Monday, April 10, 2017

Meet Belhaven's newest threat.

A newspaper thief is running wild in Belhaven.  These messages appeared on Nextdoor:

Hiding place? They are going about this wrong.  This is an opportunity for an ambush.  A few knocks on the noggin will do much more good than putting the thief through the Hinds County Catch & Release program. 


Anonymous said...

Day after day after day after day after day.....same song, different thug.

Anonymous said...

Old guy who lives nearby who maybe can't afford the paper? Sad.

Belhaven Beautification Committee said...

The real question here is, if he's caught, what can he possibly be charged with? This is the CL we're talking about so there's a strong argument to be made that he's simply picking up litter.

Anonymous said...

If that's his standard for what is worth stealing, send him to my neighborhood. He can "steal" the piles of leaves in my yard.

Anonymous said...

The pearl clutching is awesome...what do I do? I dunno, it's your house, you know about when he's coming, you clearly have technology to detect his arrival. Maybe step outside and tell him you're going to thump him the next time you see him? Cowering and asking for input from your neighbors seems to not be doing the trick.

Liberal Logic said...

I'm actually surprised they haven't started a "go fund me" account to have this mans paper delivered daily to the bar at The Belhaven, including a cup of his favorite coffee.

Anonymous said...

11:03, I agree. This guy doesn't appear to be much more than a petty thief. Walk outside and confront him. Have some balls!

Anonymous said...

10:59, you still have piles of leaves in your yard? Your neighbors must love you . . .

Dan Hise said...

A Criminal Science student could get at least a Master's thesis out of this guy. In fact, the JPD knows who he is, and has arrested him in the past, but it isn't easy to keep him locked up for stealing newspapers. He's apparently disturbed mentally. As best I can tell, he hoards the papers and does not resell them. JPD knows where he lives, but has thrown in the towel when there are so many higher priorities.

The papers are delivered around 4 am, and that's way too early for most of us. One of our stalwart neighbors did get up early and confront the guy, but it didn't slow him down. What is one going to do--beat him up? Shoot him? The CL staff have been helpful to some extent, such as directing the carrier to stick papers through mail slots, but not everyone has a mail slot. I can't help but wonder if the CL isn't happy with this, presuming they want to eliminate the print option.

It wasn't long before we thought of the "broken windows" theory of policing, but that would be a luxury for the undermanned JPD. (Notwithstanding, JPD recently had a traffic cop going around the neighborhood on a Sunday morning, ticketing cars that were parked facing the wrong way, which is unimaginably picayune.)

So we have a dilemma. If someone out there wants to investigate the Green Monster case, please have at it. It doesn't look like the CL is going to take it on. (Seems like a good story for Billy Watkins.) Or even Three on Your Side. Anyone?

Anonymous said...

Point out to him all the places he can pick up the Jackson Fake Press in the vicinity and then tell him he can take one from each location every single day and two on Sundays. That will keep him busy.

noel said...

It's unfortunate he can't get the help he needs. I would spray my paper with some of this and I bet it wouldn't take too many times for him to get the hint.

Anonymous said...

Obviously, the solution that is being promoted by the CL is to have each Fondrenite subscriber double their subscription; one for black rainman and one for the composting toilet.

Anonymous said...

Lots of stuff in that photo worth stealing other than papers. Who leaves this stuff out front when you live in the middle of a criminal enclave that's twelve miles square?

BTW - Leave some toilet paper out so he won't have to use the CL. You'll be viewed as the neighbor who left cookies for Santa.

Messick said...

1. Get a dog, preferably an "aggressive breed".
2. Don't feed it for a few days.
3. Turn loose when necessary.

Anonymous said...

11:35 -- 10:59 here.

I have 8 acres and lots of trees, so yeah, there's typically a week or so in the spring where we put them in piles before we cart them off. The neighbors out here don't seem to mind.

That said, if someone were the type to get annoyed at leaves being around for a few days, I would almost feel a moral obligation to annoy them.

Anonymous said...

Three little words........LOCK AND LOAD.

exjxnres said...

He was probably just running low on toilet paper...! Good news......

Ophie said...

"He who steals my Clarion Ledger steals trash..."

Get the online edition if you must hold your nose and read it at all.

Anonymous said...

Three little words........LOCK AND LOAD.

Over newspapers? Seriously?

He's a Criminal For Pete's Sake... said...

4:59....Newspapers today. A bicycle tomorrow. Then a grill and your nice flower pots. Then he rattles the door or goes around back where your lawn tools and nice bottle tree are. The newspaper, in this case, is a gateway crime.

Anonymous said...

Over a "nice bottle tree?" Really?

Anonymous said...

3:08 I have two little words for you: Gun Nut! And some day it will get you in trouble when you have locked and loaded for the wrong reason.

Anonymous said...

8:22...My bottle tree is as valuable to me as your collection of Kahlil Gibran books is to you.

Anonymous said...

I accosted him in the act of stealing our Sunday paper. We had our papers stolen every Sunday for several months. I had been warned that trespassing and simple theft is a misdemeanor and that if I beat the crap out of him I would be charged with assault. I had a nice talk with him and explained what would happen if I ever caught him again. That was last year and he has not been back. My question is: if you commit trespassing and simple theft (both misdemeanors) 20 times a day for several years, does this not eventually add up to a felony? He is very large and the fact that he comes up on our porch to steal our paper frightens my wife. I will protect her.

Ophelia said...

Three-oh-four, touche'!!! That right there was funneeeee..."Kahlil Gibran collection"!

2016 Hottest Reporter Poll

Suscribe to latest on JJ.

Recent Comments

Search Jackson Jambalaya

Subscribe to JJ's Youtube channel

Who is the hottest reporter?


Who is the Hottest Reporter in Jackson?

Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).

Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.

In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS