Wednesday, June 4, 2025

Robert St. John: This Post Wasn't Supposed to be About Milkshakes

 Ice cream didn’t play a big role in my childhood. Never cared much for cream or shakes. Candy was more my thing—sour apple Jolly Ranchers and Milky Way bars, mostly. But when it came to frozen treats, it was always pineapple sherbet. My babysitter used to take me to the little shop by the park every Friday before I started school. She’d get her treat, I’d get mine—pineapple sherbet in a cone. That was about the extent of my frozen dairy interest.

That stayed true all the way up until about nine years ago when Ed’s Burger Joint was just a few hours from opening, and it hit me—I forgot about milkshakes. Of all things. The burgers were dialed in. The buns were locked. The vibe was right. But I hadn’t touched the shake menu.

My only experience making milkshakes was back when I was waiting tables in college. We had to make our own in the service station, and every server hated when someone ordered one. It slowed everything down and cut into table turns. I didn’t mind it much, but I always felt someone more qualified should’ve been behind the shake machine.

So, there I was, minutes from opening, standing in a grocery store aisle grabbing boxes of Cap’n Crunch and Peanut Butter Crunch. Cinnamon Toast Crunch, too. I picked up some donuts from the local shop down the street, a couple jars of peanut butter, a bundle of bananas, and some malt powder for good measure. I got back, rolled up my sleeves, and two hours later, the Ed’s Burger Joint milkshake menu was born.

We started with a handful of flavors that felt right for a burger joint. A couple of cereal-inspired ones—Cap’n Crunch, Peanut Butter Crunch, and Cinnamon Toast Crunch—made the cut early. There was one with banana and peanut butter we called the Elvis ’77 (fat Elvis is my favorite Elvis). We did a Shipley’s Donut shake because we had the donuts and figured why not. Oreo and Butterfinger were no-brainers. Banana pudding felt like it belonged. And we kept a few basics in there, too—strawberry, chocolate malt, and plain vanilla for the folks who didn’t want all the bells and whistles.

Of everything I’ve ever developed for a menu in my career, nothing—except white chocolate bread pudding—has outperformed the milkshakes at Ed’s when you factor in time spent versus popularity. It was an afterthought. Just something I knew we had to have. A burger joint without milkshakes doesn’t feel like a burger joint.


 

And Ed’s is a burger joint. Nothing gourmet about it. When I opened my first restaurant in 1987, it was a fine dining concept. That label stuck with me longer than I wanted it to. Every new project I took on came with assumed whispers—“St. John’s opening another fine dining spot.” Crescent City Grill opened in 1990 and folks said it was a fine dining Creole place. It wasn’t. Still isn’t. It’s a casual restaurant. Always has been. Same thing happened in 2011 with Tabella. “Fine dining Italian,” they said. Wrong again. Casual. Comfortable. Just good food and good service.

When we opened The Midtowner, it was, “He’s doing an upscale brunch spot.” Nope. It’s a neighborhood breakfast-and-lunch cafe. A meat-and-three for lunch, plain and simple.

All that to say, with every new concept I’ve opened, folks try to slap a fine-dining label on it. So, when it came time to name this one, I went the other way entirely.

That’s why I named it Ed’s.

It’s a great name, a blue-collar name, a dependable guy, reliable guy name. Everyone likes Ed. A guy named Ed wouldn’t open a fancy gourmet burger place. He would open a joint. It’s perfect. Plus, it only has three letters and an apostrophe on a sign.

The shakes, though—they became the thing. The crazier the combo, the more popular it was. I personally prefer a chocolate malt. That’s just one step above a regular chocolate shake. Nothing wild. But customers wanted wild, and so we delivered.

We leaned into it. We came up with the Chocolate Motherlode—vanilla ice cream, Hershey’s syrup, malt, whipped cream, Oreo dust, and a Hershey bar stuck on top. The whole thing’s served in a cup with Whoppers held on by a ring of fudge. The Candy Shoppe went full tilt with a strawberry shake, topped with whipped cream, Nerds, Pixie Stix, a rainbow lollipop, an Airhead Extreme, cotton candy, and more Nerds for good measure. Sprinkles cover the cup, stuck on with vanilla icing. The Bake Sale was all about cookie dough ice cream, finished off with whipped cream, chocolate syrup, a chocolate chip cookie, and a Rice Krispie treat. And the Dirt Cake shake? That one’s an Oreo shake with whipped cream, chocolate syrup, Oreo dust, two whole Oreos, and a handful of gummy worms for the win. Kids go nuts for it. So do more adults than you'd think. They flew out the door.


 

It’s less of a milkshake menu and more like we let a group of unsupervised third graders go wild in a gas station.

This past weekend, Southern Miss hosted a regional for the NCAA baseball tournament. Earlier in the day I was entertaining guests at the lake when my phone started lighting up. Text after text about ESPN announcers raving over Ed’s milkshakes.

I switched over to the game and sure enough, they were talking up the Cap’n Crunch and Cinnamon Toast Crunch milkshakes like they were broadcasting from the middle of our kitchen.

It was ten minutes to close, but I called the restaurant to see if anyone could deliver a batch to the stadium. Fifteen minutes later, eight shakes showed up at the broadcast booth, and the commentary crew kept the shake love going all night.

We’ve had media attention over the years, but never during a live sporting event. Didn’t hurt that the game was a blowout, and they needed something to fill the time. Still, it was a proud moment.

Every now and then, I’ll slip into Ed’s and order a chocolate malt—strictly for quality control, of course. I sit in the booth like a regular citizen, nod to the counter, and say, “No circus this time. Just the basics.” No fireworks, no frosting on the rim, no Sour Patch kids clinging to the side. Just chocolate, malt, and a quiet moment of personal reflection.

Truth is, I’m probably overcompensating for a childhood that somehow skipped the milkshake phase entirely. While the other kids were diving face-first into banana splits, I was out there with a scoop of pineapple sherbet like I’d been raised in a retirement community. Not one slurp of a shake until way too late in life. It’s like my sweet tooth got stuck in customs and didn’t make it through adolescence.

So here I am, making up for lost time one chocolate malt at a time. A slow, steady climb toward dessert normalcy. Call it shake reconciliation. Call it frozen penance. Or maybe just a man in his fifties finally learning to live a little—with whipped cream on the side, if necessary.

What I’ve learned is that milkshakes don’t care about age. Kids love the ones piled high with candy because they look cool on Instagram. Grown-ups love them because they remind them of being a kid. That little ice cream shop near the park comes back into focus, and for a moment, it’s like Friday afternoon again, and nothing else matters but the sherbet in your cone.

Onward.


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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


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Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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