Wednesday, May 17, 2023

Jackson Sewer System: No Money, No Employees, No Nothing

Highlights of post: 

- Henifin takes over sewer system

- Sewer system worse than ten years ago

- Wingate warns parties Henifin works for him

- Wingate shuts down the Suits

- Jackson only has two manned sewer trucks.

Jackson's water manager will soon wear the hat of wastewater manager as well.  U.S. District Judge Henry Wingate decreed at a May 9 hearing that Jackson Water Manager Ted Henifin will assume control of Jackson's sewer system after the Justice Department reported last week that Jackson suffered 256 "sanitary" sewer overflows.

Jackson's wastewater treatment system has been under a federal consent decree since 2013.  U.S. District Judge Tom Lee oversaw the enforcement of the consent decree but transferred the case to Judge Wingate last week. 

Judge Wingate said the two jurists decided the water and sewer cases had much in common and thus should proceed "in unison together."  He asked out loud if  "we need to draft it (the consent decree) and marry it to the water case." 

The judge said the two matters have common interests and thus need common solutions as he justified the merger. Judge Wingate said he took the consent decree case from Judge Lee since the water case was more developed.  No one objected to the consolidation of the two cases.  The Court had to manage some legal finagling as the sewer system is under a federal consent decree while the water system is under a stipulated order.  

Once the housecleaning concluded, Judge Wingate asked for an update on the sewer case.  The Justice Department reported May 8 to the Court there are 256 sanitary sewer overflows and several bypasses of the sewage treatment plant. Justice Department lawyer Carl Fingerhood acknowledged the severity of the problem as he claimed it is "something we've been working on."  

The Court noted it approved the consent decree in 2013. "That was a long time ago, since that time, what goals and metrics have been reached? Is the sewage problem better now or worse?" asked Judge Wingate. The attorney merely said "worse."  Judge Wingate asked "Why is it worse?"  

"I’m not an engineer but I’d say my own view of what I’ve observed is not unlike the drinking water situation, there was a lack of investment, routine maintenance activities, and financial constraints on the city that prevent it from completing with the consent decrees," answered Mr. Fingerhood. 

The judge asked "what is the basis for the statement there were financial constraints?"  The lawyer said Jackson needs hundreds of millions of dollars to comply with the consent decree but the city does not have the ability to raise the rates for the work needed to address the consent decree.  Thus many projects were not "done as anticipated."  


The discussion turned to Mr. Henifin as Judge Wingate called him the "lodestar" in the water case.  Judge Wingate said it was Mr. Henifin who called his attention to the sewage "eruptions" and also suggested consolidating the cases.  Judge Wingate repeatedly referred to the SSO's as "eruptions throughout the hearing.  

As the Court showed him the love, Mr. Henifin took his turn in the hot seat.  The water manager he had no problems taking the case since his background was in wastewater treatment.  Financial planning suggested the consolidation should occur since the revenues are combined in the billing system.  It was harder to split the revenues due to the bond covenants.  

Mr. Henefin said he intendeds to retire all of the water/sewer debt and then direct all of the revenue to his office so he can allocate it accordingly.  He could spend the funds on wastewater treatment since Congress allocated money to the water side.  "Things will move faster than ten years of non-advancement we just experienced" concluded the water receiver. 

City Attorney Tori Martin took the stand as Mr. Henefin retired.  She said "no one would disagree our wastewater system in in trouble. It is arguably worse than it was ten years ago."  Ms. Martin claimed the city complied with the decree for the first two years  but never had the money to fund the $800 million needed to fix the system.  Hence the city "studied away and submitted reports" but such actions did not allow for spending time on repairs for the system.  There is much deferred maintenance and the city lacks the funds to repair the overflows. 

Judge Wingate asked Ms. Martin how long it would take to repair the 256 sewage eruptions.  Ms. Martin replied it would take one to three years to make the necessary repairs.  She proposed starting with the eruptions in the Queens neighborhood but added funding would determine the timing for such a project. 

Her guesstimation did not exactly please the Court as Judge Wingate replied "It is most disconcerting to hear an estimate of one to three years for that dilemma to be addressed and remedied when our tour group saw raw sewage coming out of the ground on Northside Drive, it was very troubling to see raw sewage coming out of the ground, forming a small cesspool close to a senior citizen home.  This estimate of one to three years is most disconcerting and the public will be alarmed to think it will take that long to address a problem so dangerous. "You're saying the city's slow progress is due to the lack of funding?" 

Ms. Martin blamed the lack of funding on the downgrade of the city's bond rating in 2018, shortage of personnel, lower revenue, and 25% of the population lives in poverty. "We can only raise rates so much before citizens can't afford to pay the rates.  We had a rate in crease in December 2021.  Consultants say it will take much more in rate increases our citizens can't afford.  We need funding from other sources," said the city's lawyer.  

Judge Wingate said he was sure Mr. Henifin had "some wonderful ideas" on how to address these problems.  However, the judge was not done quizzing Ms. Martin as he noted the city's bond structure "is not good, is it?"  She replied in the negative.  Judge Wingate asked if the city was in a position to borrow money.  Ms. Martin admitted the city has exceeded its bonding capacity.  The bond rating has a "huge effect" on wether the city can borrow money in times of need.  Judge Wingate asked if the city's bond rating was so low that the city could not find investors willing to lend to the city.  "Am I correct?" asked the judge.  "Yes, your honor," replied Jackson's lawyer.  

The water receiver took the stand yet again.   He said it will take "some time" to repair the SSO's" as he did not have a good estimate on the contracting capaicty.  He said one-three years "is not out of the range.  I don't know if we'll get to the end in the first year."  

Frowning, Judge Wingate asked when neighborhoods suffering from raw sewage eruptions could expect some short term relief.  Mr. Henifin replied: 

I don’t have a good answer for that.  Give me the best you got?  We would proceed immediately with. Some contract support to go to those communities and resolve them as quickly as possible with small repairs.  Frankly the best we can do is run as fast as we can to fix those problems.  There’s also a problem with building backups.  It’s one thing for sewage to bubble, up, it's another thing to bubble up in your house itself, we’re having a number of those , we have to clean the pipes, install back flow preventers, and it is a higher priority than stuff bubbling out of the streets.  We need to solve the problem of  sewage bubbling up in people’s homes.

 Judge Wingate asked what the response time is when a homeowner calls on the hotline.  Mr. Henifin said the standard response time should be two hours.  Unfortunately, Jackson does not have the staff nor ability to meet such standards.  He said the city had no sewer trucks several months ago.  The city owns three vacuum trucks that are more than ten years old.  Unfortunately, the city was unable to use them until recently as they were in the shop first for repair and then for payment of their repair bill.  The receiver said "the city had no ability to pay" at the time.  Ms. Martin said Jackson paid the bill and now has the three trucks as well as a "brand spanking new one."  Unfortunately, there are only two drivers for the trucks so half of the trucks are not in service. 

The trucks answer 10-12 calls per day although Jackson also uses a private contractor for clearing lines.  However, the contract costs $250,000 for forty days of service. 

The Court inquired how the Receiver might address Jackson's sewage problems if he took over the wastewater treatment system.  Mr. Henifin said he would contract out the management of the system as he did the water treatment plants.  "These are urgent matters.  There is not time to staff up, train people, and buy resources.  We need to hire a contractor to do it," said Jackson's savior.  "Meanwhile, until we reach a permanent solution, we run the risk of disease and sickness," said Judge Wingate.  "Correct" replied Mr Henifin. 

Repairs cost money and Jackson needs money, a great deal of it.  Judge Wingate asked the receiver how he would address those needs.  Mr. Henifin said it is crucial he retires the debt.  If the debt is retired, the city can achieve an "A" rating.  The plan would generate $20 million per year.  If a sufficient number of water leaks are fixed, Jackson could close the Fewell plant and save $6-7 million per year.  Ms. Martin said the city had "concerns" about his plan to generated "pay-go" funds.  She claimed there are problems collecting funds and the receiver has not yet implemented a rate increase.  Mr. Fingerhood questioned the receiver's plan as well.  He said Mr. Henifin should consider "using his funding at first to fix leaks instead of paying down debt."

His team is slowly but methodically working towards that goal.  The water treatment plants produced 48 million gallons in March after producing 52 million gallons in January.  Fixing the Colonial leak helped as Judge Wingate called it a "miniature Niagara" that cost the system several million gallons per day. 

Ms. Martin asked Judge Wingate to make Mr. Henifin a party to the lawsuit.  Judge Wingate nipped that idea in the bud as he fired a warning shot at all of the parties concerned.  As ten DC suits watched on zoom. Judge Wingate said Mr. Henifin works for the Court and no one else.  The judge said Mr. Henifin "reports to me all the time and has done a great job."  

Just to make sure the suits and Ms. Martin got the point, Judge Wingate continued: 

 I want to throw a bed of roses at him for the waterfall problem.  This was a problem that had been festering for 7 years.  We were losing i5 million gallons of treated water for seven years.  He came in with a solution and now it is dry out there.  THe waterfall is gone.  That is a tremendous saving to our water system.  When Isaw the water fall I couldnt’ believe it because next to the waterfall was a small lake.  There was a hole they didnl’t know how deep it was.  The hole was deeper than 16 feet.  He reports to me all the time and has done a great job.  now we are awaiting for when the first addition of the monies are provided.

However, government lawyers are government lawyers and Carl Fingerhood was no exception.  Judge Wingate ordered the parties "to get together and hammer out" a proposed order in the next two weeks.  The order should outline Mr. Henifin's role.  "I need whatever you can submit on Henifin's taking over the sewer," said Judge Wingate. 

One never saw a gummint lawyer object so fast as Mr. Fingerhood jumped to his feet and said "It took us three months to negotiate the water agreement, which was a record."  He pointed out there are "other decision makers that would be involved in approving a final agreement."  

Judge Wingate was having none of it as he did justice to the President who appointed him.  The jurist put the Justice Department lawyer and his fellow suits in their place: 

What concerns me is every day we do nothing,m sewage is bubbling up, every day that goes by, we run the risk of escalating our problems.  Pointed out there could be health concerns if nothing done.  To say we are going to allow this matter to fester for months we are not being as forth right as we could be.  Y’all are experienced at this point.  You broke a record in the water case, but you did it.  I don’t see why it would be so difficult to craft some measure so we can get moving on some of these matters and get some relief, especially in these sewage matters.  What is the citizenry to do when we have all these sewage matters cropping up? I’m quite concerned about moving this things as forward as fast as we can do.

The suit heeded the warning and told Judge Wingate he would do what was necessary to reach an agreement.  However, Judge Wingate was not done admonishing the suits: 

I don't want to be bogged down with a regular administrative logjam.  I didn't know the sewage problem was so dire until the tour.  I didn't know the problems were so intertwined.  
He said if needed, he would "haul" the parties into his courtroom and "hammer out" an order "paragraph by paragraph."  He mentioned "paragraph by paragraph" several times.  He said if needed, they would meet on a Sunday afternoon at 2 PM after they had time to go to church just to get the job done.  No one objected while the suits on Zoom did their best impressions of a pet rock.  

Ms. Martin said she had already prepared a draft that "followed along with the stipulated order on drinking water" and presented it to all parties.  She said it could be finished up in the next two weeks.

Kingfish note: The only media was present for the full hearing was yours truly and WLBT. An AP reporter entered the hearing after it started.


Anonymous said...

Literal shitshow

Anonymous said...

"Mr. Fingerhood jumped to his feet and said "It took us three months to negotiate the water agreement, which was a record." He pointed out there are "other decision makers that would be involved in approving a final agreement.""

Obviously he's referring to the Lumumba administration. The person who really needs to be made a party to this action is Chockwe Antar Lumumba.

Anonymous said...

I love the judge getting on all of their asses about dragging around.

After the threat of a 2 PM Sunday afternoon "paragraph by paragraph" solution, my money is on completion by the 2 week deadline.

See how fast action can happen when the right people get involved and tell the wrong ones to FO?

Anonymous said...

How many fatbergs have accumulated in the mains due to 'deferred maintenance'?

Fixin to find out!

Anonymous said...

"Repairs cost money and Jackson needs money, a great deal of it."

And, yet the Mayor is doing everything he can to run out residents and businesses when he should be doing everything he can to attract them.

Anonymous said...

Judge Wingate does not suffer these fools.

Anonymous said...

"The city lacks the ability to pay...."

If day that sums up the entire shitshow we know as Jackson.

Anonymous said...

If you want to understand the source of Jackson’s problems then you need to visit the Mississippi Civil Rights Museum and educate yourself on how absolutely evil your ancestors were and how hard they worked to disenfranchise and destroy the African American family unit and community.
You can’t cookout blame a single political party because y’all Dixiecrats didn’t change your attitudes when you rebranded Republicans and took over Mississippi government.
This blog is a Republican mouthpiece and the posts and comments are filled with thinly veiled racism.
The blogger has yet to even acknowledge African American History month or even write a blog post about the Civil Rights Museum.

Anonymous said...

Please dont feed the troll at 12:54 guys.
Just walk away from the lunacy.

Anonymous said...

Like most government boondoggles, Jackson's problems are all aggravated by people who get paid more the longer it takes. Too many in the problem business and not enough in the problem-solving business. By now those people held hostage in this dying city can afford no more.

Anonymous said...

And the chickens have come home to roost! Awarding minority contractors “based on race or gender” have brought us to this point!
Instead of who can do the work…. Black , White, Mexican.. doesn’t matter as long as the “minority “ gets to skim off the top…that’s equitable…the new gold standard… the completion of work or the project really doesn’t matter

Anonymous said...

Jackistan "The Shining Sh_t on the Hill "

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Kingfish and WLBT. The other media outlets around town should be ashamed.

Anonymous said...

People this is what the left wants. The radicals have no power if the sewer and water systems work. This is how they control people. It's by design. It works the same way with crime. The political class have water and sewer, the regular folk don't and are powerless to do anything about it. So they just sit around and take the crumbs the administration drops for them. They can't move away because they don't make any money because there are no jobs. It's great for the radicals to have 25% in poverty. More control. Truth be told they don't want the water system fixed.

Anonymous said...


Thanks for thinking the Union Army in the Civil War didn’t exist, and thanks for thinking all white people have a family tree that includes Bull Conner and Jefferson Davis.

Anonymous said...

LMAO Ms. Martin trying to torpedo Henefin by requesting him to be added to the lawsuit.

Anonymous said...

12:54 missed the whole thing where people in Jackson didn’t have to worry about consequences for not paying their water bill, and as a result the city had no money for water maintenance.

Anonymous said...

@12:42 The city does need money. But it's okay to run the businesses off. Because Lumumba isn't going to use CITY OF JACKSON money. He's going to use state and federal money. He's getting a big fat bailout of the city's incompetence. And the city won't be paying for it.

Anonymous said...

As the City Attorney stated, Jackson is a town full of residents suffering in poverty, yet the City has all of the positions it cannot fill?

Anonymous said...

May 17, 2023 at 1:23 PM
COJ may be getting a bailout but Lumumba, Socrates and all the other scam artists won't be getting the money. If the bailouts are run like the Water and Sewer debacle.

Anonymous said...

The guru needs to understand that if he pays off all the debt the system will never get fixed with $20M per year “pay as you go”. Also besides SSOs, his top priority should be fixing the billing system!!!

Anonymous said...

12:54 The quiet bigotry of low expectations.

Anonymous said...

Raises several questions, but first ---- why is the city's attorney the one that is attempting to answer questions about sewer infrastructure problems? Why is the city attorney suggesting which neighborhood should be first addressed (which Wingate was having none of, bless his soul)? Does she or her friends live in the Queens? What does she know about how long it will take to fix the sewer problems?

And why does she focus only on borrowing money for sewer through bonds, where the city's shitty credit rating is a problem? The city has had the ability to borrow money from the SRF administered by DEQ despite their bond rating, and at low interest and good terms. But - they want grants, not loans, and have not availed themselves of plenty of money sitting there for the asking.

True, their not applying for the SRF money provides the Biden administration's new formed equity division of the EPA to file suit against Mississippi claiming that they discriminate against Jackson (while making loans to Tutwiler, Winstonville, Mound Bayou, or whoever does actually apply).

And neither Martin, Henifin, or the suits mention WHY the city has not had funds to fix either the water or the sewer issues --- the city's idiotic, political stunt of instituting a moritorium on water cutoffs for not paying one's bill, creating a giant sinkhole that sucked up the water/sewer reserve fund. With the income to the system being cut by more than 50%, they couldn't pay staff, buy chemicals, repair equipment, much less address the consent decree requirements.

But no mention of this --- because it would show that Lumumba again created his own emergency. Hell, that seems to be the only thing this Mayor is good at doing, causing an emergency so that somebody else will have to fix the problem.

Anonymous said...

You can’t fix Stupid!

Anonymous said...

May 17, 2023 at 1:39 PM
Is it really bigotry when I don't expect anything good to happen in COJ and my expectations are met?

hiltopa said...

Strong economies are built on a strong environment, and until Jackson's sewer is fixed, the metro will have neither.

Anonymous said...

Put Antar on one of the "spare" trucks. He's infinitely qualified to run it, as he is obviously full of s×^t.

Anonymous said...

The "race flag" in 3, 2, 1...or wait, it was already displayed above. So predictable.

Anonymous said...

Simple solution, RAISE PROPERTY TAXES AND WATER PRICES. Also, why not add a 1 per cent sales tax. You people in Jackson voted in these politicians, now you should be the ones paying for the results. I am not at all sympathetic.

Anonymous said...

so, with the new CID law enforcement, this action the only thing left actually being managed by this clown of a mayor that of garbage collection? what other service is truly provided. sounds like the city should be forced into bankruptcy. Not joking....seriously. All major services effectively taken over by state or feds.

Anonymous said...

can we just address the sewage running into the Pearl, first!!!!!!

Anonymous said...



Anonymous said...

“ Strong economies are built on a strong environment, and until Jackson's sewer is fixed, the metro will have neither.
May 17, 2023 at 1:51 PM”

LOL! The non-Jackson areas in the metro are doing just fine

Anonymous said...

@2:11 doesn't the COJ already have a percentage sales tax for infrastructure? Where is that money? Damn sure not in infrastructure. Roads, water, sewer...all infrastructure

Anonymous said...

The stench of sewer is rank on State Street, as it runs down the curbs and into the storm drains near Millsap's College. I saw it on both sides of the street recently. Fix that first.

Meanwhile, those who don't pay water/sewer bills should dig latrines/outhouses in backyards.

Jackson can sell off many real estate assets to parties who pay taxes.

Anonymous said...

Attn 3:15 Who in their right mind would but property in Jackson soaked by sewage with no running water?

Anonymous said...

And nary a shred of competence.

Anonymous said...

Did 2:11 say implement another 1cent sales tax? What sales?

Anonymous said...

Not to worry. I saw notice of another town hall meeting (dinner provided). When town hall meetings take place, things happen!

Anonymous said...

Does anybody wonder why Belhaven college and Millsaps colleges are struggling for students?

Anonymous said...

@2:11 - property taxes are already at the maximum allowed, and in a few areas of Jackson, above that maximum.

Water rates and garbage rates have been raised, garbage almost doubled, and water/sewer higher than any surrounding area.

And, in case you missed it, they have already added 1% to the sales tax (along with 2% to fund the wonderful, basically vacant, civic center.)

Got any other good ideas - like maybe making customers pay their water/sewer bill rather than letting it slide as 1:42 pointed out (but ignored by those in the courtroom as being the problem here).

Anonymous said...

You better believe the lawyers working for the city are getting paid, and on time. I am also pretty sure the mayor and council people are getting paid on a timely basis.

Unknown said...

If I might be allowed to make a suggestion, perhaps were the City of Jackson to declare war on the Russian Federation, Jacksonians could anticipate Congress and the Biden administration to quickly approve a massive inflow of discretionary revenue, after which prosperity would ensue.

Anonymous said...

I'm surprised the libs have finally changed the word
"dialogue"into the word conversation.

Anonymous said...

Why does the Sierra club not sue?

