Wednesday, July 4, 2007

This Cougar Will Never Be Found Caged At The Zoo…….

When you think of a cougar, you probably envision a sleek, beautiful, muscular animal on the prowl in the wild. Well, put that vision right out of your mind!

Today’s “cougar” is a woman between the ages of 30-something and 50-something, looking for younger men with which to form new relationships. Most of us unattached women over 40 know the inventory of males our age and older is much like that of the clearance aisle at Wal Mart – out of date, bent, discontinued or with the labels missing.

I know personally the frustration of trying to form relationships with men in my age group, and seeing how boring, out of shape and jaded from previous relationships they are. After a woman has tried marriage, often more than once, had her children and dated several boring fat guys, many times we come to the conclusion that it’s just not worth the effort and waste of time just to have someone to date. Where is the fun and excitement we need to keep life interesting?

Well, let me tell you, that fun and excitement comes from transforming yourself into your own version of a “cougar”. Reciprocal flirting with a 20- or 30-something guy can really rev your motor back into full gear. I don’t know how many times in the past I dreaded going out with someone just knowing how boring the evening would be, no matter how diligently I tried to inject some electricity into the evening.

For example, I had a date not too long ago for dinner and drinks. We met at Char, had a couple of drinks, then were seated at our table. I ordered a steak, one of my favorite things, and my date promptly ordered the same. We talked about his job, his children, my children, all the usual topics. Our food arrived, and as always, I was not disappointed. I commented on how wonderful my meal was and ordered one final drink. My date proceeded to fill me in on all sorts of tintillating aspects of his life. He had gained 15 pounds in the last year, his blood pressure medicine sometimes gave him headaches, he had to get an ingrown toenail removed and I thought I would get up and run out! As much as I enjoyed the food, the company was NOT worth it. I painfully made it to the end of the meal and getting the check, then asked to be taken home as it was getting late. (Too late to be out with HIM!)

Compare that to a 20-years younger guy showing up at your door and feeling your heart beat almost out of your chest! Oh my God. Take me to Wendy’s (and talk about going to the gym, playing PS3 and studying for your CFA or CPA exam) and then right back home! No more chatting - grab me, kiss me, and turn up the heat! Let me touch those rock hard abs, let me feel those lips all over, let me lose my breath and love every minute of it. If you are the Energizer bunny, keep banging that drum! (Yes, been there, done that, actually KEPT that t-shirt).

My fellow females, please stop the madness in the over 40 dating world, and start eyeing those hot young guys. If you want some fun and to feel young again, with a dash of hot romantic evenings here and there, throw out those Playtex bras and Hanes underwear. Get yourself a Wonderbra and a thong, buy an almost-revealing sexy top, and think of yourself as the beautiful cougar in the wild, searching for its next prey…..

P.S. Don’t even THINK of taming me, it ain’t gonna happen. :-)

Contact me:

Additional Posts by DWF:


Anonymous said...

You go girl!!! I'm a soon-to-be divorced female in her late 30's and reading your stories put a big ole grin on my face!! The entire thought of "getting back out there" freaks me the hell out....but I might just have to take your advice and have some young, hot, fun!!!

Anonymous said...

More! More! These are great.

Recent Comments

Search Jackson Jambalaya

Subscribe to JJ's Youtube channel


Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).

Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.

In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS