Tuesday, September 24, 2019

You Can't Make This Up

Only in Jackson.  Only.



23 comments:

Anonymous said...

At least they were chasing these criminals. Maybe a change in policing is changing at JPD. Lets hope.

Change the Flag and Fill the Potholes said...

Well at least they saved JPD an unnecessary high-speed chase through traffic...

Anonymous said...

Two people unable to get to work or transport their family today.
Two cars destroyed. Two insurance companies out claims. Damage to
Public property. Likely injuries treated on your dime. Several expensive legal proceedings
with public defenders on our dime. Yet another success killing blight on the safety of businesses and neighborhoods
From which the vehicles were stolen. Medical care, food and board for the criminals. The economic cost of these and 1000’s of other
Incidents is staggering.

Anonymous said...

What are the odds? Thanks Jackson for reinforcing the reason I moved to another state!

Anonymous said...

Oh come on dont be hate'n. They were late for their conflict resolution meeting.

Anonymous said...

Does anyone REALLY see a way out of this constant decline? I actually consider myself to be an optimist, but I simply can't see a genuine solution to what has become a steady stream of increased lawlessness in the City of Jackson. Are we past the point of no return?

Anonymous said...

Wish we could put 11:03's post on some of the billboards around town.

Anonymous said...

10:09, they were not chasing the thugs. The thugs are getting so thick in Jackson that they are running into each other. If they would have not run into each other they would still be driving the stolen cars around Jackson.

A Jackson cop told me that after 10PM at least 1 out of every 10 cars on the streets in Jackson is a stolen car.

Anonymous said...

11:48, Jackson school district just went from a "F" to a "D".....which means very few Jackson residents could read the message or comprehend it.

Stuff About ZeroBear PolyBear said...

They should shoot (figuratively, not literally) for a chain collusion involving 10 stolen cars on the interstate. Could apply for a Guinness World record if they did that. Might be a Natty Light world record I JaxTown.

Anonymous said...

This perception of crime has been keeping all the journalist busy. Can y'all just stick to reporting on people who contribute to society?

Anonymous said...

12:39 that there is pretty funny.

Anonymous said...

Jackson is basically Grand Theft Auto Online now.

You're more likely to have your car theft foiled by smashing into some random player who's also stealing a car than actually getting caught by the cops.

Anonymous said...

To be fair, no one has ever accused Jackson of embodying a "perception of success". This is about as good as it gets.

Cynical Sam said...

They will get the standard "Jacktown blessing" and will be out stealing cars and slinging dope before you can say "perception of crime."

Anonymous said...

@ 11:41 - I'm neither an optimist nor a pessimist, rather I'm a realist. And I see no way out of Jackson's ever-constant decline, and the sad part is that it hasn't hit rock bottom yet. There are workable solutions, but none of the so-called city leaders really want to talk about those. They'd rather continue on with the status quo so that they can maintain their black leadership. Whatever.......

Anonymous said...

Will any of the "occupants" get their check from Schwarts & Associates?

Anonymous said...

11:13 - Did you say "What are the odds?" Are you kidding? I'd say the odds are real good. No, I'd say they excellent. When decent people drive through Jackson, if they really knew the criminals, thugz and thieves were on either side of them, in front and in rear of them they would never enter the city limits again.

Bill Dees said...

Per WLBT, this is on the dumb ass rednecks who leave the keys in their unlocked cars. Come on guys, make it easier on the thieves: Put a neon sign on your back window that says “Steal me!”.

Anonymous said...

In the US, a vehicle is stolen every 26 seconds. It's not just Jackson.
There are more vehicles in cities so more vehicles are stolen in cities.

By the way, in every single year Chevy pick ups are the most frequently stolen vehicle in Mississippi. And, the person who commented that "keys left in the car" is sadly just accurate.

Do none of you know how to find " search" on your computers? Or is that you can't figure out how to properly phrase the question to get accurate information or select the best choice for finding the information?

Anonymous said...

If y’all dont know by now. It doesn’t matter how many different mayors and police chiefs they get, JPD will never enforce the law and Jackson will never be anything more than a THUG Nation.

Anonymous said...

Dees, wrong.

Doubt where these were stolen, they were owned by "rednecks". This would make you out to be racist for your comment.

Anonymous said...

Per Dees: Are you saying WLBT identifies 'dumb ass rednecks' but will not state the (black) race of an accused, a sought after suspect, or one who is convicted? Make yourself clear please.

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Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


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Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

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