of us in the Capitol District could have a reliable 911 number to call.

Anonymous said...

They're all dedicated Democrats, died in the wool, and they cannot be expected to operate within the confines of their cash flow. That is not their concept of government. They don't expect federal oversight, they expect federal Money! Lots of it. Without it they cannot possibly function.

Now phase two begins: How to get the feds to pay our friends to "improve" the jail.

Anonymous said...

To the 12:30 comment: IF THE SHOE FITS.......

Anonymous said...

This thing called Hinds County?

Anonymous said...

You forgot: ....and UMMC won't provide services.

Anonymous said...

12:38 I think the people in city and county government will be quick to explain that it is not their fault. Either they inherited the problems, which means the problems are not theirs to deal with, or the State won't give them money or it is all because of white racists. Be assured, though, that the people in these governments are bright and competent and doing effective work managing the city and the county. And the airport. They are because they said so. Everything is fine, so let's not be negative.

Anonymous said...

Can Judge Reeves take over the “Airport”?

Anonymous said...

So does this mean that most of Hinds County's law enforcement budget will be used for jail repairs in coming years to meet the receiver's requirements, whatever they may be? Will the board of Supervisors raise property taxes to pay for all of this? I guess the new jail Supervisors proposed as a ruse is not gonna happen anyway?

Anonymous said...

This is the Federal Government taking over a county jail. Who will he report to Bennie?

Why would it report to Bennie, genius? The receiver will report to The Court that appoints it. If day to day involvement with and monitoring of the receiver is needed, the court (Judge Reeves) will consider that delegation of authority.

Consider yourself up to speed.

That'sMisterDeplorableToYou said...

Prisoners have far too much leisure time and, consequently, energy to commit mischief. Bring back the working prison system where inmates worked from dawn 'til dusk 6 days per week at some useful [usually agricultural] pursuit. A man who has been working in a field for the past 12 hours wants only a meal, a shower and a bed. He isn't nearly as prone to mischief as one who has been idle all day.

Anonymous said...

You could pick a better board of supervisors at radom from the phone book...or the nervous hospital...or..the rescue mission.

Anonymous said...

The facilities are not repairable.

The residents of the facility will have to be moved while a new jail is constructed.

They should level metro center and construct a new jail right there.

Anonymous said...

The court’s disqualification of the county nominee for the Receiver is telling. He would have been more of the same as exists now, and is more evidence of the complete incompetence of the Hinds County Board of Supervisors. At least “racist” isn’t a charge that can be made against Judge Reeves.

Anonymous said...


Why stop at the frik'n jail?

How about the whole county and City of jackson!

Anonymous said...

"When asked who was responsible, each person deflected, saying essentially, 'not me.' . . . This Court agrees. The County and Sheriff cannot continue this exercise in accountability hot-potato, one which has proved deadly to detainees."
. . .

"Unfortunately, the record demonstrates that the County is either unable or unwilling to exhibit the leadership 'necessary to protect the lives of [detainees].' . . . Put another way, the County is unwilling to manage its own affairs."

Substitute "City of Jackson" for "county," and "residents" for "detainees" and this would be a pretty good lecture for Lumumba II. Are you paying attention, Antar? Or will you continue to act like you're untouchable?

Anonymous said...

12:30 No one is racist when everyone is racist......and we've reached that point.

Anonymous said...

1:24 wrote: "They don't expect federal oversight, they expect federal Money! Lots of it."

You do realize the state GOP is currently in the middle of a huge scandal for stealing almost $100 million in federal funds for food stamps, don't you?

I would qualify that with "allegedly," but there have already been guilty pleas for racketeering, bribery, etc.

That'sMisterDeplorableToYou said...

Truth be known though, Reeves manages his docket about as competently as Hinds County manages the jail.

Anonymous said...

I nominate Kim Wade as the receiver. His tactics may be controversial, but I believe he could get that jail in order! Change my mind..................;>)

Anonymous said...

July 29, 2022 at 1:57 PM

What we have here is a failure to communicate. Cool Hand Luke.

Yes, that exactly what they should do.

Chain gangs. Then these thugs will think twice about going back.

They call that a deterrent.

Anonymous said...

I worked at all three facilities; penal farm, downtown facility and the Raymond detention facility from 1994 - 2000. Mac was the Sheriff during my entire tenure! Mac was a kick ass and didn’t take shit from inmates or Deputies. If there was a problem in the Jail Mac would come down and take care of it, no one called him, he just got word somehow!

Yes, the Raymond jail was relatively new but the inmates better/would not tear up shit. Those were the good ole days, we had camaraderie and we loved coming to work and most of us had two and three other jobs to make our lives comfortable! Yea we took naps!

Todays generation just don’t have the work ethic we had. They just have a different mindset. We were grown ass men and women!

Inmates were treated as men and women with no disrespect. If the inmates disrespect us, they were reminded that the population of the Hinds County area is 200,000 plus and “ you came to us, you were not invited. Our rules, our house”!

All Deputies must be on the same page in order to make this work!

You could take the doors off all cells in A Pod when we worked and not one inmate would come out!

You can pay these same Deputies $60,000-$100,000 a year and get the same results. Money can’t buy common sense!

An inmate is an inmate and human, with respect you can do your job and feel good about it.

Unruly inmates must be transferred to other counties. You got to get them out of their comfort zones.

Anonymous said...

1:44 PM
The question to ask those in positions of power that are quick to shift blame is: "Why did you sign up to the position if you don't have the gall to fix the problem?"

Anonymous said...

2:15 PM
If you read the footnotes (footnote 18, page 24), the person named by the County disagreed with the County and said he was not qualified. Page 24. I'll quote in full

> 18
At the Court’s invitation, the parties presented four candidates for the role of receiver. DOJ named three qualified potential receivers. The County chose to submit the name of one person, Frank Shaw. It appears that Mr. Shaw has no interest in being the Receiver, as his existing six-month contract with the County terminates on August 1, 2022. More im-portantly, as expressed in an earlier Order, Mr. Shaw’s history indicates that he is wholly unqualified for the role.
See
Docket No. 168 at 20 n.8 (ob-serving that during his tenure at Management & Training Corporation (MTC), a private prison company, “Shaw presided over a series of riots at the Kingsman Complex in Arizona,” during which “[s]everal prison units were rendered uninhabitable and required tactical intervention,” result-ing in the transfer of over 1,200 prisoners to other facilities, the Governor of Arizona’s termination of the state’s contract with MTC, and the “ratings downgrade” of the local government). An assessment by the Arizona De-partment of Corrections (ADC) concluded that MTC’s mismanagement sparked and inflamed the riots.
Id.
Based on the patterns of destruction, ADC concluded that “the riots were more likely precipitated by inmate dissatisfaction with MTC’s operation of the prison than by anger among the inmates themselves.” The Court will select one of the three remaining candidates to serve as receiver.

Anonymous said...

to my NE Jxn homeowner friends-
Watch yourannual $15,000 ad valorem tax bill double.
You are footing the cost for a new jail.

Anonymous said...

The state does not need to take over Jackson.

De-annex NE Jxn. Carve out the Capitol and hospitals. Fortify the area. Put up a wall similar to Berlin.

Anonymous said...

Earnest question for the attorneys who read this blog (and I know there’s a shit ton of y’all)—can a city be put into receivership or otherwise have court appointed leadership or would the legislature need to write that into law?

Anonymous said...

Can the judge be in charge of the EPA so he can have the agency take over the water administration duties from Jackson?

Anonymous said...

People forget so quickly. When the jail was built and before the prisoners were turned loose in it the doors would not even lock. The few doors that would lock could be opened with a towel. You could bend the doors. They were that thin and weak. Things have not gotten any better.

The jail didn't pass inspections when it was built. Don't know who signed off on the jail as it, like the hanging nooses in the court house yard, was kept secret. Lots of secrets kept in the city of Jackson and no one has the balls to ask questions.

Anonymous said...

Now…can we address the issue of making the inmates “work”???? Myself and many agree that we should not have to pay money to jail these hooligans and not get something back. Have them clean up the highways and do jobs that the county employees cannot get to. Now, we know these individuals don’t have skills so they need to do labor work. Have you seen the roadside trash in the City? Have you seen the right of ways in Hinds? Make them work!!

Anonymous said...

3:51 PM
I'm not a lawyer, but we've already seen this happen in other states. Particularly Detroit.

Anonymous said...

I have said this before: It's time for the State to take over Jackson, for the same reasons. How much longer can we go on here with the accelerating deterioration of a Capitol city? Until then, it would be nice if those of us in the Capitol District could have a reliable 911 number to call.

Great News- Now judge, would you please appoint a receiver for the City of Jackson!!


Nah, lets do the whole State of Mississippi! The dysfunction at the Mississippi Dept of Human Services, Mental Health, Department of Corrections.

Anonymous said...

"I nominate Kim Wade as the receive".

Kim is not the same as he once was.
I rarely listen to any show on WYAB anymore.

Seems all Mr. Wade does now ... is play recordings of Tucker Carlson
and rant about Congressman Michael Guest.

Hell, I'm not a fan of Guest either ... but Mr. Wade seems to have an unnatural obsession with that guy.

Anyway, a new jail and a new airport is long overdue.

Anonymous said...

Ok so what makes any of you think the new proposed detention center that will be built on McDowell Road be any different? Same players same game

Anonymous said...

@6:49 - my thoughts exactly. Why pour good money after bad? And all the people that say the raymond jail was fubar from the beginning are wrong. There were some issues but minor ones at best. Mac did not inherit a bad jail - he was in office for a year or two before that jail opened and had a lot of input into what it became.

Anonymous said...

Having worked for Tyree Jones he has an ego and attitude issue. He might look good in front of a camera but behind closed doors he is a nightmare to work for. He can not handle any information that surprises him or take things in any context outside of his bubble and if you attempt to give him anything outside of his limited knowledge scope he freaks out. I'm not surprised the jail was lost under his watch as he is far more concerned with making sure buddies of his get hired on at HCSO than actually being a Sheriff.

Anonymous said...

…warriors, come out and play e aaaa!….

Anonymous said...

3:11 worked at the jail under Mac. And we are supposed to listen to him for all solutions. Tell us more.

Anonymous said...

4:27 I would remind you and some of the other writers that the Detention Center is a jail not a prison. There is a difference. Jail inmates are normally awaiting trial and are at that point presumed innocent. An innocent man has certain rights which a convicted felon does not. Forced labor will be problematic. It may not have been in the past, but we did lots of bad stuff in the past which won't work today. But I do agree that prisoners should not be idle when so much work is available and needed.

Anonymous said...

@7:06 I tried to warn everyone of this during the election but no one listen. I worked with him at JPD for years and he only got promoted because of his “looks”.

Anonymous said...

The board of supervisors should be held accountable for this. Now the county will have to build the jail the feds tell them to build. It will cost much more than it would have if the board would have taken care of this when they had the opportunity. Shame on you board of supervisors.

Anonymous said...

Voting for clowns brings the circus to town.

Anonymous said...

At 2:04

What is this “phone book” thing you speak of?

Anonymous said...

3:17, I think you missed the point. The county nominated Mr. Shaw, and the court, as your quote indicates, found him wholly unqualified. “Mr. Shaw’s history indicates that he is wholly unqualified for the role.” Why would the county nominate someone not interested in the role of receiver, as the court notes, and who was, to quote the court, “wholly unqualified.” That smacks of incompetence. It is incompetent to nominate for a position someone who doesn’t want the job, and whose history clearly makes him unqualified in the first place. That is the point, nominating Shaw at all was an act of sheer incompetence.

Anonymous said...

I don't anything about Mr. Shaw, but does he not want the job now that there is spotlight upon it, or did he not want the job, period, because of Jackson/Hinds nonsense. He may be more competent than realized if he knows it's a losing proposition in a no-win situation and wants no part of it.

In other words, would he have accepted it if he could have taken a paycheck without scrutiny but not if he actually had to do it, or, does he not want it because there is no way to actually do it? It seems noteworthy for Hinds Co. to recommend someone who doesn't have any interest in the job. The idea that the typical Hinds/Jackson type would turn down a "free paycheck, no strings attached" is unusual but the idea that a reasonable person wouldn't want to be anywhere near the Hinds/Jackson clusterfuck is understandable.

I want to be clear - I don't know and I'm not accusing anyone of anything but it would seem there may be more to the "I don't want that job even if you beg me to take it" story.

Anonymous said...

William F. Buckley said that he would rather be governed by the first 100 names in the Manhattan phone book than the members of the U.S. Senate. Hinds County BOS proves that point again!

Anonymous said...

9:07, that’s the only way a jail gets built correctly. You really want this board to build a $50 million jail? You’ll get the same result.

Anonymous said...

3:11 for sheriff and mayor.

Anonymous said...

10:02 If you are talking about getting a proper jail built in Hinds county by this board then I would have to agree with you. There are other counties that have built excellent jails all on their own. It didn't cost the taxpayers anywhere near what the people of Hinds are going to pay with this federal mandate.

Anonymous said...

3:11 no we do not, just saying during my tenure he was hands on and a great boss, when you did your job! It’s just a different breed of employee that no matter how much you pay them, you get the same results. Mac had great employees! Now remember in my previous comment the jail was my night job and I didn’t get involved in the politics and Ass kissing.I enjoyed the job.

Anonymous said...

July 29, 2022 at 7:06 PM

I am truly disappointed to hear this. I though Sheriff Jones would get the RDC turned around and heading in the right direction. Of course no person, think Sheriff Vance, could get the place turned around if he is not given appropriate and adequate resources by the Hinds County BOS. What a mess.

Anonymous said...

Confirming what has been stated green previously by several:
I was also involved in the initial design and construction of the RDC and it was very obvious that none of the design work was competent and no one at the county cared- Bennie wanted his "minority participation" regardless of outcome-desirers and Engineers from all over the country- that were unqualified other than they were a minority. As to the structure and its functionality ( sans maintenance issues) it was a boondoggle before the first shovel of dirt was moved- Public money should be spent with the most competitive- and required minority participation needs to be eliminated altogether ( come on with it Soc...5,4,3,2....MBE/WBE for the win!)

Anonymous said...

Why is anyone even the least bit surprised when the incompetent and unfit "leadership" in Jackson and Hinds County aren't able to competently do _anything_? Of course Hinds County can't operate a jail, Jackson cannot have safe water, etc. because "incompetent" means:

1a : lacking the qualities needed for effective action
1b : unable to function properly
2 : not legally qualified
3 : inadequate to or unsuitable for a particular purpose

These people are incompetent - hard-core completely in-f'ing-competent, every last one of 'em - by at least 3 of the above definitions, which may actually be one fewer than at least some of the incompetent voters who voted them into office.

Anonymous said...

July 29, 2022 at 10:42 PM
Perhaps I did. I admit I may have misread a particular sentence:

>It appears that Mr. Shaw has no interest in being the Receiver, as his existing six-month contract with the County terminates on August 1, 2022.

And maybe I read too much into it. But it's quibbling over not much.

Anonymous said...

The state government of Mississippi is just as dysfunctional as Hinds County. We are ranked 50th in the nation for business development. People who vote for Tate definitely should not complain about what goes on in Hinds County.

Anonymous said...

So the Board of Supervisors gives a Re - entry program 2 million dollars out of County budget and can't fix the jail. The re entry program is a waste of tax payers money. It's the board job to provide a jail not a re entry program. I wonder who voted for a re entry program.

Anonymous said...

I this 6:26 makes a good point. For example, the beef plant and Kemper County power facility make the detention center crowd look like the junior varsity.

Anonymous said...

3:11 Great comments! Yes, transfer the unruly non compliant detainees to a tougher environment. But it seems repeat offenders that are awaiting trial should be on probation for previous offense. So revoke the probation & send them to the state to serve out their previous sentence.

Anonymous said...

10:56 PM, They voted for the re entry program because they would not have to show anything for the money they were taking. If they would have voted for locks on the doors they would have had to spend some of the money on actual locks. That would mean adding another pocket needing money. With a re entry program they do not have to buy anything and do not have to show proof of any kind. Sort of like all of the studies and consultations that we see eating up the cash going to other projects.


Recent Comments

Search Jackson Jambalaya

Subscribe to JJ's Youtube channel

Archives

Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
.