Thursday, May 29, 2014

JJ obtains police reports for Mayfield, Sager, and Obi-Wan Kenobi

Update: Bond for Rick Sager is lowered from $250,000 per count to $25,000 per count. Bond for Kelly reduced to $75,000. He was released after making bond.

Here are the police reports for the arrests of Mark Mayfield and Rick Sager.  The report for John Hurt is also included although he was not taken into custody.  Sager and Clayton Kelly still reside in the Madison County jail.  There is no new information in the reports.  Madison will not release any more information until some of these cases are adjudicated.




Earlier posts:

Madison police arrest Clayton Kelly
McDaniel issues statement
Danks keeps Kelly's bond at $100,000.  Police want to speak to other individuals."
We report, you decide. Voice mail edition.
Breitbart: Campaign knew about video weeks ago
Constitutional Clayton plot thickens
Kelly faces another charge
$100,000, $250,000, $500,000. Kelly, Mayfield, & Sager face Dale Danks today. (complete video)
Kelly police report: Did conspirators control Constitutional Clayton with a Jedi mind trick?
Red alert on Red Alert?
Tea Party attacks Michael Guest as "favorable" to the "establishment".

61 comments:

Anonymous said...

Where is Melanie Sojourner these days. The national news teams are all over Mississippi and she''s not.

Anonymous said...

If someone had taken a picture of my mother in a nursing home in MS and I pressed charges, I really wonder if I would have gotten the treatment of Cochran?

Cochrane waited weeks to report this to the police when I read on the net the picture taking took place on Easter.

Some how there is more to this than I am seeing. Why did Cochran run away from Dana Bash of CNN?

What is going on? This is not adding up! He doesn't even act innocent in all of this in my opinion, but who knows?

Weird/strange to say the least.

Anonymous said...

I think you're confusing the campaign manager and the handler. She isn't supposed to be up his butt.

Kingfish said...

What special treatment of Cochran? A complaint was filed. Madison investigated and prosecuted. Madison is not Jackson.

The video was not posted until April 26. That is the relevant date if we are going to start a stopwatch.

I'm sure the attorney didn't just call up Madison PD to file a complaint. He probably took a few days to research the law to see if they had a case. I would before I bothered a prosecutor. My understanding also is it took them some time to track down the IP address. Just because the Youtube channel says "Constitutional Clayton" doesn't mean anything as that could be anyone (theoretically speaking.). In other words, some authentication needed to take place.

Then there is the fact of St. Dominic's. My understanding is the St. D was pretty mad. Everyone forgets that angle. They have some good reasons for prosecuting this case as well. They advertise how secure and safe St. Catherine's is for your loved ones while some creep comes in and starts snapping photos of a sick woman to post on the internet. Yeah, why should they be mad? Can't imagine why.

Is the Cochran campaign exploiting this? Sure, they are trying to gain an advantage. Not too smart but then Kirk Sims is a known bully and like most bullies, is not too bright.

Taking what you argue at face value, someone might have thought there was some advantage to be gained by waiting if that is indeed what happened.

However, please keep in mind it was "Constitutional Clayton" and allegedly these guys who gave the Cochran camp the opportunity in the first place. The disastrous response of the McDaniel campaign just made it worse. First rule of a campaign: Do not do anything stupid. Second rule: Make sure your supporters know: do not do anything stupid.

Ask Alabama fans if they'd like to crucify Logan Young. Same thing.

Anonymous said...

10:34 If you were a senior US senator, I bet you would have received the same treatment as Cochran in a similar situation

Anonymous said...

I got a letter supporting Thad. It was just signed, Will...

Anonymous said...

Here is a prediction on what comes out of the Madison County Grand Jury: all defendants indicted for conspiracy to commit burglary of a dwelling and a second count for the actual breaking and entry with the intent to commit misdemeanor exploitation for Kelly, and as accessories before the fact for the three others.

Mrs. Cochran resided in that room/apartment with no expectation to be there temporarily; indeed, she will remain there the rest of her life; so, that room is a dwelling.

Anonymous said...

Well she was up his rear everyone he went until she opened mouth one Saturday morning.

Anonymous said...

Hey KF: One man's bully is another man's tough political operative. Sims and his fellow Thad staff are right to exploit this. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, it would be wrong NOT to use it. This is a tough political race, not a soiree. I'll bet Chris wishes his staff were that competant and effective. The whole blame lies with the idiot(s) doing the deed; blame should not be spread to Thad supporters.

Kingfish said...

Thats politics 101. However, he is a bully. The main villain in the Governor-HMA-Blue Cross fight last fall was Sims. Everyone involved complained that he was the bully in the room. Tried to bully Blue Cross. Tried to push around Mike Chaney. Pushed the Governor into issuing an executive order. Then there is that little scrum in the Grove last fall that pierced the political in Mississippi at that time.

Frankly, the Cochran campaign has been ran rather sloppily. No one has distinguished themselves on either side by their campaign expertise. You have a bully and contract-grabber on one side and a bunch of newbs and wannabe's on the other. The Mayor's race in Jackson showed more expertise than did this race.

Anonymous said...

KF
the contract grabber has taken this race over the last three weeks.

Anonymous said...

"Then there is that little scrum in the Grove last fall that pierced the political in Mississippi at that time."

What are you referring to here, KF?

Kingfish said...

and he's yet to win a race where he didn't have an incumbent and a huge $$$ advantage. Now what Hayes Dent pulled with Lynn Fitch, that was campaign management.

Anonymous said...

+1 @12:45. Don't be a tease, KF.

Anonymous said...

@10:18 asks a valid question. Given her disappearing act over the past week and a half (which has been very well done, by the way), one wonders if Sojourner is still on McDaniel's, ahem, staff.

Anonymous said...

King Fish, you asked me (Since I was Questioning right prior to you about the weird stuff with Cochran's side)what special treatment? This has nothing to do with Jackson! However, in Mississippi, people have taken pictures of people in nursing homes and no scandal like this has ever come about because of it. I read the guy took a picture of Cochran's bedridden wife. He didn't kidnap nor did he harm her. She was not supposedly nude either. I would have been laughed out of any police station if it had happened to my mother if I wanted an arrest!

Don't tell me also that Cochran was so concerned that he feared for her safety when he knew the picture taking took place and had the proof of it! If his campaign has the proof, he has the proof!

You folks are just totally unfair and unreasonable!

I am not here saying the Pearl guy was right. I am seeing where Cochran's side isn't right either.

As for April 26th being the relevant date, NO WAY! Rose is Cochran's wife. The guy went to visit her on Easter day! Don't tell me Cochran wasn't even courteous enough to care about his wife on Easter to know who saw her that day, huh? When does he see her if not on Easter/Christmas, and other holidays?

I see strange stuff on all sides of this except for Mrs. Rose. And she is being selfishly marketed by her very own husband for his own political gain in campaign ads too! Don't say this isn't so!

Disgusting to say the least!

PS I am sure there was an investigation by MPD, but Cochran had the proof so they made arrests quickly!

Again, I wouldn't have gotten this special treatment. However, I feel most sorry for Mrs. Rose! They all piled on her including Cochran, himself! Shame!

Thad Lives in the Basement said...

Question may be valid from a curiousity standpoint but not germane since Sojourner is not on the ballot.

Anonymous said...

So why did Fitch dump Dent?

Anonymous said...

Erik Erikson who I believe is batting 0 with his Tea Party replacement candidates for the House and Senate races this go around is still on the McDaniels cart. At least he's not advising his readers to throw away money on a lost campaign this time.

http://www.redstate.com/2014/05/29/thad-cochran-hosts-fundraisers-for-liberal-democrats/

Micah Gober said...

Kirk Sims, and Melanie Sojourner are both a cancer to the Republican Party.

Anonymous said...

10:18 and 1:17,
Apparently she must have recovered from the diesel fumes and/or tire tracks after being thrown under the bus by McDaniel to speak in Olive Branch recently per: http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Government/2014/05/28/McDanielmentum-Jeppie-Endorses

Anonymous said...

She is. Is currently in a closed room behind a desk emailing potential contributors to the McDaniel camp. Saw this today,


There is less than one week until the election, and there is only one true conservative in this race. Help make sure that a true conservative represents Mississippi in the Senate.
I know that you’ve heard a lot from Chris over the past few days, but I wanted to take a moment to remind you why Chris is the best person to serve Mississippi in the Senate:
• Chris has fought relentlessly to repeal Obamacare, and served as lead counsel in a lawsuit against Obamacare in Mississippi. Our opponent voted to fund Obamacare, twice.
• Chris is the only candidate with a 100% pro-life record in this race. He understands the sanctity of life and would never vote to fund abortions in any way. He was the pro-bono attorney for Pro-Life Mississippi against the state's last abortion clinic.
• While our opponent has consistently voted to increase the nation’s debt ceiling, Chris has often been the only vote against raising the state’s bond limit.
There is no doubt about it – if you want a conservative senator to stand up to President Obama and his liberal agenda, then Chris McDaniel is the best man for the job. There isn’t much time left, and we still need your support. Please take a moment to contribute to the campaign to make sure that Mississippians can finally be represented by a senator that holds Mississippi values.
Chris’ record speaks for itself. Don’t you think a true conservative should serve Mississippi in the Senate?
Sincerely,
Melanie Sojourner
Campaign Manager



________________________________________
CAMPAIGN MAILING ADDRESS
Friends of Chris McDaniel
P.O. Box 125
Laurel, MS 39441 TELEPHONE
601-283-2156
CAMPAIGN E-MAIL ADDRESS
info@mcdaniel2014.com



Federal law requires us to use our best efforts to collect and report the name, mailing address, occupation and name of employer for each individual whose contributions exceed $200 in an election cycle. Contributions from foreign nationals and corporations are prohibited.

Contributions are not deductible as charitable contributions for federal income tax purposes.

Paid for and authorized by Friends of Chris McDaniel. Copyright (c) 2013 by Friends of Chris McDaniel.


Unsubscribe

Anonymous said...

@ KF, read and see for yourself...

http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Government/2014/05/29/Politico-Whitewash-Story-Omits-Cochran-s-Three-Week-Delay-In-Taking-Blogger-Info-To-Police

Cochran exploiting his sickly wife is totally uncool!

Anonymous said...

Hey 1:49, reverse the name order in your question and that my friend is what inquiring minds should be asking!!! #shesahotmess

Anonymous said...

What gives with Cochran?

*BREAKING NEWS*

DC Government Investigating Cochran Aide For Potential 'Illegal Rental' To Cochran

http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Government/2014/05/29/DC-Government-Investigating-Cochran-Aide-For-Potential-Illegal-Rental-To-Cochran

The bulking of his aid's home rental income comes from him so it says.

No certificate of occupancy as a rental too?

Anonymous said...

KF. If this was my grandmother/ mother in St. Catherine's the MPD would have likely not lifted a finger to find the guy, OR would have issued a warrant for a misdemeanor. Case closed.

This whole thing is a dog an pony show to help boost Thad.

The investigator got up on the stand and said herself that they received the report on May 15 and Kelly was arrested the next day and called the images "priceless" (I'm sure my mother's image would be <$100). Stop advocating for this unnecessary drama. It's going to be hilarious when the Grand Jury returns a No Bill on these trumped up charges. The case for felony exploitation is the lynchpin for this whole case. If that case fails, the whole "conspiracy" fails.

Thad DOESN'T Live in the Basement said...


Thad pays Kay $27,000 annually to rent the basement apartment that doesn't exist.

But, let's face it, the RINOs will believe anything Haley tells them to believe.

Anonymous said...

Upon further investigation, Eric Erickson of Red State is saying there is no basement in Kay Webber's home...

http://www.redstate.com/2014/05/29/thad-cochran-hosts-fundraisers-for-liberal-democrats/

All over the web it is reported Cochran lives at his aid's (secretary's) home.

Isn't this a sad state of affairs?

Anonymous said...

My mother had Alzheimer's and was in a full service nursing home. If anyone had exploited her, I would never trust or associate with this person again {Except maybe in a courtroom}. It is hard to believe the McDaniel camp is even hinting at making this a Cochran issue rather than a McDaniel issue. GOOD LUCK!! At least he still has a seat in the state legislature subsidizing his questionable ethical behavior.

Anonymous said...


Cochran's 'arrangement' with Kay Webber is beyond the pale. By their endorsements Bryant, Reeves, Harper, et al have forever ceded the moral high ground and clearly accept relationships with work subordinates. There is no justification for Cochran's taxpayer paid liason with Kay Webber.

Anonymous said...

Holy smokes! The McDaniel McPeanut McGallery came out in full force over the past hour! Or at least one of them did. Did McDaniel's McGirlfriend send out a McEmail alert that JJ needed blitzing?

Look, your boy is down double-digits in all the polling this week. Don't believe me? Where's he planning that victory party again? On Tuesday, 10 minutes after the polls close and they call it for Cochran, you're going to wish you'd spent that money on your doomsday kits instead of giving it to McDaniel. Kind of like Cousin Eddie lamented the money he gave to "that TV preacher who was screwing that hockey player."

A lot of your ideas are right, but your candidate sucks. It's not entirely your fault -- you took the candidate that was thrust upon you when he was anointed by the jobless busybodies who call themselves the leadership of the [Insert Descriptor] Tea Party chapter. If you're honest (and if your last name isn't McDaniel), you'll admit you've got a bad candidate.

If you really want to do some good, how about challenging Greg Harper? And how about digging into where he picked up the extra "G" that he likes so much these days?

Anonymous said...

I dont understand why people keep saying "If this were my grandmother, it would have not made the news.." Of course it wouldn't be news worthy...you are NOT A SENIOR UNITED STATES SENATOR.

When someone messes with a Senator, the FBI is usually involved. If someone messes with Mamaw, of course the FBI isn't concerned. What idiots.

Anonymous said...

after next Tuesday, these wing nuts will crawl under their rocks again!

Anonymous said...

Apparently a good thing for Diaper Dave that he wasn't from Thad's district. He would have been burned at the stake by the McDaniels holier than thou honor brigade.

Anonymous said...

So Danks finally lowered Kelly's bond to $75,000 and Sager's to $50,000, and both posted and are out today.

Anonymous said...

"The bulking of his aid's home rental income comes from him so it says."

$162,000 over a six year period isn't unbelievable for an apartment in D.C. That amounts to about $2,250/month.

Also, where is all this talk about the basement "not existing" coming from? I haven't read that anywhere.

Anonymous said...

Matthew 7:3 That is all

Anonymous said...

3:58,

You should click on some of the links listed in the comments above. DC government says there is no apartment listed at that address. Ergo, no basement apartment to rent. So what were the checks really for? And how does a senate aid afford a multi-million dollar home?

Anonymous said...

The DA agreed to lower bonds and a Circuit Judge signed the order lowering the bonds. Danks had nothing to do with it.

This is SOP in Madison, The City. Danks sets absurd bonds, the DA agrees to lower, and the Circuit [sane] Judges enter the orders.

Anonymous said...

McDaniel is a cartoon character. If I wanted a looney tune I'd vote for Daffy Duck.

Thad DOESN'T Live in the Basement said...

In 2013 a delegation of glad handers from Warren County and Vicksburg went up to DC to make the rounds. Lo and behold a reception welcoming their visit was held at Thad and Kay's place, aka The Webber House.

I wonder if Bennie Thompson joined in the festivities and knows all about Thad's little 'arrangement'? I'm sure Bennie will fess up all should Senator Somnambulist make it to the general.

Anonymous said...

4:20, evidently reading comprehension is not a skill set of yours. The linked article in question did not say there was not an apartment at the address. What was stated in the article was:

"But a records search with the District of Columbia Department of Regulatory Affairs (DCRA) found no paperwork indicating she registered her house for those commercial purposes."

Big difference.

Anonymous said...


Thompson has been to Thad's pad before for political fundraisers.

He's no stranger to the goings on there and KNOWS all about Thad and Kay.

Anonymous said...

Kingfish has no idea that St. Dominics and St. Catherine's are two separate and distinct corporations.

Anonymous said...

Benny has no comment. HE lives in the basement apartment at Charles Rangle's house.

Anonymous said...

THIS POSTED BY SCOTT BREWSTER SO YOU kNOW ITS FACT
Looks like this primary will be just like the 2008 and 2012 POTUS general elections. It's a battle between:

1. Low information voters wanting continuing government handouts (Thad Cochran)

2. Fiscal conservatives that understand the Constitutional constraints placed on the federal government (Chris McDaniel)

Which are you?

Anonymous said...

@5:25
http://www.guidestar.org/organizations/64-0714999/st-dominic-health-services.aspx
"A HOLDING CORPORATION CHARTERED TO ACQUIRE OWNERSHIP OF ST DOMINIC-JACKSON MEMORIAL HOSPITAL, COMMUNITY HEALTH SERVICES-ST DOMINIC, INC PHYSICIANS PLUS BAPTIST & ST DOMINIC, INC ST CATHERINE'S VILLAGE, INC ST DOMINIC HEALTH SERVICES FOUNDATION, INC FIRST INTERMED CORPORATION AND ST DOMINIC MADISON HEALTH SERVICES, INC ST DOMINIC RECOGNIZES ITS BASIC PARTICIPATION IN THE MISSION OF THE CHURCH, WHICH INVOLVES TWO MAIN MINISTRIES EDUCATION AND HEALTH CARE "

Anonymous said...

QUOTE from redstate.com

But there is no basement apartment in Kay Webber’s home available for rent. That’s according to the District of Columbia database where these things can be tracked

Link: http://www.redstate.com/2014/05/29/thad-cochran-hosts-fundraisers-for-liberal-democrats/

So what all does Ms Webber do to be paid almost as much as Cochran as a secretary? Also, since it is all over the web Cochran pays rent to live at her address. Later it was announced he actually lives in her basement with his own entrance.

Now that Eric Erickson is on record saying there is no basement then what is Cochran doing at Webber's house?

video-gate is now turning to RENTAL-gate, eh?

Pugnacious said...

Benny has no comment. HE lives in the basement apartment at Charles Rangle's house.

Is that the apartment at Rangle's Dominican Republic hideaway? Twisting away in Santo Domingo.

Anonymous said...

for all you teabaggers grasping at straws, here is a link to a story on the apartment.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/05/29/influential-conservative-behind-housing-complaint-targeting-gop-senator.html


Influential Conservative Behind Housing Complaint Targeting GOP Senator

An influential conservative activist may have inadvertently filed a complaint with DC city government alleging that Sen. Thad Cochran (R-MS) lives in an illegal Washington apartment.

A complaint alleging that Sen. Thad Cochran (R-MS) was living in a illegal apartment in Washington DC was filed by Phil Kerpen, an influential conservative activist in the efforts to overturn Obamacare.

In a since deleted tweet, Kerpen asked the Washington DC Department of Consumer and Regulatory Affairs (DCRA) “@dcra Is there a legal basement rental unit at 218 Maryland Ave NE?.” According to Matt Orlins of DCRA who provided a screen shot of the tweet, “Generally, it is not our policy to release the names of complainants. In this case, the original complaint came through via Twitter, which is public
Cochran is currently in a very close primary against Tea Party hopeful State Sen. Chris McDaniel. The election, which is next week, has gotten increasingly dirty as both sides have exchanged a number of negative ads. It crescendoed when Clayton Kelly, a pro-McDaniel blogger, broke into the nursing home where Cochran's bedridden wife lives and took pictures of her. He has since been arrested along with several co-conspirators, including a McDaniel volunteer and a former radio co-host of McDaniel. The McDaniel campaign has strongly denied any link to the break-in or to Kelly.

The complaint, which was first reported by Matt Boyle of Breitbart News claims that Cochran aide Kay Webber, who rents a basement apartment in her Capitol Hill row house to the Senator. The allegation is that Webber has never registered her home with city government to be registered for commercial purposes. If guilty, it’s a civil violation that would be punished with a fine of up to $2000.

Kerpen currently runs a group called American Commitment. Prior to that, he spent years as a vice president at the influential conservative non-profit Americans for Prosperity. On Twitter, Kerpen made clear that this was a "[s]imple inquiry, not a complaint." He went on to say that his "tweet was deleted because @DCRA said on they prefer not to discuss investigations on Twitter."

In an email exchange with The Daily Beast, Kerpen said he was simply curious. "I figured why not simply ask and find out. I thought it would be a simple yes or no question whether the required permits are on file - if I got a reply at all," he said. "It did not occur to me that it would result in an investigation." Kerpen went on to note that he has no involvement in the primary. This is simply a case where curiosity didn't kill the cat, it just meant the conservative activist inadvertantly filed a complaint with DC city government.

Anonymous said...

2014, the year of madness. This year is complete with a mad hatter, a tea party, and Alice. Other wonderland characters are also involved, however, who they pertain to in the real world is completely subjective to ones political worldview and assessment of 'the situation' in wonderland.

Now that we've all gone down the rabbit hole, we need to find a way out! You can vote on this matter on Tuesday!

Tweedle dee and tweedle dum will not be at the polls to assist you in your decision as the the queen of hearts has them locked up in the dungeon.

That's all for now.

Anonymous said...

sounds to me like McDaniels is desperate.

Anonymous said...

Our next MS US Senator is Chris McDaniel. That is McDaniel without an 's'!


Anonymous said...

He has plenty of " s" attached to his name now!

Cough Please said...

@6:35; Do you know the difference in a corporation and a holding company? St. Dominic's does not control St. Catherine's. They are separate and distinct yet under the same umbrella holding company. Wonder why MEA was left off your list......

Fallacy Po Po said...

Is the point of 7:33's post to validate what we all suspected all along or to discredit the man who outed it? Attacking the messenger ( Phil Kerpen, an influential conservative activist in the efforts to overturn Obamacare) is a fallacy violation.

Anonymous said...

Haley Alinsky is to republicans what Oprah is to women....and both have the same disregard for the truth

Anonymous said...

Haley Alinsky is to republicans what Oprah is to women....and both have the same disregard for the truth

Anonymous said...

YOU WON'T SEE THIS FROM Y'allCochran or any other Haley Barbour apologist.

PAY ATTENTION McDaniel campaign.

Full page Cochran ad in MississippiLink. May 29, 2014, PAGE 5.

Thad for Mississippi

= Cochran's long record of service gets praise from Democrats & Republicans

= Provided more than $18M in federal funds to HBCU's such as JSU, Tougaloo College, Alcorn State University, Mississippi Valley State University and Rust College

(Note: Thad Cochran has been in Congress over 40 years and he's taking credit for providing, over all that time, ONLY 18 MILLION DOLLARS to HBCU's? If that doesn't insult your intelligence Democrats then you are the dumbshits that Bennie Thompson and Robert Graham claim you to be?

Then, the special message from Thad Cochran to Democrats is at the end:

*The decision on who is going to be our next senator is going to be made in the republican primary. We're asking democrats to cross over and vote in the republican primary to ensure our community's interest is heard.

Anonymous said...

How do prosecutors get the Sager conspiracy charge to stick? According to the affidavit, the conspiracy count is tied to the photo voyeurism charge (97-29-63) against Constitutional Clayton, but since all the elements of the photo voyeurism offense aren't met here (there's no intent of sexual arousal), then the conspiracy charges don't seem like they'd hold up either.

Unknown said...

WIN OR LOSE McDaniel still has his
television show "Everybody Hates
Chris".


Recent Comments

Search Jackson Jambalaya

Subscribe to JJ's Youtube channel

Archives

Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
.