Thursday, April 23, 2009

Irony














The Clarion-Ledger recently reported on a robbery that took place at a party held in an Eastover home:
"On March 8, Jackson Police Detective James Cornelius took on the case of the missing diamonds. A woman had reported more than $50,000 in jewelry missing from her north Jackson home.
Seventeen high-dollar items were stolen, including a Cartier drop necklace, sapphire and diamond bracelet, Rolex watch and Tiffany double pearl earings with diamonds.
In talking with the jewelry owner, Cornelius discovered she'd let a friend host a birthday party at the residence the day before, and about 98 people attended. That was the first clue....
Cornelius said the jewelry owner did not want to pursue charges once she got her jewelry back and the guest seeks treatment. Since the guest has not been charged, police are not releasing her name
." Article

Seek treatment? Irony.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

I see what you did.

Anonymous said...

Yep, I see it, too.

Kingfish said...

Can she treat herself?

Anonymous said...

She specializes in marriage and family therapy. She's divorced, so I guess she would at least know what NOT to do.

As for compulsive stealing, I doubt she could help herself!

Anonymous said...

So clever with the clues. As one commenter wrote "I doubt she could help herself" so the public will know her name soon enough!

Kingfish said...

I've no idea what you are talking about.

Anonymous said...

JPD insiders say she reads Northside Sun to find out what parties to attend for loot.

Anonymous said...

$50k/17 doesn't make a big number. I wouldn't call those 'high dollar' items. The total, yes. Individually, no.

Where do they park 98 guests in Eastover? Do they park in the yard? All up and down the street like in the ghetto? Say it ain't so. Do they ferry them from a parking lot somewhere? Inquiring middle class minds want to know.

Kingfish said...

The nursing home has shuttles.

Anonymous said...

Have you seen the length of some of the driveways in Eastover? Enough for MANY vehicles!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, but 50+ cars ain't small.

Are you serious about the nursing home? How quaint. Seems awfully declasse to put the benz in the old folks home for the evening. Do they wash all the peasant germs off it when you leave?

Anonymous said...

Very clever. It took about 60 seconds to figure that one out, but then again, I wasn't paying close attention to the pictures at first.

Maybe the Madame over at the JFP can run a cover story on her getting nominated to the "Who's Who" list of NE Jackson. Or in the alternative, the "WhoIsNotToBeLetInYourHouseOrYourStuffMayGoMissing" list. I hear the XXXX's may be needing a good marriage counselor about now.

Anonymous said...

How old is she and does she have the same name as her mother n law that lives in Palisades?

Anonymous said...

She is divorced - no mother-in-law. She's in her early 50's. She has a high school kid, so no names please.

Kingfish said...

thats the damn problem with you people.

She has done this before but everyone in NE Jackson she robs is too damn embarrassed to admit they were victims so she moves on to the next mark. Maybe if you guys DID start prosecuting her and started naming her, she would actually stop.

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Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


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Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

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