Wednesday, October 19, 2022

Judge Morrow: Mardis Can't Leave State. Period.

 Todd Mardis struck out in court yesterday after he tried to get permission to enroll in a "spa-type treatment facility in Houston.* Rankin County Court Judge David Morrow denied his request to leave the state as he said he could get his treatment in good ole Mississippi.  Mardis stands accused of brutally beating his wife after Flowood police charged him with aggravated domestic violence earlier this month.

John Collette & Todd Mardis listen to Judge Morrow

A Flowood detective testified at Mardis's October 11 preliminary hearing that Mardis and his wife met another couple for dinner at McLain's Lodge on the evening of October 4.  An argument that began at the restaurant ended in violence at the Mardis home in Lineage Lake of Lakeland in Flowood.  Security video showed Mardis punching his wife in the stomach before throwing the unconscious woman on the ground "like she was a rag doll."  He allegedly proceeded to slap her several times and dragged her across the pavement by her hair.   The victim's injuries were: 

1. Fractured right ankle

2. Fractured left cheekbone

3. Lacerated liver

4. Broken ribs (#10 and #11)

5. Strangulation marks on her neck

6. Missing hair on her head

7. Extensive bruising on her left arm and stomach.  

The victim was hospitalized at St. Domic Hospital but her injuries required her to be transferred to UMMC.  Earlier post.

Mardis flew to Tampa the next morning and returned on October 7.  Flowood police arrested him at the airport.

The Flowood Municipal Court denied Mardis bond at his initial appearance but Rankin County Court Judge David Morrow granted the defendant a $750,000 bond at his preliminary hearing.  Mardis posted bond and was released.

Judge Morrow ordered Mardis to wear a GPS ankle monitor and barred him from leaving Mississippi without the Court's permission.   The Court also ordered the defendant to enroll in and complete a "MRT/Cognitive Behavioral-based Domestic Violence program within 26 weeks of release" and complete a 90 day alcohol/drug treatment program.  

 


Mardis's attorney, John Collette, filed a motion to modify the conditions of release yesterday.   The motion states: 

Upon his release, the defendant consulted with Dr. Alyssa Killebrew, Ph.D, a licensed clinical psychologist, who recommended the defendant be seen by and enter treatment under the supervision of Dr. James S. Flowers, PhD, LPC-S, at the J. Flowers Health Institute.... Houston, Texas.... The Institute specializes in diagnostics and treatment of mental health conditions and provides integrative mental health, medical and substance use disorder programs for adults and adolescents.

 Dr. Flowers issued a letter to the Court stating Mardis was accepted into the program. Collette argued there were no treatment facilities suitable for his client in Mississippi.  He said the GPS monitor would prevent any mischief if Mardis wanted to escape.  Assistant District Attorney Greg Miles predictably opposed the motion.  

Judge Morrow denied the motion, stating "I feel comfortable there are reasonable avenues of treatment in Mississippi."  He said he looked up the Institute online and it appeared to be a "spa-type" facility.  "I'm not convinced the treatment is any better," concluded the Rankin County Court Judge.  The Court also noted law enforcement would be able to respond more quickly if there was any interruption of the electric monitor signal if he was in Mississippi instead of Houston.  Judge Morrow said Mardis would have a "head start" in Houston if he tried to flee. 

However, Judge Morrow had some additional thoughts about the case.  He said "the evidence of guilt is strong.  A video relays much of the assault. Mardis admitted to police he struck her with an open hand" as he reinforced his ruling.   

 

Mardis leaves court.
 

The Court ruled the defendant must remain in Mississippi but is more than welcome to enroll at facilities such as Pine Grove in Hattiesburg.  Mardis remains bound over to the Rankin County grand jury

 Mardis was President of Capital Preservation Services, LLC until last week.  The company is known for advising physicians on tax planning and investments.

 * Houston, Texas, not Houston, Mississippi. 



82 comments:

Anonymous said...

Didn’t Tiger Woods spend nearly a year at a treatment facility near Hattiesburg? If it is good enough for Tiger Woods, then it is good enough for this jabroni

Anonymous said...

@9:08 the place is Hattiesburg is for sex addicts, this guy beats his wife. His treatment should be Parchman.

Anonymous said...

Getting off the steroids might be a solid first step. The gates of Parchman await this animal.

Anonymous said...

Pine Grove is a world class rehab facility, not just a sex addict facility. Yes Tiger was there and the only accommodation they granted him differently than the rest of the center was that he had his own workout facility. Some of the most famous and wealthy people in the world have attended Pine Grove.

Anonymous said...

@9:19
I’m pretty sure there was drugs, alcohol, and domestic violence in Tiger Wood’s case. Something about someone getting beat with a golf club? Perhaps his wife beat him with the golf club. I don’t really remember and don’t care to check.

Anonymous said...

Prison is usually the best type of treatment facility for scumbags like Mardis. And a good old-fashioned ass whooping while in prison would do him a world of good.

Anonymous said...

The gall to ask to go to this facility in Houston, which advertises as a facility with "luxury accommodations" and literally has a spa with concierge services tells you all you need to know about this guy. He needs to be off the streets!!!

Anonymous said...

There are convicted murderers walking around in Ms. with more freedom than this man would have. Wasn't there a murderer in Jackson that had to drive by two times shooting at a man before he was dead that is allowed out with an ankle bracelet? This man slapped his wife around. Not uncommon in Ms. She is still alive. I would think a convicted murderer would be more of a danger. But then, Ms. doesn't seem to mind when a person kills another.

Anonymous said...

I want 90 days at a work-out spa, please, what do I need to do first?

Seems nice said...

$750,000 bail means he paid a $75,000 fee towards the bond for his release.

Anonymous said...

Maybe convicted murderers are "walking around in Ms." but apparently not in Rankin County thanks to Judges of integrity such as Judge David Morrow!!!!!

Anonymous said...



10:29. “ wasn’t there” doesn’t seem like you know what the f you are talking about, just rambling crap. You must be friends with the guy that “ slaps his wife around” or you do it as does the piece of shyt Mardis.

Anonymous said...

@10:59
First, and most important step, is to marry into old money.

Anonymous said...

Attn 11:10 Or, he put up his own $750,000.00 and will get it all back after this is concluded.

Anonymous said...

10:29. Don’t screw up in Rankin.

Anonymous said...

Bail can be a cash bail or collateral. Not necessarily the 10% bail bondsman fee.

Anonymous said...

As a victim and survivor of a brutal ex-husband I can tell you he will never stop. I've never known of one who has. She has probably endured this her entire marriage and to say "why doesn't she JUST LEAVE"...easier said than done. I didn't have children and it was still extremely difficult to leave (escape) my abusive marriage. And, I consider myself a very strong and independent person. Abuse does almost as much damage mentally and emotionally as it does physically. You are completely exhausted and feel like giving up. I pray this woman gets away from him, but I fear he will talk his way back into her life like I was led back every single time. I was fortunate I finally got the courage to leave and just take the consequences of doing so. Financially ruined, gave up my home, job, etc. But I started over and am happier than I've ever been. Lock this piece of crap up for a long time. Let him see how he likes having the hell beat out of him.

Anonymous said...

@10:29 "Slapped his wife around". No. He beat the shit out of her. Have you ever been pulled around or dragged by your hair? Well, I have and I don't consider that being "slapped around". And the fact that she is still alive is a miracle. If he had continued she probably wouldn't be.

Anonymous said...

10:29 (#2): Is that you, Todd? You can no longer manage and control this situation. It was taken out of your hands the moment you smashed your wife's body and put her in the hospital.

Anonymous said...

Good. F that guy.

Anonymous said...

A special place in hell should be reserved for the likes of this man...."Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her" Eph 5:25

Anonymous said...

We would do well to listen to 12:03.
RMQ

Anonymous said...

What if his wife does not press charges, Can he still be tried?

Anonymous said...

Put me on this SOB’s jury.

Anonymous said...

11:10….OR….he went to a bail bondsman and put up some property as collateral. I’m not convinced this paper tiger is as “successful” as he would like everyone to believe.

Anonymous said...

Innocent unless proven guilty. He will not be convicted on this website, no matter how many comments are posted and no matter how warm and fuzzy it makes any of you feel, to continue piling on to a family man who is only charged with a crime at his point and presumed innocent.

Anonymous said...

Exactly don't pull this stuff in Madison or Rankin county. Hinds probably 1000 I will not beat my wife and free to go

Anonymous said...

I hope the court has his passport and he's been banned from flying

Anonymous said...

10:29
You have a mother or sister? You obviously don’t have a wife. This guy deserves to serve time.

Anonymous said...

1:21
Innocent at this point but when the guilty verdict is handed down please let us know your thoughts.

Anonymous said...

I have a feeling this guy will serve time.

Anonymous said...

So according to social media pages / postings Mardis & his wife are friends with Alyssa Killebrew?

How does her "recommendation as a clinical psychologist" work?

Anonymous said...

I wonder how he'd feel if a man did that to either of his daughters. Puts a different perspective on it.

Anonymous said...

@1:21. You do know that there is security video of him beating his wife, right? Or do we just ignore that and the fact that Todd admitted to hitting her? Everyone hopes that Todd does get a Trial where a jury will see the evidence. He’s been getting away with being a bully and POS his whole life. People like you have enable him so he continues to “just being Todd”. He needs to be stopped before he kills his wife or someone else. He needs to serve time in jail to under his actions have finally caught up to him and there are consequences for them.

Anonymous said...

Yup, one helluva 'family man'. All these damn abusers are supposed 'family man' men tearing their families apart by beating up the mothers and wives of their family.

Please spare us all from anymore of that 'family man' BS.

Anonymous said...

"What if his wife does not press charges, Can he still be tried?"

Yes. He's already been charged and it's in the state's hands. Even if his wife refuses to testify against him, he can be convicted if there is sufficient evidence independent of her testimony. For example, a video recording of the beating and an officer's testimony of his observations of her injuries.

Anonymous said...

In the domestic violence world, what happened to this woman is the 2nd to last step. Next is death. Sadly many, mostly women, return to their abusive situation.

Anonymous said...

2:30
100% agree! Apparently, the guy you are referencing is Todd's family member or workout buddy ha! The family man will get 5 if he cuts a deal, I hope he chooses going to trial myself it'll be the maximum.

Anonymous said...

12:07 PM, Never been pulled around by my hair but my x-wife did try to kill me twice. Really three times if I count the time her and her meth head boyfriend tried to beat me up. She was a meth head also. She tried to run over me and tried to shoot me. Does that make you feel any better? I was smarter and quicker than she was.
I do live in Rankin country. One of the people I know, also a meth head, told me after I asked him how he got away with selling meth that his friend was a deputy and told him every time the law was going to make a bust. Rankin Coun ty is really not much different than Hinds county.

Anonymous said...

He will not get tried in Rankin Co. Too much publicity, his attorney will have it moved.

Anonymous said...

Legit question here. The post states "The Court also ordered the defendant to enroll in and complete a 'MRT/Cognitive Behavioral-based Domestic Violence program within 26 weeks of release' and complete a 90 day alcohol/drug treatment program." How is that not sentencing? He hasn't pled to anything or been convicted yet, right? Don't get me wrong, I hope he gets everything that's coming to him. However, I'm also a big believer in due process. Once he's had that, throw the book at him.

Anonymous said...

Can some of Todd’s friends ask him what he or his oldest son would do to the son in law if he beat his wife (Todd’s daughter).

Anonymous said...

@4:49. I believe Todd has 2 son-in-laws. I know one of them. The one I know is a great guy. He's just a really nice guy, good family, works hard.

Follow This Dunce For More Fax... said...

"I’m pretty sure there was drugs, alcohol, and domestic violence in Tiger Wood’s case. I don’t really remember and don’t care to check.
October 19, 2022 at 9:33 AM"

You're 'pretty sure' which amounts to absolutely ZEE-ROW, Genius. You don't care to check - You just wanted to see your post up on your monitor.

"Hey Mom, Y'all see what I wrote?", yuck and yawn. Here's your sign, Goob.

Anonymous said...

4:23, respectfully you are wrong. Collette will absolutely want to try this in Rankin, because Hon. Morrow knows absolutely nothing about criminal law, and ascended to McDaniel's seat in typical Rankin fashion. Morrow, if he hasn't already, will likely blow the case and allow the defense to prevail on any number of appellate issues.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry the friends defending, Todd. I get it, nobody wins. But, this is a real crime and there is a real video of the beating...and she sustained real injuries. He also woke up and flew to a meeting the next morning, without reporting his wifes injuries.. that doesn't help reduce the sentence.

Add in that this happened in a county that cares, he is at a minimum getting 5-10 years in a plea and serving 75% of this. He may get more based on the aftermath. If he goes to trial, he will get 15-20 years and serve 90%.

So, he will go to real prison. For a real period of time, and will have to pay off vice-lords, gangs etc by having help on the outside (which he will have to do over and over and over and be pressured by more and more) or join a group/gang n the inside. You have no other choices.

He beat his wife almost to death, he will be harassed and assaulted repeatedly in short-term for this, and long-term will depend on the decisions he makes after he gets his teeth kicked in.

Sorry, I have empathy and hate this for anyone, and will not judge whether he truly needs that to be punished or reform.

You are welcome.

Anonymous said...

This horrific story sounds a lot like that of the privileged Clark punk in Waynesboro or Laurel that almost beat his girlfriend to death.
KF do you have an update on him?
Maybe he and this loser can share a cell.

Kingfish said...

Morrow? Really? Seriously?

Anonymous said...

8th Amendment violation by Morror. Period!

He is playing politics in this case. Morrow should be removed.

Anonymous said...

The strangulation marks are next level. There’s a whole science around “NFS” (non-fatal strangulation.) Every article I read cited the statistic that victims of NFS have a 750% likelihood of being murdered by the perpetrator. They also agreed that the perpetrator’s essential message when strangling his victim is “I have the power of life or death over you and I will have no problem killing you.”

Who the fuck is this guy and why is the world supposed to walk on eggshells around him? Way too many people who know him describe him as a straightup asshole and are shocked but not surprised that this happened.

The security video shows him dragging his unconscious wife across the pavement by her hair. (What kind of fucking animal does that?) I didn’t know that in most cases it takes all of 8 seconds to render a victim unconscious by strangulation. I wondered why she was unconscious. Now I think I know.

I can’t imagine what the victim and their children are going through. I am well aware of the complicated dynamics of intimate partner violence and know that many if not most victims resume the relationship after being assaulted. Still, I cannot fully wrap my head around how any woman could ever be in a submissive position alone in the same room with the man who tried to strangle the life out if her.




Anonymous said...

Judge Morrow won’t be the trial judge. He is a county court judge. If/When he is indicted the case will be transferred to Circuit Court and assigned to one of the 3 Rankin County Circuit Court Judges; Arthur, Mills or Ratliff.

Anonymous said...

@5:06 I know Todd’s son in law. Attended the wedding. Great young man, hypothetically he beat his wife (Todd’s daughter) would Todd say she deserved it? Hell no we would have a dead son in law. That’s my point maybe Todd’s friends that he has left should ask Todd that. His sons should ask themselves that!!

Anonymous said...

6:05, yes, Morrow. He handles real estate and domestic cases that are outside of the Fortification district, but not known for criminal law.

Anonymous said...

Mardis could have killed his wife then he’s so distraught he wants to go to a spa. Definitely something wrong with this dude upstairs

Anonymous said...

Anyone in the Investrments/financial planning business has known this dude was a thug years ago. He and his company are straight up jokes. Just a Life insurance salesman in over his head.

Anonymous said...

Hey, Jackass at 5:51: In your haste to besmirch a good man and a good judge (David Morrow), you failed to realize that David Morrow is the county court judge. His jurisdiction extends to the matter of this animal’s pre trial bond. Morrow won’t be presiding over the trial, idiot.

Anonymous said...

8th Amendment violation?

Would that be for excessive bail, or cruel and unusual punishment for having to go to (obviously much-needed) rehab? He's already posted bail, so 6:52 must be referring to rehab.

Anonymous said...

Amen, 9:02. I can attest to that!!!!

M.J.D. said...

Todd really isn’t a bad guy. Yes, he’s got a temper, but so does his wife. Who knows what she said to trigger him? Some women know exactly what buttons to push and my understanding is that she’s done this several times before.

Anonymous said...

According to social media accounts, this guy was friends with the body builder/statutory rapist, Gino Giammarco, who was arrested in Rankin County last week. No surprise here.

Anonymous said...

everybody knows that rehab clinics are better in texas ..............

especially when you want to escape the scrutiny this guy is under..............................

Anonymous said...

every junkie and bleeding heart liberal out there, be they coke, meth, heroin, or steroid junkies , will tell you once the go through ''rebab'' they are ''cleansed ''


.........................99% go right back to the garbage the moment they are released..........................this clown will be no exception

Anonymous said...

This judge just ruined the lives of this woman’s children. He should be FREE on bond.

Anonymous said...

Remand, Let the missus use the Domestic Violence charge as basis for divorce getting at minimum 1/2+ the estate.

Anonymous said...

8:49am. You have to be joking or you can’t read. The judge did not ruin the kid’s lives, the POS father did. And, he is free on Bond. Please try and keep up!

Anonymous said...

rehab is a joke
I've known people who have been to it 10 times
if you want a business with lots of repeat customers ,open a rehab clinic
95% go right back to using the moment they are released
rehab clinics are also just a racket..............if you get admitted under health insurance policy benefits , you are ''cured'' the moment those insurance policy benefits run out....................

rehab clinics are like hotels , they only make money when they are full of patients

it seem that thug george bell was in a ''spa'' rehab , and as soon as he was released he went right back to being a junkie and murdered his girlfriend.....remember that?

this guy is a steroid head wanna be tough guy and if you think ''steam baths'' and massage therapy are going to cure his ills , you probably voted for joe biden and benny thompson.

Anonymous said...

"Who knows what she said to trigger him? . . . my understanding is that she’s done this several times before"

So he's a serial wife-beater, and it's her fault. Got it.

9:36: Have you ever been to inpatient rehab? I went to a 12-step-based treatment center almost 10 years ago, and have been straight ever since, with the help of a 12-step program. People get out of it what they put into it. If someone refuses to change, no one can force them.

Anonymous said...

Asking again:
The post states "The Court also ordered the defendant to enroll in and complete a 'MRT/Cognitive Behavioral-based Domestic Violence program within 26 weeks of release' and complete a 90 day alcohol/drug treatment program." How is that not sentencing? He hasn't pled to anything or been convicted yet, right?

And I'll also restate:
Don't get me wrong, I hope he gets everything that's coming to him. However, I'm also a big believer in due process. Once he's had that, throw the book at him.

Anonymous said...

10:50 joins the ranks of the “She Made Him Do It” camp. By my count, that makes 2.

Anonymous said...

October 20, 2022 at 10:37 AM Well said.

I went through an eight month rehab, primary, secondary, and 3/4 way house, the last stage of which was at Pine Grove. That was thirty seven years ago. Haven't had a drop (or mood altering substance) since.

I will admit that many of the folks with whom I went to treatment relapsed, the number who "made it" is fairly small. If one is ready and willing to change one's life, and willing to follow instructions on how it's done, one's chances are greatly improved.

Anonymous said...

Parchman’s unit 29

Anonymous said...

Big Todd can you get hunting boots over that bracelet you are wearing? You have just screwed up your entire life!

Anonymous said...

If I had ever paid this Mardis dipshit any money for "tax advice," I would be pretty embarrassed right about now. Paying a life insurance salesman for tax advice? Seriously?!?

Anonymous said...

Yes a I am a former friend of Todd as of recently! I have to fly for work today and before I leave this morning I will kiss my wife on the cheek hopefully not waking her. All I can think about is the strong-hold Todd has on his family. A man that has convinced his family that he just “snapped”. To the Mardis family, you can make it thru this tragic moment in your lives, but don’t let your father continue to control you even at his weakest moment. He left your mother only thinking of himself. You may forgive him but don’t forget what he did!

Anonymous said...

Yes a I am a former friend of Todd as of recently! I have to fly for work today and before I leave this morning I will kiss my wife on the cheek hopefully not waking her. All I can think about is the strong-hold Todd has on his family. A man that has convinced his family that he just “snapped”. To the Mardis family, you can make it thru this tragic moment in your lives, but don’t let your father continue to control you even at his weakest moment. He left your mother only thinking of himself. You may forgive him but don’t forget what he did!

Anonymous said...

What is more disturbing to me is that he left the state while his wife that he has been married to for decades, unconscious and did not seek any medical attention for her! He basically left her for dead! She did not get a lacerated liver, broken ribs, broken ankle, ect. with an open hand slap/ hit!! In my personal experience domestic violence victims don’t leave because they are SCARED their abuser will kill them! I’m glad she has the security video for evidence! I hope he served time! And I pray she gets out of this marriage!!

Anonymous said...

The one comment that actually contained truth and you block it KF!! Typical!

Anonymous said...

So you’ll let anybody post as long as it’s not truthful!? KF must be friends with Thomas Harris!

Kingfish said...

Why is it true? Because you said it is. Yeah, that will stop a lawsuit. The motion to dismiss should be granted because Mr. Nobody said it is true.

Anonymous said...

When will this go to trail or plea agreement?

Anonymous said...

With Mardis’s ego he will put his family through a trail and the jury will not take long with the verdict. He will put his family through hell once again!

Anonymous said...

The Judge in this case needs a complaint. He has already found the man guilty before trial.



Recent Comments

Search Jackson Jambalaya

Subscribe to JJ's Youtube channel

Archives

Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
.