Friday, December 22, 2023

How to be Krusty Krab

or how to make his Krabby Patties

Mr. Krabs had a good deal going as the owner/manager of the Krusty Krab Restaurant in (on?) Bikini Bottom. He only had two fulltime employees to worry about - SpongeBob SquarePants who cooked and Squidward Tentacles, who was the cashier. What was maybe better than that; he possessed the Top-Secret recipe for Krabby Patties.

By now you may have realized SpongeBob SquarePants and ZeroBear PolyBear have an important commonality. They both have four capital letters in their names. For those (two) of you who care, ZeroBear is actually 44 years old, and SpongeBob came along in 1999, when ZeroBear was already 20 years old. The Bear's birthday is December 24th, which is also the day Mumzie and Da adopted him. Should you wish to give him a birthday present, he accepts bitcoin, silver bars, gold bullion, Bearer Bonds, and loose pocket change. Send his gifts (Postage Paid Please) to Frank the Bartender at Dirty Joe's Bar and Barbershop in Port Whatever, Caymen Islands.

What does this have to do with this week's recipe post? Nearly Nothing.

This week, we will do ZeroBear PolyBear's Famous Crab Cakes with spicy Comeback Sauce.

To make 8 of them you will need:

1 Pound Crab with shells picked 
2 Tablespoons Red Bell Pepper, small dice
2 Tablespoons Yellow Bell Pepper, small dice
1/4 cup Shallot small dice
2 teaspoons Creole Mustard
1/2 cup Saltine Crackers, crushed
1/2 cup Mayonnaise
1 Egg
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1/8 teaspoon Black Pepper
1/2 teaspoon Slap Ya Momma
1/2 teaspoon LA Gold Hot Sauce
1 teaspoon Worcestershire Sauce
1 teaspoon Parsley

Vegetable Oil for frying

We will eat these guys with spicy comeback sauce (the recipe follows the crab cake recipe)

Directions for making the crab cakes:

Crush the crackers and set aside.

Pick crab meat to make certain any shell pieces are removed. We all know lump crab is very expensive and not always easy to find around here. I feel obligated to tell you the better the crab meat used to make your crab cakes, the better they will be, so go ahead and second mortgage the house and buy good crab meat if you want to make this dish.

Add the shredded and picked crab to a mixing bowl.

Add all the wet ingredients and seasoning to a separate bowl and mix well. 

Then add all of the ingredients (dry and wet) and mix lightly (turning gently)

Form the mixed crab blend into cakes. I use metal rings and press them to compact the patty, then transfer the ring to the pan I will use to cook them and push the patty out of the ring,

The recipe makes eight patties. I cooked four of them for one meal (two servings of two patties per serving). I froze the other 4 patties for a second meal. The patties freeze well, if tightly wrapped in plastic wrap.

Fry in canola oil over medium high heat. Turn once, when the first side has a crust and has browned.

Drain on paper towels. and serve with spicy comeback sauce. 

Spicy Comeback Sauce


1/2 cup Chili Sauce
6 Tablespoons Mayonnaise
2 teaspoons Creole Mustard
2 teaspoons Garlic Salt
1 teaspoon Lemon juice
1 teaspoon Slap Ya Momma
1 Tablespoon unrinsed Capers
1 Tablespoon Worcestershire Sauce
1 teaspoon LA Gold Hot sauce (or more to taste)

Mix all ingredients in a small bowl. Stir well, taste and adjust as desired. Chill if you have time.

We enjoyed our crab cakes served (first time) with a Ceaser Salad.

A few days later, we cooked the frozen cakes and had them with baked potatoes, topped with butter and chives.

Thanks for looking at my recipe post.

Wishing Happy Holidays from our family to you.

And God Bless you.


Anonymous said...

I'm used to any and every kind of pattie (except hamburger) falling apart either when I try to place it in the pan/grease of when I try to turn it.

With only one egg, I can't see me making it through the turning process.

Anonymous said...

Happy early birthday!!! Thanks for the recipes. I have enjoyed them.
Merry Christmas and God Bless.

Honk for the Mayor! said...

Yum! Enjoying your posts! Merry Christmas!

Anonymous said...

Who sells Louisiana Gold locally in Jackson?

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your recipes this year. My wife and I have tried quite a few and have enjoyed all.

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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).

Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.

In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS