Wednesday, June 29, 2016

"The Superintendent does not provide effective educational leadership"

The Mississippi Department of Education blistered JPS in a recent audit.  The violations are simply too numerous to mention in one post and aren't merely technical in nature.  MDE reported JPS had dangerous schools, too many unlicensed teachers, graduated students who should not graduate, and a host of other serious problems.  JPS faces a loss of accreditation, as MDE will downgrade the accreditation status of JPS from "accredited" to "probation".   JPS violated 22 of a possible 32 standards as it flunked the audit.  MDE notified JPS in a June 15 letter stating JPS could contest the findings within the next thirty days.  MDE will present the findings to the Commission on School Accreditation on August 4.   JPS can request a hearing to contest the findings.

JJ is going to cover this subject a little differently than others. The report is 247 pages and is simply too long to cover in one post while giving it the attention it deserves. The public needs to know how bad really things are at JPS. JJ is going to publish a series of posts about the audit. The full audit is posted below if you want to read ahead. Here are the first batch of highlights from the report.

*Leadership.  The audit states:

Based on the Findings outlined in this audit report, the superintendent does not provide effective educational leadership in key areas including management of district personnel, effective implementation of policies, and the development of board and community relations.  (KF: No comment)

Based on confidential interviews and survey results, policies are inconsistently applied.

Implementation of discipline policies administered by the principal are often overturned by the Superintendent or central office administration. Reports also indicate the principals’ “hands are tied” regarding administering discipline consequences. (p.7)..

The Superintendent does not implement an instructional management plan that clearly defines the academic goals necessary for improving student achievement.

The Superintendent fails to ensure that school facilities are maintained according to standards required for clean, safe, and orderly schools. (This will be covered in a later post.  There is a big devil in these details.)
*Then there is the School Board:

(School) Board policies do not serve as the basis of operation for the district. Many policies are not current, and irregularities and inconsistencies exist in these documents when compared with other district documents. Findings include, but are not limited, to the following:

Policies and the Parent-Student Handbook contain many duplications. The handbook is disorderly and repetitious.  The handbook contains no Code of Student Conduct.

The school board has failed to adopt, maintain, and implement policies that are current and clearly define and ensure that the necessary plans, procedures, programs, and systems are in place to effectively implement a discipline system that supports principals and teachers and ensures decisions are made consistently for all students. Based on confidential interviews and survey results, discipline policies are applied inconsistently, and central office administrators and board members overturn the administration’s decisions regarding student discipline.
*The School Board gets more heat:

The school board has failed to effectively perform its duties in its role of oversight of management for the District as prescribed by law. (p.12)
The audit also states that  the Board does not make visits in a group as required.  Individual members visit the schools at their own discretion.

* Licensed teachers.  Remember when JJ reported that only 43% of JPS employees were teachers? Here is why:

Many professional positions in the District are filled by staff who do not hold a valid Mississippi Teacher’s License or who are not properly endorsed for the subject they are teaching. (p.14)

The District has a high teacher turnover rate and teacher abandonment of jobs. Students in those classes are divided and assigned to different classes. This also occurs when teachers are absent. Their students are dispersed among other classes.

Auditors were unable to determine the degree to which the District is noncompliant regarding the lack of properly certified or licensed professional staff. Many  positions are listed in the District Personnel Edits; however, reports from individual schools  revealed that a number of teachers had left the District and their classes are now covered by  substitutes or either their students were merged into other classes in which the same subject  matter was not being taught. The students were monitored by the classroom teacher, but received no  instruction. A detailed personnel listing was provided to a staff member at one (1) school and the  staff member indicated 12 professionals out of 30 were no longer teaching at the school.
*JPS hired an administrator with a felony background. No action was taken regarding this hire until it was reported by the newspaper.

*Licensed teachers again:

79 of the 1643 certified teachers employed by the District are working outside their areas of certification in academic core subjects. Approximately 200 of the 1643 teachers have no certification or are improperly certified. (p.16)
*Three schools (of 58) lack a librarian.  Librarians are unable to devote half of a day if the school has less than 500 students or a full day if it has more than 500 students.   (p.17. This subject is covered in more detail later in the report and it will be reported in a later post.)

*Attendance reporting.  The audit states:
The District has failed to report attendance in accordance with the reporting guidelines outlined in Miss. Code Ann. § 37-13-91.

Findings include failure to report unlawful absences within the required timelines, failure to ensure that correct contact information is properly placed on the student attendance referrals, lack of approved policies and procedures related to unexcused absences and tardies, and failure to report suspensions to the MDE.

In addition, auditors reviewing student records viewed documentation of students being absent for as many as 90 days and still passing courses and earned Carnegie units. (p.39)
*Graduation requirements. The audit charges JPS was woefully negligent in this area:

Jackson Public School Board Policy JBJ/IGD for Promotion and Retention of Students also includes Graduation Requirements. The required subjects listed in the graduation requirements for a traditional diploma are incorrect. The total number of credits required is listed as 27. The District Option requires a total of 23 units...

A review of student records for graduating seniors of school year 2014-2015 indicated that 25 students out of 193 records reviewed did not meet graduation requirements. (p.44)

A review of student records for seniors of school year 2014-2015 indicates that a large number of records contain no documentation verifying that students have passed all four (4) end-of-course subject area tests. The following is the result of the record review for seniors of school year 2014-2015 (The first number is the number of students who lacked said documentation, the second number is the total number of students reviewed):

Callaway: 27/34
Forest Hill: 17/34
Jim Hill: 31/33
Lanier: 5/26
Murrah: 28/50
Wingfield: 6/20

A review of records of seniors of school year 2014-2015, and the District’s graduation ceremony program, indicate that some students who did not meet graduation requirements were permitted to participate in the graduation exercises. (p.45. But hey, graduation rates are increasing so everything is ok, right?)

That was part I. Part II will be covered tomorrow. The report is posted below for readers who want to move ahead of the reporting. Keep an eye on Forest Hill and Callaway high schools while reading the audit. Those two schools will repeatedly stand out for the wrong reasons.

Kingfish note: Kate Royals provided a a nice synopsis of the report in her Mississippi Today article. 
Dr. Gray told the Clarion-Ledger on April 6:
Gray said the he has known the review was coming and welcomes it.

"Districts will likely be dinged for willful neglect, which we don't have," he said. "We will take a close look at our policies and practices and improve on them."
It will be interesting to see if readers will agree with  this statement by Saturday.


Anonymous said...

talk about unacceptable!.....does this bring about the beginnings of a MDE takeover of the system?

Anonymous said...

So the "scholars" as the students are referred to by the superintendent at JPS are being shortchanged. This guy is nothing but shuck and jive. Its been obvious since day one.

Anonymous said...

That's right... because fingerpointing always solves problems.

Anonymous said...

Taught at a high school in JPS a few years ago. A total of 11 textbooks for six sections. Half of my 25 classroom computers worked, and of the half that worked, half of those did not have the appropriate software needed for the class. Students in the "prestigious" International Baccalaureate program were reading at elementary school levels. The principal rarely left her office. Was physically assaulted by a student, yet I was placed on leave. My class was one of the last to go to lunch, and routinely the cafeteria was out of hot food, and students were served sandwiches.

This distric has been a failing district for a long time, and the state should have long=ago assumed control of it.

Anonymous said...

A friend of mine who teaches for JPS and who is a Ms licensed teacher said that the Super lowered the passing grade to a 50 to increase graduation rates. That really helps the students learn.

Anonymous said...

THE WHOLE STATE IS IN THE TOILET----how can the students get into college or even hold a job---that's why I urged my sons after they completed college to take their families and get out asap. They all have made the move to east Tennessee where my grand children attend public schools and they thank me every time we visit for pushing them to make the move. I hate the attitude I have about this once great state but JPS is just a small part of the problem. Everyone is out for themselves.

I stopped reading the Clarion Ledger because it made me mad to see what we were doing to ourselves and now KINGFISH, I will stop reading your blog and will not reply to any more of your post. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK !!!!! You still need to go after our developer buddy !!!!

Anonymous said...

Let's pass a law!

We can call it No Child Left Behind.

Mission Accomplished.

Anonymous said...

It's worse than that 1:44, the passing grade was not lowered to 50. It remains 60.

What they did is make the FLOOR grade 50. The lowest grade a teacher can give is a 50. Which makes getting to a 60 much easier than a bunch of zeros.

Messick said...

What we're dealing with here is taxpayer funded daycare.

Anonymous said...

These surprise audits by the MS Dept. of Education are a real bitch to pass. I'm sure Dr. Gray and his top-notch staff will have these minor problems corrected in no time flat.

Anonymous said...

Any idea of the date of the last audit ? How long has this been going on ? How long has Dr. Gray been JPS Super ?

Anonymous said...

But, Dr. Gray sure looks professional with the bow tie every day.

Anonymous said...

Cedrick Gray, Superintendent of Jackson Public Schools (JPS) in Mississippi was named Superintendent of the Year by the National Alliance of Black School Educators in November, 2015.

Anonymous said...

They are continuing to make questionable hires. One of the new principals is the former HPSD super who had to resign. Interesting choice.

Anonymous said...

Freshman Democrat representative from Oxford Jay Hughes likes to say: "It all starts with education".

True to a degree, but to me, the reality is that "It all starts with a mother and a FATHER".

Anonymous said...

June 29, 2016 at 2:18 PM, you are a rambling, ranting IDIOT!!! You are part of the main problem, encouraging your family to get out. You do nothing, and now you're going to stop reading about it. Good job.

Anonymous said...

Hey, 4:16, count me in with 2:18. I've got one going to college out-of-state now and one that will be headed out-of-state soon. They have both been advised to never return. We will be right behind them as soon as we can. Why? Demographics. Demographics explains virtually everything. And the point of no return loometh.

Anonymous said...

So, you're good with wanting 2:18 to sacrifice his children, right?
The parents that continued to use the public schools in Cleveland found out that they weren't quite sacrificing enough.
Just how much is enough for people like you? How many generations should be burned at the alter of political correctness before you've seen enough?
If someone knows that it's best for their family to get out, then they should get out.

Anonymous said...

Well he's good at one thing.... Using social media everyday all day....The man tweets 15-50 tweets or more a day...Just a bunch of quotes he probably has googled. JPS is a complete joke...... The most unprofessional acting people I have ever encounter. They have plenty of principals that have been to jail for DUI and felonies... They hire anybody before they do a background check. And not to mention all the unprofessional activities that go on......Sleep with me for a job,pay increase,promotion and no experience for the position. With this district All children left behind.....These findings are very much True.

Anonymous said...

Anyone read Cedric Gray's past? Didn't he resign? Didn't he get questioned by the state of Tennessee for losing a couple of million dollars? Interesting we could care less about the children of our state to do a little research.

Anonymous said...

5:14, you are right. We could not care less about the children of our state. That has been shown many times and continues to be spot lighted by our last place spot in education. People in Ms. are satisfied to have the dumbest children in the U.S. As long as some people can pocket some extra money and hire their buddies everyone is happy.
Don't know about the rest of you but it should be embarrassing to have the dumbest kids in America.

Anonymous said...

Isn't this the same clown who inflated test scores in the Shaw School District during his tenure? The state was there for that one too if my memory serves me correctly.

Anonymous said...

i'd expect a communist to tell me where I can and cannot go. When my father croaks, I'm gone. You can do the heavy work for your miserable collectivist causes that have no hope.

Let's talk about why the brain drain has hit us soooo hard! Why do they want to leave?
( until you dumbasses quit treating this place like a plantation replete with a political and social caste system, nothing will change.)

Don't forget to tithe to the Lord while your at it. It will help soooooo much. If I had a nickel for every faux prayer said around here.......

Anonymous said...

I have to ask: has anything ever been different? I lived in JX for 40 years and at no time were the public schools even marginally acceptable. What is the percentage of white students in JPS by the way? I read there were approx 368 white students in a district of over 27,000.

Anonymous said...

Mustang here (class of 1972), just squeeked by, but living large.

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with this article. JPS is terrible and it starts with leadership at the top. Hiring an administrator with a felony is false reporting. JPS central office staff administration all need to be replaced. Building level principals on the middle and high school level are horrible. JPS has been a sinking ship for a long time. There is no accountability for job performance. Through all the leaders of the district are failing the kids. Board members need to do their job. Employees who have been in the district for 40 years send them home! Why are they still working? All districts do a criminal background check on employees before hire. I say that to say noone with a criminal conviction could work in education. In all my years districts I've worked for including JPS does a great job with that. We need a new Superintendent, new deputy supt., new building level administrators especially high school and middle school. A board that will hold the superintendent accountable. Accountability is key to any success.

You get what you pay for said...

This certainly cannot come as a surprise. This is why you send you child to Prep, JA or St A if you want to prepare them for college.

Anonymous said...

Jackson resident's first step is to admit their city has become unmanageable...

Anonymous said...

Who would work there? You all talk about they should do this or that or replace this person or whatever but who in their right mind would work in any school in Jackson. I wouldn't let anyone in my family work there. I would not let my dog be in those class rooms. Like I really would not let my dog go in those schools. Really.

I have to visit a lot of the jps schools and it is truly sad. Most of those kids don't have a chance. Most of their parents don't care about them and why would the teachers care about them. The teachers are just glad to make it home each night without getting abused. JPS cannot be fixed fast enough. It will take years and most likely will never happen. I know a lot of the administrators and they are there for the power and respect that they think they have from others. Other than a few of the administrators in central office, no one is making enough money to work in that environment. All you idiots that act like other people are wrong for staying away from that environment should go work there for the peanuts they make. I would not work for jps for millions of dollars. It is not worth it.

I feel pretty confident someone is going to bring race into this at some point so I will just go ahead and start. I am so tired about hearing it's a white thing or black thing. It's such bs. It has nothing to do with that. It has to do with the parents not raising their children and allowing them to treat the teachers with such disrespect that the teachers quit and move on to something else. At some point people are going to have to realize there are just ignorant lazy people out there that don't want better for themselves or their families. It doesn't matter what color they are. Yes they may want money but what do they use it for obviously not to better their families life. How many times do you see someone with a cell phone or in an escalade on food stamps or some form of welfare. If you get out much than you will see it A LOT. Quit having kids if you can't raise them. If you do have kids men then raise them. I wish someone would do the math and see how many of the children that go to JPS have their fathers in their lives. Not grandfathers, fathers. Then do the same thing in Madison and Rankin county schools. It won't be surprising but it will be very telling. Wake up folks. You think Jackson is bad now or that crime is bad now look at the product that they are sending out into the world. Good luck. So sorry for the rambling.

Anonymous said...

5:15 you said a mouthful of truth right there!

PittPanther said...

Sure, fire everyone. But this is Mississippi. Where will the replacement teachers and principals come from? There's no pool of educators waiting to come to Jackson to work.

Anonymous said...

I know some teachers in JPS. They try. but what can you do when administration sets floor scores, does not discipline students, forces you not to take attendance or report accurate figures, and encourages other things we will not mention here.

it starts at the top- clear them all out. every JPS employee above "teacher" should be let go. every single one

Anonymous said...

But, but, but I wear a bow-tie! It shows I am both intelligent AND hate white people!

Ban the bow-tie. It offends me and suppresses me!

Messick said...

June 29, 2016 at 10:08 PM,

And St. Joseph's.

Anonymous said...

MDE has taken over other school districts for lesser problems. The scale of the JPS fiasco and the student population significance of this school district make an emergency takeover more critical than any heretofore considered.

There is a reason for this muted dog and pony show response.

Anonymous said...

Kids in Ms. have my sympathy. They are born into a family where the father, if known, is a no show. Learn that the govt. will pay you for doing nothing. Sent to a school where the teachers and admin do not care if they come to school or not as long as they can get their money for doing nothing. Allowed to graduate without learning to read. Sent out into a state with no jobs where the elected leaders main objective is to see who gets to guard the bathrooms.
Great state Ms.

Anonymous said...

Agree with the poster 3:59 who stated that the root of this problem is the lack of FATHERS.

"ParentS" (PLURAL) were an item during those days in Jackson and would never have allowed such as today's goings on with their children at the schoolhouse. Kids were taught respect and if they got in trouble at school, those kids usually got additional punishment when they got home. Parents supported teachers and allowed, even expected, punishment for their kids.

Today it is a jungle day-care.

Quit Bitching - There Are Alternatives said...

Private schools are not necessarily the answer to JPS. Sure, that's an alternative, and a good one; but, there are good public school districts surrounding Jackson in every direction.

Your parents don't necessarily have to drive a BMW or Land Rover in order for you to succeed. Nor does your mom have to have a separate drawer for tennis skirts. Neither does your dad have to have a liquor cabinet or a sailboat moored at The Yacht Club.

Anonymous said...

23 years ago my mom sent a girl (junior high) to the principal’s office for cursing in class. Later that day the girl attacked my mom in the hallway of the JPS school. When she confronted the leadership of the school and JPS about security, she was told to get over it or quit and if she wanted to sue, JPS had unlimited legal representation. She luckily transferred to a public school in Madison.

Anonymous said...

Gray's administration and the board of trustees are indifferent, incompetent, corrupt, or all three. They are mimics. It is a hustle. Public education is the only hope available to the majority of Jackson's children and Gray is cheating them. Trying to learn in a life-threatening environment is impossible. JFP accidentally published an article illustrating the stark contrast facing a student that had to leave a Madison school and return to JPS gen pop. Their description of violent prison-like atmosphere that awaited the student was heartbreaking.
JPS's accreditation is a courtesy at this point and when Gray can no longer stall the process, it will be withdrawn.

Anonymous said...

what's also sad is the number of Jackson kids going to Ridgeland public schools. Heard too many times how families are sneaking kids in thru apartments and other means.

Anonymous said...

My wife is a public school teacher but not in the JPS system. A few years ago there was a symposium held at her district to welcome the start of a new school year. All district teaching-related staff and administration attended. One of the speakers was a female with a JPS doctorate from the State Department of Education.

One comment made by this woman at the symposium was "If one of your students calls you a mother fucker, don't send him or her to the office. You call him a mother fucker right back!"

Anonymous said...

All that needs saying about JPS can be said by the picture of the woman involved in a fight at one Jackson school. Even though she carried a gun onto school property and even held the weapon on and threatened other people she was not even charged with a single thing.
That should be something all parents remember.

Anonymous said...

@8:19 what is a JPS doctorate?

Anonymous said...

If I remember correctly when Gray was being considered he was having trouble where he was employed at that time. Leave it to the powers that be in Jxn. to hire someone with a questionable track record.

10:48 All the schools I attended were in south jxn., at that time (70's & 80's) the schools went on field trips, had assemblies, had musicals, plays, etc.. We did not lock our doors, played out in the neighborhood, nice well kept houses were the norm.
Like it or not it does tie into race. I drove through my childhood area a few months ago and literally could have cried and then was angry. Many of the houses boarded, many have bars on the windows, houses that have been looted-broken, street signs painted on and/or bullet holes war--torn look to much of the area. I graduated HS in 1980. My nephew was at Marshall in 1995 and the environment had completely changed. The little teacher told me she spends at least 80% of her time just trying to keep them off each other and in their seats, no assemblies anymore because it took to long to get the kids back under control, certainly can not take them on field trips anymore and there are no longer musicals or plays. The areas that were once white and flipped (zoo area & westland plaza area & south jxn) are totally totally different today--that is just a fact. Trying to make it anything else keeps changes from being able to happen. We all continually talking AROUND FACTS that will never help or change anyone/anything.
Also until "we" stop paying more per kid through dummy checks (which is cash-hundreds PER kid), food stamps, TANF, section 8,etc. NOTHING will change. WHY WOULD IT??!! STOP rewarding females for popping out kids!!!
STOP rewarding people for NOT working !!!!
The whole system will have to collapse before we can try to rebuild it. The teachers need to be backed up by the administration, try to figure out some way to make parents give a damn about their own kid and since that will probably be impossible then hold these kids to a HIGHER standard to give them the smallest chance of succeeding in life. We have so lowered the bar that the kid can pass thru to graduate just by simply signing up for school.
We are doing an incredible INJUSTICE to the kids today--BLACK AND WHITE.
The "black leadership" is the worst thing that ever happened to the black community--kids especially.
Unless and until the "black community" wakes up and DEMANDS their "leadership" legitimately work for the best interest of everyone and stop blaming and making excuses to keep themselves in POWER NOTHING will change-get better. The super, most principles/teachers and students in JPS are black this should mean according to stokes, jackson,etc. whitey is not there to hold the black man down--JPS should be excelling. JPS receives much more Fed money then Madison or Rankin because it is based on free/reduced lunch numbers. The problem IS NOT a money issue IT IS A LEADERSHIP issue!!!!! or I should say a LACK OF LEADERSHIP issue. Wake up black community!!

Anonymous said...

Why are so many of you so passionate about what goes on at JPS? Obviously the people in Jackson could care less. The parents could care less. The city officials could care less. This attitude is not limited to JPS, it is persuasive throughout every aspect of the city. I have been around for a few rodeos and conclude that: (1) white people will never be a part of the solution, (2) blacks won't solve the problem, and (3) only God can solve these problems. If you do not believe in God, then, I am afraid you don't have much hope.

Anonymous said...

"Why are so many of you so passionate about what goes on at JPS? "

Listen, dumbass, quality schools are the foundation of a successful community. Shitty JPS schools a pulling Jackson down the drain, and therefore a state capital and center of the most highly polulated region of the state are going down the drain. High crime and poor infrastructure just pile on. Meantime taxpayers from the successfull surrounding communities are subsidizing this mess, and will subsidize even more when Jackson requires a state bailout a la Detroit.

We are busting our asses in Madison and Rankin counties to maintain good schools, low crime, good roads, etc, and don't want our investments ruined the way Jacksonians have seen their legacies pissed away by the current ruling clowns.

Let me know when you see God start filling in potholes.

Anonymous said...

I taught in a JPS high school for two years. It was totally nuts.

Most of the teachers are fine, and/or trying their best.

The two main problems are 1) way too many of the kids weren't raised correctly, and 2) the superintendent's office isn't getting rid of the bad kids.

Education professors and people that write education textbooks probably never taught in an environment like that found in JPS secondary schools, and don't understand how little power JPS teachers have. Educators stress classroom management, but what is a teacher to do when they have less power than thug students and both the teachers and students know it? Teachers in JPS endure a crap ton of nonsense. It's truly unbelievable. I used to get taunted by students and little to nothing ever happened to them, etc.

One way Jackson could make money is by publishing a book every year of stories from JPS teachers.

Anonymous said...

3:26, I agree. We might see a difference if we moved the capital out of Jackson and forgot about Jackson. It will not get better, can't. No one in their right mind will move into Jackson. Most of the people in Jackson do not work or pay taxes. Too many crooked politicians for the city to rebuild. Too many criminals for honest people to live there. They are just about out of anything worth while to steal.

Anonymous said...

3:26 TRUTH

Kingfish said...

MDE takeover? Please. They appointed Jayne Sargent to takeover a school system. She is part of the problem in Jackson. Her son got a cush job at JPS and I think her husband worked there as well.

Eventually the district would go back to the school board and those clowns have learned nothing and think nothing is wrong.

Anonymous said...

Kingfish. Take a look at the Rankin schools. One man in charge who hires his family members. Sounds sort of the same as you posted about Jayne Sargent.
Can you explain the difference?

Anonymous said...

The school district that Sargent took over per MDE (CCPS) was a zoo when she got there, and it is still a zoo. Jackson is worse.
Her son did less than three years in the classroom and was awarded a principalship. Now he works downtown with the Bowtie Bandit and does nothing.

Anonymous said...

Most of what is said here is absolutely true! I am currently a JPS teacher. I hurt for my students daily. I keep going year after year praying that those who encounter me.... Encounters a blessing of change and better than their environment. I teach my heart out daily as well as being the role model, counselor, and parent away from home. We need change. I will continue to be of great service despite of the situations I/my srudents face. Yes, the article, audit findings and comments a very true. I pray that change happens soon.

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In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.

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This is definitely a Beaver production.

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Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS