Thursday, August 2, 2007

Dear DWF,

First of all, I am a male in my late 20's. After reading your recent posts, I want to get your opinion on a recent date I had with a 40-something woman. I guess you would call her a Cougar.

I asked her where she'd like to go to eat, and she said Amerigo's, which I appreciated since it is not so expensive. She arrived first, went to the bar, and ordered 2 glasses of wine, and was on the second glass when I arrived. She had already paid for the wine so we went to our table when called.

We ordered a small appetizer and split it, had our entrees, and she ordered a dessert, which I shared with her. We had a great time chatting about her children, my job and various topics.
I paid our check and we walked outside. Since we had both driven to the restaurant, I asked if I could follow her home or if she'd like to follow me? She said, "I really just want to go home if you don't mind". She gave me a hug and drove off!

What did I do wrong?

Dear 20-Something,

It is obvious you did not make a "connection" with this woman. Did you wear a pair of those hideous baggy britches (how could she check out your butt)? Did you shave or have that unkempt look (and can you pull that off or did you just look too lazy to shave)? Did you wear a t-shirt (with holes in it)? What cologne did you wear, one of those Axe sprays or something nice (ah, the smell of Polo)? Did you pick your nose or not put your napkin in your lap (or use your napkin to pick your nose)? Do you have a pet and did you have dog hair on you (which means you might smell like a dog, also)?

There are many reasons that could explain her leaving so abruptly, but the main point here is this: Just because you are young doesn't mean a Cougar will want you. I personally go for that slightly unkempt but "hot" look, but most of all, I go for that CHEMISTRY. If I look flushed, you know you've got me. WOO HOO. (Give me a 28-year old version of Brad Pitt any day).

20-Something, try asking a friend girl to help you dress for your next date, and see what happens. If you aren't mad at me by now, let me know how it goes. (Also, there are these things called "Listermint Strips" - try one after your next meal.)

Sincerely,

DWF
(Send me more - I love these!)

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

You asked her where she wanted to go eat? Be a man and step up to the plate. You decide or give her a couple of choices. You're not in high school anymore, she's 40. She EXPECTS you to take charge.

Meeting her for first time and you ask to follow to her home or vice versa? good job. It screams of, I want to get in your pants tonight. Smoove. Very smoove.

Anonymous said...

Is this real? This is great. Let's see some more Dear Abby types.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious that the guy can't figure it out. You don't try to jump in her pants on the first date! (That is, unless she shows an interest). Ha ha.

Anonymous said...

You should post again SOON and get back on the "front page".


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If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

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