Anonymous said...

Jackson, where they can’t even get shit right.

Anonymous said...

“Why does the Sierra club not sue?
May 17, 2023 at 5:04 PM”

Why doesn’t a democrat progressive supporting organization not sue a democrat progressive run city? I dunno. Beats me

Anonymous said...

5:12 I think the old saying is "they can't get their shit together".

Anonymous said...

May 17, 2023 at 1:51 PM
Personally I expect when the water/sewer issues get fixed the pothole problem will lessen. At least in that new ones should not appear. I suspect a lot of the potholes are due to ground eroding away under due to leaks in the sewer/water system.

Anonymous said...

@142: because the boo boo has been bubbling up through the cracks for far longer in Queens than in your neighborhood.

Anonymous said...

Is there a screenshot of the "Suits" on Zoom?

Anonymous said...

As long as Heflin remains the HMFIC, there is hope.

Anonymous said...

For two years I have advocated that the City bill property owners, not renters, for water and sewer. Then landlords can add it to the rent. Please expand on why this won't be better than free unpaid accounts. Let the cost of living be real and centralized into the rent, rather than a marxist handout that cripples the whole city.

Anonymous said...

Historical racism is a big factor in Jackson’s problems. But current incompetence is a larger factor. Historical racism existed when Harvey Johnson was mayor. But the administration was more competent and things ran better. The police department was less understaffed.

Anonymous said...

Historical racism is a huge part of Jackson's current problems. A lot of folks are just pointing fingers at the wrong set of racists.

Anonymous said...

This is ALL THE PROOF one needs. ALL. THE. PROOF. When a federal judge personally tours the city and sees raw sewage bubbling up from streets, that is NOT FAKE NEWS. It is NOT A LIE. It is NOT EMBELLISHMENT. It is NOT RACISM.

I don’t know if the total collapse of the city’s water and sewer systems was a result of Antar’s incompetence, his indifference, his intention, or all three. Did he inherit the problems of deteriorating infrastructure? Of course. Has he stemmed the bleeding? Turned things around? Taken a single step in the right direction? NO. NO. NO. NADA. ZILCH. ZERO.

Antar and Tori Martin will do the only two things they know how to do, the only two things they have ever done: 1. MAKE EXCUSE AFTER EXCUSE AFTER EXCUSE. 2. BLAME every last white person who ever lived in Jackson for the past 202 years and keep blaming the remaining whites who make up a whopping 14% of the city’s population.

This has all come down to something very simple. EXTREMELY SIMPLE. You either acknowledge the fact that Antar Lumumba has presided over the total ruination of a city or you have faith in his lies. If you choose the latter, understand that you do so AT YOUR PERIL. He will not change. Living conditions in the city will only get worse.

Anonymous said...

The first order of business should be for judge to make Henifin fix the billing/collection system for W/S. COJ should be collecting 7mil per month and it is collecting 3mil per month. 48mil per year sure would help the cause. I do not understand why no one seems to think this should be a top priority.

Anonymous said...

12:54 - The heroes who fought so hard and are celebrated in the civil rights museum would be ashamed if they knew how badly Jackson's leaders would squander and piss away all of their efforts

Anonymous said...

Excellent reporting.

Glad the Judge saw things first hand. Glad he spoke up and said, no, its going to be done now and we'll work through the weekend, going paragraph by paragraph. Honestly, that's what i would prefer anyway. Would ensure its done quickly and correctly the 1st time.

Someone mentioned billing. If memory serves, I believe a third party and billing software are in the works. Hopefully Judge will follow up on that and all the accounts that don't pay their bills (afterall, Judge brought it up very clearly in past hearing).

Glad Judge make it abundantly clear that water Czar reports to him, period.

Godspeed on getting sewer out of houses and off streets.

Anonymous said...

May 18, 2023 at 7:36 AM - He will not change, nor will the citizens of Jackson, who have the ability to vote-in another smooth talking, snake oil peddling politician if/when the current mayor ever vacates the office. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Anonymous said...

Hey 12:54- How come these water & sewage problems still exist anyways??? I thought Jackson would be a Utopia after the State Flag was Legislated away...

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Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

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