Jackson Jambalaya

And there arose to the north of Eden a tribe called the Hotty-Toddys, who were also called metros. And the Hotty-Toddys were very displeasing; they didst place centerpieces on their banquet tables, and didst exalt themselves much. And they didst glorify the southern kingdom of the past.

And for a brief time they didst enjoy success on the battlefield. But in the second year of the reign of John son of Joseph, a man named James, of the house of Meredith, of the nation of Cush, didst attempt to enter the seminary at Oxford. But the Hotty-Toddys despised and oppressed the Cush-ites, and refused him entry. But the Judges decreed that James must be allowed to enter. And the Hotty-Toddys rose up with great vengeance and furious anger, and didst burn their own city, and even slew two aliens in their midst. And the LORD saw that it was no good, and was much angered, and uttered a curse upon the Hotty-Toddys:

"THOU SHALT TASTE VICTORY ONCE MORE, THEN NEVER AGAIN SHALL THOU BE FIRST AMONG THY BRETHREN"

And after the following harvest, they didst enjoy their last great victory, then their warriors became lost in the wilderness. And a man named Elisha, who was also called Archie, didst attempt to lead them back to glory, but was wounded in the land of Eden and tasted not the fruits of victory. Then a great famine fell upon Oxford, until Eli son of Archie arrived upon a white horse. Eli led the Hotty-Toddys to many small victories, and girded his loins against an invasion by the warriors from Eden.

But Eli fell backwards*. And a great roar arose, and Johnny of the house of Vaught, the great king of the Hotty-Toddy past, didst ask "What be the meaning of this tumult?" For Johnny was a very old man, 93, and nearly blind. And the Hotty-Toddys cried in despair, "The invaders from Eden hath carried off the West championship! Our curse is still upon us, and the Heisman shall never come to the house of Manning."

And the LORD then caused a great delusion to fall upon the tribe of Hotty-Toddy, and they drove their general David from their midst, even though David had led them to victories for the first time in forty years. And they chose a recruiter of warriors from a western land, Bay Bay of the house of Yawyawyawyaw, because their delusion kept them from seeing he was a fool. And Bay Bay disdt tear his garments, and shout words none could understand. And the LORD loosed against the Hotty-Toddys bands of Cowboys, and Bulldogs, and even Commodores, who laid waste to Oxford. And the Hotty-Toddys continued to exalt Bay Bay, even as half his warriors disappeared from Oxford, and rued the days of Cutcliffe. And finally Les of Eden came to Oxford and destroyed it once and for all. 1 Samuel 4:3.  

Then there arose a false prophet from the House of Nutt. Although he was cast out by swine, the faithful's hope was restored as he trampled the Tiger,  vanquished the Raiders of Red, and slew the Cowboy in the House of Jerry.  There was much feasting as milk and honey flowed from the rivers of the  Delta to the lands of Elvis.  However, more sorrow smote the tribe as the prophet's promises proved false when the curse struck him with a madness that left him speechless and confused.  The prophet wandered at times on sidelines alone, quiet at times, babbling at others, while the faithful said oh no, we've been cursed yet again.  However, Les of Eden was not without mercy as he was indeed a just man and knelt to end the game.  1 Samuel 4:4.   

However, Les suffered the same fate as King Saul by showing mercy to the enemy. The Lord shewed his wrath and withdrew his favor from Les of Eden.  Les and his Edenites came back to the land of the Hotty-Toddys, boastful of their strength.  The Hotty-Toddy's drank the blood of many sacrifices to their false idols in their pagan temple called "The Grove" as they worked themselves into a frenzy.  The Edenites fell into a trap as their exalted general Zachariah slept while the Hotty's caught them unawares.  When Zachariah finally awoke, he slew many Hotty's but alas he fell in the end. The Hotty's made more sacrifices to their false idols as they feverishly danced naked  after they vanquished Les of Eden. 

However, the Hotty-Toddy's grew lazy as they lived off the fat of the land and drank much wine.  They returned to the Valley of Death led by a young king named Beaux, III.  He danced naked before the enemy, pointed three fingers at the heavens,  ignored the counsel of his lord, and died on the plains of battle.  The Hotty-Toddy's were held to much scorn as their pride went down along with their downfall. 

Prediction: Ole Miss by 10.  The Tigers need to remember how to block.  Earl Campbell or Bo couldn't get past the eight man fronts that penetrated the offensive line with ease the last two weeks.  Ole Miss will probably run the Fournette defense until LSU can get a passable passing game.  Then there is the defense.  Miles hired a DC who no one else wanted and was a Saban reject as well.  Clue to Miles: If  Saban assistant doesn't move up in the coaching world, there is probably a reason why and it is not a good one.  The schemes don't work and the defense consistently gives up big plays because players are out of position, confused, and take bad angles.  We won't even talk about special teams under Bradly Dale Peveto.  There is literally nothing that man can't screw up.  He'll probably be late to his own death. 

Howevvvvvvver, this IS LSU-Ole Miss. The series is also a tough one from the LSU side. Don't believe me?

2001: Ole Miss win.
2002: LSU by 1.
2003: LSU by 3
2004: LSU by 3 despite a record-setting rushing performance by Broussard.
2005: LSU blowout because Ole Miss quits on Orgeron.
2006: LSU in OT
2007: LSU comes back in fourth quarter
2008: Ole Miss ass-kicking
2009: Les Miles can't tell time.
2010: LSU wins at the end of the game.
2011: The knee game.
2012: LSU needs 4th quarter comeback to win game.
2013: Ole Miss wins by 3. 
2014: LSU upsets Ole Miss 10-7.