Thursday, November 19, 2015

The Fall of the Tribe of Hotty Toddy



And there arose to the north of Eden a tribe called the Hotty-Toddys, who were also called metros. And the Hotty-Toddys were very displeasing; they didst place centerpieces on their banquet tables, and didst exalt themselves much. And they didst glorify the southern kingdom of the past.

And for a brief time they didst enjoy success on the battlefield. But in the second year of the reign of John son of Joseph, a man named James, of the house of Meredith, of the nation of Cush, didst attempt to enter the seminary at Oxford. But the Hotty-Toddys despised and oppressed the Cush-ites, and refused him entry. But the Judges decreed that James must be allowed to enter. And the Hotty-Toddys rose up with great vengeance and furious anger, and didst burn their own city, and even slew two aliens in their midst. And the LORD saw that it was no good, and was much angered, and uttered a curse upon the Hotty-Toddys:

"THOU SHALT TASTE VICTORY ONCE MORE, THEN NEVER AGAIN SHALL THOU BE FIRST AMONG THY BRETHREN"

And after the following harvest, they didst enjoy their last great victory, then their warriors became lost in the wilderness. And a man named Elisha, who was also called Archie, didst attempt to lead them back to glory, but was wounded in the land of Eden and tasted not the fruits of victory. Then a great famine fell upon Oxford, until Eli son of Archie arrived upon a white horse. Eli led the Hotty-Toddys to many small victories, and girded his loins against an invasion by the warriors from Eden.

But Eli fell backwards*. And a great roar arose, and Johnny of the house of Vaught, the great king of the Hotty-Toddy past, didst ask "What be the meaning of this tumult?" For Johnny was a very old man, 93, and nearly blind. And the Hotty-Toddys cried in despair, "The invaders from Eden hath carried off the West championship! Our curse is still upon us, and the Heisman shall never come to the house of Manning."

And the LORD then caused a great delusion to fall upon the tribe of Hotty-Toddy, and they drove their general David from their midst, even though David had led them to victories for the first time in forty years. And they chose a recruiter of warriors from a western land, Bay Bay of the house of Yawyawyawyaw, because their delusion kept them from seeing he was a fool. And Bay Bay disdt tear his garments, and shout words none could understand. And the LORD loosed against the Hotty-Toddys bands of Cowboys, and Bulldogs, and even Commodores, who laid waste to Oxford. And the Hotty-Toddys continued to exalt Bay Bay, even as half his warriors disappeared from Oxford, and rued the days of Cutcliffe. And finally Les of Eden came to Oxford and destroyed it once and for all. 1 Samuel 4:3.  

Then there arose a false prophet from the House of Nutt. Although he was cast out by swine, the faithful's hope was restored as he trampled the Tiger,  vanquished the Raiders of Red, and slew the Cowboy in the House of Jerry.  There was much feasting as milk and honey flowed from the rivers of the  Delta to the lands of Elvis.  However, more sorrow smote the tribe as the prophet's promises proved false when the curse struck him with a madness that left him speechless and confused.  The prophet wandered at times on sidelines alone, quiet at times, babbling at others, while the faithful said oh no, we've been cursed yet again.  However, Les of Eden was not without mercy as he was indeed a just man and knelt to end the game.  1 Samuel 4:4.   

However, Les suffered the same fate as King Saul by showing mercy to the enemy. The Lord shewed his wrath and withdrew his favor from Les of Eden.  Les and his Edenites came back to the land of the Hotty-Toddys, boastful of their strength.  The Hotty-Toddy's drank the blood of many sacrifices to their false idols in their pagan temple called "The Grove" as they worked themselves into a frenzy.  The Edenites fell into a trap as their exalted general Zachariah slept while the Hotty's caught them unawares.  When Zachariah finally awoke, he slew many Hotty's but alas he fell in the end. The Hotty's made more sacrifices to their false idols as they feverishly danced naked  after they vanquished Les of Eden. 

However, the Hotty-Toddy's grew lazy as they lived off the fat of the land and drank much wine.  They returned to the Valley of Death led by a young king named Beaux, III.  He danced naked before the enemy, pointed three fingers at the heavens,  ignored the counsel of his lord, and died on the plains of battle.  The Hotty-Toddy's were held to much scorn as their pride went down along with their downfall. 

Prediction: Ole Miss by 10.  The Tigers need to remember how to block.  Earl Campbell or Bo couldn't get past the eight man fronts that penetrated the offensive line with ease the last two weeks.  Ole Miss will probably run the Fournette defense until LSU can get a passable passing game.  Then there is the defense.  Miles hired a DC who no one else wanted and was a Saban reject as well.  Clue to Miles: If  Saban assistant doesn't move up in the coaching world, there is probably a reason why and it is not a good one.  The schemes don't work and the defense consistently gives up big plays because players are out of position, confused, and take bad angles.  We won't even talk about special teams under Bradly Dale Peveto.  There is literally nothing that man can't screw up.  He'll probably be late to his own death. 

Howevvvvvvver, this IS LSU-Ole Miss. The series is also a tough one from the LSU side. Don't believe me?

2001: Ole Miss win.
2002: LSU by 1.
2003: LSU by 3
2004: LSU by 3 despite a record-setting rushing performance by Broussard.
2005: LSU blowout because Ole Miss quits on Orgeron.
2006: LSU in OT
2007: LSU comes back in fourth quarter
2008: Ole Miss ass-kicking
2009: Les Miles can't tell time.
2010: LSU wins at the end of the game.
2011: The knee game.
2012: LSU needs 4th quarter comeback to win game.
2013: Ole Miss wins by 3. 
2014: LSU upsets Ole Miss 10-7.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm sensing that this black bear squad is teetering on the brink of self-destruction. I think LUS pulls it together in this one and takes it going away.

Lenitto Juarez said...

Only you idiots could create this mindless drivel and commit blasphemy in the same diatribe. Your feeble minded attempt at creative writing is a complete failure.

Anonymous said...

I'm not even an Ole Miss fan but this made me cringe a little bit.

Anonymous said...

What does LSU an a sand castle have in common? They both look good until the TIDE rolls in !!!! Ole Miss 42-LSU 21 and Les Miles unemployed.

Messick said...

8:11,

Donner, is that you??

Prognosticatin' - Move Along said...

Ole Miss loses. State wins. Freeze's asshole tightens up and he summons the Holy Spirit. Shit gets bad in The Grove. Sheppard Smith shows up in pink slippers. It's a sellout in StarkVegas. Clanga Langa.

Anonymous said...

Does this have anything to do with the nickademmadeechee being in the horsepital? Does one player make a damn difference?

Anonymous said...

The LORD is my Shepard; I shall win.
He makes me catch the ball and score in my native pastures. He leads me into the end zone with no turnovers.
He restoreth my fumbles. He leads me in the path of richeousness for The SEC's sake.

Yea, though I run through the Valley of the Vaught, I shall fear not the Tiger, for thou art with me; Thy referees and play callers comfort me.

Thou preparest a win before thine enemies. You anoint my head with the winners helmet. The scoreboard filleth in my favor.
Surely an upset shall be had for this one day in my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the relevant forever.

Anonymous said...

Corndogs lose (again). At least one team in OUR STATE can beat LSUcks.

Anonymous said...

Grass fed Les is in the land of UM synthetic grass.

Les feeds same to Leonard, who goes crazy.

LSwho by 14.

Anonymous said...

Well,I posted at 12:16 Ole Ms.42 LSU 21. Of course we now know Ole Ms.38 LSU 17.I did miss it a little but had the exact same spread.Now for Les Miles job....

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed seeing Orgeron, (I mean Bay Bay of the house of Yawyawyawyaw).

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In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

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This is definitely a Beaver production.


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There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

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