Wednesday, January 25, 2023

Robert St. John: It's a Tough Job but Somebody's Got to Chew It

“A party without cake is just a meeting” –Julia Child

 

It started as a whim. It ended as a quest. A quest that probably added five percent to my total body mass index, an inch to my waistline, and almost put me in a diabetic coma. But it’s what I do. I eat for a living. When it comes to king cake, I took one for the home team.

 

We are a few weeks away from opening a bakery in Hattiesburg. It’s a project I’ve been working on for six years. It typically doesn’t take six years to develop a new concept, but I spent five and a half of those years begging pastry chef, and James Beard Award winner, Martha Foose, and her baker husband, Donald Bender, to move from the Delta down to my hometown of Hattiesburg to head up what will soon be known as Loblolly Bakery. 

Foose and Bender have finally pulled up longstanding roots in the Mississippi Delta and are now firmly ensconced in the Pine Belt of South Mississippi and ready to start baking. They’ve traded the rich Delta soil for the taproot of Loblolly Pine.

 

We have been developing menus, laying out kitchen equipment, and battling with city planners, which has pushed us back from our December 2022 target opening date. We hoped to be neck deep in king cake sales at this point of the game, but fate pushed our target date a little farther down the road. 

 

Nevertheless, Foose and Bender are baking trial-run king cakes and when we feel we’re ready we’ll start selling them out of our Creole concept Crescent City Grill. In the meantime, I wanted to grab a few king cakes in New Orleans to bring back as examples and to jump start the creative process. Seriously, that’s how it started. A simple task. I was just going to grab a couple of king cakes. But, as my wife often accuses, I overdid it, took it too far, chose excess over austerity and 32 king cakes later, I sit here writing this column with a sugar hangover of the first order.

 

I’m not sure when it switched from grabbing a couple king cakes, to sampling a several king cakes, to all-out competition of who makes the best king cake in New Orleans, but it did. It probably had something to do with the popularity of the much-lauded New Orleans East mainstay Dong Phoung Bakery, the feverish love and adoration poured out for their king cakes— and the frustration that came from trying to get my hands on one of them— that led me to buy as many king cakes as I could in one day to see if the Dong Phoung product lived up to the hype. Though there’s a slight chance that the entire exercise morphed into a mission to prove the masses wrong.





A few weeks ago I called the Dong Phoung Bakery to place an order for a couple of king cakes but was told they were sold out for the season. Not for the day, or the week, or even the month, but they had sold out every king cake they had made and were going to make this year in advance, before Twelfth Night! I am told that Goldbelly had them marked as sold out as early as October. That hardened my resolve. While talking to Justin Ferguson, our executive chef at Enzo in Ridgeland, he told me that Dong Phoung delivers to a handful of small stores in the area, and that the Adams Street Grocery was one of them.

 

I called Adams Street and was told that they get a Dong Phoung delivery five days a week. But that the cakes go quickly so I should get there early. I drove down from Hattiesburg last week and didn’t get there early enough.

 

This past weekend I decided to sample 30 king cakes to find the best king cake in New Orleans. My job was made easier by a place called the King Cake Hub. It’s a brilliant idea in its fourth year. King Cake Hub is a seasonal pop-up set up in a craft beer brewery that sells over two dozen varieties of king cakes by 15 local bakeries who deliver to that location every morning. It’s like a roadside fireworks stand for king cake. 

 

I arrived at the King Cake Hub 30 minutes early and was third in line. By the time they opened the line stretched down the sidewalk past the beer garden. I had a list already prepared and asked a nice lady named Rachel to help me knock the list of 20 cakes, which we did in a matter of minutes. She also gave some “You want this one instead of that” advice along the way. After loading the backseat of my truck with the initial load I headed to Adams Street Grocery to wait in line for the elusive great white whale of king cakes— the Dong Phoung.

 

I passed Laurel Street Bakery on the way and popped in for one of their cakes.

 

I arrived at the tiny Adams Street Grocery 30 minutes before opening and was fourth in line. There is a certain comradery that develops between people standing in line in a light drizzle waiting for king cakes. It’s akin to being at a sperm bank— everyone is a little embarred about why they are there and what’s about to happen, but after all everyone is there for the same reason. There is also a nervous energy that is almost palpable the farther one is back in the line as the farther back one is, the less chance he or she will have to score the ultimate Mardi Gras score, a Dong Phong king cake.

 

There were more than 20 in line when the door opened and it was almost like the Soup Nazi episode of Seinfeld as we all proceeded, in a straight line— and with great reverence and caution— to the register. They had four varieties of Dong Phoung king cake behind the counter but were only allowing two per customer. The owner was gracious, and nothing like the Seinfeld character. I tried to pull the I-drove-all-of-the-way-from-Hattiesburg plea to see if I could get more than two, but my appeal fell flat and I didn’t want to upset the cream-cheese filled apple cart, so I paid my tab and considered myself fortunate to have scored two of the most sought-after, holy grail, toppermost of the poppermost king cakes to be found. But how could they ever live up to the prebilling?

 

I stopped by a few other bakeries in town and even drove over to the West Bank where I met Hope Liberto, a wonderful lady who owns Bae’s Bakery in Gretna and stopped by Antoine’s Bakery for one of their much-lauded king cakes. My truck smelled like a candy factory all the way home to Hattiesburg. 

 

Which of the 32 king cakes would win the day? The list of king cakes, the results of the tasting, and the video accounts of the process can all be found on my social media accounts and at robertstjohn.com.

 

It's a tough job, but somebody’s got to chew it.

 

Onward.


 KING CAKE BREAD PUDDING

 

2 cups             milk

2 cups             heavy whipping cream

3/4 cup           sugar, divided

4                     egg yolks

8                     eggs

2 tsp               vanilla

1/8 tsp             salt

1 tsp               cinnamon

 

1                    8-10” round cream cheese filled King Cake

 

 

Place the milk, cream and half of the sugar in a small sauce pot and place over medium heat. Bring this mixture to a simmer, stirring occasionally to prevent the sugar from burning. While the milk mixture is heating, place the remaining sugar, egg yolks, whole eggs, vanilla and salt into a stainless-steel mixing bowl. Using a wire whisk, beat the egg mixture until it become light yellow in color. Slowly begin adding the hot milk to the beaten eggs, whisking constantly to prevent the eggs from cooking. 

Cut the King Cake into two-inch thick slices.

Pour half of the custard into a two-quart round Pyrex baking dish (nine-inch diameter).

Submerge the King cake slices into the custard. Pour the remaining custard over the top and cover the baking dish. Cover and refrigerate over night.

 

Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

 

Remove the covering from the refrigerated bread pudding and gently press down the King Cake so that the custard completely covers the surface. Cover the bread pudding with a piece of parchment paper, and then cover the paper with a piece of aluminum foil.

In a roasting pan large enough to hold the Pyrex dish, place two inches of hot water. Place the Pyrex dish in the water and bake for 40 minutes. Remove the foil and parchment paper and bake for 10 additional minutes.

 

Remove from the oven and allow the pudding to rest for one hour before serving.

Serve with Brandy Crème Anglaise

 

Yields 8-10 servings

 


Brandy Crème Anglaise

 

 1cup cream

1/2 cup half and half

1/4 cup brandy

3/4 cup sugar, divided

4 egg yolks

1 tsp vanilla extract

 

In a stainless steel pot bring the cream, half and half, brandy, half of the sugar and to vanilla a simmer. While it is heating, combine the yolks and remaining sugar in a mixing bowl and whip until pale yellow in color.

 

Slowly begin adding the cream mixture into to yolks, stirring constantly until all the milk has cream mixture has been added. Pour the mixture back into the sauce pot and cook over a low-medium flame stirring constantly. Cook until the mixture becomes thick enough to coat a spoon or spatula.

 

Remove from the heat and cool down in an ice bath.

This sauce may be made two-three days in advance.

 

Yields : 8-10 servings

 


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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


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Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

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