Wednesday, June 21, 2023

Moving Forward

What happens when a tradition of 33 years is ditched?

 

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Nobody cares except manchildren long past their prime?

Anonymous said...

1:13, obviously your attitude is reflecting your situation of no electricity.

Anonymous said...

For the bread and circus people. Idolaters and simpletons. Seekers not of truth, but of endless sports and entertainment.

Anonymous said...

1:13 PM, Preach! Clarification: I love PLAYING sports.

Do I care about tracking performance statistics, "front office" gossip, and "storylines"? Heck no!!!

Anonymous said...

Please enlighten us 1:13 and 1:27... how do you spend your leisure time (other than insulting others that don't share your interests).

Anonymous said...

@1:41pm - Leisure time? Gotta work 3 jobs just to afford groceries nowadays.

Anonymous said...

Glad to see these guys again. Looking forward to seeing them every week come the fall.

Anonymous said...

Acting skills so bad they make Peyton Manning look like Brando.

Anonymous said...

Brando was overrated

Anonymous said...

The SEC and their simpleton fans have become a character of themselves.

The league lost its cool factor Circa 1997.

Anonymous said...

1:13 PM here
To everyone who asked what I do for fun…
I unironically spend my non-productive hours listening to The Dixie Cryptid YouTube Channel

Anonymous said...

Jeez, what a bunch of jerks in the comments section.

I’m glad this crew is back again. They are a truly talented ensemble. And it’s awesome that the short dude is a Bama fan & the tall lanky one roots for Auburn. You’d never know it otherwise.

Anonymous said...

9:08, I may be a simpleton but at least the SEC school I graduated from taught me the word is “caricature” instead of “character”

Anonymous said...

Games are too expensive. Everything is tweaked to extract money.

It's all greed. The game is hollow now. Players don't even care about the schools. It's all pretend, but VERY profitable.

Anonymous said...

9:08, the SEC has won 15 of the 25 college football national championships since allegedly “losing their cool” in 1997. Word is that the Big 10 and PAC 12 are desperately trying to figure out how to lose their cool also.

Anonymous said...

@1:37, Correction... ESPN money paid for the championships.

Not everyone cares about SEC football. It is just NFL light these days. I'd rather watch DII than another LSU vs Bama snoozer. It's just a bunch of paid athletes with no loyalty playing another team with paid athletes and no loyalty. The college with the highest paid athletes usually wins. Then, you have to hear from all the fans (who couldn't even get into that college) brag about "their" team winning. Eye Roll. Real college football died in the 90's.

Anonymous said...

1:37- Look, if you want to try to live your life vicariously through 20 year olds that will not get a diploma, then the SEC might just be for you. But, strutting around like a rooster because your mid-IQ school plays the sportsball well, is laughable.

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, but SEC fans embrace that lifestyle.


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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


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Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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