Saturday, July 15, 2017

Bill Crawford: Save us from the Doofii

"Doofus" is an intriguing and timely word. The Oxford Living Dictionary says it likely originated in North America in the 1960s and suggests it is either an alteration of the word "goofus" or from the Scottish word "doof" meaning dolt. The Online Etymology Dictionary says it is "probably related to doo-doo and goofus."


The definitions range from "a foolish or inept person" to "a slot-witted or stupid person" to "an incompetent and stupid, though well-meaning, person."  Synonyms include dolt, idiot, nerd, fool, idiot, airhead, birdbrain, boob.


The only doofus connection to doo-doo I could find was this, from Darrin Bell's "Candorville" comic strip (excuse the missing graphics):  "Dear 'journalist,' I am offended by your biased hit-piece condemning so-called 'Fake News.' You wrote '…some of these sites' main sources seem to be their rear ends.' Who are YOU to say what's fake and what's real? I don't know that your 'sources' are any more 'real' than my rear end. I know my rear end. I trust my rear end. You, on the other hand, are a total stranger to me."


No surprise that fake news and doofuses are related, but the rear end trust thing got me.


A blog called The Lunatic's Asylum had another take on doofuses and news. Speaking of "political pundits" in 2012 it said, "These people are put on the air because they have acquired, we're led to believe, a certain expertise which is, sadly, all too obviously totally lacking. I cannot begin to count the number of times one of these professional pundits, paid attack dogs, campaign confederates, party hacks, the so-called 'strategists' are trotted out to examine every possible detail of even the least-interesting and least-pressing subjects in minute detail, and to put a political 'spin' on it all. What's truly amazing, though, is that it's often the SAME doofuses showing up all over the same networks, one day uttering what they consider an undisputed fact, and the very next contradicting themselves without ever a) seeming to notice, or b) making an admission that they have changed a position or assertion. This is Orwell's Doublethink in action."
In his novel "Nineteen Eighty-Four," author George Orwell defined "doublethink" as, "The power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one's mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them.... To tell deliberate lies while genuinely believing in them, to forget any fact that has become inconvenient, and then, when it becomes necessary again, to draw it back from oblivion for just so long as it is needed."

Sounds so current, doesn't it?


In Orwell's novel, Big Brother was the tyrannical Party leader behind the doublethinkers. Today, the major political parties' powerful special interests play that role. And, like Orwell's Party, they primarily seek "power entirely for its own sake."


Not that hard to detect all the doublethinking doofuses – the talking heads, the duped politicians, the ardent followers on the left and the right. The ultimate question is will the vast majority of Americans join them, or will some common sense coalition get off their rear ends and save us from doofus driven debacles?


Crawford is a syndicated columnist from Meridian (crawfolk@gmail.com)

6 comments:

Toe Jam Sam said...

First to admit - We're all doofuses from time to time. It's those of you who display the trait with such wild, reckless repetition that get to me.

Anonymous said...

Anyone remember in our not too recent past when Crawford was spinning that Mississippi's "common sense coalition" was case-closed convinced regarding the efficacy behind lignite gasification?

Anonymous said...

But that was back when he was a doofus!

Anonymous said...

Bill Crawford waxes longingly for the mythical halcyon days of centrism, again. Yaaaawwwwnnnnn, sssnnnoooorrreeee, zzzzzzzzzzzzzz,

Anonymous said...

4:08 pm Crawford could be longing for the Age of Reason.
We live in a time when Joe the Plumber believes he knows as much about the economy from his personal experience as someone who has spent their lifetime studying economics. Joe imagines his role in the economy is definitive and that there are no factors unique to him that explains his situation. He is Everyman in his own mind.
Doctors imagine that because they are good enough in science and math to be doctors, they know as much about geology and meteorology and economics and finance as those who have spent as much time studying those specialties as the doctor has studying his specialty. Yet, he'd be appalled if a geologist tried to claim as much knowledge of medicine of his area of medicine.
And, Lord knows, every man seems to think he's a military strategist and every private knows more than a general. How we got into wars doesn't often appear on the radar screen. You should look up the percentage of those who serve who actually see combat.
That anyone believes partisan politics has anything to actual philosophy or ideals is astounding. All you have to do is look at the history of both parties on issues to see that they've changed positions over the decades not for a grand principle but on what base they can attract. The Southern strategy is your hint.
That you fall asleep easily 4:08 pm is not relevant to anything other than your inability to focus and entertain the possibility that someone might know something you don't.

Anonymous said...

... and entertain the possibility that someone might know something you don't.

But, guaranteed, it ain't you.

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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


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Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

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