Jackson Jambalaya

For about a month now Americans have been all up in the air over “Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena” (UAP) what they call drones. The federal government says most of them are airplanes though they don’t really know what they are or who is flying them. They don’t know where they come from or where they go to. Nevertheless, federal sources have all agreed the UAPs pose no threat and are not dangerous.

Coincidently, President-elect Donald J. Trump is creating a list of nominees he wants in his administration. Many Americans call them UAPs, particularly the ones they’ve never heard of. Anonymous sources have said many of the nominees will cut wasteful spending by terminating up to a third of the federal workforce and destroying democracy as we have known it for the past 60 years. Democrats have vowed to resist this attempt to destroy democracy by fully funding their own pet projects.

Earlier this year rumors circulated around the Trump campaign that a win would mean the end of DEI (diversity, equity, and inclusion). Those familiar with the plan have acknowledged that America is already the most diversified nation on earth, that equity is inferior to merit, and that many womyn don’t want biological myn to be included in their bathroom meetings.

In other news, a jury in a New York City courtroom set a new precedent finding Daniel Penny not guilty in the death of an unruly indigent rider on a New York subway. At the beginning of deliberations the jury deadlocked. The judge ordered them to return to their deliberations after a weekend recess and reduced the charges against Penny. One juror began the deliberations by renouncing his affiliation with the Democrat Party. He acknowledged that Trump’s win had made him question all his Democrat beliefs about the roles of myn and womyn. After a brief discussion, all jurors agreed to continue using the traditional words women and men, and voted unanimously to acquit Penny of all charges even though he is white and privileged.

Republicans and Democrats on both sides of the aisle have been working on legislation to expand the president’s authority to pardon people whether they have been convicted or not. President Biden pardoned his son Hunter after admitting his own Department of Justice had become politically weaponized. Over the past eight years Biden has resolutely refuted Donald Trump’s claims that DOJ was politically biased. President Biden acknowledged he had been wrong all that time and only saw the light after a family reunion that included long time friends who were lobbying for unrestricted pardons of actions committed over the past 50 years or so.

As President Biden has prepared to leave the White House he tripped over a tip that prices for scrap iron were forecast to rise exponentially after January. In a gutsy move he ordered the Homeland Security guy to sell all the pieces of the wall on the southern border at a good price. Media groups across the woke spectrum praised him for his unselfish action to make a good deal for American taxpayers.

The New York Times and Washington Post both pledged special editions highlighting all of President Biden’s accomplishments while in the White House including ending the war in Afghanistan and instituting a widely acclaimed immigration program on our southern border.

Daniel L. Gardner is a columnist who lives in Starkville, MS. You may contact him at PJandMe2@gmail.com.