Saturday, May 2, 2020

Bedwetter Alert!

A New Jersey (of course) woman is whining about too many people, gasp, baking bread.. You can't make this up.  Read on.


I was walking down the baking aisle to see if the organic flour was on sale. Organic flour is expensive and I am poor so I always try to buy it when it goes on sale. There was no sale and no flour. The shelves were bare. My eyes travelled up to the top shelf. The shelf with the leavening ingredients. Also bare.

How could this be?

When I got home, I logged on to my laptop and started reading articles on the pandemic. I had stopped reading most pandemic related articles weeks ago because they were upsetting me too much. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t concentrate. I needed to distance myself. But I knew that the pandemic had something to do with the bare shelves in the baking aisle so I exposed myself to the turmoil once more.

It seems that there has been a run on flour and yeast because people are bored so they are baking bread to pass the time.

Seriously?

Baking bread is a way of life for me, not a hobby. Not something to do just to pass the time. I don’t eat store-bought bread. I rarely eat prepared foods of any kind. If you visited my kitchen, you would find food but nothing to eat because I only stock ingredients. I do all of my own cooking and baking. On Saturday nights, I don’t order pizza, I make it. From scratch. Including the crust. I also grow my own popcorn, but that’s a topic for another day.

You see, I am one of THOSE people. You know the ones. You offer them a plate of food and they look at it suspiciously asking “Is that organic?” I want to know what is in my food so I make it myself. By the way, croutons? Made from my homemade bread. Breading for fried chicken? Made from my homemade bread. Stuffing for the Thanksgiving turkey? Made from my homemade bread. So when you buy up all of the flour and leavening ingredients for the sake of pretty photos on your Instagram feed you are literally taking food from my mouth. And the mouths of other families who also do their own their baking so that they can provide healthy food for their families.

Here’s the problem. It’s Economics 101. Supply and Demand. Before the pandemic, very few people did scratch baking so the grocery stores carried only limited supplies of flour and leavening. Both go bad, so they don’t want it hanging around the shelves for too long. Hence the limited quantities. That was okay. There was always enough for those of us who needed it. But there is not enough now that we are competing with a bunch of dilettante bakers who care nothing for anyone but themselves.

Yes, I know that sounds harsh, but I’m willing to bet that not a single one of them stopped to think as they grabbed the last of the flour and the yeast that they were robbing other people’s children of their daily bread. Nope. I’m certain all they cared about was how impressed everyone was going to be with their picture perfect loaves of bread.

Here’s an idea. If you are bored and want to learn new skills, why don’t you learn how to garden and impress everyone with your tomatoes? Or how about learning how to sew to make masks for hospitals and first responders? I know, learn to crochet so you can make those cute market bags for when you go to the farmer’s market.

But, please, please, I’m begging you, stop baking bread.

Save us from the Carens.

 Yes, she is for real.

27 comments:

Albert Schweitzer said...

Our wonderful country is in desperate need of a secretary of honesty. And within the scope of honesty is hypocrisy.
What silliness to bitch, and I do mean bitch, about someone else buying up all of the supplies before you get there.

And for what it is worth, the opposite of "organic" is "inorganic". None of these food mavens seem to know that everything we eat is organic. Their qualifiers about genetically modification is just another example of their woeful ignorance. The two most highly genetically modified things in the world are wheat and corn. Without the centuries of their modification, we would still be eating bugs.

I hope this person's children do get fed, and as cheaply as she implies. How expensive was her computer? Is it organic?

Bon Appetite!

Anonymous said...

This woman sounds completely and utterly awful. It’s all about her. Me me me me meeeee

Anonymous said...

You. Are. Kidding. I. Hope!

Anonymous said...

Stephen King would kill this bitch off in chapter 1.

Anonymous said...

The point is Like the Boy Scout motto Be Prepared
If this women is half as serious about breadmaking she should have ran to the store & purchase a large amount to see her needs for 6 months. Failing this, she should have called all the doughnut shops closed down by the pandemic and brought her supply there. Failing that she could go to the frozen food section of Walmart Target or Kroger & found organic frozen dough. Fail that she could order yeast & flour on amazon.
We will be better prepared next time a pandemic hits! Learn the trick of scarity.

Anonymous said...

the horror--people baking their own bread!

Anonymous said...

It wasn't on sale, so she wasn't going to even buy it anyway

Anonymous said...

dilettante bakers
-dead-

Anonymous said...

She's just an amplified STFH'ers. Not much more amplified, but amplified.

Anonymous said...

I'm convinced that every male and female under the age of 27 is a bed-wetter, by definition used on this blog. They grew up from age 1 whining and throwing fits to get their way...and it never stopped.

Anonymous said...

I love it SO MUCH!
Keep it up people!
Burn this mother down!

-Team Chaos

Anonymous said...

Let her eat cake

Anonymous said...

Since she grows her own popcorn, why doesn't she spend time growing some corn so that she can mill it and make her own flour, rather than getting on her computer and bitching that the world is not treating her like she deserves. She is, after all, one of the chosen ones that have ordained themselves and their activities as the only ones that are appropriate.

She might even be able to convert some of her popcorn kernals into flour if she tries hard enough.

Anonymous said...

Ground corn is corn meal 6:46. Ground wheat is flour. You can google that to confirm it. Or ask anyone who knows how to make any kind of bread.

Anonymous said...

5:03, says the generation that throws a Karen fit when greeted with “Happy Holidays” or is asked to press 1 for English? Get real.

Anonymous said...

Hey 6:46. Flour is made from wheat, dumb***. Well, except for corn flour.

Ophelia said...

Or, just a suggestion, she could run a meth lab instead. After all, “baking bread” and “breaking bad” are anagrams. With the money she’d make from the meth sales, she could special-order her fucking organic flour and crank out those fat loaves to her widdle heart’s content...

Anonymous said...

Before this is over, alot of Vegans will be carnivores...

Anonymous said...

So you’re wetting the bed over someone wetting the bed?

And I know you won’t approve this comment because you seem so triggered by criticism.

Anonymous said...

This woman probably freaked out and bought 37 packages of toilet paper and a 5 lb. sack of flour

Handy said...

Be right Back, I am two paragraphs in and remembered I need to mix up tonights batch. Seriously.

Anonymous said...

"And I know you won’t approve this comment because you seem so triggered by criticism."

Yep. Sometimes that reverse psychology works and he allows a post just to prove you wrong. But sometimes he don't...like this one. lol. But, it IS Sunday, after all, and he mellows on Sunday when he hears church bells in the distance.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if she makes her own "organic" toilet paper as well. ?

That's probably a tad bit more complicated than whipping up a few loaves of sourdough bread.

Anonymous said...

"...I’m willing to bet that not a single one of them stopped to think as they grabbed the last of the flour and the yeast that they were robbing other people’s children of their daily bread. Nope. I’m certain all they cared about was how impressed everyone was going to be with their picture perfect loaves of bread..."

Umm, nope - how about there wasn't any fucking bread so we had to make our own? Don't flatter yourself Karen, not everything is about you, and I'm sure you're mirroring the exact behavior you're criticizing. Oh, and I'm so sorry for your kids; they're going to need a shit ton of money to pay for all of the therapy they will need to unfuck their minds.

Go mind you compost pile Karen; and have a nice day.

Ophelia said...

Perhaps I don’t read this website regularly enough. Who in Heaven’s name is “Karen”? Would someone kindly explain? She certainly sounds rather detestable, I must say.

Anonymous said...

Dictionary.com defines a Karen as "a mocking slang term for an entitled, obnoxious, middle-aged white woman. Especially as featured in memes, Karen is generally stereotyped as having a blonde bob haircut, asking to speak to retail and restaurant managers to voice complaints or make demands, and being a nagging, often divorced mother from Generation X."

Anonymous said...

She is a Karen for sure. There was a Karen on the Lets Talk Brandon pages the other day, a literal hyphenated last name Karen with not one, not two, but 3 official "Speak to the manager haircuts" on her profile. She was actually talking about take out food and she got home and "called to speak to the manager". You cant make this stuff up! It's been great to pass the time and call Karens out.


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