Thursday, February 14, 2008


I woke up in the middle of night to the sound of tinkling bells. Still somewhat groggy, I thought perhaps my usual night of dreams was more real than usual, until I saw him.

He was dressed as a devil holding a red pitchfork. I swear he looked like Frank Melton, which is scary enough on its own. Anyway, this devilish guy did not speak, but reached over and took my hand and “poof” I was back in high school, which was never my favorite place. I found myself looking at ME in the hallway, and this guy Danny whom I had a crush on at that time, walked right by me without speaking. You know, that guy never spoke a word to me the whole time I had the hots for him. Devil Man pointed to the right and I saw an image of Danny working in a grocery store. He was older, with gray hair and dang he looked bad.

In a flash, Devil Guy and I were in The Grove at Ole Miss back in the late 70’s. We were standing in the middle of a big party before a football game. My old friends and I are drinking beer out of cups by a table of fried chicken, potato salad, baked beans, and cupcakes. This really cute guy Tom is there with us. Tom was 6 years younger than me and we’d been seeing each other. Oh my goodness how adorable he was then. He reached over to kiss me and “poof” I see a floating image of a much older Tom, short, fat and bald driving a minivan full of teenagers. Oh Tom, what happened to you?

Fast forward to Jackson, mid-80’s and I see my roommate and I at Bennigan’s with two guys who bought us drinks. We leave and go with them to some club to dance and drink some more. “Purple Haze” by Prince is playing and I’m slow dancing with “Mike”, whom I later marry and later divorce. He is tall and thin and was rather attractive. This strikes me really weird, as last time I saw him, he was almost totally gray, going bald, and was still trying to pretend he played college football and was a star. GEESH.

Then Devil Dude touches my arm and we are in a strange place where visions of many faces are flying by, faces of guys I dated, had one-nighters with or thought I loved at the time. I feel rather dizzy watching all this mainly because I cannot believe the losers I wasted my time with. Devil Ghost points to the left and I see someone walking towards me, someone I do not recognize. As they get closer, I see a man bringing me a package of some sorts. He hands it to me and turns and walks off. I look at the package, then look at the Ghost. The Ghost nods his head and points to the box, indicating that I open it. I do just that, and inside is a music box. I open the top and the sound of Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven” is playing. I see a ladder in the distance and walk towards it. Devil Man points to me, then points to the ladder and takes the music box out of my hand. I begin climbing the ladder which seems endless, and encounter clouds and light wind. I reach the top and see a beautiful mansion surrounded by flowers and trees. I feel someone touch my back and I jump around. What I see is the most unbelievable face in the world. It is Dale, my boyfriend from 11th grade killed in a car accident back in high school. He still looks the same as he did then, with brown hair down to his collar, a baby face and his adorable grin from ear to ear. He reaches over to kiss me and I feel faint.

The next thing I remember is waking up in my bed with the alarm going off. It must have all been a dream. I go about my routine, getting dressed and heading to the office. It’s Valentine’s Day, but it’s just another day to me. No plans, no date, just an ordinary day.

Around lunchtime, UPS delivers a package to me at the office. I’m thinking it’s my new business cards or something, so I just rip it open. Inside is the music box from my dream! I open it and it begins playing “Stairway to Heaven”.

Dale, you sure know how to get a girl all teary-eyed on Valentine’s Day.


Anonymous said...

Oh I like this one.

Anonymous said...

That brings tears to my eyes.

Anonymous said...

I know this story probably isn't real, but I love it. It makes me think of things in my own life.

Anonymous said...

awesome story - you should publish

Anonymous said...

Wow. I love this. Found it by accident.

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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).

Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.

In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS