Monday, July 1, 2013

FBI welcomes new chief

The FBI issued the following press release congratulating Lindsey Horton on becoming the new chief of JPD:

On behalf of the FBI, I would like to congratulate Lindsey Horton on being named Jackson's new Chief of Police. He is an outstanding police officer and servant of the people, as evidenced by his long and distinguished career as a police officer, as well as his nomination to and graduation from the 214th Session of the FBI's National Academy (September 2003). We look forward to working with Mayor Lumumba and Chief Horton as they lead and serve the residents of the City of Jackson.

Posted by Kingfish at 4:37 PM

10 comments:

meople said...

I would have thought that the NSA would have been the first to break this story...

July 1, 2013 at 4:49 PM
Stacked Karen said...


Meanwhile the Congressional Quarterly recognizes the Donkeycrat Shangri-La Jackustan as the 8th worse crime hell-hole out of 244 American cities with populations between 100,000 and 499,000.

July 1, 2013 at 5:53 PM
Tom Dooley's Hangin' Head said...

Although I wish the best for the new chief and hope he can run the department free from interference from the Republic of New Afrika; I do appreciate stacked Karen's post. Waiting to hear the feedback from those who claim crime is on the backslide in Jackistan and the other crowd who sings the perception mantra. Oh, and I don't mean to leave out Ben and the deluded studio apartment crowd. Y'all jump in here now, ya heah?

July 1, 2013 at 7:27 PM
Anonymous said...

Congrats 5:53 and 7:27, you live in the Jackson area. Jackson's failure is your failure too.

July 1, 2013 at 9:10 PM
Anonymous said...

Horton is a good man and should have our support.

Good news for those of us who thought the New Black Panthers would be taking over the JPD.

July 1, 2013 at 10:16 PM
Anonymous said...

I agree with 10:16 p.m. I know a JPD officer well who hated Chief Coleman, as most officers did because of how she treated them, who speaks very highly of Chief Horton. Who knew that the new Mayor would make an excellent choice for one of the most important positions he'll fill?


I'm hoping that the new Mayor surprises us all by turning out to be a good Mayor. Most of the objective evidence in the Mayor's past suggested the opposite, and I fought hard for Mr. Lee and against candidate Lumumba.

July 1, 2013 at 10:47 PM
Anonymous said...

9:10: Neither of the posts you cite praised Jackson's failure. And we realize 'Jackson's failure is our failure'. We've realized it for sixteen years. Hoping this chief will hit the streets, will be visible, will be allowed to lead and manage the department and will enjoy the success that has eluded the last seven.

When a mayor will not allow a chief to pick up Humpty's pieces and put him back together again, all of Ben's horses and all of Mal's men will never put the city back together again.

July 2, 2013 at 6:47 AM
Anonymous said...

Well, it's not a surprise that positive news would be seen as just another opportunity for those who like to stir up trouble.

" Tom Dooley's Hanging Head" picked a fitting screen name... the brain dead head of an uneducated murderer who reacted without thinking.

Clearly he knows the song and legend but not the facts or the backgrounds of those involved.

July 2, 2013 at 7:21 AM
Pore Boy You Gonna Die said...

Sounds like 'Tom Dooley' above, got it right to me. Where is he wrong? I wonder if the FBI spokesman who welcomed the new chief handed him a copy of the current top crime list, since no prior chief in the past 16 years has acknowledged similar data.

July 2, 2013 at 1:56 PM
Sheriff Sexyfresh said...

Congratulations, Lindsay. And Happy Valentine's Day.

Luv, Ty

July 2, 2013 at 4:57 PM

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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).

Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.

In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS.