Tuesday, October 11, 2022

Flowood Woman Somehow Survives Savagery

Note: There is no limit on the number of comments.  "new>newer" will appear at the top of the pop-up comment window.  Click on one of those two selections to see the latest ones. 

Update (10/12/22): Mardis posted bond yesterday and was released.  

Rankin County Court Judge David Morrow set bond at $750,000 for Jason Todd Mardis this morning after Flowood police arrested him for aggravated domestic violence Friday.  Broken bones, torn-out hair, and a lacerated liver are just some of the savagery Mardis allegedly unleashed upon his wife the night of October 4.  Justice may indeed be served one day but it won't erase the horror that will forever scar her long after the wounds heal.  

 

Mardis is President of Capital Preservation Services, LLC.  The company is known for advising physicians on tax planning and investments.    

The Flowood Municipal Court denied bond for the defendant at his initial appearance.  Judge Morrow held his preliminary hearing this morning. Rankin-Madison County Assistant District Attorney Greg Miles submitted a motion to deny bond.  Attorney John Collette represented the defendant.  

Judge Morrow held a brief huddle at the bench before binding the defendant over to the grand jury.  The Assistant District Attorney called Flowood police detective Aaron Messer to testify about the arrest. 

Sergeant Messer testified Mardis and his wife met another couple for dinner at McLain's Lodge on the evening of October 4.  An argument that began at the restaurant ended in violence at the Mardis home in Lineage Lake of Lakeland in Flowood.  Security video showed Mardis punching his wife in the stomach before throwing the unconscious woman on the ground "like she was a rag doll."  He allegedly proceeded to slap her several times and dragged her across the pavement by her hair.   

Collette objected to the testimony, arguing it had nothing to do with a motion to deny bond.  Miles replied an accounting of what took place that night showed the defendant is a danger to the community, thus grounds for denying bond.  Judge Morrow denied the objection.

The Flowood detective stated her injuries were:

1. Fractured right ankle

2. Fractured left cheekbone

3. Lacerated liver

4. Broken ribs (#10 and #11)

5. Strangulation marks on her neck

6. Missing hair on her head

7. Extensive bruising on her left arm and stomach.  

 


 

The victim was hospitalized at St. Domic Hospital but her injuries required her to be transferred to UMMC. Mardis flew the next morning to Tampa on his private jet on a business trip.  His attorney, John Colette, said the trip was already planned.  

A Rankin County deputy received information about the alleged assault and notified Flowood police on October 6.  Detective Messer interviewed the victim at the hospital.  Flowood police arrested Mardis at 2 PM October 7 at the Jackson International Airport when he returned from Tampa.  

Waiving his rights, the defendant said he hit his wife with an open hand but did not recall how she got from the vehicle to the house.  However, the detective said police obtained video from three security cameras showing the assault.  

Urging the Court to deny bond, Miles argued Mardis is a flight risk due to his wealth. His access to a private plane allowed him to leave town twelve hours after the alleged assault.  Collette replied Mardis returned on his volition to Mississippi as the business trip was already planned.  He asked for bond of $250,000 with electronic monitoring.  

Judge Morrow solemnly said "this is one of those cases where me as an individual has a different opinion from one as a judge. At a personal level, I would deny bond in a red-hot minute."  However, the Jurist said Mardis is entitled to a bond as the Court must follow the bond guidelines.  Judge Morrow said he was departing from the bond guidelines due to the "violence that was egregious and "mind-boggling. She is fortunate she is alive."  

The Court set bond at $750,000 for Jason Todd Mardis.  He will be subjected to GPS electronic monitoring (with exclusion zones) upon release.  The Court issued a no-contact order and said he can not leave Mississippi without the Court's permission.  

The sentence for aggravated domestic violence ranges from two years to twenty years in prison. 


282 comments:

«Oldest   ‹Older   201 – 282 of 282
Anonymous said...



They will say he “snapped” because of roids, went to rehab and has come out clean and sober. Next will be he has been a model citizen and no priors. Then Collette will get 50 friends to testify how good for the community he has and will be. Last he will get 3 yrs probation and fined court costs.

The woman will go back to him and swear to friends it was her fault and life goes on. UNTIL!!

Anonymous said...

Sometimes a little bit of policy brutality would be nice.

