Attorney General Lynn Fitch issued the following statement.
Tuesday, March 30, 2021
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Trollfest '09
Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.
Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).
Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.
Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".
In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.
In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.
Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.
Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).
Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.
Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".
In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.
In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.
Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.
Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
Trollfest '07
Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.
There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.
If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.
If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
22 comments:
Attorneys General must subscribe to a weekly mailing that announces all the wagon-trains one can sign up to join. She does nothing of value other than populating a resume with meaningless bullet points.
EO 11246, long a saddle-burr to employers and a detriment to production, should have been shit-canned fifty years ago. The entire act, in perpetuity, does nothing but grant 'big brother' the authority to demand businesses report the number of hires, promotions and terminations by race, ethnicity, sex (now gender) and age...in order to give the government the ability to institute controls, set quotas and harass business and industry.
Subjecting businesses (and their contractors and sub-contractors) to the requirements of 11246 is nothing short of the attempt by government to regulate and control the private sector. This executive order is just one of MANY reasons businesses (that could do so) moved off shore.
Lynn has been such a disappointment. I was excited about a woman stepping in as AG but the things I’ve heard about her seem to be true. A shame.
The last paragraph is like three sentenced spliced together.
Some of the most back woods states in the union signed on as well. “Honey Chile, we discriminate but we loves the Lawd.”
Lynn has ruined the AG’s Office.
@10:14
Run against her and do better.
All of you “literal who” anonymous rando shit flingers couldn’t get elected dog catcher in Pisgah.
Dear Leader, I just checked and did not see an ad for Lynn Fitch on this site. Not that that would make a difference, but I'm still hopeful that you will not think it necessary to post every single "statement" that she sends out. As I've said here before, she's an embarrassment to Mississippi and its citizens. I wish you could reasonably limit the number of occasions for reminding us of that.
At 12:50
Did you just anonymously bash people for commenting anonymously?
@1:56
No I anonymously bashed anonymous shitflingers who lack the huevos to run for office and couldn’t make it a day in Lynn Fitch’s world.
2:47 - That's a pretty bold statement. Can you tell us of ONE time she has appeared in a courtroom?
1250,.247– stop being a company man/woman... fact is she is terrible. Her firing people who she needed to actually do the job for no real reason or because they have a slightly different opinion than that’s allowed is super petty. The boss should be able to take criticism from inside and outside the agency. If you don’t have at least one person that tells you when your ideas are stupid you’re a failure
Has her office tried a single case yet?
Or are they still out shopping?
Another nonsense lawsuit from Ms Fitch. She is nothing but another right wing incompetent who has done nothing to better our state and her people. She seems only interested in pandering to the more extreme members of her base who aren't bright enough to see her true motives and lack of any substantial accomplishments which might improve our state. This is another waste of tax payer money on top of many others by this failed politician. Bring back Jim Hood!
1250.247--I don't actually think she knows who she fired or hired. She is not running that office. She has a staff that is doing so, and they make those decisions. And what a staff it is. The ones who are lawyers are inexperienced (head of the death penalty section is a bankruptcy lawyer? Head of the criminal division was a law clerk? Really.) The only thing Fitch can crow about is her "solicitor general", which is a position she made up. That position actually just gums up the efficiency of appellate work, the criminal division in particular, which is where most of the appellate work is, by making those lawyers try to bring the solicitor general up to speed on cases they know much better than he or she does. Fitch has a deputy AG who comes from the federal public defender's office, and the decisions by Fitch's office with the Flowers case really shows that influence. Fitch really doesn't know what is being done in her name, or understand the significance of what is being done. All the ingredients for a shitshow are present. Her staff was not aware that her office is statutorily required to have a consumer division until after they had gutted it.
I say she should be forced to drop the lawsuit as a condition of the State receiving any federal funds, including disaster relief if, say, a hurricane hits next season.
As kingfish said time and time again about the airport, you can’t ask for money with one hand and sue with the other. Does that work for Republicans too, Kingfish? Or does it only apply to Democrats?
There is a 3L working in my office who interned with Attorney General's office last year. She said it was the biggest waste of time. The closest she came to getting "legal experience" was drafting a memo for the head of criminal outlining the best way to avoid getting involved in a case a DA had requested assistance with.
7:35 - I think you just outed your 3L, whatever a 3L is.
@3:48
That’s ok, she wants to practice law
More terminations and resignations
This is what we get for not electing a real lawyer for the position. Old, airbrushed photos aside, she's simply a placeholder who has (somehow) managed to make the rounds. Unless she can manage re-election to this role, her career is over and the PERS dime begins.
Time to start shopping the resumes, girls.
She still has the opportunity to sign decrees supporting R-2-L, opposition to increasing the minimum wage and a literacy test when registering to vote to take up several well placed columns and media time slots while quietly supporting tax cuts on the top 10% and increasing usage and sales taxes on the lower 40%, That is the Brietbart/45 agenda dontchaknow.
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