Tuesday, November 8, 2016

It's Election Night!!! Longwitz loses. Penn puts Trump over the top.

We are going to live-blog the election results tonight.  Make all election night comments on this post.  The long nightmare that has been the 2016 Presidential campaign will be over one way or another.  Who will win?

The Kingfish predicts Hillary will win and it won't be close.  She has superior logistics.  She raised much more money.  Even if one accepts the claim that she is ill, her team isn't and they know what to do.  Trump did not put together a real ground game in most states.  There was no sustained advertising campaign.  Then there the self-inflicted wounds that would've killed a regular candidate.  We haven't even gotten around to the media.

The real story of this campaign is the party establishments tried to shove candidates the voters did not want down their throats.   They did not want a Bush or Clinton, period.   The GOP grassroots did not want Jeb Bush but the establishment and consultants were determined to run him.  Bush also sucked over $100 million out of the race that could've gone to other candidates who might have had a chance of beating Trump.  The Republicans are getting killed by consultants who are good at picking pockets and bad at picking winners.  The voters didn't want Hillary either as shown by her unfavorable ratings but a candidate such as Bernie had no chance against Hillary and the DNC.  Hence we get two candidates that nobody wanted.  Damage was done to our psyche and republic this year as there seemed to be no way out of the madness.  Fertile ground for mischief.  

Local? Hannan and Wilson will make a runoff in the Court of Appeals race.  Kitchens is an incumbent in a race regular voters usually don't care about and thus will win by 8-10 points.

7:35 PM

I'm watching Fox Business Channel with Dobbs, Cavuto, and Maria.  

91% of the vote in in Florida.  Trump is only a few hundred votes shy of being up by 100,000 votes.  Its a dogfight but Trump surpassed Romney and Obama. There are a few panhandle counties still out.  NYT puts his odds at winning Florida over 60%.

Trump is up in Virginia at 50.1% and leads by over 40,000 votes with 54% of the votes.  However, Northern Virginia usually comes in last and that is usually a few bushels of Democrat votes.

The Tarheel State is key to both campaigns.  Hillary leads by 49.9% to 47.6% with 61% of the vote.

7:47 PM

Hmmm.... did the FBI ordeal turn people against Washington even more?

Trump is slowly pulling away in Florida as he is now by over 110,000 votes with 91% of the vote counted.

Virginia: 58% of the vote is in and Trump expands his lead.  He is now up 50.4% to 44.7%- a 127,859 margin.

Ohio: 36% of the vote counted and Hillary is up by around 17,000 votes. 

Just checked Madison County.  No precincts are counted yet.

8:00 PM

MSNBC reports Hillary has 75 electoral votes, Trump has 72.

Florida: Still 91% of the vote but CNN reports Trump has increased his lead to 142,539 votes.

Ohio: 37% of the votes are in but Trump is up 50-46. Fox is reporting straight from the SOS.  SOS said it will be another hour before they have a real picture.  40% of the vote is counted.  Trump is up by almost 20,000 votes.

8:15 PM

Florida: Trump leads by 145,717 votes at 92%  or leads 49.2 to 47.6.  Broward County is apparently the holdout with about 50% of the votes counted in that county.  Hillary leads that county by more than 200,000 votes.   

Virginia: Trump leads by 77,263 at 71% of the vote.  48.8 to 46.1.

Will the Democratic Army of Northern Virginia come through for Hillary?

NYT is calling Colorado red? Huh? 

8:25 PM

Florida: Trump may win this state.  94% of the vote is in and Trump leads by 146,639 votes.
Tarheels: 72% counted and Trump is up by around 30,000 votes.  49.2-48.3.
Virginia: 75% in and Trump leads by around 60,000 votes at 48.5-46.5.  Fox said Trump is outperforming Romney and McCain. 
Granite State: 21% in and they are tied. Almost literally tied in actual votes.
Ohio: Half the votes are in and Trump leads by around 200,000 votes at 52-44.

Madison County Court Judge race: 9 of 42 precincts are in.  O'Neal leads Longwitz 61-39.  2,476 votes for O'Neal v. 1,555 votes for Longwitz.

8:45 PM

Fox tally is Trump at 147 to Hillary at 109.
Florida: 95% of the vote is in.  Trump leads by over 140,000 votes at 49.2 - 47.7.
NC: Trump leads 49.9 to 47.5 with 77% of the vote counted. 83,860 vote margin. Trump is expanding the lead.
Virginia: The ANV is coming to Hillary's rescue. 80% of the votes are in and Trump only leads by 10,000 votes.
Ohio: 61% of the vote is in and Trump is picking up steam: 53-42.6.  358,607 margin. 

Court of Appeals District 3.

Jack Wilson: 50% , 8,184
Ed Hannan: 38%, 6,272
Dow Yoder: 11%, 1,842

Supreme Court:

Jim Kitchens:  10,499 54%
Kenny Griffis: 8,889 46%

9:00 PM

Florida: Trump leads by 133,551 votes with over 95% counted.
Ohio: 65% of vote is in and Trump is slightly increasing his lead. 384,530 margin.
The ANV comes through for Hillary.  Media calls Virginia for Hillary.  She needed this one.
Meechigan: 22% of the vote is in and Trump leads 50.2-44.6. 62,654 margin.

Fox has Trump at 150 to 122 votes for Hillary.

Madison County Court: 16 of 42 precincts are counted. O'Neal leads 60-40.  5,868 to 3,991 votes.

9:15 PM

Carville is having a meltdown.  Live by the bombast, die by the bombast.

Back to Madison County.  22/42 precincts and O'Neal leads Longwitz 58-42.  Roughly a 2,200 vote margin.  Upset in the making?

Big story in Madison County though is the Court of Appeals race.  10 of 20 precincts are counted and County Court Judge Ed Hannan is only leading Jack Wilson 43.4 to 42.  A margin of only 133 votes.   Hannan should be blowing out Wilson in his home county if he wants to have a real chance at forcing a runoff.

Next up: The big Supreme Court race:

Kitchens, Jim (i)26,814, 53%
Griffis, Kenny 24,254 , 47%

Tightening up. Time to open another bottle of wine.

Keep in mind GDP has stayed below 2% for quite some time.  Such stagnation can make for all kinds of electoral mischief.

Florida time: Trump is holding that lead: 49.2 to 47.7.  The margin is 134,940.
NC: 83% of vote is counted.  50.4-47.  132,797 margin.  Seabiscuit is pulling away.
NH: Trump leads Hillary 48.4-46.4.

9:25 PM

Upset in Madison? 25/42 precincts. O'Neal back up 58.65 to 41.27.  10,144-7,138.

Hannan and Wilson are almost tied up in Madison at 42.62 to 41.88.  Yoder has 15%.

Florida: Trump leads 49.2 to 47.7.  Margin of 135,329 votes. The lead is holding.

9:35 PM

Silver starting to lean towards Trump? SAY WHAT????  How many meltdowns will that cause????

 Madison County Court race: 30/42 precincts are counted.  O'Neal is leading Longwitz 59-41.  13,061 to 9,172 votes.  Longwitz needs to pull almost four thousand votes from somewhere.

Fox just called Ohio for Trump and Colorado for Hillary.  Trump leads 168 to 131 electoral votes.
Michigan: 48% of vote is in and Trump leads Hillary by 2.2 points.  A margin of 35,242 votes.
NC: 84% of vote is now in and Trump continues to pull away at 50.5-46.9.  A margin of 145,509 votes.
Quaker State: Hillary leads 50.7 to 45.9 with 52% of the vote counted.  Margin is 151,471 votes.  I never bought the theory that Trump could get Pennsylvania.  Its broken too many hearts and backstabbed too many polls that showed it to be winnable for the GOP.

Whoaah.  Carville just said Trump has Florida.

Trump leads the electoral votes 168 to 131.  

9:50 PM.

32/42 boxes are in in the Madison County Court race.  Longwitz is making his push and has cut into O'Neal's lead by two points.  She leads 57 to 43.  15,644 to 11,720 votes.

Julia Hodges is killing incumbent T. Hawkins Phillips in the District 2 Election Commissioner race by 76-25 with 3 of 7 precincts counted.  She is leading by over 1,300 votes.  Fat Lady is warming up.

Florida: Media saying it is too close to call but Trump's margin is 133,080 votes.  Still at 95% but he is holding his lead.
Tarheel State: Trump is still pulling away with a margin of 179,428 votes and leads 50.7-46.5.  91% of the vote is counted.  Fox calls North Carolina for Trump.
Michigan: Trump leads with 44% of the vote.  49.4 to 45.4.  86,752 margin.
Penn: 65% of the vote is counted and Hillary leads 49.8-46.8.  A margin of 116,283. 

WOW!!! New York Times puts Trump's chances at winning at 91%.  Huh?  Trump leads 183-131. 

10:00 PM. 

Republicans are probably keeping the Senate.  Ron Johnson beat Feingold.

AP calls Florida for Trump.    Trump leads 216-202. That includes California.

10:10 PM

It appears Staci O'Neal is going to upset incumbent Will Longwitz for County Court Judge.  39/42 precincts are counted and she leads 57-43.  21,540 to 16,399 votes.

Julia Hodges wins and goes back to the Election Commission.  Maybe Spence Flatguard will get his client back as the Election Commission will flip from Democrats to Republicans.

Mississippi Supreme Court:

Kitchens, Jim (i) 87,181 52%
Griffis, Kenny 80,927 48%

Court of Appeals:
Wilson, Jack (i) 56,219 49%
Hannan, Ed 42,824 38%
Yoder, Dow 15,131 13%

Trump now leads 222-202.

10:20 PM

Pennsylvnia: Hillary leads 49.4-47.1 with 73% of the votes counted. 101,711 margin.
Meechigan: Half the vote is in and Trump leads, 48.3-46.6.  A margin of 43,742.
New Hampshire: Trump leads with 60% of the vote counted: 48.3-46.4.  The margin is only 8,378 votes.
Wisconsin: Trump leads among the Cheeseheads by 48.7-46.1 with 60% of the vote counted.  The margin is 48,819.
Iowa: Trump leads Iowa with half of the vote counted, 48.2-46.2.  The margin is 14,800 .

Trump is leading Hillary by over 2 million popular votes.  Damn.

10:30 PM

Chris Wallace says it was at this moment that they called the race in 2012 for President Obama.  Rachel is melting. 

Say "Here Comes the Judge" to Stacy O'Neal.  The Madison County attorney upset incumbent Will Longwitz.  There is only one box remaining to be counted and Mrs. O'Neal will win the race.  She leads  56-43%.  23,383 to 18,031 votes.

Mississippi Supreme Court Justice Jim Kitchens is holding strong at 80% of the vote. .
Kitchens, Jim (i) 121,488 53%
Griffis, Kenny 108,543 47%

Meanwhile the Court of Appeals race continues in more heated fashion with 75% of the vote counted:

Wilson, Jack (i)77,082 50%
Hannan, Ed 57,270 37%
Yoder, Dow21,070 14%

10:40 PM

Juan Williams: How does this make sense?

The lead is up in Wisconsin.  Trump is starting to pull away from Hillary at 49-45.8 at 60% of the vote.  Margin has increased to 66,510.  Never mind.  Fox just called it for Trump.

232-209 electoral votes for Trump.  The media has not yet called Georgia for Trump and that is 16 electoral votes.  Now watch Meechigan.  How is Meechigan doing?

57% of the votes are counted in Meechigan and roughly 15,000 vote margin for Trump.

Fox just called Iowa for Trump.  238 votes to 208.  Wow.  If he holds the Romney votes, he gets to 269.

Fox called Gawgia for Trump.  254 to 209.  Just wow.  

Hillary's people are crying and leaving.

10:55 PM

Yes, we are still waiting to see who wins.

Meechigan: 60% is in and Trump still leads 49.4-45.8.  The margin is 56,488.  The lead is increasing.
Penn State: 82% is in and Hillary leads 48.8-47.6.  The margin is 59,683.  Trump is gaining.  Does he close?
Arizona: Trump is almost at 50% with 49.4-45.8.  A margin of 56,488 votes with 61% of the vote counted.
NH: 67% of the vote is counted.  Trump leads 48.3-46.4.  The margin is 9,103.  Getting close.

Arizona and Meechigan might be enough to put him over the top with 27 electoral votes.

Oh Sean Hannity, SHUT UP!!!  Damn you sound like a broken record.  The kind that sounds like nails on chalk.

11:05 PM

Pennsylvania: The Quaker State is getting tight.  One point and only 40,057 votes separates the two candidates with 85% of the vote counted.
Meechigan: 63% of the vote is counted and Trump leads 48.1-46.8.  She is catching up a little bit but they are still separated by 40,862 votes.  Long way to geaux.
Minehaha: She is doing well: 49.8-42.4.  A margin of 112,906 votes with 69% of the vote counted.  She has this one.

11:15 PM

DAMN!!! They are almost even in Pennsylvania.  This is no joke.  89% of the vote is counted.  She leads 48.3-48.2.  The margin is only 5,826 votes.  20 electoral votes.  If Trump can close here, it is over.  I remember watching UNLV play Duke in the NCAA finals a year after UNLV demolished Duke. Augman, Butler, Johnson, the whole crew.  Duke clobbered them.

You have got to be kidding. A transformer just blew.  Ok, it came back on.  Now I have to wait for everything to reboot. ARRRGGGHHHH.  Thank goodness for AT&T LTE. 


Trump is pulling away in Pennsylvania.  48.6-47.8.  A margin of 42,695 votes with 95% counted.  The New York Times puts his chances of winning the Quaker State at over 90%.  The 20 electoral votes will put him at 274 votes.

Meechigan.  77% of the vote is counted AND Mr. Trump leads Hillary 48.2-46.7.  The margin is 57,479.  NYT likes his chances.

Arizona: What is taking so long? Only 65% of the votes are counted.  Trump leads 49.4-45.7.  The margin is 60,848.

New Hampshire: Hillary took the lead back with 81% of the vote counted.  Hillary leads 48-45%.  The margin is 17,215.

Minnehaha: The Hillary lead is slightly narrowing.  She leads 47.7-44.5.  The margin is 74,688. 

12:40 AM

AP calls Pennsylvania for Trump.  That puts him at 274 votes.

Swallow hard and say it: President Donald Trump. 


Anonymous said...

Noone else even had a chance in beating the Hillary/media/DNC machine. Trump was the only one who wasn't a wuss.

Anonymous said...

Buy gold and silver, weapons and ammunition.

Anonymous said...

Good call KF, now what do you think about the future of the Republican Party

Anonymous said...

They just called Mississippi for Trump on ABC

Anonymous said...

Longwitz or O'Neal KF?

Anonymous said...

Trump doesn't want to win. He has tried to lose all the way, the more stupid crap he did, the more the under educated fell in love.

Anonymous said...

@6:48...I disagree. Everybody hates Hillary. Only person that they dislike more is Trump. Any decent GOP candidate would have beaten her.

Anonymous said...

Civil wars result from less.

Anonymous said...

@7:21, may be under educated, but they have common sense.

Anonymous said...

@731, wrong, Romney couldnt even beat Obama with all the ammunition in the world to put him out of office.

Anonymous said...

The long nightmare that has been the 2016 Presidential campaign will be over... and a true nightmare will begin.

I felt distinctly deplorable after casting my vote today. I just want out of the basket. You know, the hand basket our country's heading to you-know-where in.

Alas, despite who wins, we lose. Our ride in the hand basket will continue in the same direction, and will pick up speed.


Anonymous said...

Thank God for the Internet. I have no doubt that there are local "journalists" who have done the exact same supporting Democrats as Wikileaks has exposed at the Federal level. No doubt at all.

Johnny Weir said...

Talk about the democrats sticking their head in the sand.
If Hillary is elected the interest on the federal debt will be 97% of the GNP (Gross National Product). You have no country to pass on to your kids or grandkids. Stuff that into your pantsuit.

Anonymous said...

33% in and Stacy O'Neal @ 59%.

Anonymous said...

52% in, Staci O'Neal @ 57.55%!

Anonymous said...

Dow futures are tanking on the prospect of Trump winning

Anonymous said...

Ponzi Fed manipulated market.

Anonymous said...

Longwitz is done! Goodbye.

Anonymous said...

At 9:22 Trump looks very good. Best case scenario. Trump wins has a heart attack 6 months in and Pence takes office.

Anonymous said...

i sure hope my Dawgs have some special uniforms for the Alabama game cause that Nick Satan feller is not very nice.

Anonymous said...

Where's the big talker predicting Longwitz would get 75% of the vote?

Anonymous said...

it's rigged. it's a trap.

Anonymous said...

well, it looks like ol' no-show palazzo won.

Anonymous said...

Que the Longshakes for Senate 2019 flyers.

Walter get ready.

Anonymous said...

Markets tanking. Any word on Connie Cochran, the last republican official in Hinds?

Anonymous said...

Funny. Walter Michel will beat the hell out of Longwitz.

Anonymous said...

Donner's pipe dream that MS was going purple are up in smoke.

Kingfish said...

Markets will come back. They did after Brexit.

Maria said reduce corporate tax rate to 15%, remove or improve Obamacare, and mellow the trade talk, corporate America and markets will come back.

Anonymous said...

Will Longwitz is a winner in my books. I get nervous when I see anyone in Madison County with a whole lotta money behind them. But, I wish her well.

Anonymous said...

More Blacks are voting for Trump than you think! Now watch black leadership start increasing the hype of the black man in peril!

Anonymous said...

Longwitz vs Michel in 2019?? What a joke! Michel is loaded
with campaign funds $200,000 right now. He has a beautiful
new wife. He has strong support like Tate Reeves and Mike Chaney and Rita
Martinson and Mayor Gene in Madison Cty and the likes of
Weill Denny Stribling Barbour Yerger Mounger in Hinds Cty
so he will crush Longwitz. Will Longwitz is a political hopscotch
player. He needs to practice law and support his family.

Johnny Weir said...

It's great that the stock market is tanking. I can buy into it NOW!!!!

Anonymous said...

More Blacks are voting for Trump than you think!

And just think the ones in Mississippi who may have weren't paid to do so.

Anonymous said...

NYTimes predicting that Trump carries Pennsylvania.

Anonymous said...

The 17 year cycle is about to take those futures lower.............. This isn't just a correction.

Johnny weir said...

I'm doing an all nighter for this historic night.
I really had my doubts that Trump would win, but he busted through to WIN. I heard the Canadian Immigration website has crashed. Donald Trump is 26 electorial votes from the White House.

Anonymous said...

American patriotism will survive Donald Trump. Many brave souls died for America's opportunity to elect him president. This was not our choice but my family respects our Nation's decision.

Anonymous said...

Many people voted against the liberal media.
Many people voted against the politicians making millions by buying govt. favors.
Many people voted against certain groups of people ignoring the law of the land.
Many people voted against the federal govt.
Net effect. TRUMP WINS !!!!

someoneinnorthms said...

Surely Hillary will think this over and wonder why God, or fate, or karma, or Allah hates her so much. I mean, she lost to Donald Freaking Trump! First she lost to Kenyan Fairytale. Then to the Donald. She's obviously made someone upstairs upset with her. I hate to be morbid, but I wouldn't be surprised if she has given up the will to live (like so many do when they've lost out on their dream). It wouldn't surprise me at all to read her obituary within a year. It's sad, really, because she.probably could have won if she had just been honest about the emails from the beginning.

Anonymous said...

Kingfish your math is off at Midnight. Donald is at 244 electoral votes. Penn will give him 264 electoral votes instead of 274.

Anonymous said...

Is this the end of Longwitz? Where does he go from here?

Anonymous said...

My candidate lost. The Donald won. It is what it is. Mississippi was still going to be at the bottom of every good list regardless who won. And except for maybe having to take my college boy off my health insurance, my life probably won't change.

Anonymous said...

Donald needs to win one more state & it's over for Hillary.
He's going to win AZ.

Just one more.

Anonymous said...

A very happy deplorable here. I have waited 24 years to see those two grifters finally shown the door. And the defeat served up by the one person they detested most. When you wrestle with a pig your both going to get nasty, but the pig loves it. My big hog won and I am tickled. Ding dong the witch is gone!

Anonymous said...

Kingfish, you ignorant slut...

Talking to you 10:46 said...

Hey! 10:46 what are you talking about with money and Staci? I know her personally. She started out with 2k in early donations. Will just transferred 48k from his senate campaign account. I don't understand your implication.

Anonymous said...

Congrats to O'Neal. She got my vote.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

O'Neal outhustled Longwitz who thought all he had to do was carpet bomb voters with direct mail and put up big ass signs.

Too Bad So Sad said...

"Mississippi was still going to be at the bottom of every good list regardless who won. And except for maybe having to take my college boy off my health insurance, my life probably won't change.",

What a crap attitude. With all that negativity in your life why did you bother to vote? You have no idea what might happen positive for Mississippi. And it's just terrible that your boy might have to leave the loft and get his own insurance coverage through a job that offers it. But, you're probably right - Your life won't change. And that's sad.

Abbreviations Have Meaning said...

Penn was busy frying fish and had nothing to do with the election results.

Anonymous said...

12:26 - where's Longwitz go from here? His pal the Gov will appoint him to the next open seat on the bench. Or maybe he'll be a US Atty under Trump's DOJ.

Still in shock, but will recover. said...

The problem with political jokes is that they often win.

That Is So Unfortunate.. said...

12:45 - So sad that your boy will have to come off your insurance. But, hell, he will be another two or three years older by the time that gets reversed. Meanwhile, he still has time to leave the nest.

Anonymous said...

+13 point margin victory for Staci was no accident.

Anonymous said...

Deplorable Lives Matter! A fitting end to the eight year shit storm that has engulfed our country.

Anonymous said...

Integrity won in the Mississippi Supreme Court District 1 race!

Anonymous said...

I really want to see Trump build that wall, deport them mexicans, and repeal and replace Obamacare. This should all take shape by April 20, 2017. If he can't get it started by then, we will have to start the election for 2020, much less 2018.

Anonymous said...

I hear that pay phones are coming back. After the current minutes are used up on the Obama phones, they're not gonna be renewed!

What a waste of billions to give phones and airtime to tens of millions of people over the last decade.

Anonymous said...

My faith in the people has been restored. The Clintons are history. Maybe a few more of the criminals will have to find someone else to pay their bills now.

Anonymous said...

I for one pray I never see the face or hear the voice of Tim Kane again in my lifetime. God bless America again and again

Anonymous said...

God bless you, Staci. You'll be a fantastic judge.

Of Parting Shots and Remaining Stench said...

Still in shock, but will recover. said...
The problem with political jokes is that they often win.

And they occasionally fade into the goddamned sunset, thankfully. Even in so doing, as a parting shot, they challenge all the up and coming millennials to stay the course, dig in their heels and work a little harder to advance socialism.

Anonymous said...

I'm NOT a fan of the gubner, at all. But, giving Willy a 11-month judge position to get him out of the senate was kinda smart.

Anonymous said...

Anyone heard from the Clarion-Ledger affirmative action writer Leonard Pitts on his article last week?

Hillary is going to need a PIO/Yard Maintenance loser......he needs to get his application in quick. If not, maybe George Soros needs someone to shine his shoes!!!!!

Whazzup Wit DissHere? said...

How does Millionaire Bennie 'Barbershop Shirt' Thompson manage to always get himself re-elected? It can't be the fish fries. It can't be the jobs he's brought to his district. It can't be the advancements he's initiated in the Delta.

Help Keep My Husband In Their Pockets.. said...

'Integrity won in the supreme race'? Really? The ads were right. Kitchens is a liberal bum. The trial lawyers are celebrating at Ticos.

Kingfish said...

I did. I have no problems admitting it. The polls blew it in 2014 and 2010 but got it right in 2012. Many of the same claims or arguments about why the polls were wrong this year I heard in 2012 and I wasn't getting burned again. Call me a cynic.

Anonymous said...

854. Sorry to tell you but the polls were right. Maybe the punters were wrong but that's not the same. In all the battleground states the polls generally showed it to be a one or two point race, generally with Clinton ahead but in a couple it was Trump. Those polls generally had a 3 point or so margin. Those states all fit within the margin. What was missed was nobody thought they were most all going Trump's way - it took him running the table to win which he did.

Anonymous said...

854. Sorry to tell you but the polls were right. Maybe the punters were wrong but that's not the same. In all the battleground states the polls generally showed it to be a one or two point race, generally with Clinton ahead but in a couple it was Trump. Those polls generally had a 3 point or so margin. Those states all fit within the margin. What was missed was nobody thought they were most all going Trump's way - it took him running the table to win which he did.

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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).

Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.

In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS