Wednesday, July 17, 2019

Direct From the Bar

A Florida town is trying a novel way to rid a park of the homeless:

Not a bad idea, but if you're going to go down this path, The Kingfish prefers to use this nuisance music:


Anonymous said...

I wonder how much it would cost to get the largest speakers available on Pennsylvania Avenue? Whatever the cost, it would be worth it.

Anonymous said...

They should move to Austin, where you can "camp" anywhere you want (except for adjacent to city hall). Remember - socialism is for the people, NOT the socialist, so unless you're in the ruling class expect to starve and be broke.

Anonymous said...

Can you tell us if the city of Jackson has adopted a "homeless friendly" policy in the past 2 years? It seems overrun with homeless population. Partly due to the greyhound station and our location of access on the interstates drives them here. Other cities crack down on this big time and Jackson seems to not mind. Also they're making there way into flowood the past month. Just curious if you had any info. Our wonderful clueless mayor lumomba is probably too clueless to take action as he's all talk.

Anonymous said...

Austin and Portland oregon... the land of all white homeless hipsters from families with money and they're rebellion sent them to the streets. Meanwhile they still drink starbucks coffee...

Anonymous said...

7:37 - true, in my travels I've noticed the "homeless" hipsters with designer coffee, iPhones and high-dollar outdoor equipment. Unlike those who are genuinely without resources and options, these posers can run home to mommy and daddy any time they want.

What's confounding the problem is that this will ultimately turn into a public health crisis, take for example the situation in Los Angeles - the rat population has exploded in proximity to the skid row area and will eventually manifest in an outbreak of the plague. Think about about it - a disease from medieval times will re-emerge because city leaders have cowed to liberals.

Anonymous said...

I’m with KF, but I’d run off these Undesirables with a different kind of soprano. Those aforementioned HUGE speakers blasting recordings of Maria Callas, Joan Sutherland, and Kiri te Kanawa at their full volume, and highest screeching range, would not only clear them off the park benches, but possibly put them permanently out of their (our!) misery.

Anonymous said...

Here's how one innovative mayor dealt with the issue:

But my bet is that since there's no racial dividend, or way for Lumumbles' friends to make money it will never happen.

Anonymous said...

@ 5:52, the reason the homeless congregate around Smith Park all day is Galloway feeds them breakfast and a late/lunch-supper so they come down in the AM and panhandle all day but don't rape or rob all that often. Apparently Galloway like things this way and has resisted offers to move the feed the homeless project to an area closer to the shelters over on Gallatin St. preferring to make the park useless to those who work downtown.

Anonymous said...

This tactic was used in in 1989-90 when the U.S. invaded Panama to unseat Noriega. He had taken refuge in the Vatican Embassy in Panama City. In order to get him to come out the Army blasted the building and grounds with Van Halen 24 hours a day. And the rest is history

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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).

Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.

In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS