Thursday, December 27, 2012

Movies in Jackson?

Jackson's decline brings one big problem to its citizens:finding basic amenities one expects to have in a city of over 150,000 people. Need to buy a pair of blue jeans? Go to Rankin or Madison County. Want to see a movie? Cross the county lines. However, our city fathers want to do something about this problem. Good for them. I applaud them for it. However, they can't seem to take the easy way on anything as they are talking about a government-private business partnership to bring a movie theater to Jackson. Yup. Senatobia can have a movie theater without government help but these guys have to conjure up grants and other big gummint ideas just so we can go to the movies. Next thing you know, they are going to tell us we have to sell some bonds (and you know what that will mean.). The Clarion-Ledger reported yesterday:


"Now there are serious efforts under way to bring a movie theater back to Jackson.

Bennie Hopkins, director of Planning and Development for the city of Jackson, said it’s a topic frequently talked about in his office “because we hear our clients and constituents asking why we don’t have a theater.”

Hopkins said city leaders have been aggressively recruiting a movie theater since 2009. Some representatives traveled to the International Council of Shopping Centers convention to learn how to proceed, and they have made calls to Regal and other movie companies.

“Based on information we’ve gathered, it will take the city partnering with the right private developer,” he said.

He used Highland Village’s Whole Foods Market project as an example.

“We may have incentive packages for them,” he said. “There is a possibility that we may have grants.”

“The fact that there are no longer any movie houses within the corporate limits of Jackson reflects white flight to the suburbs, the convenience of suburban theaters in Rankin and Madison counties, and the continuing fear of crime in Jackson,” said Jerry Dallas, a retired history professor at Delta State University who grew up in Jackson and graduated from Provine High School in 1959....

“First of all, you need a good, safe, secure, and attractive location to draw in the more affluent suburban crowd. The theater building, itself, should be inviting enough to make people want to come inside. For a theater to succeed, I also think that it should be located close to other attractions and amusements.”

However, given the right location and intelligent management, Dallas believes a multiplex theater could be financially successful in Jackson.

“But something has to be done to allay the not-altogether-invalid fear of crime in Jackson,” he said.

Malcolm White, executive director of the Mississippi Arts Commission, said whether the city will get a movie theater is a private enterprise question.

“Frankly, if there was a market for a theater inside the city limits and money to be made, it would already be there,” he said. “I think there are many cities of our size that have a theater and perhaps even multiple theaters, but they have a different population.”.....

Ward Emling, director of the Mississippi Film Office, said luring a theater to Jackson is a topic that comes up every once in a while among city leaders.

“It all comes down to consistent audience and profitability considerations,” he said.

Hopkins said they’d like to have a theater that draws crowds like the Malco Paradiso Theatre in Memphis.

“A lot of people look at Jackson as the smaller Memphis,” he said. “The Paradiso is a destination theater for a lot of people in the surrounding suburbs. They may go to the theater and wind up downtown on Beale Street afterward. We are hoping we can have something similar to that. We certainly believe it would work for the fact that it would be the only theater in the city of Jackson.”

Jimmy Tashie, executive vice president of the Memphis-based Malaco Theatres chain, said theater companies look at the overall population within a metro area when deciding whether to locate there.

“They want to know how many families live around a particular growth corridor,” he said. “Since young people go to the movies more than older people, we look closely at where schools are being built.”....

Ward Emling, director of the Mississippi Film Office, said luring a theater to Jackson is a topic that comes up every once in a while among city leaders.

“It all comes down to consistent audience and profitability considerations,” he said.

Hopkins said they’d like to have a theater that draws crowds like the Malco Paradiso Theatre in Memphis.

“A lot of people look at Jackson as the smaller Memphis,” he said. “The Paradiso is a destination theater for a lot of people in the surrounding suburbs. They may go to the theater and wind up downtown on Beale Street afterward. We are hoping we can have something similar to that. We certainly believe it would work for the fact that it would be the only theater in the city of Jackson.”

Jimmy Tashie, executive vice president of the Memphis-based Malaco Theatres chain, said theater companies look at the overall population within a metro area when deciding whether to locate there.

“They want to know how many families live around a particular growth corridor,” he said. “Since young people go to the movies more than older people, we look closely at where schools are being built.”...

Anyone who lives in Jackson who wants to watch a movie, that’s a frustration,” he said. “I’ve been to other cities that have synergy between a downtown movie theater and the businesses that surround it. Show your movie tickets to the restaurants, and you get discounts, or you get to park for free.”

Upkins thinks construction of a theater eventually will happen.

“I think a lot of people harp on the census numbers that show that the city of Jackson has lost population over the years,” he said. “(Developers) want to be able to project growth in the future.

“There are pockets of growth within the city, and so, if you have a private developer who is interested in developing a part of the city — I think that’s where it’s going to happen — to start identifying these pockets of growth in the city and see if they will support a movie theater
.” Article

Two problems: crime and audience behavior. They can pass out all the grants and make all the deals they want to make but until they solve those two problems. no theater will succeed. By the way, where is the development on Farish Street and Old Capitol Green?



62 comments:

Anonymous said...

I don't go to Madison or Rankin County to see a movie, I driver across town in Clinton.

Anonymous said...

I remember going to the movies at the Paramount and the Lamar as a child...a SAFE and FUN place to spent a saturday afternoon...and then it all changed....gangs of thugs, BAD BEHAVIOR and finally, GUN FIRE from isle to isle. POOF! it all went away...now, the very people who caused this problem want to give the next generation of bottomfeeders a place to act stupid and shoot each other in the Capri? Mike Peters better take a long hard look at this and make sure that it is ok to have a "thug magnet" next to BABALU....

Anonymous said...

"First of all, you need a good, safe, secure, and attractive location to draw in the more affluent suburban crowd. The theater building, itself, should be inviting enough to make people want to come inside. For a theater to succeed, I also think that it should be located close to other attractions and amusements.”

So - Jackson strikes out on all counts, right? No matter how nice a newly constructed building would be, there's no place nice to put it, and no "other attractions and amusements".

Anonymous said...

Even towns like Greenville and Yazoo City have movie theaters. Greenville's is actually quite nice. Without any government involvement, it should be noted.

Anonymous said...

I suggest building a water taxi or light rail system between Harborwalk and Farish Street. That was the entertainment dollars aren't split. Seriously, why does Jackson need a movie theater? Everything rolling on 22s has 6 DVDs going 24/7.

Anonymous said...

Here's a novel idea. Make your city safer, cleaner, more desirable. With that Investors will come to add amenities to your town such as theaters.
I know, it's a hard concept to wrap your goverment funded mind around but trust me it works.

Anonymous said...

"I suggest building a water taxi or light rail system between Harborwalk and Farish Street. That way the entertainment dollars aren't split."

You owe me a new keyboard, or a sponge to get the coffee out of mine.

Ophelia said...

9:06, hush that crazy talk! This is no time to be offering common sense! Making this city "safer, cleaner, more desirable"? (*Head smack*) Of course! Now...how, exactly, given the knuckleheads in charge?

Purple in a Red State said...

Hmmmmm....racism abound today...just two days after CHRISTmas...back to reality!!

Anonymous said...

My office network must have some type of filter! I haven't seen any mention of race in these posts! Or maybe someone else is able to read things that aren't there. Must be a superpower. Chip-on-the-Shoulder Man!

Anonymous said...

Be honest, it is the blacks who are the problem. Even the Malco in Madison is fucking crazy when a black movie plays, I won't go. The reason why all shopping centers are built like the one at Fresh Market in Ridgeland is to keep away the loitering black public. If you don't have AC and a roof over your head, they don't hang around. Jackson is over, it is just a giant black slum.

Kingfish said...

Funny, I went see The Hobbit last night at Malco and the numerous blacks in the audience were well-behaved and didn't act any different, worse, or better, than the white patrons. Sigh.

Now Northpark UA, haven't been there in years so I couldn't tell you although it does have a ghetto reputation but I've no idea what that is like as I haven't been since Quills and that was midday showing. I might just set up the flip camera and go there one night just to dispel or confirm a few myths. I also remember going to see New Jack City at Meadowbrook in college and was the only white person in the theater. Took a hot blonde to. Didn't have any problems.

PittPanther said...

A year ago, weren't they talking about a movie theater, shopping, and restaurants at the location of the old School for the Blind/Deaf? What happened to that idea?

PittPanther said...

Saw Django Unchained on Christmas Day. 80% black at Malco, no incidents.
10:57 is an idiot.

Anonymous said...

Idiot? Django said "Nigger" 17,000 times, probably too busy counting.

Anonymous said...

A theater in Jackson??? That's laughable!!! They can't even keep criminals in jail!!! How can they manage a theater????

Anonymous said...

I don't get what the big deal is. I mean the Northpark theater is a whole 1500 or whatever feet from the Jackson city limits. (I don't go there because I don't want to come out and find my car stolen). But for some reason people would be happier if it were inside the city limits?

Anonymous said...

I'm more scared of the real thugs (serial killers). I guarantee you won't find them in the inner city(Jackson). Go to the suburbs.

Anonymous said...

What amazes me is that some people in Jackson actually want to waste significant money and time fighting over Jackson's rotting corpse. Let them, I guess.

Jackson will only get worse from here forward, and no amount of "chick fests" or money will change that inevitable fact.

Shadowwholefoods said...

"What amazes me is that some people in Jackson actually want to waste significant money and time fighting over Jackson's rotting corpse. Let them, I guess."

Whole Foods soon...

Do NOT come to it. You are NOT welcome.

Anonymous said...

Face it, 12:16 is right. Even the serial killers won't live in Jackson.

Anonymous said...

I guess I'm missing the big picture here---if water/sewer lines are caving in all over the place, I believe my priority wouldn't be a movie theater, and it damn sure wouldn't be a government backed movie theater.

Come to see the movie at the new theater, but bring a slop jar cause the toilets won't flush--just had a big rain and the pipes messed up again.

Purple in a Red State said...

"BAD BEHAVIOR and finally, GUN FIRE from isle to isle. POOF! it all went away...now, the very people who caused this problem want to give the next generation of bottomfeeders a place to act stupid and shoot each other in the Capri?"
"Everything rolling on 22s has 6 DVDs going 24/7."

There is the chip :-)

Anonymous said...

Again, you must be reading something that isn't there. I see thugs and bottomfeeders. You must be jumping to conclusions, profiling, stereotyping....

Anonymous said...

Purple, whether you like it or not, everything those posters said is true.
11:02 you were lucky. I know people that were attacked by young black thugs leaving that Meadowbrook theater.
Not even Magic Johnson would build a four-plex here, after announcing that he would. I guess that makes him really, really RAAACIST.

Anonymous said...

The Whole Foods Myna doesn't understand the big difference between replacement revenue and incremental revenue.

Anonymous said...

I don't have to leave Hinds County to buy blue jeans. Ever heard of Highland Village or notice clothing stores in Fondren.

I may have to go to another county to see a movie, but that has as much to do with megaplexes as anything else.

And, it's not like the theatres in other counties are more than a 15 minute hop.

In most cities, it'd take that long to get to any movie.

Anonymous said...

1:30 PM: Don't worry, I already left that entire godforsaken state.

Anonymous said...


That sure is a nice above ground sewage line being installed on Crane @ Meadowbrook. Fondren property values are about to spike.

Shadowfax said...

The 'theatre' in Greenville is located at the very southernmost point of the city limits, past the country club, down highway 1. That's the only reason it exists. If it were downtown, anywhere east or west or central on 82 or north on number 1 highway, it would not have lasted four months.

Anonymous said...

Years ago several people tried to open a movie theater where you could sit at a table eat and have a glass of wine. The Capri and the Deville were the locations. City voted it down. Now , lets spend some tax money to get a movie in Jackson. After you got the 18 diferent permits you might start. This city administration has no clue. Look at the loss of airplanes at Hawkins field because of the stupid airport commision. Not a new hangar in 20 years. Why , the ground there is gold and must not be leased.

Purple in a Red State said...

Anonymous said...
Again, you must be reading something that isn't there. I see thugs and bottomfeeders. You must be jumping to conclusions, profiling, stereotyping....

Please, you and I both know that when you read these statements the vision on your head (as mine) were black people..."now, the very people who caused this problem want to give the next generation of bottomfeeders"
In jackson most people driving cars with 22 inch rims are black...

Wow...come on man! Somethings are simple...that is the problem...call a spade a spade...never said that the statements weren't true. However, when it comes to Jackson and it's issues...a lot of times it boils down to race.

noel said...

They could reopen the dollar movie on Meadowbrook Rd.! That'll bring the bucks. I'll pass though, I had to draw my gun the last time I went there, 20+ years ago. Maybe a drive in would work, inn conjunction with an armored car rental.

Anonymous said...

Could some please get David Watkins to pay his property taxes.

Anonymous said...

"I'm more scared of the real thugs (serial killers). I guarantee you won't find them in the inner city(Jackson). Go to the suburbs. "

FYI - since the massacre in Newtown MORE kids (in total) have been fatally shot in Chicago. Guess which made the mainstream news?

Ophelia said...

Hey, darlin's, simmer down---it's just a CINEMA we're discussing, not a hospital! Want a nice evening listening to eardrum-shattering preview ads, followed by a dumbed-down Hollywood piece of junk? Take a nice drive to another county, purchase your $8 popcorn (extra for butter and salt) and settle in for a couple of hours of mind-numbing entertainment.

Or stay home, pop your own corn, and pull up a Netflix film that maybe didn't get big hype/ box-office bucks, but was made for people with IQs over 75.

Just a thought.

Anonymous said...

1:30 is previewing the new battle cry of Donna Ladd and friends:

"Well if Jackson's so shitty, how come we have a WHOLE FOODS??!!! You better not bring your racist ass to our WHOLE FOODS!!!! You want to pay twice as much for some organic hummus? Well, TOO BAD! Because racists from Rankin County aren't welcome at the JACKSON WHOLE FOODS!!!!"

Because now that the Whole Foods is here, there's no way that tiny, shrinking sliver of Northeast Jackson where the doctors live will follow the other 98% of Jackson into the abyss.

And now that we've got the Whole Foods, lots of people will find $24K a year lying around so they can live in Jackson and send two kids to St. Andrews.

Right?

Anonymous said...

Purple, I think you made my case. If visions of thugs in Jackson give you a mental picture of blacks it's a demographic issue, not a racial issue. The fact that Jackson is dangerous is not because black people live there, it's because a small percentage of the population, criminals, have been allowed to run free by the courts and elected officials. The exact same can be said for Mexico, heroin junkies in Portland (whites) or numerous other places with no black population. Go visit a gang-infested tribal reservation in SD and see how safe you feel, no blacks there. If someone in Hinds County is ever locked up they can apparently walk away at will. People don't shoot aisle to aisle because they are black, it's because they are a piece of crap with no fear of arrest. Stop calling black people thugs and bottomfeeders, thugs and bottomfeeders are thugs and bottomfeeders.

I have lived in about 6 states, with only MS being in the South, and a lot of times things do boil down to race, EVERYWHERE. But don't make it a racial issue when it is fundamentally not one.

Shadowfax said...

Kingfish gives as an example of well-behaved blacks his outing to a Madison movie the other night where he encountered docile minorities. I don't think anybody has suggested that blacks cannot behave in social settings or that they cannot successfully attend events requiring decorum. Certainly they can. It's just that enough of them are not so inclined as to make a demonstrable difference in the social scene in Jacktown.

A movie theatre will never again make it in Jacktown, based, in part, on the ambient culture and the demographics of people who would dare to spend two hours in a large, dark room in the middle of this town. What a social experiment! Flashing, Strobe-Lit cellphones, Crown Royal in back pockets, baby-daddy ready to whup yo ass, baby-momma ready to cut you up, sideways red caps across the aisle from sideways black caps, a parking lot full of NASCAR tags on old rusted chasis ridin' on 20s, a virtual Jay-Z cultcha club. Otherwise, a 'normal' crowd of yoot. Reasonable and responsible black adults in Jackson would love to have a decent movie venue in town, I suppose.

Another reason for Kingfish's enjoyable evening is that when the Malco opened in Madison, written rules were publicized regarding appropriate dress and outlandish behavior. There are at least two cop cars in the parking lot every night, loitering and cruisers are not allowed, nobody hitchhikes in Madison, bums are not allowed to lay around in restaurant booths, panhandling is illegal and drinking from a brown paper sack will get your ass a free trip to the Madison County lockup.

Madison residents know they're livin' on borrowed time as the burg is snuggled tightly between Canton and Jacktown. Madisonians will gladly pitch in to help build a Jackson Pitcher-Show.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, 11:42

Anonymous said...

"Saw Django Unchained on Christmas Day. 80% black at Malco, no incidents."

Me too (1:00, maybe you were there).

And hey, 11:09? They said "nigger" in the movie because slaveowners didn't refer to their "African-Americans" or "persons of color."

Anonymous said...

3:10
How do you know how slave owners referred to their slaves? Were you there?

Anonymous said...

10:42:

exactly! our teens go to movies occasionally, but anyone old enough to have them should have a big screen at home and control the volume yourself. perhaps even a nice cabernet? and put on an indie film with no 'splosions!

PittPanther said...

Shadowfax did make a good point above:

"Another reason for Kingfish's enjoyable evening is that when the Malco opened in Madison, written rules were publicized regarding appropriate dress and outlandish behavior. There are at least two cop cars in the parking lot every night, loitering and cruisers are not allowed, nobody hitchhikes in Madison, bums are not allowed to lay around in restaurant booths, panhandling is illegal and drinking from a brown paper sack will get your ass a free trip to the Madison County lockup."

In other words, well-managed facilities don't have problems Surprise, surprise. Open a well-managed facility in Jackson, and there won't be any problems with crime or misbehavior.

If however you open a facility that is financially struggling, and is afraid to enforce rules of behavior because of fear of losing out on ticket sales, a facility that feels they must allow anyone in because they need the money, then that facility will quickly have all sorts of problems.

Anonymous said...

interesting - the article seems to imply that some type of incentive was provided to Whole Foods. I'm not aware of one cent of incentIves provided to WF or Highland Village.

“Based on information we’ve gathered, it will take the city partnering with the right private developer,” he said.
He used Highland Village’s Whole Foods Market project as an example.

“We may have incentive packages for them,” he said. “There is a possibility that we may have grants.”

Shadowfax said...

@ 11:42; I doubt anyone cares how many states you've lived in. You don't even seem sure yourself. You're avoiding reality when you decry the facts of Jacktown's bottom line, race. You reminded me of the media who suggest we need not identify perps by race, as it's only important to point out that they've broken the law.

While it is not true that most blacks are criminals, it is a fact that most crime in Jackson is perpetrated by black people. And it is not a fact that crime occurs in Jackson without regard to race.

When addressing the issue of illegals crossing the border in Arizona, it's appropriate to use the word Mexican throughout the discussion. When discussing the incidence of crime on the reservation in Philadelphia, MS, the word American Indian or Native American is useful to the discussion.

If we're going to talk about restaurants and shops in South Miami, why not go ahead and use words like Cuban and Haitian?

Discussing crime in Jackson (or the reasons a cinema is a failed pipedream before it leaves the drawing board), requires, encourages and demands that we consider race. And when considering race in this scenario, we are going to end up with BLACK. To deny that is to tiptoe away from reality.

Your world-view notion of "Oh, it's crime, not blacks" is horseshit.

By the way, when we discuss school shootings, we need not be too shy to admit that most if not all of the shooters have been deranged, white persons, with the occasional oriental represented.

Anonymous said...

3:40 - read a book sometime before you die.

Anonymous said...

As a Jackson resident, non doctor, with the 24k to send my kid to St.Andrews I find the comments on here laughable. Most of you are hunkered down in some trailer park in Pearl or McMansion in reunion passing judgement. Find something better to do with your time. Clearly you aren't interested in constructive criticism. Last time I checked, those places had their own problems. Pitch in, start a blog about something else....but quit wasting valuable Internet space with your dribble.

KaptKangaroo said...

Aren't you a high and mighty nobody anon December 30, 2012 5:37 PM.

You send your kids out of town. You ought to wear a Scarlett Letter. Or, if found out, I'm sure you would be burned at the internet stake.

New to these parts eh?

Shadowfax said...

I found that laughable too, Kangaroo. A guy who suggests others get involved and make a difference, admitting he lives in the middle of it but spends 2000 a month to send his kids to a private school in another county. Maybe it was the Merlot. I'll bet he pushes the 'lock all' button when his Audi passes a trailer park. And why would he pass up crumpets in his own media room to go to a 'picture show' in Jackson?

Anonymous said...

Kapt. Shadowfax, If you would come to the city sometime you would notice the fine St. Andrews campus at meadowbrook.

Anonymous said...

If you will read, my comments about the money to send my kids to private school was in response to post above.

Anonymous said...

Clearly you aren't interested in constructive criticism.

Please Sparky Non-Doctor. Do share what iota of your comment you were offering up as "constructive criticism".





Whole Foods, Whole Foods, Whole Foods, Whole Foods, Whole Foods, Whole Foods, Whole Foods, Whole Foods, Whole Foods.

Shadowwholefoods said...

Whole Foods is correct. They selected JACKSON.

Anonymous said...

Whole Foods = Replacement revenue.

Jackson continues on the path to bankruptcy.

Kingfish said...

Sorry Shadow, your comment was fine until the last paragraph.

Anonymous said...

It never fails to amaze me that amount of time people spend bashing Jackson. What's in it for you? A nickel per post from Madison/Rankin Chamber of Commerce. OK. WE GET IT. You think Jackson is full of black thugs. Easy, don't come here. Why would you waste a minute of life continuing to tear down Jackson and those that try and do something positive?

Anonymous said...

Then stop bitching December 31, 2012 2:36 PM about how Jackson as the Capital City has a right to be bailed out by taxpayers in the rest of the state. If you demand that type of cake to eat then you shouldn't be surprised that some gets shoved up your arse during the exchange.

Anonymous said...

Jackson shouldn't be bailed out by state, but it also shouldn't be treated poorly because of the color of its citizens..

Anonymous said...

As a Madison resident, non doctor, with the 24k to send my kid to St. Andrews (but no need spend it because the public schools here are great) I find it laughable that 5:37 would confuse "drivel" with "dribble" in a post meant to mock "trailer park" and "McMansion" dwellers for a lack of sophistication.

Also, WHOLE FOODS BITCHES!!! (I am throwing up a WF gang sign right now. This would be way funnier if you could see it.)

Shadowfax said...

Kingfish; do you ever tire of selectively censoring posts? I have no idea what 'my last paragraph' in one of many posts might have said that twisted your drawers. My point to the 'Non Doctor' was that he didn't say which St. Andrews he sends his kids to, but if he expects them to graduate from that institution, he'll send them across the county line, while claiming to be invested in Jackson. My guess is his house is gated or either he has a two hundred foot frontage lit up like an airport at night.

These types of posts are not 'against' blacks in Jackson. They're 'against' crime in Jackson. The bottom line simply requires that we admit to ourselves that one reflects the other. None of us can wish that away or successfully pretend it isn't reality.

Mr. Lundon Turner said...

Wow, all of this over a movie theater in Jackson. People, whear you live is your choice and you selected that place because you liked it. People of Madison & Rankin Co. let it go, you all left Jackson or don't live in Jackson either because you don't like black people or because of the crime rate, but you vacation in cities that have a much higher crime rate than Jackson so what does that say about you? Why is it that Madison and Rankin Co residents spend so much time voicing their dislikes about Jackson? In the end it really doesn't matter. People of Jackson dismiss those who discount you! You live in Jackson because you whis to enough said, and you don't have to defend that to anyone. People look into your hearts and ask is this the way we should conduct ourselves? Go to church Sunday and ask our Lord (don't forget Sunday School & Bible Study) then pray for one another.
Now smile, I said smile :-)

Love Mr. Lundon Turner (look I used my name, don't hid behind anonymous)



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Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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