(kidding...mostly)

I hope this POS rots, but he wont.
He will be victimizing women for many, many years to come. Just wait.

Anonymous said...

All this talk about this guy walking and not doing any time. This is in Rankin County, with a Rankin County prosecutor and a Rankin County jury and this guy felony-level beating his wife on camera. . . I don't like his chances to do well at trial.

I know how I would respond to the sky if I was on the jury. What about you? Do you think the prosecutor is going to allow those people on the jury who would do anything other than put this guy under the jail? Which is where he belongs.

Regarding the talk of the perpetrator being wealthy, I don't think that wealthy people have multimillion dollar judgments against their businesses. Safe to assume those judgments have not been satisfied or anywhere close to it. The idea that people who have fancy cars and fancy clothes are wealthy is ridiculous . . . The more they want you to think they're wealthy, the more they are not. And that's especially true if they're in the business of selling some sort of insurance or financial services.

Whoever this guy's customers are (he might call them "clients," but he's no attorney or CPA) . . . ought to be pretty embarrassed right about now for giving this guy money for any type of "advice." Unless it's advice on scoring steroids or spray cans or hair dye.

Anonymous said...

Dude-Bro Business is a 404?

Anonymous said...

WHAT ARE EACH LOCAL NETWORK NEWS WAITING ON, TO POST THIS STORY (AT 5AM, 6A, 11A, 12PM, 5P, 6P, & 10P??)

*Kudos to JJ for not being scared to post details, & most ALL comments on this "George Bell,'II' story!!
(WILL BE a "George Bell / Barry Goff" RE-DO, if Todd Mardis doesn't get 20 years in Parchman.

Weed will make you crazy said...

This is more evidence of reefer madness.

Anonymous said...

Looking at this meat heads Facebook, will he be able to own a gun after this? Last thing he needs is a gun but then again after what he did to his wife a weapon isn’t needed.

Anonymous said...

“Todd specializes in asset protection. He would really suck at his job if she gets anything more than the house and a token 6 figure payout!”

Spoken like a true douche bag. You assume that Mardis is smarter and better at lying and circumventing the law than his wife’s future legal team and the chancery court are at enforcing it.

I’m sure Mardis also though he could outsmart a federal judge a few years ago, right up until he got a default judgment against him for $4 million.

“He will rebound from this swinging” - Did you really write that in response to a felony charge of aggravated domestic violence? Again, spoken like a true douche.

Anonymous said...

Does this creep actually own a business jet, or just charter one? According to FAA records, he doesn't have a pilot's license nor are there any aircraft registered to him or any of his many company names.

Anonymous said...

@ 4:27 My guess would be a charter on a small twin engine that he tells his friends and clients is his.

Barry Soetoro said...

Mardis was an unbearable prick in high school, and I’m sure his attitude and demeanor have only gotten worse with age s as me money. He is NOT worth $100 million btw, and the chartered jet he took to Florida belongs to someone else.

Barry Soetoro said...

@Anonymous 4:27 PM - No, he does not own a jet. It belongs to someone else and was just chartered.

Anonymous said...

“Todd specializes in asset protection. He would really suck at his job if she gets anything more than the house and a token 6 figure payout!”

1) He sucks at his job, because a non-attorney "asset protection" person is as worthless as tits on a boar hog.

2) His wife will get whatever there is to get. Which I suspect is mostly debt and used women's chandelier-style jeans.

3) A non-lawyer asset protection "expert" who has a $3 million default judgment against his business? Yes, yes, he SUCKS at his job. He either didn't have the sense or the $$ to hire himself an attorney to defend the case. . .

Anonymous said...

A piece of TRASH in high school; obviously has only become even worse. A PETITION should be made & circulated - to the appropriate Rankin Co. Judiciary, for 20 years in his new digs.

Anonymous said...

IF he "owned a jet" no non-corrupt judge would have let him bond out, as he was. So, no, this scum not only doesn't have a jet or a million dollars, he doesn't have crap - incl. a conscience or a spine. Too bad, bec. his wife WILL get what little he has, after he hides & spends any $ that he DOES have, on trying to save his sorry ass.

Barry Soetoro said...

@4:54 PM - He had Tad McRaney of Jackson as his attorney in his last last. Obviously, he should have picked a better lawyer.

Anonymous said...

Wonder if he cab set up a steel cage match with Coach Jimbo "Meathead" Nowell to raise bail money?

Anonymous said...

BREAKING NEWS 5 hours ago -finally the local tv stations are reporting the arrest of this evil dirtbag. I am so impressed YOU JJ put it out there first with all the shocking details. I only get my news here from J J. The comments below Kingfish stories give good info too. Great job Mr. Kingfish! Surely do hope the wife gets a TRO to keep him away from her and hires whoever is the king of divorce that wins in favor of the wife in cases like this. She needs expert help to get the money she needs to continue upscale lifestyle WITHOUT him!

Anonymous said...

Mardis’ business is pumping micro captive 831(b) insurance programs to business owners. Nearly all legitimate CPA’s and tax attorneys advise their clients to run from these micro captives. Google micro captives and the IRS to see why.

Anonymous said...

Kim and kids, we are on your side. You know this isn’t right and you know this isn’t normal. You have absolutely ZERO to be ashamed of. Walk away from this man and don’t go back. Do not go back.

Anonymous said...

Lifetime Rankin County resident 3:23 PM is exactly right on his prediction. It will either be completely swept under the rug from this point on or will play out exactly like he is predicting. Rankin justice has always been based on 'WHO YOU ARE OR WHO DO YOU KNOW?" My money says no hard time served!

Anonymous said...

Will someone Please put this info on FB? Everyone needs to know!!

Anonymous said...

Facebook? Put it on Cable News, newspapers, write it in the sky! Let the big boys at Parchman get ready for this pond scum.

Anonymous said...

From someone that knows his adorable wife, I am in shock. She is the most precious person. Wife, mother & grandmother.
Why he would hit hurt her & nearly kill her is mind boggling. Keep in mind with the injuries that she has suffered to her liver she could have l
Life long problems. She is a tiny woman and literally has no chance against a man of his size. Dear Lord she’s the mother of his children.
The grandmother of his grandchildren. The one that he is supposed to love & protect. This is sickening to my stomach. I truly hope she doesn’t stay with him. I am quiet sure this wasn’t the first time or he wouldn’t have gone on his trip like it was any other day.
Hopefully she takes him to the cleaners….. and when he gets out there will be some other fool that thinks she can change this idiot but he
Will never change. If you beat women you will always beat women !







Anonymous said...

What is this narcissistic SOB’s education background? Was he ever FINRA licensed? Everybody wants to look “good”, but don’t go to the extremes this POS apparently went to. But, (or Butt}, he will make new friends at his new “residence”.

Anonymous said...

This story is over. His family is on his side, off to treatment he will go. Get your broom out and sweep this under the rug.

Anonymous said...

If a judge doesn't sentence him to a long sentence? Well, I better stop there.

Anonymous said...

@8:34
I hope you are wrong, and nothing is swept anywhere.

Yes, this man needs intensive psychoanalytic therapy that may take years if he is willing to submit; and he deserves to receive forgiveness, but consider the words of Courtney Telloian who wrote:

“Without a doubt, forgiveness may not feel right in all situations. That said, some research defines forgiveness as a state of mind. A forgiving state of mind means recognizing your fellow humanity with another person, even if they’ve wronged you.”

It doesn’t mean:
• Pardoning: relieving the other person of responsibility
• Condoning: saying their action or behavior was OK
• Excusing: trying to justify their actions
• Forgetting: erasing the event from your memory
• Reconciling: restoring your relationship

His family can forgive him, relieving themselves of an eternity of resentment, but they DO NOT have to come to a resolution with him. He can be dismissed or ‘canceled’ as they say.

I’d be gets off, he’ll leave his family and plow ahead with no shame because in his little mind as he gaslights and blame shifts everyone, he must have been provoked.

Anonymous said...

My company has done business with CPS for 10 years and we have been very pleased with their services. We have no plans to leave a company that has helped us so much. However, I hope justice is served and things work for the Mardis Family and CPS continues to thrive.

Anonymous said...

And for the sake of all men, just as the makeup line on a woman’s face is hideous, please please stop wearing jeans with big pockets, wide white stitching , rhinestones, rips if you are over 40, true religion (although they were great in the late 90’s early 2000’s), or anything Afflicted. Poor Affliction needs a makeover.

Prayers for this monster’s wife. There is no defense for his behavior. Long term medical complications could follow this poor woman, not to mention that while she is healing, her vulnerable health status will be at risk. No judge or jury will let this thing off.

Anonymous said...

Think about this. He flew out on Wednesday & didn’t return till
Friday. She could have been dying. This SOB didn’t freaking care!

Rebekah said...

To anyone sticking up for this douchecanoe- SERIOUSLY??? And that is what he is - a complete douche canoe. He’s not a “man”. A real man doesn’t beat a woman.

Anonymous said...

So he was able to fly to Tampa come back be arrested and post bond before his victim is even out of the hospital. Let’s make sure he is comfortable. I hope there are strict bond conditions in place.

Anonymous said...

@8:03
Maybe you can talk to his adorable wife and tell he next time she will be dead or the entire family. Flowood MS headlines….Family beaten to death by a true family man (husband and father) because the judge didn’t send him to prison.

Anonymous said...

One part of me wants this man ruined financially, but his kids ( and hopefully soon to be ex wife) don’t deserve that. I’m conflicted.

Anonymous said...

I hope she does not take him back. I don't mean that because I would like to see him punished but her safety is in jeopardy. As someone noted once a woman beater always and woman beater. I went to high school with a guy that beat all his girlfriends. One ended up killing herself later in life. He finally killed himself in a ATV accident drunk but I'm sure he was beating his wife as she was finally filing for divorce at the time. I have been married 28 years and have never once considered raising my hand to my wife. Honestly for two reasons. first she would walk day one if I ever laid a hand on her and secondly, I could never see myself doing it. To be fair, I have a wife that is my best friend.
I hope this DBag goes to jail for a few years. He will come out broken financially, physically and mentally. He deserves it. Beat a guy up at a wedding??? what a DBag.

Anonymous said...

Check the homepage of Capital Preservation Services today (www.cpsllcms.com). A banner at the top reads as follows:

"As a valued client of Capital Preservation Services, we want to make you aware of any significant changes to our organization. On Monday, October 10, 2022, J. Todd Mardis was removed as President of Capital Preservation Services. He will no longer be a part of the company moving forward. The ownership team of Kim Mardis and Donna Carter are working with the rest of the CPS team to name an interim president in the upcoming days."

My gut tells me that this is a ploy on the part of Todd to save his business, while he stays in the background and continues to pull strings and take in the money. I can't imagine that Todd's wife is focused at all on finding an interim president for the business while she's recovering both physically and emotionally from this crime.

Considering the website was down within a day or two of this news breaking, and now this message shows up, clearly someone (Todd + who?) has been in full damage-control mode.

Anonymous said...

Looks like after the website returned dude is not on it. Did they fire him already? looks like the wife is the boss on the website now. I'm not being mean, but I see his daughter is one of two legal council. She graduated law school like 10 minutes ago. I would rather my legal council remember when TV sets had 3 channels.

Anonymous said...

They indeed shit canned him from the company. Good for them. It's noted on the website.

Anonymous said...

Todd is still pulling strings. Don't let him fool you. He and his lawyers are working to make all of this go away. Attorney Colette loves to help a guilty man walk free. They will lie, persuade, scheme, or do whatever necessary to get Mardis off. I think he will walk with little to no punishment.

Anonymous said...

@9:12
I am a millennial who has been an attorney for 15 years. TV has always been capable of tuning multiple UHF 14-83 and VHF 2-13 channels. And Jackson has had five OTA TV channels since WDBD came on the air in 1984. Also, Capitol Cable Vision began service in Jackson in the 1970s. Perhaps you are becoming senile or demented in your old age?

Anonymous said...

CPS logo is strangely similar to the Stratton-Oakmont logo.

Anonymous said...

We need to get rid of these judges that let dangerous/crazy people out on bond. What happens when he hurts someone again or kills someone? We don’t need to catch and release like the judges over in Jackson.

Anonymous said...

He will lose all his money which is unfortunate because this too will effect his family further as they will need a source of income to recover from this mess.

Anonymous said...

“On Monday, October 10, 2022, J. Todd Mardis was removed as President of Capital Preservation Services. He will no longer be a part of the company moving forward. The ownership team of Kim Mardis and Donna Carter are working with the rest of the CPS team to name an interim president in the upcoming days.”

This is probably the only hope of salvaging the business. Good job ladies.

Anonymous said...

I do feel for the family and the employees. But in all fairness to the employees you knew who you were dealing with. I could not imagine how much BS you take from this guy daily. I assume he requires regular ass kissing and allowing him to demean you regularly. I would not have worked for this this loser.

Anonymous said...

According to WLBT, “An alert bar across the website on Thursday, October 13, indicates the company has new leadership.”

Anonymous said...

Looks like his wife, the person he is accused of beating, is in charge of the company now.

Anonymous said...

@8:47
Gosh I think I know who you are referring to…I went to high school with these folks too…too many details match up to not be the same guy. Thought about that whole situation yesterday when first reading this about Mardis.

I hope this story gets major press and I, too, hope the Mardis wife doesn’t take this guy back. She nearly lost her life.

Anonymous said...

Mardis has photos with Wes Shivers so that's probably who the deputy is.

Anonymous said...

He is “fired” from his company that he owns…interesting to see if his partners in his luxury hunting camp will kick his ass out?

Anonymous said...

I just love how all these cowards on here keep expressing their glee at a potential prison sentence. And prison rape is not a joke nor something that should be cheered on. You people are sick. Let Todd have his day in court and when the truth comes out you will all look like the coward fools that you are.

Anonymous said...

I've known Todd since kindergarten. His early years weren't bad but by 8th grade he was horrible. The last time I saw him was our 10 year class reunion where he was stewing in a corner because Alfred set off a stink bomb at the University Club. "I should have kicked his ass in high school" was the last thing I heard him say. I doubt anyone is surprised by anything other than the severity of his assault. I've been on a jury before and I don't see how his atty could get a favorable jury. What woman or man for that manner could watch the video or look at the pictures of the aftermath. I don't know his wife but I remember her vividly at Ole Miss. She's an absolutely beautiful woman and from what I hear from those that know her that beauty extends beneath the surface. The whole thing is truly sad but I do hope something positive comes out of it. If Todd were a disease he would be a cancer that was cut out and thrown in the trash. In his case I hope he goes to jail for what he did. I also hope his wife takes the opportunity to live her life without him in it. If I were prosecuting this case I wouldn't even offer a plea bargain. He made his bed and now he can sleep in it. I was in disbelief reading about Kim's injuries. I've broken an ankle and the recovery is still ongoing years later. What she went through I can't even imagine. That said I'd take a Todd free life with the injuries over until death do us part which as best I can tell Todd did his best to see to personally. Wish the Mardis family the best minus Todd.

Anonymous said...

I know one of his daughters and son-in-law. They are really nice people. Todd is so arrogant. I agree with @4:12. I would love to see the DA push this to a trial.

Colette will claim it wasn't Todd's fault. Todd was drunk, or Todd was on drugs, or Todd hit his head accidently 2 days ago and wasn't thinking straight from a concussion. Or maybe this wasn't Todd at all but instead a twin brother that was given up for adoption at birth and nobody knew about. Colette will make Todd look like the victim. Todd will cry and express remorse after Colette coaches him on his acting skills.

Then Colette and Todd will start persuading the police and DA to drop it. Calls to the mayor and many more have already been made. Favors will be called in and campaign donations will be forthcoming. Pressure will mount to sweep it under the rug. Money will change hands in a legal manner, and also probably in an illegal manner to some individuals.

I expect a plea deal.

Anonymous said...

If Collette DOES lie his ass off, & get Todd Mardis out of a long prison sentence, HE is JUST as culpable as Mardis at being a woman-hating wife-beater.

Anonymous said...

@4:10pm. The only coward is Todd and you for defending him. Come on man, he beat his wife and left her with severe injuries and you want to call us cowards? Who supports a person that beats a woman? Man, you need to seriously re-evaluate who you hang out with and support.

Anonymous said...

he's got a $4 million judgment against him and his companies... guess the stress got to him?

Anonymous said...

People can’t say she’s been an amazing beautiful person for years AND he’s been a terrible douche his whole life (prior to the violence). She likes his type. If he’s terrible what’s that say about her being with him 30 years? Can’t have it both ways. The company you keep says things about you.

Anonymous said...

How long will it take before this goes to trial. Please keep us posted.

Anonymous said...

I doubt he will get much of anything out of rehab, especially if he's only there at the urging of his attorney. He just won't take it seriously.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Fish:

This site apparently cuts off comments at 200. There are 60 more that cannot be seen.

Anonymous said...

Obviously the comment limitation needs to be addressed. Regardless, Lil Mardis has no clue how bad it is about to get for him. Thoughts and prayers for his family, but this truly piece of shit is about to burn. Political/Medical connections won’t help and are smart enough disassociate.Stay tuned…

Kingfish said...

There is no limitation. You will see at top of comment window Newer>newest. Just click on those two links.

Anonymous said...

2:19 says " journalists properly vetting stories ". Har har hardy har har🤡!

Anonymous said...

If the man owns part of the company, the other owners can perhaps fire him from being an officer or employee, but they cannot take his share of the company away. He may still own his part of the company, and if it earns anything will share in the earnings.

Anonymous said...

KF, I’m trying to keep up with this story, but can’t figure out where new comments are. You weren’t taking comments under the post about Mardis being removed as president of the company and said to comment “below,” but there’s no below.

Anonymous said...

I hope this criminal can’t read the comments. These are the most damning comments about a detested person that I have read on this blog. But, then again, a 240 pound man beating the hell out of his 120 pound wife needs to be shared. If the Mardis guy reads this, please reply. Maybe you can give some “relevant” information?

Anonymous said...

He wont see a day in court, much less prison.
I hate it, and he should rot...but its true.

I wont disparage his wife but as a female myself, I will admit I cannot fathom why women put up with this.

I may not have their extravagant lifestyle, but I will never tolerate physical abuse. I pray all women will realize nothing is worth staying in this type of abuse. It's a miracle he hasn't killed her before.

Anonymous said...

Attn 11:45, I am pretty sure, going forward, the company’s earnings will no longer be an issue in this case.

Anonymous said...

@ 2:16 I hope..pray he can. He needs to know.

Anonymous said...

It says a lot about the morons who frequent this site that so many of them could not figure out how to see the additional comments on this post.

Anonymous said...

I have changed my mind about moving to Rankin county, I think I will stay in Madison county.

Anonymous said...

@October 12, 2022 at 12:33 PM
He almost plowed his truck into my wife's car as he was storming out of his driveway too fast about 4 weeks ago. It was probably your yard she had to drive her car into to avoid a serious collision and definite injury. His truck would have t-boned her Acura car.

Anonymous said...

I love the fact that he has proven himself, and I can finally call him the piece of shit he really is, and not worry about him beating my ass for it! He’s nothing but a steroid, egotistical, arrogant, insecure bully that beats on his wife (and limo drivers) - He deserves the maximum and I hope he finally gets what he deserves. Rot in Parchman you scumbag!

Anonymous said...

@8:45 You probably just envy Todd and had a few drinks last night and felt empowered to make that post.

Anonymous said...

If he walks, there's gonna be a lot of people with blood on their hands when he kills her. :(

Anonymous said...

He’s a loser and a POS. Growing up in a household where my mom was a victim of domestic violence, I can say that even 15+ years later the memories, dreams, and feelings in the pit of the stomach never fully disappear. And I wasn’t even the one abused.. I’m sure it’s worse for my mom. The damage Todd caused will follow his family for the rest of their lives. He’ll never be truly remorseful. Maybe for his own sake and for what he lost/may lose, but never for how badly he’s hurt his ‘family’

Anonymous said...

I’m still trying to understand how he could leave her in the condition she was in. He can say he snapped the night he was beating her to death but the next morning he left the state of MS knowing how bad she was beaten and injured. This is no difference in the two young mean leaving the scene of the crime in Oxford.

Anonymous said...

Friends of Tod don’t t let this story go away for the safety of his family. The City of Flowood needs to prosecute to the fullest. He has to serve time, then his family can decide if they want him back. He is a danger to family and friends. Can someone explain why he would beat up a limo driver, fight with members of his deer camp, and so many more….Limo driver I hope you show up in court.

Anonymous said...

Houston TX spa for recovery. Todd your ego will kill you before the system has a chance.

Anonymous said...

Aaaaaaand the sorry POS just broke his no contact order and is back in jail. Someone needs to get this idiot’s attention permanently before he kills his wife or someone else…

Anonymous said...

This little bitch just plead guilty?

«Oldest ‹Older   201 – 282 of 282   Newer› Newest»


Recent Comments

Search Jackson Jambalaya

Subscribe to JJ's Youtube channel

Archives

Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
.