Monday, August 3, 2020

Why Businesses Leave Jackson

Another business is threatening to leave Jackson thanks to unrelenting crime. Thieves repeatedly hit Green Oak nursery on Old Canton Road as shown in the video posted below.





Green Oak owner Karen McKie stated on social media  and again to this website:

Here is the star of the movie. They know his name. Loves to steal pots and plants from our store: Green Oak. Probably has stolen them from other places too. He either has a beautiful yard or is selling them “at a steal”. Thanks Jackson leadership for doing nothing to keep 60 year old family businesses safe . Beware this guy.

The thief's name is Johnny E. Courtney.  He was in trouble with the law for a spell over drugs and being a felon possessing a firearm back around twenty years ago.   Obviously, he has not changed his ways. 

However, Mrs. McKie went further in an email to this website:

The theft going around is another issue. Anything we put out front of our store immediately gets taken. We either need to get a fence around entire property or move. We have come up with an idea to concrete in artificial plants in pots attached to the pavement. We have to show our wares to stay in business. Otherwise, we look like we’ve given up on beautification. The pots recently stolen was my attempt to get by until the artificials came in. Stupid me. But the cameras we put up are good. The police knew his name:
Johnnie Earl Courtney.  We signed an affidavit Friday, so hopefully they will do something. Our other concern is that hotel on the frontage road - by interstate overpass. We believe it’s filled with prostitution and drugs. The walk traffic from apartments to Walgreens combined with the busing in of riffraff with “help me “ signage is also making our customers feel unsafe. (I don’t call them homeless because I believe they are not from MS and it’s a racket). Last year, the businesses along old canton from our place to interstate met and invited city officials to discuss these matters. Got nowhere. Jackson should care that these businesses are trying to stay in the city. It may not work, though. Holding out as long as we can. ...
We were thinking of calling WAPT. I grew up in Jackson, my parents started Green Oak. Our son, his wife, our daughter , and my sister work at Green Oak. My son and daughter both live in Jackson.



Kingfish note: When you clowns bitch about businesses leaving Jackson, read this email a few times.  The city literally does nothing to help them.  Lumumba's employees are either too dumb or lazy to help this business and others like it survive in Jackson.   It brings to mind the owner of Greenbrook Flowers begging the Mayor and City Council for some help only to be told "next" as they brushed her off. 




Now for some real context on this video.  The person before Mrs. Dearman complained about the Fire Department.  Little Lord Lumumba sat right there and arranged a meeting between the Northeast Jackson resident and the Fire Department.  The person after Mrs. Dearman raised hell about identifying police officers involved in shootings.  Oh, the Mayor entered into a nice discussion with that guy and his peeps about that issue.  Had all the time in the world for it, actually.  Attacking the police gets a nice discussion while business owners begging for help are told to get lost.

Actually, it also wouldn't be surprising to discover that some of the Mayor's peeps are more than happy to see such businesses leave.  It's not too hard to figure out why. Something about the Kush plan he has never disavowed. 

56 comments:

Anonymous said...

My wife's car got broken into at Parham Bridges Park across from Jackson Academy (credit card was stolen). This was 3-4 years ago. The police wrote a report and said "you can give this to your insurance company." Based upon the use of the credit card within the hour or two after it happened (before we could get it cancelled), I found out exactly who broke in to the car. We notified the police and gave them the name and the evidence. They laughed and said "we ain't got time to worry about some clown who ran up $400 on a credit card." (of course he broke the window in the car also, but whatever)

Anonymous said...

City leaders have contempt for this woman and her business. They don’t like her because she’s successful and hate her because she’s while.

At this point, all the blame is on her through for staying in Jackson.

I can appreciate her grit to stay, but at this point, any future crimes against her or her business are on her. This is insanity.

Anonymous said...

Don't be surprised if this guy doesn't retaliate against the owner for speaking out by throwing one of those pots through the window or worse. Sad.

Anonymous said...

The Voters Do Not Care. They will keep voting for the Donner Kay radicals.

Anonymous said...

Chokwe doesn't want businesses in Jackson. It is clear that he has done zilch to highlight the positives in the City to attract them. Highlight Fondren, the District, Belhaven and Downtown - flood those areas with police to keep them safe, watch businesses and residents come back, then Viola you have the money to enact some of your radical policies. This S**T isn't rocket science. Alas, he's too stuck on his progressive ideology to actually run a damn City.

Kennuff said...

NEXT

Jackson, Detroit of the South said...

For all of you Jacksonians who have been in denial for years, we are full here in God's country (Madison The City), but Ridgeland or even Canton will gladly welcome you. Oh, and "denial" isn't a river in Egypt.

Best of luck for getting pennies on the dollar for your home and/or business. You snoozed, you losed.

Anonymous said...

"NEXT"

Such a sad state of affairs in Jackson. Leadership that won't do anything but stand in front of cameras and tell the citizenry of all the great things they are going to do but yet fail to address the root of the problem. The Mayor and Council members ignore the rampant murders and property crimes that have brought this once fine city to its knees. When was the last time the Mayor publicly addressed the rash of murders occurring in Jackson? The last time I can recall was several months ago when two young children were killed a few days apart. Where is the police chief? Does Jackson even have one? The murders continue to happen almost daily. The TV stations report them with the tag line "We're working to bring you more information" but yet as soon as they say this the story is deleted from their websites, never to be mentioned again. C.J. LeMaster of WLBT tries to keep up with the body count, but his stories are buried so deep one can hardly fine it. Even C.J. has a hard time keeping up with the exact number and the blurbs about the murder are several weeks behind in being posted.

I was born and raised in Jackson. I know the Martinson and the Jacobs families. I was close friends with several members of the Jacobs family, going to school with them from kindergarten through high school. I have done much business with both of them, as did my parents and grandparents. It kills my soul to see these fine families that have done so many wonderful things for Jackson through the years be run out of business because the administration and courts refuse to do a damn thing to help them. Thank goodness for the few men and women of law enforcement who are still on the beat trying to do a good job to protect us and what we worked so hard to earn.

MR. MAYOR, IT IS PAST TIME FOR YOU TO GET OFF YOUR ASS AND STARTING DOING YOUR SWORN DUTY TO PROTECT THE CITY OF JACKSON AND ITS CITIZENS AND BUSINESS! WHAT SAY YOU MR. MAYOR?

Note ot KF and readers: Sorry for shouting but I've had enough.

Anonymous said...

Think this will make it?

https://www.wlbt.com/2020/08/03/city-jackson-welcomes-its-only-black-owned-coffee-shop/

Anonymous said...

Sadly, Green Oak should have moved years ago. S**t town I mean Jackson is the poster child of all Democratic controlled cities. The Democrats run all the business away & expect the tax money to still come in.

Anonymous said...

Is she actually gonna pull the rip cord this time?

Anonymous said...

Why these people stay in a place that hates them is a mystery to me. The administration is just the elected voice of a rotten population that loves to wallow in their own self created poverty and violence.

Follow the Rooftops said...

### Metro Ad Valorem Millage Rates (2018-2019) ###

Jackson = 69.03 mils (Stupid asses w/ MAX CID rate)

Jackson = 63.03 mils

Canton = 56.32 mils

Edwards = 47.0 mils
Clinton = 44.49 mils

Bolton = 36.3 mils
Flora = 34.5 mils
Byram = 34.1 mils
---> AVERAGE = 33.6 mils <---
Brandon = 33.0 mils
Raymond = 30.72 mils

Madison = 28.8 mils
Terry = 27.85 mils
Pearl = 27.5 mils
Raymond = 25.62 mils
Florence = 22.9 mils
Ridgeland = 20.03 mils
Flowood = 20.0 mils

Richland = 19.0 mils

* excludes County & School District

Anonymous said...

Wasting your time @9:14.

Antard = WYSIWYG

Anonymous said...

Got a few ideas about what to leave in front for next time.

Anonymous said...

Detroit 2.0. Mdot just needs to work on a bypass around Jackson from Rankin to Madison side. Can anyone hem High and tight up to ask him if he has a plan(Besides his Kush) and does he even give a shit?

Anonymous said...

Jackson has had 66 murders in 2020. Chicago has had 440. Chicago has 16.50 times the population as Jackson. At the rate they are mowing them down in Jackson, if Jackson had the population of Chicago and the murder rate was the same, Jackson would have had 1085 murders this year (to date). Another way of looking at it, the murder rate in Jackson is 15 times higher (per capita) than Chicago’s.

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of this scene from "The Big Lewbowski":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7acD4q0lp0

Anonymous said...

I'd say vote out the racists but I question whether there are enough people still in Jackson who are persuadable.

Anonymous said...

@9:27 AM

9:14 AM here.

I know, but sometimes it just feels better to get things off one's chest.

BTW, I wrote the first post before I checked the "news" sites (since KF is the first thing I go to in the morning), and lo and behold I see there were TWO more murders in Jackson last night. That brings the total to 69 so far this year. That puts Jackson on pace for 117.46 murders in 2020.

Anonymous said...

"Detroit 2.0. Mdot just needs to work on a bypass around Jackson from Rankin to Madison side." Technically they have one, it's called the Spillway. Traffic to and from Rankin is tearing up the Madison side roadways and if possible, a toll for each way of $1.00 should be imposed. Rankin, and others would gladly pay $10.00 a week to avoid Rt 25, already obsolete, to avoid downtown Jackson.

Anonymous said...

Diversity is a strength. 39211 now is filled with homes selling for less than $90/foot. Property crime is nuts except in areas paying for off duty cops patrolling, and even there, it is way up. Every convenience store is scary after dusk. Every one. 39211. Thanks. Every corner has a disheveled grifter begging (ha ha joke is on you). Diversity is a strength. Rinse. Repeat.

Anonymous said...

I love Green Oak. It's my " go to" spot. I'm sorry this is happening.

I don't think it's that any mayor or police chief don't care. I think they are forced to prioritize. Certainly, there's no rational motive to drive away a tax base.

I think it's a matter of resources and unwillingness for the State to help those communities without the court or law enforcement strength/funds to deal adequately with a crime problem.

I think it's the inability for the State to have State agencies with the ability to aid law enforcement adequately when it comes to forensics or other investigatory/capture assistance.

Nor is their enough room in our jails.

It is the attitude that a business is responsible for it's own security and not taxpayers.

Individual officers aren't expected to be diplomats and truth is harsh, but yes, spending investigative hours and court time testifying or cost of keeping small time criminals in jail for a few hundred or thousands dollars is a problem.

Those costs outweigh the theft or vandalism when you are counting pennies.

I wish these problems that aggravate all of us were as simplistic as some of you want to believe and that any one man could make them go away in the current realities.

I would hate for Green Oak to relocate. I suspect they'd just have to lose a significant part of that store's market unless they could find a very close. Talk to Juniker's first about how much "drop by" and " gift" business was lost and hope they try to estimate the regular " oh dear, unexpected need for company or garden", and regular nearby landscaping markets.

At any rate, it's never a good idea to base a business decision while frustrated or angry about any given problem. Look at the long term pluses and minuses before moving while cool headed,and calm.










Anonymous said...

jackson won't get better and this is why. demographics. jackson is approximately 85% black. that's not the problem though. the problem is that black folks overwhelmingly vote democrat. democrat policies and ideologies are what's on full display in jackson. and the approximately 15% white folks that are left in jackson don't all vote republican. democrat against republican, democrat wins, even if democrat is white and republican is black. and a black democrat will always win over a white democrat. demographics baby, demographics. it's not going to change for the better. anyone that can leave, should. madison and rankin aren't perfect, but they are a world better than jackson. business friendly, low taxes, schools, infrastructure, police, judicial system. you know, the things that really matter in a city. take care of those issues, and everything else takes care of itself.

Anonymous said...

I don't know why all of you to include KF keep blaming the city. Is Jackson city leadership pitiful? Absolutely, but they cannot control crime, all they can do is respond to it. When you have such a significant portion of Jackson's population that are without morals, standards or ethics, well, what in the hell do you expect? This will only get worse until someone(s) has the guts to stand up and call out those in the wrong.

Anonymous said...

The black folks that appreciate what is being posted here moved long ago to the suburbs like Brandon, Clinton, Byram, Ridgeland and yes, Madison. All that’s left in Jackson are white people who sincerely want to stay and try to work toward a better Jackson and black people who hate them. .

Anonymous said...

Businesses have no one to blame except themselves. There is no reason to stay in a city that does not want your business in their city. You can see for yourself the reactions when you ask for help with the crime problem.
You should have left Jackson a long time ago. Your customer base has already left Jackson. You are depending on them to come back to the crime ridden city from their safe cities to shop at your business. How long do you think you can depend on them to continue to do the same?

You know how it is now and the future is only going to be worse. You have only yourself to blame if you stay in a place that is trying to get rid of you.

Anonymous said...

I remember back when Frank Melton was Mayor there was a tragic suicide in NE Jackson. Young white guy, wife, couple of kids. Now, I don't know if there was any connection between Melton and the family. Maybe some, maybe none. While you can't compare pot stealing to a family losing their father, the point is, Melton showed up. He helped out. He consoled.
A real Mayor, a Mayor who cared about peoples livelihoods, about safety, about lifting all boats by increasing safety and the tax base would be personally knocking on the door of every business in Jackson and asking how he can help. That would be leadership but will never happen with Lumumba.

Kingfish said...

Crime actually got much worse under Melton and it really got worse while Mac was Chief.

Kingfish said...

She could probably move into the old Callaway on County Line Road. Close to customer base. Police who respond and fix problems. Lower taxes. Roads paved.

Anonymous said...

It's not just Green Oak. I know for a fact that a business around the corner from them was broken into at least four times in a ten day period. Four yewts were caught on video but not by the police as of yet.

Anonymous said...

@10:36 am - "I think they are forced to prioritize." Prioritize? Like prioritizing the effing Zoo money sinkhole over basic necessities of a properly run City?

Anonymous said...

At this point, I don't understand why any white local business owner would maintain his or her business in Jackson. The leadership here is perpetually inept and this mayor in particular and council have shown indifference to white business owners who are drowning in crime and blight. I don't own a business, but if I did, I would shutter it now and move to greener pastures in Rankin or Madison County. I'm sure the Mayor wouldn't care. In fact he would be hopeful that a young black entrepreneur would purchase it, and he and his department heads would do everything in their power to cater to that new business owner.

Anonymous said...

The old Callaway Yard and Garden place is already taken. Nursery Wholesalers.

Anonymous said...

As one of the black people that still lives in Jackson, I do not condone what is going on in the city. Most of the home owners in the city do not condone this. We are hardworking taxpayers like everyone else. We chose Jackson for a variety of reasons. However, to say we are all complicit in this current state of the city is like saying all Americans are complicit in all of our nation's various maladies.

I want to see business owners of all types prosper in Jackson and all the metro for that matter, especially the local businesses. Start suggesting solutions instead of pointing out the obvious problems - we know those already.

Anonymous said...

Chuckie is on MSNBC saying the situation is dire from the "Rona and blaming Tate Reeves for it. He is basically postulating for a higher position in the progressive party, which all of us on JJ have stated were his goals all along. Someone should write MSNBC to tell them its funny hes more worried about the Corona than the infrastructure or crime in his city.

Anonymous said...

Chokwe is such a joke. I can't even say he talks a good game, because he doesn't even do that.

Anonymous said...

" I don't own a business, but if I did..." - A Majority of Jackson Jambalaya comments when it pertains to anything in Jackson.

We get it, Jackson is a shithole and you don't like it.

Anonymous said...

@1:08 p.m. Did you vote for Chokwe? Will you do it again? Will you vote for your City Council member again? I know I'm not voting for the do-nothing Virgi again. The voters have got to start holding these clowns responsible at the ballot box. Responsibly running a City is not hard and running a broke one is probably easier because you should only be using the limited resources on the basics.

Anonymous said...

" would be hopeful that a young black entrepreneur would purchase it "

Nope.

The same sh*#t would happen to him as well.
(if not worse)

Any entrepreneur, young or old . . . Black or White, Asian or Latin . . . would be foolish to open any new business in Jackson.

Anonymous said...

august 3, 2020am 1:08 pm, please see my previous post at 10:37am, and understand, no disrespect meant. we in the suburbs have spent hours and volumes advising how to fix the problems. but i'll do it again anyway. jackson residents need to stop electing the same kind of representatives year in and year out. and i don't mean kind, as in color. i mean kind, as in ideology. the current mayor wants "The Kush," and from what I've read, the white folks aren't really wanted in "The Kush." that's why commenters tell white owned businesses to leave jackson, because by the mayor's actions, the city council's actions, and to a degree, the hinds county board of supervisor's actions, they don't want them there. they want the ridiculously high taxes these businesses pay, but in return offer them nothing. it's not too much for a business that's been in jackson for decades, employing hundreds over the years, paying God only knows how much in taxes, to ask and expect a certain level of respect from the elected officials. watch the video of how that woman was treated compared to others before and after. it's a damn shame. but, these are the leaders jackson residents want. otherwise, they would stop voting for them. so with all due respect, don't ask us for solutions, cause they're obviously not wanted. one only has to look at the elected leadership in flowood, brandon, madison to see how things should be done. we aren't perfect, but damn sure aren't jackson.

Anonymous said...

"Chuckie is on MSNBC saying the situation is dire from the "Rona and blaming Tate Reeves for it. He is basically postulating for a higher position in the progressive party"

I missed that interview. No doubt he had that facial and head hair trimmed to perfection for a national appearance on MSNBC.


"Someone should write MSNBC to tell them its funny he's more worried about the Corona than the infrastructure or crime in his city."

That's a great idea.
(A letter writing campaign to MSNBC).

I honestly hope that was typed "in jest".

Anonymous said...

WHITE FOLKS SALES TAX REVENUE MATTERS. A lot. While the white folks stand by and try to come up with a solution to white supremacy and systemic racism, they also get blamed for getting out while the getting is good. And, this caused the current state of needed repair to the stigma of Jackson. We have zero positive leadership. It’s insane.

Anonymous said...

Direct from his new 4500+ sq ft Eastmont mansion in Leftover, living like 99% of his voters don't live, MSNBC features Jackson Mayor Antard Gumflapper.

Anonymous said...

@2:46 pm - Preach! Voters are damn idiots. I just can't figure out why voters are satisfied with status quo. At what point do they rebel and vote these clowns out? Is it really so hard to ask for competence?

Anonymous said...

When she posted this on nextdoor, she said JPD were good people doing what they could. The crime problem in Jackson has more to do with the courts than law enforcement or the mayor's office.

Anonymous said...

" At any rate, it's never a good idea to base a business decision while frustrated or angry about any given problem. Look at the long term pluses and minuses before moving while cool headed,and calm. "

You're right.
( If one is working within a normal business model)

But we're talking about the 2020 business environment in Jackson, Mississippi.



Anonymous said...

10:36 - Get a grip while you try to apologize for the absolute failure of the elected CITY and COUNTY leaders of Jackson and Hinds County.

Its not the state's 'failure' to provide adequate anything - the state does not collect the property taxes from Jackson (the highest in the state), its the city.

Its not the state that decides it needs to spend those tax dollars on important priorities - music festivals sponsored by supporters of various council members or the Mayor - its the city officials that think that is more important than having adequate police presence. Its not the state that is spending millions every year in a failing attempt to continue to have a zoo in Jackson (even though the state has been pouring millions into the CITY'S zoo over the past dozen years thanks to lobbyist Beth Clay). Its not the state that is failing to collect water/sewer bills leading to the collapse of sewer lines throughout the city and the pouring of untreated sewage into the Pearl River - its the elected officials of the city.

The same elected officials that aren't willing to pay the fees required to comply with the EPA consent decree, because it is more important that the dollars be spent on libraries -- oh wait, they don't spend money on them, they leave them leaking like a sieve and allowing all the contents to be ruined.

It is the state that is causing tens of thousands of people to drive into the city each and every day to work, to spend their dollars eating lunch and buying gas. But it is the city that complains about all those employees driving on their roads and flusing their toilets while at work.

Its not the state that has given up on Jackson's inability to maintain its sewer treatment system and is building its own treatment plant causing the city to lose millions of needed dollars - it was the Mayor who refused to allow its customers (Rankin County) to sit at the table in deciding while 'favored contractor' would get the management contract.

You think the state should hire police to patrol the city since the current administration has the force so understaffed that there are often only three - 3 - patrolmen on duty in a precinct at night.

No, the state offered to provide total police protection for the Capitol Complex area when it agreed to spend $12 million a year on roads, water, sewer and other infrastructure, but our wonderful CITY LEADERS balked and fought against having the state provide those police (which would have allowed the city to use its limited forces in other areas). Can't have 'the man' (white Republican man) take over the policing of our streets - hell no. And they further complained about what court would those arrested be sent; didn't want them to have to face the music in front of a legitimate judge.

The state does not fund these functions for any of the hundreds of other cities and towns in the state; they shouldn't be doing it in Jackson.

IF Jackson's council and mayor would decide to fund the necessities, the functions that truly belong to government, rather than try to make every dollar spent into a 'jobs program' for their constitutents; if the city would do away with its EBO programs that cause all of its expenditures to be increased 20 to 30%, because "Jobs For Jacksonians" is the reason that they are paving the few roads that they pave or repairing the few water/sewer lines that they patch.

Your attempt to move the blame sure makes it appear that your paycheck is coming from that big white building on President Street that used to have a statue of Andrew Jackson in front of it, before the city leaders decided that it was a priority of their time and money to insure that it got removed.

Don't worry about the 150 million gallons of sewage dumped into the river that week - that statue is our real problem.

Anonymous said...

" used to have a statue of Andrew Jackson in front of it, before the city leaders decided that it was a priority of their time and money to insure that it got removed. "

Removing Andy hasn't made Jackson any better.

BTW . . . where is he now ?

" I know I'm not voting for the do-nothing Virgi again. "

I've always been puzzled about how she got elected.

I guess she knew how to work "The Fondren" and Belhaven crowd.

Some cheap wine and a bowl of kroger crab dip will impress more youngsters than one would imagine.





Anonymous said...

She should move her business. Ever since Jackson added an additional 1% sales tax I've boycotted all businesses located in Jackson.

Anonymous said...

August 3, 2020 at 11:45 AM.
Yeah. I lost a prized possession in the last break in. It was in the shop being fitted for an accessory. Just hope the cops recover it and by some miracle return it to me.

Sign me,
Fed up in Jackson

Anonymous said...

I have no sympathy for anyone who does business or lives in Jackson. The facts have been in front of you so if you are in denial or choose to ignore them it’s your fault. If you complain about the problems and nothing happens but you still stay then it’s your problem.

Anonymous said...

Moving the statue of Andrew Jackson will solve this problem.

Anonymous said...

10:18am In my 39211 neighborhood, home values have increased. Of course, Covidiots are making sure we will have a huge supply of empty homes and apartments available.

And, yes, diversity is a strength in my neighborhood of bright , accomplished professionals and business owners . Blessed with good neighbors and we've ALL pulled together to help one another in this crisis.

Please stay wherever you are. We don't want you around here.

Messick said...

"Covidiots"


That's.... creative.

Anonymous said...

WHAT??? The mayor moved into a gated NE Jackson neighborhood across from Eastover with a grand total of 5-6 homes? How many of those that voted for him can take that kind of protective action over their homes.W.T.H.



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Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

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In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


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Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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