Monday, August 31, 2020

Justice Comes to the Clarion-Ledger

It's a new day at the Clarion-Ledger.   Hattiesburg resident and Clarion-Ledger Editor Mary Irby-Jones made the solemn pronouncement on the pages of the state newspaper on August 20. Don't take my word for it.  Read her words for yourself.

The Clarion Ledger has given voice to important and necessary dialogue about racism and social injustices in Mississippi in our digital and print products in the months following George Floyd’s death.

Our journalists have covered Black Live Matter protests in communities across our state, documented the historic vote by state lawmakers to retire the Mississippi flag, and exposed racists and racially insensitive comments made by elected officials in Mississippi, including the following: Petal Mayor Hal Marx who wrote on social media that if “George Floyd could talk he could breathe” and Lowndes County Supervisor Harry Sanders who said that Black people were "taken care of" during slavery. 

Hmmm..... really? Actually Mary, you have covered just those racist remarks made by white politicians.  Your newspaper hasn't said a word about the comments made by Jackson City Councilman Kenneth Stokes on a regular basis on Reverend P.J. Williams radio show.  Here is a good place to start.The former Hinds County District Attorney referred to other blacks as n*****s and Toms yet your paper said nary a word about it. 

This has all happened against the backdrop of a global pandemic, which has impacted Black Mississippians at a much higher, disproportionate rate, according to Clarion Ledger reporting.

The stakes are high in Mississippi as local activists continue to battle racial discrimination, economic disparities, race and gender inequalities and other iterations of social injustices.

The Clarion Ledger remains dedicated to helping to lead the change for a better Mississippi, and we will continue to champion diversity and inclusion because they represent the foundation of everything we do as journalists.
 Mary, you might want to proof your link.   The story you linked has nothing to do with black Mississippians suffering from Covid-19 at a "much higher, disproportionate rate" but instead covers Covid-19 outbreaks in chicken plants.  But hey, social justice is all that matters, accuracy be damned, even when the copy editors were terminated. 

Actual linked story, not the one CL Editor reported

Hmmm..... there is this little claim: " we will continue to champion diversity and inclusion because they represent the foundation of everything we do as journalists."  Notice what wasn't mentioned as a foundation? Truth, justice, and the archaic concept of accuracy.  

And just as we will challenge the state and local communities to be more inclusive, the Clarion Ledger is re-examining our own efforts in that regard — within our staff and the journalism we produce.

Gannett, our parent company, has made a commitment that all newsrooms in the USA Today Network will mirror the communities they serve by 2025.
Um, what exactly has the Clarion-Ledger been doing all of these years? Why did Jerry Mitchell win those awards?

However, the Hattiesburg resident was just getting warmed up. Get ready for her next line.

To be transparent, our staff falls short of reflecting the demographics of the Jackson region which is 49.1% Black and 2.3% Latinos, when compared to our existing staff, which is 33.3% Black with no Latinos. Nor do we reflect Mississippi’s 38% Black and 3.4% Latino populations.

Clearly, we have work to do to accomplish our mission of becoming a more diverse and inclusive new organization.
 Notice who she didn't mention? The readers.  Not one word said about customers or what they might want to see covered on the pages of the state newspaper.  While she is yammering about diversity in the newsroom, it might be interesting to see the diversity among hmmm......... the subscribers, you know, the people who pay the freight along with the advertisers. 

What is funny is Gannett's focus on racial quotas.  Get away from the percentages and deal with the absolute numbers.  There are probably at most a dozen reporters at the newspaper.  Use 12 as a working number for our purposes.  4 reporters would be a third of that dozen.  6 reporters would be an even 50%.  However, there is the matter of the Hispanic reporters.  3.4% is 0.36 reporters.  What are we going to do? Round up and hire a Hispanic reporter? What about one that is half-Hispanic and Half-Caucasian? You know, a little Hitler Youth clone who happens to have a surname such as Gonzales.  Will that one qualify for the new guidelines?  6+1= 7.  That leaves 5 spots for white reporters but it knows them down to 41% of the newsroom but whites are close to half of the Jackson metro area population and over 60% of state population.  What is Mary going to do? But wait, there is more. 

Here is where we will focus initially:

Our staff: We will continue to transition our staff to better reflect our community by recruiting more Black and Latino journalists to include in our application and hiring process.
Does that mean you are going to fire staff so you can make more diversity hires? There is a reporter of Asian heritage.  Asians were not mentioned in your racial calculations.  Since she doesn't count, will she still have a job after you "transition"?     What constitutes staff? The Newscloset? Does that include sports? What about secretaries, circulation managers, and other non-reporter employees?

Our journalism: We are reevaluating what geographic areas and which topics to start and stop covering; what stories we tell; and how we depict underserved communities with an eye toward producing more solution-oriented journalism. Our investigative team will continue to hold those in positions of power accountable and ferret out wrong doing.
One can only imagine what this means.

New team: We are creating a social justice team to shine the light on injustices and inequalities by telling the stories of people in our community who are disenfranchised, vulnerable or marginalized. We will look at our criminal justice system (an extension of work we have already been doing regarding our state prisons), health care disparities (including the lack of hospitals in rural areas of the state), underfunded schools, voting rights and systemic and systematic poverty — perpetuated by the lack of living-wage jobs.
Um, again,  what exactly has the Clarion-Ledger been doing all of these years?
Engaging our community: We will also create space for our community to talk with our newsroom — both in-person and through online discussions like Facebook Live and other video platforms. We will also seek members of the community to join our editorial board and to participate on newsroom panels that we will convene for important news projects and topics.
 I recently read a tweet from the Emmitt Till Foundation that stated “racial reconciliation begins with telling the truth.”

I look forward to conversations with Jacksonians and Mississippians as we begin to tell our truths.
I started the conversation today. Will you join me?
 This bunch is going to give us a great deal of material to use.  Count on it.


5R5P said...

What is the Clarion-Ledger?

Anonymous said...

They can't fire any white journalists to make room. They already laid them all off over the last ten years. There's not a single professional, degreed, journalist working at that place, white or black. The Clarion Ledger will soon be used as a case study in business schools as to how to NOT run a business.

All they do is reprint national stories. $2 per issue and it is thinner than ever.

Anonymous said...

I work in Hattiesburg regularly and had no idea that the Hattiesburg American and the Clarion Ledger were related. The Hattiesburg paper is chock full of city and local political coverage and with tons of local sports coverage along with locally written editorials and interest pieces.

I'm shocked the CL is still printed.

Anonymous said...

If social justice means "quotas" are needed in journalism and medicine and engineering and presumably all aspects of life and "diversity" is the God the Clarion Ledger worships, what will you do, Mary, about the NBA? What about the NFL?

The paper on Saturday carried a sports article saying that the NBA players (a group of young, not well educated millionaires) will be looked at in history as "heroes." Excuse me! Did they risk their lives for someone? Did they help a single black family by their actions? Did they put any of their millions into a black school? What is heroic about supporting a man accused of rape who resisted arrest? How do you think the black woman, who accused Blake of rape, feels today?

Anonymous said...

Mary is quite the racist-

Anonymous said...

I've been a digital subscriber for a while, but I'll probably cancel now. The quality has been going downhill rapidly over the past couple of years. The only thing that kept me around lately is access to digital USA Today they bundled in about a year ago. Now we've got quotas over content. Sorry, but that's where I draw the line.

If they think only a Black reporter can cover Black issues then they are letting their wokeness overpower their journalistic integrity. A good reporter can cover any issue, a quota reporter will be beholden to their master and write from a biased perspective. I can get better quality off of Facebook.

Anonymous said...

Just another liberal newspaper announcing their liberalism and then wondering why their subscriber base keeps dwindling.

Anonymous said...


Kingfish said...

Go dig through print issues and count the number of actual CL reporter bylines. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Hispanic is not the same as "Latino." She mentions Latinos, not Hispanics.

Hispanic is a person whose national origin is the Iberian Peninsula, i.e. Spain or Portugal.

Latino is from Latin America. Yes, some Latinos are also Hispanic, but Hispanic is caucasian, not Indian or other indigenous people.

Anonymous said...

I cancelled my subscription after seeing this last week. The publishers seem to forget who actually PAYS for the paper/online subscriptions and who purchases items from their advertisers. The newspaper should report news that the community wants to see and needs to know - actual crime stats, all state legislation, city council and county supervisors meetings, and all local school sports scores and reports - not just what fits the social justice narrative.

Anonymous said...

This editorial screed is child's play. Try reading the Democratic National Platform:

available at:

Anonymous said...

Gannett is racist. Period.

Anonymous said...

do people actually pay 2$ for a C/L?
IF SO, I GOT SOME PORCUPINE EGGS for sale, also known a sweetgum balls.

Anonymous said...

I feel sorry for the reporters left standing in the news room. Not every story has to have a social justice slant but I bet they will be required to write it that way. Us readers want local news, local sports, not social justice rammed down our throats on every page. I’m canceling my subscription.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious that people are posting that they are going to cancel. Hilarious that there are still people paying for something that goes straight in the trash. You haven't canceled yet?

Anonymous said...

About 2 weeks ago, this very same crap was printed in the Memphis Commercial Appeal (also a USA Today rag) by Mark Russell, Executive Editor. It is obvious this came from the home office and each paper was told what to print in order to appease the BLM/Democrat segment.

Anonymous said...

demographics of subscribers? who would have thought that? you mean that a majority of the jackson area isn’t radically leftist?

in my 20s i was liberal. my 40s moderate. now at 50? feeling left behind by the radical liberals who have hijacked the democratic party. when i hear that barack obama wasn’t liberal enough i just shutter to think what these radicals actually want..

Anonymous said...

@10:01 - exactly. I can get the leftist agenda rammed down my throat from any other MSM news source and social media platform. I'm certainly not willing to pay for the privilege under the guise of "local news".

Anonymous said...

to quote Kennuf: "Yo Mama!"

Anonymous said...

Thank you Clarion Ledger for the important work you have done over the years to investigate and report the news. Keep up the great work!

Anonymous said...

KF...What’s their circulation number? I don’t know anyone who reads it. Can’t tell you the last time I’ve seen one in a driveway. Can’t imagine people paying for a subscription when you can get news for free.

Anonymous said...

I brought this column to attention on here back when it was written. Glad people are now aware.
Secondly the White population of Mississippi is not over 60%. Whites leaving the state in droves.
Gannett has issued the same edict to all their newspapers across the country. Gannett has always been a radical company.
Lastly Who TF still buys the Clarion Liar. Shame on you.

Anonymous said...

As a former 10 year vet of the CL I am still in touch with the very few friends left at the CL.

Lets look at circulation. Wal*Mart in 2004, 8 stores in the metro on Sunday would sell over 1,000 CL's. Today not even close to 200.

When I was escorted to the door the CL had both home delivery and single copy carriers ( c-stores racks big box etc) both types 1099 contact workers . The also had 4 brand new home delivery distribution center around the metro. Most of them I was later told sold at a loss after going unused. Today they have only one type carrier because the numbers are so low,the home delivery now do both.

The second floor handled all news related staff including staff photographers and Marshall Ramsey and the Publisher office and conference room. It also staffed the IT dept. Now I understand its empty and being considered for rent.

The first floor was home to the sales, advertising, marketing, finance, HR, production prep, circulation, main lobby, security and a large community room. Today seems what little writers, journalist and editors are left now occupy a section of the former ad dept. All first floor depts have been shrunk or simply gone. Remember this building covered an entire block.

A sister paper The Greenville News (SC) had beautiful building in downtown. It was sold and demolished for a new office building/hotel. The paper moved into small building elsewhere. All news and production activities have been moved to Asheville, NC. Guess who is not happy about a NC outlet controlling their local news. It can happen anywhere.

The basement handled the ink color tank farm, newsprint immediate use storage these massive rolls of paper were delivered by train to a siding location, then trucked to the paper warehouse next to the Police Dept from there they moved by track underground to basement storage and positioned next to the 3 story print press.

The loading dock around midnight looked like bees leaving the hive with vans leaving one right after another and headed north and south for statewide delivery, along with large trucks heading out to the metro home delivery centers.

For those who have read this far, I write all this to give some idea of just what at one time this Pulitzer Prize winning paper was like. This was a big Mississippi company. At the time of my employment the CL employed over 700 people and now after firings, layoff, terminations, buyouts, retirements and mergers I am told the total employment is somewhere under 200 people. Production, sales call center, ad creation, marketing among other duties are being handled in a central location out of state.

After Katrina the CL went out of its way to see that those of us both in and out of the office had gas to make our daily business call and the delivery folks could have gas to deliver. The purchased an 18 wheeler tanker and gave us gas for weeks. Then after the power was restored they rented an abandon station put the gas in the ground and pumped it to us, the critical managers till it ran out. Those were the good old days.

Good luck to the people left. The new owners are not known to be employee friendly long term.

Anonymous said...

I have now cancelled my third Gannett paper. They are all alike.

Anonymous said...

There is no place in America for microaggressive white nazis. You dont belong in business, media, government, or the military. Maybe angry racist whites can work in the sewers or landfills or something. And if you have a problem with equality then you are a literal nazi fascist pig, not actually human.

Anonymous said...

Winston Churchill said that if you are not a Liberal at 20 then you have no heart, If you are not a Conservative at 50 then you have no brain. Truer words were never spoken.

Anonymous said...

As a former longtime newsroom employee of the Clarion Ledger, I don't know whether I'm more angry or ashamed of what the newspaper has become.

While I was there, the newsroom was undoubtedly left leaning, but there was at least an effort made to present all sides, even if the casual reader could still see what agenda was being pushed. Now, Gannett has forced the hand of its local sites across the nation, turning them into mouthpieces for BLM and the far left (much farther left than the average Mississippi Democrat). Gannett is no longer even pretending to be impartial, dispassionate, or objective.

Over the last 10-plus years, Gannett has totally screwed the employees and customers of its newspapers, making one ill-informed decision after another. Now that Gannett has run most of the veteran journalists away from the Clarion Ledger through layoffs, buyouts, or pure frustration, it seems there's no one left to push back at all.

Gannett and the Clarion Ledger are probably not long for this world. In one respect its sad to see what has happened to an industry, a once-strong corporation, and — most importantly – a once-respected LOCAL publication. But in another, it's almost a relief that this newspaper, a sad shell of its former self, can finally be put out of its misery.

Anonymous said...

I was told by a C-L distributor in 2018 that the newspaper only had 20,000 circulation in Jackson. Don't know if that's paid subscribers plus rack sales, but it was a pitifully low number at the time & surely is much smaller now.

Anonymous said...

Just off the phone with a recently displaced CL employee. Looks like the common thought was that the building was unsaleable. Maybe they have a potential buyer for not just the second floor but the entire building. The thought is like other CL properties it will sell at a loss. After the sale like other cities the CL will be moved likely to Hattiesburg for printing, management etc like other papers Gannett owns. Jackson will have no connection to its newspaper.

IMHO it would make a great new building for a new City Hall.

Rumors and random thoughtsat this point.

Anonymous said...

Social workers are not qualified to run a newspaper any more than a news reporter is qualified to be a therapist. What happened to the five Ws?

Anonymous said...

C/L, please don't stop your print edition. My parrot uses it for his area rug.

Anonymous said...

Hey 11:10 AM, I'm not sure where you're getting all of that garbage that you are spouting off about, but there's nothing racist about a bunch of folks voting with their pocketbooks and canceling a subscription to a newspaper that no longer reports the NEWS. Most folks that read a daily newspaper just want the facts in black & white, not a bunch of op-ed pieces by a bunch of folks that don't know the ass from a hole in the ground. And by the way, I canceled by subscription to the C-L years ago and have never looked back. I will occasionally look at the C-L's website and their so-called 'headlines', and that's more than enough of a reminder why I canceled.

Anonymous said...

Do not be alarmed. Newspapers everywhere are struggling for relevancy in a world that has left them behind. Like T.V. news they are no longer concerned with the objective publication of facts, but they are busy trying to find a niche with a younger generation that wants to be entertained or catered to.
Most of the papers won't be willing or able to pay the salaries of serious journalists anyway so hire some kids fresh off the liberal haystack that is our college campuses and champion every "progressive" cause they are temporarily passionate about. Why not? Nobody is reading anyway.

Anonymous said...

Gannett is just looking for a good excuse for it's inevitable failure. In years to come they will blame their demise on racism and a white backlash rather than the sorry ass quality of their rag and overpowering competition.

Anonymous said...

Drivel. Are legal notices the only remaining means of support for these rags?

Anonymous said...

KF, you are mixing apples and oranges here. I agree that the CL needs to improve its quality significantly. I cancelled my subscription years ago. However, we need to be on the right side of the nationwide discussion now taking place on diversity and the disparate treatment of minorities. I applaud the CL for trying. In my profession as a lawyer, most firms are diligently working on these issues. In fact, several of the largest law firms in the country are representing BLM protestors pro bono and are representing immigrants pro bono.

Anonymous said...

Is she just pandering to the Gannett elites, in order to get a better job if the CL folds? When that happens, will she receive a pink slip and a heartfelt thank you for her tireless efforts from the higher ups at Gannett?

While I grew up reading the CL and Daily News, I realize that was years ago and now get more news from Kingfish. Thank you, KF. I made a donation to JJ and hope others have done the same.

Anonymous said...

Thank you 11:03 & 11:38 AM !

You two verified what many of us have known for years.

What remains confusing . . . is why some of the "first to go"remain such die hard liberals ?
Sure, some of them can draw amusing cartoons every now and then . . . but those people have to be struggling.

Having a blog may bring in some beer money . . . but I can't see that income putting a child through college.

Anonymous said...

All those clamoring for "social justice" never got it at home growing up, where it begins.

Now they project their hate and dissatisfaction with their mothers and fathers onto society - and so the corporate and social media leviathans laugh all the way to the bank while stoking then pimping their angst and misery for the world to gape at.

Besides the gay, black, and women's movements of the sixties - which were legitimate - previous generations were ashamed of even suggesting they were treated unjustly because of all the histories of outright death and destruction to whole peoples. Today? These idiots have no idea what oppression is.

Anonymous said...

6:32 Of course we know what oppression is. Oppression is not getting what we are entitled to...and we're entitled to everything.

Anonymous said...

"Is she just pandering to the Gannett elites,"

But of course.

Just a glance at her manifesto, one will notice the tired boring buzz words that after so many years still dominate so many Marxist essays.


Social injustice

Social justice


reflecting demographics



create space

Blah, Blah Blah.

Never is there anything about personal responsibility in these all too common rants.

Anonymous said...

You need to cut her some slack Kingfish. She had no idea anyone would fact check her missive. No one at the CL does that sort of thing and she had no idea anyone outside the CL would actually check statements for level of truth either.

I actually feel a little sorry for her. She is like the Captain of the Titanic telling the passengers, "The crew will soon double (Did I say Double?) In fact, the crew will triple their efforts at looking for icebergs, even though there is no way this ship will ever sink. I know the deck is pretty slanted, but you need to believe what I am telling you."

Anonymous said...

When Gannett bought the Clarion Ledger (1982), the new leadership ramped up efforts to purge the paper's segregationist legacy. Gannett has long been well known for promoting diversity in the newsroom & covering events in communities of racial & ethnic minorities. By 1991, the Clarion-Ledger's number of newsroom black professionals was three times the national average & the paper had one of the few black managing editors in the U.S.

Ronnie Agnew became the Managing Editor in February 2001. In October 2002, he became the paper's first black Executive Editor.

Gannett Co is an American mass media holding company headquartered in McLean, Virginia, in the Washington, D.C., metropolitan area. It is the largest U.S. newspaper publisher as measured by total daily circulation.

In 2010, Gannett increased executive salaries & bonuses; Bob Dickey, Gannett's U.S. newspapers division president, was paid $3.4 million in 2010, up from $1.9 million the previous year. The next year, the company laid off 700 U.S. employees to cut costs. In the memo announcing the layoffs, Dickey wrote, "While we have sought many ways to reduce costs, I regret to tell you that we will not be able to avoid layoffs."

In January 2019, Digital First Media made an unsolicited bid to acquire Gannett for $1.36 billion, but it was rejected for being undervalued. In an attempt to pursue a hostile takeover, DFM built up a 7.5% stake of Gannett's public shares. Gannett subsequently accused the company of engaging in a proxy fight. After a failed attempt to place 3 DFM nominees on Gannett's board of directors through a proxy vote on May 16, 2019, DFM sold shares lowering their ownership to 4.2%.

On August 5, 2019, New Media Investment Group, parent of GateHouse Media, announced that it would acquire Gannett. Apollo Global Management funded the acquisition with a $1.792 billion loan. The combined company assumed the Gannett name & Michael E. Reed, the CEO of GateHouse's parent company, was named CEO.

Anonymous said...

@10:45. The people paying for news are the same people who still pay for porn. If you know how to google, all your news and porn is free! You can even have both at the same time with “Naked News.” Better hurry, though. No-fap November is just around the corner.

Anonymous said...

Several years ago I got a phone call from a previous editor of the Clarion-ledger. I had been misquoted more than once by their liberal rag and told one of his reporters that I would not respond to his request for an interview. The editor demanded to know what I had against his paper.
My response was, “ In Russia they say that there is no news in Pravda and no truth in Tass. I have found that there is very little of either in the Clarion-ledger!”
It seems that that comment is still, and in my opinion actually even more appropriate today.

Anonymous said...

For all of you that have commented that have older parents and family, remember these comments when they pass away and you feel it's your responsibility to run that 700.00+ beautifully written biography in that "local" newspaper. The obituary page is pure gold for these papers and as you can tell by the circulation numbers, is read by very few.

Anonymous said...

@10:28 AM - few papers run their own obits. 99% of them use and link to that site. You can submit an obit directly to, not to your local paper.

Anonymous said...

10:28, you can bet my parents (where ever they are) wouldn't have wanted me to write their obits, like I would have anyway!

We've instructed my son:

1.Find cheapest cremation services
2.No funeral or services
3.No obit unless cremation services write it, then just birth & death dates

Anonymous said...

Thanks for posting this article. Didn’t see it the first time. I have a digital subscription and cancelled today. Wasn’t much monthly and really only used when I had to go grow a tail.

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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).

Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.

In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

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Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

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