Well, if you are flying out today, take your own water bottle if you want to drink something at the airport. The water fountains are turned off, the filtered water is turned off, and the vendors are sold out of bottled water. Don't worry, the water is working in the bathrooms. Got the tip from a good friend who is waiting for her flight right now. Nice.
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Trollfest '09
Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.
Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).
Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.
Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".
In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.
In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.
Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.
Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).
Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.
Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".
In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.
In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.
Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.
Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
Trollfest '07
Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.
There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.
If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.
If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
24 comments:
I thought the state was taking over. I travel a lot. Worst airport in America. Next to Shreveport.
Sort of sounds like a crime to me. Just like the fire hydrant that was mistaken as city of jackson’s that was cut on last week that dropped service for hundreds of customers and it was another entity out of Raymond that owned it because a certain group who is running around cutting hydrants on didn’t understand that coj didn’t provide service to that area, but they do nearby. In the meantime I will use lower case letters when referring to the Capitol City until these hoodlums grow up.
I can barely afford to fly, much less afford anything they sell at those inflated prices.
Thanks but I’d rather swallow my spit and wait until Atl for water. Flowood toilet water just doesn’t sound good
1 – 4 of 4
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Worst airport in America. Next to Shreveport.
March 3, 2024 at 1:31 PM
I don't travel a lot but went through a 1/2 dozen airports in the past 6 months. Jxn, is one of the best. Mostly because of short lines, convenience, easy parking/picking up/dropping off. I could care less about food, drink and supplies sold at airports, but if you have an extremely long lay over those items may become important. I doubt there's may layovers there.
Unless someone else is paying for my flight, I fly out of New Orleans. The 2 hour drive is worth the $300 saved and 5 hours of layovers in ATL or DFW. I took my family to Mexico for vacation last year and saved over $2000 by flying out of Nola.
2:25- Are you on drugs? I fly a few times a month out of Jackson and it’s terrible. The escalators are always down. The elevators in the parking garage are often not working.
On a recent flight, they had to deboard planes and run an entire terminal back through security because someone didn’t calibrate a security machine properly.
The place is an absolute joke.
Terrible airport.
The joke's on you... you can't bring a full water bottle through security.
JAN is certainly not the worst airport in the country. I can park and be through security in less than 10 minutes. The rotating hall of fame for the board is stupid... but it's generally a pretty solid airport if you're flying in or flying out. If you're looking for entertainment or food and drink, don't come to an airport.
I drive to MSY when it suits me to have a direct flight. Otherwise, I fly all over the world through Jackson.
They had a water line break near the drop off exit. It looks pretty extensive. They had about a 12’ x 12’ hole dug, and they were working on it for several days. I think it is fixed now.
The ONLY reason I travel to RankinCounty is to visit the airport. I am scared of the people there. I am scared of the law enforcement there. I am scared to visit a bar there because I don’t want to get beat up., and I know with out of county plates I will be pulled over..
Meanwhile every airport in Asia is just awesome from Narita to Taipei and even Manila!
The airport is on a well water system. The water is sourced below ground on the airport property and held in the big orange and white water tank near the entrance.
Another one of Chucks new world order projects shining. Travel every two weeks out Chuck’s airport and have been doing so for 25 plus years. It started before he showed up. But for sure it has accerated down under his control. Pray for good leadership and positive changes one day.
At least the flights to Paris are running smoothly.
We need to starting planting colorful plants in the parking lot potholes.
The federal takeover does not involve any part of Rankin County. That's where the airport is located.
And it's Capital City, not Capitol City. I know it's confusing, but just remember...capitol refers to a building.
[That's a capital idea. We will meet in the capital city and tour the capitol.]
Oh, but dont dare to pull over to the curb to pick up your arriving family member from the last arriving flight of the evening. Eight guards are ready to SWAT you and write you a ticket!
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Oh, but dont dare to pull over to the curb to pick up your arriving family member from the last arriving flight of the evening. Eight guards are ready to SWAT you and write you a ticket!
March 4, 2024 at 11:23 AM
I do this several times a year mostly in the middle of day, never once had a problem. You can't park there, have whoever landed call you when he/she s outside (with luggage and all), you then pick them up, easy peasy chicken squeezy.
Anonymous Anonymous said...
2:25- Are you on drugs? I fly a few times a month out of Jackson and it’s terrible. The escalators are always down. The elevators in the parking garage are often not working.
March 3, 2024 at 3:16 PM
I'm not a disabled fattie like 95% of the 'Sip, so I don't take stairs/escalators anyway for one floor, espcially when stairs are right there.
The typical Mississippi fatties have likely broken the escalators and elevators. Everything would be maintained but the funds have been used for a very expensive junket to Paris. We are still waiting for the glowing report on all of the business that junket has brought to Jackson. Right?
12:18/12:38 same person and hopefully getting paid to cheer for JAN.
To be fair, JAN is serviceable to me and sadly a little better than I expect from Jackson mgmt.
I don't need fancy amenities here (like food and coffee) but even for my lowered expectations, the bathrooms at luggage claim are quite embarrassing.
4:34 - That's because the bathrooms are not located at luggage claim. Maybe you've been taking a whiz at the car-rental counter.
March 3, 2024 at 6:13 PM
Must be one of Jackson's finest that's a felon in possession.
March 3, 2024 at 1:31 PM
Still waiting for the Federal Court.
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