Saturday, May 13, 2017

Firing the First Fibbie

President Trump fired FBI Director James Comey this week.  The President, media, and politicians managed to create yet another feeding frenzy.  Yet lost in the conniption was a memorandum written by Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein.  The memo spells out the reasons for dismissing Mr. Comey and "restoring public confidence" in the FBI.  President Trump and The Spice is Right did not help their cause with their public statements on Mr. Comey's dismissal this week.   However, the memo posted below is worth reading and makes the case for firing the First Fibbie even if the President managed to turn it into a circus.  The memo states:



May 9, 2017
MEMORANDUM FOR THE ATTORNEY GENERAL
FROM: ROD J. ROSENSTEIN
DEPUTY ATTORNEY GENERAL
SUBJECT: RESTORING PUBLIC CONFIDENCE IN THE FBI

The Federal Bureau of Investigation has long been regarded as our nation's premier federal investigative agency. Over the past year, however, the FBI's reputation and credibility have suffered substantial damage, and it has affected the entire Department of Justice. That is deeply troubling to many Department employees and veterans, legislators and citizens.

The current FBI Director is an articulate and persuasive speaker about leadership and the immutable principles of the Department of Justice. He deserves our appreciation for his public service. As you and I have discussed, however, I cannot defend the Director's handling of the conclusion of the investigation of Secretary Clinton's emails, and I do not understand his refusal to accept the nearly universal judgment that he was mistaken. Almost everyone agrees that the Director made serious mistakes; it is one of the few issues that unites people of diverse perspectives.

The director was wrong to usurp the Attorney General's authority on July 5, 2016, and announce his conclusion that the case should be closed without prosecution.

It is not the function of the Director to make such an announcement. At most, the Director should have said the FBI had completed its investigation and presented its findings to federal prosecutors. The Director now defends his decision by asserting that he believed attorney General Loretta Lynch had a conflict. But the FBI Director is never empowered to supplant federal prosecutors and assume command of the Justice Department. There is a well-established process for other officials to step in when a conflict requires the recusal of the Attorney General. On July 5, however, the Director announced his own conclusions about the nation's most sensitive criminal investigation, without the authorization of duly appointed Justice Department leaders.

Compounding the error, the Director ignored another longstanding principle: we do not hold press conferences to release derogatory information about the subject of a declined criminal investigation. Derogatory information sometimes is disclosed in the course of criminal investigations and prosecutions, but we never release it gratuitously. The Director laid out his version of the facts for the news media as if it were a closing argument, but without a trial. It is a textbook example of what federal prosecutors and agents are taught not to do.

In response to skeptical question at a congressional hearing, the Director defended his remarks by saying that his "goal was to say what is true. What did we do, what did we find, what do we think about it." But the goal of a federal criminal investigation is not to announce our thoughts at a press conference. The goal is to determine whether there is sufficient evidence to justify a federal criminal prosecution, then allow a federal prosecutor who exercises authority delegated by the Attorney General to make a prosecutorial decision, and then - if prosecution is warranted - let the judge and jury determine the facts. We sometimes release information about closed investigations in appropriate ways, but the FBI does not do it sua sponte.

Concerning his letter to the Congress on October 28, 2016, the Director cast his decision as a choice between whether he would "speak" about the decision to investigate the newly-discovered email messages or "conceal" it. "Conceal" is a loaded term that misstates the issue. When federal agents and prosecutors quietly open a criminal investigation, we are not concealing anything; we are simply following the longstanding policy that we refrain from publicizing non-public information. In that context, silence is not concealment.

My perspective on these issues is shared by former Attorneys General and Deputy Attorneys General from different eras and both political parties. Judge Laurence Silberman, who served as Deputy Attorney General under President Ford, wrote that "it is not the bureau's responsibility to opine on whether a matter should be prosecuted." Silberman believes that the Director's "Performance was so inappropriate for an FBI director that [he] doubt[s] the bureau will ever completely recover." Jamie Gorelick, Deputy Attorney General under President Clinton, joined with Larry Thompson, Deputy Attorney General under President George W. Bush, to opine that the Director had "chosen personally to restrike the balance between transparency and fairness, departing from the department's traditions." They concluded that the Director violated his obligation to "preserve, protect and defend" the traditions of the Department and the FBI.

Former Attorney General Michael Mukasey, who served under President George W. Bush, observed the Director "stepped way outside his job in disclosing the recommendation in that fashion" because the FBI director "doesn't make that decision."

Alberto Gonzales, who also served as Attorney General under President George W. Bush, called the decision "an error in judgement." Eric Holder, who served as Deputy Attorney General under President Clinton and Attorney General under President Obama, said the Director’s decision"was incorrect. It violated long-standing Justice Department policies and traditions. And it ran counter to guidance that I put in place four years ago laying out the proper way to conduct investigations during an election season." Holder concluded that the Director "broke with these fundamental principles" and "negatively affected public trust in both the Justice Department and the FBI."

Former Deputy Attorneys General Gorelick and Thompson described the unusual events as"real-time, raw-take transparency taken to its illogical limit, a kind of reality TV of federal criminal investigation," that is "antithetical to the interests of justice."

Donald Ayer, who served as Deputy Attorney General under President H.W. Bush, along with former Justice Department officials, was"astonished and perplexed" by the decision to "break[] with longstanding practices followed by officials of both parties during past elections." Ayer's letter noted, "Perhaps most troubling… is the precedent set by this departure from the Department's widely-respected, non-partisan traditions."

We should reject the departure and return to the traditions.

Although the President has the power to remove an FBI director, the decision should not be taken lightly. I agree with the nearly unanimous opinions of former Department officials. The way the Director handled the conclusion of the email investigation was wrong. As a result, the FBI is unlikely to regain public and congressional trust until it has a Director who understands the gravity of the mistakes and pledges never to repeat them. Having refused to admit his errors, the Director cannot be expected to implement the necessary corrective actions.

James Comey needed to go.  Period.  A bad employee will put his boss in a bad position.  Mr. Comey didn't discriminate.  He put President Trump in a bad position and he put President Obama in a bad position.  The FBI Director should have been fired last summer after he interfered in the election with his press conference tha cleared Hillary Clinton. He should have been fired after his statement that she was under investigation.  None of those statements should have been made.  However, one can only imagine the shrieks from conservatives as they would have accused the President of trying to manipulate the investigation. 

There is never a good time to fire the head of a law enforcement agency.  Governor Bryant held on to Santa Cruz too long and managed to get embarrassed for doing so.  The President, regardless of who it was, would catch hell for firing Mr. Comey.   There is a reason former Justice Department officials -Republican and Democrat- thought he should be fired.  James Comey has always been a political FBI director who played to the crowd he thought needed pleasing. 

Mr. Rosenstein did his duty and superbly presented the case for firing the FBI Director.  He is what we call a serious person" and his work should be treated as such even if those he serves do not always do so.

49 comments:

Anonymous said...

Clearly he did a poor job. However, it was far from an easy job. HRC appears to have broken several laws and the democrats were determined that she would get away with it. Comey should have resigned last summer.
I suspect the reason that Trump fired him is that he was not serious about uncovering who allowed the names of Team Trump members to be unmasked and circulated. It is very possible that the spying for political purposes was much more widespread than we know. Comey himself may have been involved. That would explain why he was dragging his feet. Under the Oboma administration the IRS and justice department were misused for political gain. Why not the FBI?
Trump is trying to drain the swamp. If our own intellegence agencies are in bed with the democrats and the media it's going to be tough.

Anonymous said...

Bill Clinton fired the FBI director and every single U.S. attorney and the democrats and media were silent.

Burke said...

For Christ's sake, guys. Clinton fired Sessions because he was misusing public funds for private benefits. Why would anyone question that? As for Comey's firing, Kingfish and 4:27, could we, first, acknowledge that Trump has once more displayed his arrant hypocrisy by praising Comey for coming forward with the Abedin emails and then using that episode as a pretext for canning him; and second, 4:27, only a Trump cultist will believe that Trump's problem with Comey was based on his "failure" to call out Susan Rice, especially when the gorilla in the room is the investigation of Russian interference. Trump invited Russia to supply more email info on Hillary, and now he complains about questions being raised and the answers pursued. You cannot have it both ways. See also, the main editorial in the Wall Street Journal this morning. And once more, I am "Burke" because I am neither left nor right. Trump sickens me because, to invoke Tim McGraw, he is neither humble nor kind. He is arrogant and cruel, the two worst sins. However, Democrats like Clinton and Sanders are just as arrogant, and cruel in craftier ways. But this, too, shall pass.

Anonymous said...

comey got fired. SO WHAT. every incoming president fires department heads and replaces them with his cronies. its called politics . what is all the excitement about? meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

Anonymous said...

Trump fired Comey on the advice of the DAG and AG because he made a habit of exceeding his authority as Director of the FBI. In the Clinton case, he described a pattern of illegal behavior and mishandling of classified information, misquoted the applicable US Code and then predicted that no prosecutor would take the case - that's not his decision to make. For this to have been a "clean" legal process, the DOJ should have empaneled a grand jury and let the legal process play out. (By the way, when you are granted a clearance and have the need to access to classified information you are required to sign documents that indicate that intent to mishandle classified information is not an element of a violation - you are expected to know that).

As far as the Russian case goes - yes, Russia did release information that might have changed people's minds, but they did not create that information, they just created better informed voters and people had had enough of the Clinton bullshit.

Comey tried to be the investigator, prosecutor AND judge - THAT'S why he was fired. It's important to mention that Comey is also under investigation by the DOJ's OIG.


Anonymous said...

..and then Trump admitted the memo was subterfuge.....Trump wanted to fire him.

So update your lead in....and state that Trump lied about reasoning....

Then scratch your head and see how you can defend Trump.

And Comey had started getting daily updates on Russian mess....and saw problems....and was fired.

2018 elections will unearth things Rs don't wish to have explode

Anonymous said...

The Russian "mess" is the biggest non-story of the decade. No evidence of Russian collusion. I think the 2018 elections will see a backlash against the Republicans who didn't support Trump's agenda, at least in those districts that went for Trump.

Anonymous said...

There is a reason this state ranks dead last in education. See above commentary.

Karnak the Magnificent said...

Idiots, the intellectually dishonest, and plain ol' bad people. SAD!

Anonymous said...

Experts on Hinds County politics, the sheriff, Russia, tennis pro employment law and how the FBI should be run.

Is there anything the folks on this board aren't experts at?

Anonymous said...

Gregg Harper's record is no more conservative than Ronnie Shows.

Anonymous said...

I HATE RECAPTCHA

Anonymous said...

8:45 and your point is?

Anonymous said...

To say Russian story is a non story is to demonstrate your complete ignorance.

The degree of meddling is an issue.

The degree of collusion by Trump people with foreign agents is an issue.

Trump reading stolen emails is an issue. How he got them? Who handed them to him?

Does Wiki operate to absolve someone from using stolen materials?

Lots of issues.

You just don't like the idea that the answers could lead to bad things for Rs.

Small minded.

Anonymous said...

"Reading stolen emails is an issue"

Really? There is no such thing as a 'stolen email'. But, to the point: You'd prefer to divert attention from the content to a meaningless discussion of how the content came to be discovered. "Let's not talk about who robbed the bank. Let's piddle around about who returned the bank bag to the steps of the depository as if the real culprit is the latter."

Anonymous said...

12:18 - get over it, the Democrats rigged the primary so they could run the worst possible candidate with the most baggage and they got beat. Democrats are always trying to project blame to other things/people. Did you ever think that the American people are just tired of the Clintons and all of their bullshit?

Anonymous said...

Rosenstein's rationale for firing is fine but it means Obama should have fired Comey . It means then candidate Trump shouldn't have been calling Comey "brave" and inciting crowds to call for Clinton to be jailed.

Those of you defending it as a reason now, would have been calling for Obama's impeachment if he had fired Comey during an investigation.

If Comey's bad treatment of Clinton was still the rationale, President Trump denied it, saying he had already decided to fire Comey for "showboating" . He did that after the FBI found no evidence to justify criminal charges against Clinton. He did that after Comey's testimony ( not a press conference) that the FBI IS investigating Russian interference in our election AND Trump campaign staff involvements with the Russians including with a known Russian operative. He did that after even security head we have including Comey has stated strongly that Trump's accusation that he and his campaign were targeted by Obama is not true which used to mean " a lie". If criminals and spies are being wiretapped legally and you talk to criminals and spies, you'll be heard too!

I'm not worried. I don't talk to criminals or spies or foreign agents but if I did accidentally as part of my job, I wouldn't be so damn naïve as to agree to make deals with a foreign government without reporting every detail fully!

Firing of an FBI Director ( they serve 10 year terms for a reason) is rare as the ONLY other Director to be fired misappropriated funds. Other investigations have been mishandled by an FBI Director. Do I need to name them? We can start with Nixon and continue through to the Davidians fiasco.

And, while it's common for a President to meet with foreign ministers and ambassadors ,even those who aren't allies, to do so in the Oval Office with only the foreign government's press allowed at a time when that government is under investigation for an attack on our government is unprecedented. Worse, the press you allowed in, was involved in disinformation during our campaign.

And, let's remember that while this meeting took place, Russian planes are harassing our military off our shores! And, to "take the meeting at the behest of the President of the foreign government is so unprecedented as to be bizarre.

If all this weren't bad enough, President Trump fired Comey just after he testified that the investigation into Russian interference in our election and possible ties to Trump's campaign staff are going forward. And, Sessions, who recused himself because he denied contacts with the Russians when he had contacts with the Russian ambassador ( who is also a spy) was also a party to the firing. Oops, he forgot he recused himself , too, I guess.

As far as I can tell, this President has accomplished very little though I know many of you believe Obamacare is repealed and replaced and that we didn't already have a huge decrease in illegals in this country and the " wall" was already being repaired...not built...repaired and the funds already approved.

But, the real disaster is a President who shoots from the hip without thinking or bothering to gather any facts or telling his staff anything. There is no consistent policy or approach. There's no strategic planning. It's shooting off a tweet after watching TV at night ! And, he's playing golf and vacationing and campaigning and self promoting in interviews instead of doing the hard work of making decisions based on the best available information!

But, hey, party loyalty before loyalty to the country, right?







Anonymous said...

7:46; Didn't Clinton fire the FBI Director the day before Vince Foster was found dead?

Anonymous said...

So Russia has only been alleged to have hacked Killary's emails. Which revealed to some, some are completely brain dead, that she is a utter and complete fraud, waste of oxygen. The best part is no one has disproved the validity of the email contents. So to them it's ok to for her to be traitor bit he cant fire comey

Anonymous said...

The investigation into Russian collusion is not a criminal investigation, it's an Foreign Counter Intelligence investigation, if a specific unlawful activity is discovered, then it will become a criminal investigation. This is all a distraction from from another more troubling issue - the political weaponization of intelligence community capabilities. The real story here is the leak of classified information to unauthorized individuals, the unwarranted de-minimization of subjects of signals intelligence captures, and intelligence community surveillance of opponents of the JCPOA (the Iran deal) by the past administration.

I'd be looking harder at Susan Rice, Valarie Jarrett and Ben Rhodes. Also, when did it become acceptable to forward classified traffic to a computer not connected to a classified network - was Huma Abedin's apartment a SCIF, did they have the appropriate IT infrastructure to protect the information? This needs to be investigated with the same vigor that all of these bullshit cases are.

Anonymous said...

It's a bit hypocritical (which most politicians have no problem with) to whine about Russia meddling in the U.S. elections when the U.S. happily and openly meddles in elections around the world.

Anonymous said...

1046

You are a stooge.

Nobody is buying that...not even Trump is selling that anymore.

This pattern is becoming "obstruction."

Nasty web being weaved.

Gonna be fun to watch.

Apologist(R) said...

We've got blood on our hands, too, eh comrade 11:17?

Anonymous said...

The RNC has accepted donations from Russian oligarchs for like 20 years now. No telling with the DNC. Other
Countries have had, for quite sometime, pull on our candidates.

Yeah, the Russian hackers thing was real. Anybody who knows whatsup knows what "Russian Hackers" is usually code
for.

Anonymous said...

Wow, you guys are still supporting Trump, I really taught you would have figured out by now that we would be better served by a President Pence....

Anonymous said...

1032... Wow you really believe CNN and MSNBC... stay woke...smh

Plain Ol' Catfish said...

The Republicans are fighting impeachment because they know Pence would be dead man walking serving as POTUS, they wouldn't hold any political capital.

The only thing beneficial to Republicans impeaching Trump, it would restore their credibility and put them ahead of the curve for the 2018 elections.

However, they are paranoid that Trump supporters (70% of Mississippi) would not like that and it would come back to burn them.

Mississippi is already a forgone conclusion that the Republican majority will continue for the congressional delegation, but the Midwest and Northeast will be the true battle ground between Dems and Repubs.

Mississippi is still in love with the "Republican" team, albeit its produced little returns on investment for having the power - Fordice, Barbour and Bryant (Tater Raider next?)

Anonymous said...

8:43 am Sessions was fired the day before the suicide of Foster but he was asked for his resignation after an ethics violation long before that.

Connecting those dots is bizarre thinking.

If you bothered to learn why Foster's death was ruled a suicide instead of buying into to a bizarre conspiracy theory that changed facts and ignored hard evidence, you'd know just how ridiculous your comment is.

But, you go ahead and believe in a cover up so massive as to be ridiculous and that would include Foster's family. It would also include a medical examiner, all of the D.C. law enforcement and FBI, and a GOP controlled Congresses , a Special Prosecutor spending millions of tax payer money trying to find something against the Clintons.


Anonymous said...

11:27 pm I'm not 10:32 pm but do you bother to hear both sides of any argument and evaluate the validity?
Are you paying attention to what President Trump says and tweets and with whom he meets?
Are you listening to what those he appointed to his administration are saying that The President contradicts?
Have you compared what Clapper and others that testified actually said to what the President and his spin team claims they said?
Do you bother to try to reconcile what any of them are saying to actual facts and law and precedent?
It's just a matter of using your own eyes and ears .It's not a matter of relying on news commentary.
Do you have any clue why no President in history other than President Trump has ever bestowed compliments on the likes of a Putin or Jong Un ? How often do you think Nixon was taking calls from Khrushchev to chat and honor requests? How many Presidents let a foreign governments press into the Oval but barred our press? How many Presidents don't know basic American history about such figures as Andrew Jackson or Frederick Douglas ? Since Trump got through college, I have to wonder if he has the beginnings of Alzheimers or dementia.
And, I add to this that I didn't like JFKs nepotism and Trump has taken it to a whole new level.

One of us hopes every President will be successful and doesn't drink the party Kool Aid. It's not YOU.




Anonymous said...

Mississippi is still in love with the "Republican" team, albeit its produced little returns on investment for having the power - Fordice, Barbour and Bryant (Tater Raider next?)

More ROI than anyone here receives reading your tedious emissions.

Anonymous said...

So it is Mother's Day morning, granny troll sees a black helicopter overhead, freaks out and drops 600 words here at JJ. LORD spare her family. LOL

Obama is Commenting on JJ? said...

but do you bother to hear ... and evaluate

Are you paying attention

Are you listening

Have you compared

Do you bother to

It's just a matter of using your own

Do you have any clue

How often do you think

And, I add to this that I

One of us hopes ... It's not YOU.

Anonymous said...

Saw on the news the other night that in the United States the word most associated with Trump is "Idiot".

Anonymous said...

President Donald Trump's approval rating has fallen to a near record low with significant losses among white voters with no college degree, white men and independent voters, a new poll has found.
The survey, conducted by Quinnipiac University among nationwide participants, found that Trump has a 36% approval rating compared to 58% who disapprove of him. The number is down from Quinnipiac's April 19 poll, which found a 40% approval rating, and just 1% higher than his lowest-ever rating since he became president.
Key among those declines were groups that strongly advocated for his election. Approval among white voters with no college degree fell 10 points from 57% to 47% since April 19. White men went from a 53% approval to a 48% approval in that same time.
"There is no way to spin or sugarcoat these sagging numbers," Tim Malloy, assistant director of the Quinnipiac University Poll, said in a statement.

Anonymous said...

Now he has released classified infoto the Russians, I doubt that Congress will wait much longer. I wonder who Pence is going to pick for VP

Anonymous said...

Obama was a strong man keeping the Russians in check all this time.

Anonymous said...

7:48 am And, Granny didn't even know when she wrote that your boy shared classified information with his Russian buddies. Your boy admitted it in a tweet this morning.

Seems like Granny has your boy's number.

You ought to listen to your elders.

Anonymous said...

Now let's say Obama did the same exact thing Donald Trump did with the Russians in the Oval Office?

He was already called a communist and socialist by numerous Mississippi conservative pundits.

Donald Trump actually had Communist in the oval office and did not even allow American news outlets in at that time, but a Russian news outlet was given permission to come in!?

This is fact, this actually happen! Where's the outrage from all sides?

Hyperbole is really dead!

Anonymous said...

Who is going to clean up this mess, I predict that republicans will turn on him before the mid term elections, to save their hides. Unfortunately the majority of Trump supports will not turn out for them, the democrats will take the house and Impeachment will happen in early 2019, if he does not resign before.

Anonymous said...

Who is he going to bomb? If I was on his team, I would be looking for a news story to make this go away.

Anonymous said...

Welcome all Sock Puppets! Feel free to post the same basic comment over and over again.

Anonymous said...

Boy even our own Roger Wicker wants answers, things aren't going to be good for the GOP....

Anonymous said...

Trump fires the person leading a major investigation into Trump. Is everyone cool with that? The White House justifies it with a memo written by the Associate AG saying it was all about the Hillary email situation, but then the next day Trump himself admits that was just a cover and he really fired him because of the Russia investigation and was going to fire him regardless of the memo. Is everyone cool with that? Then Trump has a meeting in the Oval Office where he excludes US media but allows Russian media to cover, possibly creating the ability for them to place sophisticated listening devices in the innermost sanctum of US power. Is everyone cool with that? At that same meeting, Trump disclosed beyond-Top Secret classified information to top Russian diplomats and brags about how great his intel is. Is everyone cool with that?

I try to be fair about the way I view politics, and one of the devices I use is to ask myself, "If President Hillary Clinton had done these things, would it still be OK?" If President Hillary Clinton had done these things, would everyone here defending Trump still think it was OK?

If not, then you are a partisan hack who has no interest in the truth or fairness and only want to defend your team, right or wrong. Admit what you are and quit wasting bandwidth with your "justifications."

And Kingfish, you should correct the record to admit that this memo that you so prominently put on your website was just a fig leaf and had no bearing whatsoever on the firing of Comey. Otherwise, you are just a partisan hack who has no interest in truth or fairness.

Anonymous said...

Will the partisan hack @12:15 PM kindly point us to their blog? Thanks.

Anonymous said...

@2:17pm - do you dispute anything about the preceding post? Thanks.

Anonymous said...

I am loving it, everyday Trump screws up my stock portfolio jumps like a Bull in a pasture with heifers in heat...

Anonymous said...

James Comey was a Republican

Sally Yates was a Republican

Trump fired both

They will drip leaks twice a day until Comey is brought in to testify publicly and Yates will provide additional testimony.

Trump played himself on this.

Phil Bryant is still going around singing Trumps praises at this moment.

When Trump is impeached, will this come back to haunt the elected officials in Mississippi who stood on stage with Trump at the rally in Jackson?

Jackson Fascist Press said...

Sally Yates is a Democrat. Appointed by Obama. Democrats in Georgia trying to recruit her to run for governor.

Is your head exploding like Donner's?

Donner: Woke up from dream I was on a battleship in the ocean about to fire. Next thought: TRUMP HAS THE NUCLEAR CODES. Trump Stress Syndrome real.

Anonymous said...

It was time for a semi-correction anyway....... I can't rationalize this much longer.

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Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

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Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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