Monday, July 15, 2019

The Invasion of the Con

A private, foreign purchased over 500 homes in the Jackson metro area and converted them to rental properies.  The company has plans to buy more for the same purpose.  Justin Vicery reported in the Clarion-Ledger last week:

Since last year, South Carolina-based Conrex Master LLC has purchased 530 properties, said Josh Torrence, market director of Conrex's Ridgeland office. Those properties are in every section of Jackson — including the Belhaven and Fondren neighborhoods — as well as Madison, Canton, Brandon, Pearl, Richland, Clinton and Byram.

"We're here to stay. I'm not sure exactly how many more properties we intend on buying, but more are on the way," Torrence said.

While some see Conrex's investment as a positive — putting houses into circulation that might otherwise remain vacant and utilizing local contractors for the work — others are concerned about property values, the changing character of neighborhoods, diminishing prospects for first-time homebuyers and the company's long-term commitment....

Torrence described Conrex as a local company with 10 employees based out of a Ridgeland office. Secretary of State records show Conrex formed a Mississippi LLC in August.

"We are local. We operate in 19 different markets, but as a whole, we are local. We have an office in Ridgeland and local people are doing the renovations," he said.

Birmingham, Huntsville, Montgomery and Tuscaloosa, Alabama, and Nashville are ....

Leaders throughout the Jackson metro were unaware of Conrex until contacted by the Clarion Ledger.

"It's the first I've heard of them," Jackson Ward 1 Councilman Ashby Foote said. "I think if they are buying up all these properties, it is a company we might want to look into."

Jackson Ward 7 Councilwoman Virgi Lindsay advised due diligence on the part of homeowners in communities where Conrex has purchased properties. ....

Conrex properties rent from about $800 to $2,400 a month, depending on the location, and the company accepts low-income applicants who qualify for Section 8 housing through the Department of Housing and Urban Development.

Conrex conducts credit and background checks on all applicants, Torrence said.

On its application form, the company states it does not approve any applicant with felonies in the past seven years or any felony offense related to property damage or of a violent or sexual nature. It also prohibits applicants with a misdemeanor or felony offense that requires registration as a sexual offender or violent crime against a minor child.
..
Conrex also prohibits any applicant with any bankruptcy — even if it was discharged — in the last 24 months.

The company will not rent to anyone with an eviction in the last five years. .... Rest of article.


Kingfish note: More plundering of Jackson.  Not exactly a shocker when one considers the Mayor and City Council do almost nothing to protect property values as do other communities.  Rental ordinances are not reformed to protect neighborhoods.  Homeowners Associations in Jackson are almost non-existent.  Covenants are weak.  Neighborhoods deteriorate.  The neighborhoods thriving are those whose residents took it upon themselves to better things around them even when they are backstabbed by the city.   A friend posted this message on Facebook that says it all.

Conrex is a plague on the Jackson housing market. Their cheap-as-possible renovations of single family homes are deteriorating potential home values across the Metro. Neighborhood associations need to take good damn care and do what they can to ensure homes find better buyers, whether homeowners or landlords, who care about Jackson – thankfully, that's who people prefer to rent from and/or live next to.

Ouch. 

79 comments:

Anonymous said...

The homes that they are buying in Hinds Co.are either existing rentals, or desperate homeowners getting out of Jacktown.

The few homes in Madison Co. are in developments that allow rentals.

Just sayin' said...

For 1,000s of Hinds County residents all that they can afford are a rental. This is much better than building apartments which spawn crime and violence.

Anonymous said...

The government is going to use your tax dollars to pay food and housing reparations regardless. Whats wrong with a company making a profit from it?

The problem isn't this company, The problem the government taking from the people who put in their 40-60 hours a week working, and giving it to low IQ parasites who produce nothing except crime snd more dependence.

If anyone in the metro saw real value in the rotting carcass of Jackson they would be doing the same thing as this company.

Anonymous said...

I thought Mayor Mary didn't allow rental property in Madison? Is she slipping @ protecting property value?

Anonymous said...

The only reason to buy property in Jackson to rent is for Section 8. That's the only way you can make money. And this company is the only one buying for the desperate people selling. We should be thanking them Kingfish.

This formula is repeated in every majority black city in America.

Anonymous said...

Interesting as a lady in our homeowners association in Madison was telling us this 4 weeks ago... I live near st. Augustine and hot rd. This company just purchased 5 houses in a row 6 weeks ago in my neighborhood. How does this happen?

Anonymous said...

They have a bunch in the Gluckstadt area. And it seems like more and more every day.

Anonymous said...

The homes that they are buying in Hinds Co.are either existing rentals ...

How do you know?

Anonymous said...

The fact that hedge and private equity firms have been doing this for decades (especially post 2008) and escapes Jackson "money men" astounds me. From the toll bridges in Orange Beach, to farmland throughout the US, OF COURSE foreign investors buy and dump property. In NYC, laundered money from Russia, the FSU, PRC, etc floods the market, with billionaire condos blocking the sun out in Central Park.

The poor have always been some of the highest profit/ROI in investment. Yes, there is risk, but many of the biggest firms invest in other's misery. Or the gullible and naive government that allows this.

Wake up. Yes, they want a 75 year no fail contract, or quick turnaround, or short term profit, and money grubbers do NOT care about your neighborhood, your city, or your health.

https://www.nreionline.com/single-family-rentals/private-equity-moving-single-family-rentals-individual-investors-might-want-go

"In 2001, almost 83 percent of single-family rental residences were owned by individual investors. In properties with between five and 24 units, that number was about 65 percent. Fast forward to 2015, when individual investor ownership of single-family residences had dropped to about 75 percent. For residences with between five and 24 units, the drop was even more precipitous: 38 percent."

And you honestly think Jackson folks are not selling out and cashing in????

Anonymous said...

If someone or a company is willing to invest in anything in Jackson, more power to them and best of luck-you'll need it. However, I feel certain after this article someone from the city of Madison will be contacting them about compliance with the city's rental ordinances. I seriously doubt the same will happen from Jackson.

http://www.madisonthecity.com/rentals


Albert Schweitzer said...


""It's the first I've heard of them," Jackson Ward 1 Councilman Ashby Foote said.

surprise, surprise!
About what is expected from Day late and dollar short Foote.

Anonymous said...

I'd rather this company own the houses than the state or the county.

Anonymous said...

I really like the part regarding only four maintenance workers to cover over five hundred properties.... Maybe they are buying up ocean front property in Arizona as well!

Theca Jones of the Roguish Gent Podcast said...

I wish I could of scammed you white folks the way Lamar Adams did.

Anonymous said...

Would HATE to be on the board or have children at JA right now...Soon enough, there will be a large section of NEJ (Old Canton and HV east and Meadowboork north, to the larger homes) with LOTS of rentals under 2k Sq. ft. It may be attractive to young folks or students, but it's not a good trend for families. And that's what you want. Families who will settle in a home and take care of it and be good neighbors. Families who do elect to live in that area will be faced with the tremendous burden of private school tuition, or roll the dice on Jackson public education. Which, you know, is run just like the city. So, that's going to be a "no" for me, dog.

Anonymous said...

You couldn't GIVE me a house in Jackson or Hinds County.

Anonymous said...

So an investor bought a bunch of houses, what's wrong with that? I'll bet those houses will be better maintained, the taxes will be paid, and depending on the lease arrangement the water bill will be paid.

And what about property values? The market is the market, the same as with labor, if you sell your time for less than what you think it's worth, it's not my fault - you made a bad deal...

Anonymous said...

Hopefully they'll buy that drug house in 1100 block of Lyncrest. Something has to happen to get that problem resolved.

Anonymous said...

In the article Brister asks if Conrex will furnish money for parks...it's called taxes dipshit. I guess liberal academics (even those who teach finance) don't understand how the economy works and are co-conspirators in the shakedown mentality when new investors come to town.

Anonymous said...

Do you not feel slimy when you copy and paste a cl article on your site? Seems pretty hypocritical to call out cl for reporting stories you print first and then copy paste their work to your site. I guess hypocrisy is dead? Must be a republican thing.

Kingfish said...

Well, my little slimeball, the difference is I link their stories and give them full credit.

Anonymous said...

Madison does not prohibit 'all' rental homes, but do prohibit apartment buildings. Many covenants prohibit rental homes. If you look at the map in the article, the homes that have been bought up are in areas where rentals are allowed.

Anonymous said...

They can purchase the homes, but they can't rent them out until they obtain a rental permit from the city.

Anonymous said...

There are plenty of homes in Madison to "rent."

Also, there is one house for rent in the Canton Country Club area with Conrex. Its been sitting empty for almost a year now because they want $1750+/month for it and its the smallest house on the street. The previous owner said Conrex was buying up homes to rent to Nissan employees.

Anonymous said...

Her "holiness" (Mary Hawkins) may slow down the cancer, but she can't stop it.

This entire area is fu--ed.

It's just a matter of time.

Anonymous said...

I guess we all thought that the blight in Jackson could be contained. Well is can not and when you have Canton on the other end , South Madison County is in trouble. This is really sad.

Unknown said...

CONREX has a house for rent near me in Canton - $2K/month!!! This is an older established neighborhood next to the Canton Country Club. The former owner sold it in pristine condition. A couple of years from now, if it takes that long, it will be an eyesore and a detriment to the neighborhood.

Anonymous said...

Y'all stop being so negative. With the new Landowner's Protection Act, it is about to be profitable again being a Landlord in Jackson. And that is good news for everyone except for a couple of plaintiff attorneys who may want to start looking for a new day job.

Anonymous said...

Actually I live in northeast Jackson and I've continued to purchase houses in Madison for 10 yrs now. I have 13 in Madison and I rent to families that take care of the house yard and are overall good people with no indoor pets. I'm not renting to people that trash the place. They burned me in Ridgeland on w houses.

Anonymous said...

Any investment, even to flip or rent, is better than a house sitting there. This company has to put some investment into them to rent them.

Anonymous said...

I know that the idea of having to live next to People fo Color is absolutely terrifying to most white people. But at some point you all are going to have to stop packing up and runnimg away after the first successful minority couple moves into your neighborhood. Eventually you all will run out of places to run. And your numbers are shrinking, not growing.

Anonymous said...

Whites would rather everything rot or burn to the ground before sharing with someone of a different race. So shameful and not Christian.

Anonymous said...

I would much prefer any black person who takes care of their house and yard, rather than some of the trashy white people who let everything fall apart and rot.

Anonymous said...

Madison rules on rentals, you must put up a bond and have an annual inspection and meet certain standards. Apartments- there is no ban, what was done is zone it such that you had to have so much green space per apartment which made it economically unfeasible, I was involved in the original argument on this.
Problem with apartments is that you can build them with the greatest intent but if you sell them and the new owners buy them using government or HUD money, which they all do, they can immediately become subsidized and the government pays 75% or more of the rental cost. That's what happened to all of Ridgeland and Pearl. Most of the original developers retain the property management after they sell it to the new owners. Look at some Jackson apts., condition is poor and they just collect the rental checks from Uncle Sam.

Anonymous said...

By "foreign corporation," it means from outside of Mississippi, not another country. In this case they are from South Carolina.

Lots of race-baiting above (@2:41PM/2:45PM). Jesse (Jackson), is that you posting here?

Anonymous said...

They SOS office shows their address in Mississippi as being in the old Trustmark bldg. on the 200 block of Capitol St.

Anonymous said...

I guess Kingfish is only a Republican on twitter, but when it comes to free market capitalism, his "opinion" is that Jackson doesn't have enough regulations?

Pick a side.

Anonymous said...

The "you couldn't give me a house in Jackson" people are hilarious. It must be nice to be so simple you can pretend there aren't nice houses in Jackson.

Messick said...

Great, that same Donner is here, with multiple anonymous posts stating the same thing.

Anonymous said...

There are 49 parcels owned by Convex in Madison county according to the Madison county tax assessor's records.

Anonymous said...

2:41 - I'm in Madison, my neighborhood is 50%+ African-american, including the largest houses in the neighborhood. Nobody is moving because of it. It isn't color that people run from, it is crime, high taxes, poor infrastructure, etc.

Anonymous said...

In our neighborhood in Lake Caroline about 50% of the residents are white, and we have no problem with those people of color. Some of our best friends are white.

Anonymous said...

I want to know more about the drug house in the 1100 block of Lyncrest in Belhaven.

Anonymous said...

A drug house in The Belhaven? Tell me it's not so.

Anonymous said...

KF, I don't know what rock you are living under, but there are plenty of HOA in Jackson - at least in the area you are familiar with. And there is an Association of the Associations that meets monthly to discuss common issues.

I'm not sure that your economics are correct either - someone making a market for housing that is for sale will increase the price of properties, not decrease them. Yes, if too much of an area turns to rental, it can eventually turn the market down, but as long as there is a decent mix the values should be increasing because someone is buying.

Anonymous said...

"They just bought six in a row near St. Augustine and Hoy in Madison". Oh yeah? Where?

BUILD THE WALL said...

First thing you know, Jackson State will be opening a branch in Madison without going through the 'proper' chan..Oh,wait!

Madison will never allow rental houses, rooftop peacocks or Christmas Light Shows. We are sensible people up in here.

Anonymous said...

Harris Claiborne Frazier was spotted at some high end restaurants and bars in the metro this weekend eating and drinking high on the hog. Maybe Claiborne is a silent partner with this group.

Anonymous said...

Hunters pointe in madison.

Anonymous said...

Hoy and St Augustine are probably a mile apart.

Anonymous said...

@6:14 PM - Let me help you. copy/paste the below link.

https://www.google.com/maps/d/viewer?mid=1ceRbTWgEW27s-BuQFPEL-ES3FpFgBGqQ&ll=32.468167739304846%2C-90.08459049356304&z=14

Anonymous said...

Apparently most of the posters here do not have first hand knowledge of Conrex. They are paying more than local investors would pay for the same houses. They have a good local team. Also, they don't tolerate tenants who don't pay their rent. Our firm represents Conrex and several other out-of-state investors. None as large as Conrex but from 15 to 100 homes each and several investors own apartments. One NY client is completely refurbishing about 200 units to make it better for tenants and to keep it from becoming a blighted area.

Anonymous said...

I’ve got great renters in my property in Rankin County. They are “of color” and probably the most qualified of every person that inquired about the property when listed. Great folks, super nice, keep the place up, etc. Reason they left, they were tired of all the BS going on in Jackson.

Anonymous said...

If these homes being purchased are not owner occupied the local government is receiving tax payments at a higher rate than an owner occupant would pay. The local government is receiving water, sewer and garbage pickup fees. Local businesses gain new customers. I would say that this is a windfall for Jackson.

Anonymous said...

THE QUICKEST WAY TO DESTROY A neiboorhood is bring in renters. renters are right down there with coyotes, fire ants , and nutria.

Cynical Sam said...

@9:53 PM - Water is free in Jacktown.

Anonymous said...

Hoy is not near St. Augustine any more than North Old Canton is near Galleria Parkway. But thanks for the link 6:44.

What's this I hear about two rentals at Lost Rabbit? The place is going to the dogs. Dogs run rabbits. Get it?

When Mary annexes Lost Rabbit, what will she do about all those fancy cars parked curb-side?

Anonymous said...

“The quickest way to destroy a neighborhood is renters...”. is an old adage which used to be told with a racist tinge in the south. I travel a lot and see neighborhoods all over that were once in transition, but absent the old white flight reflex, settle down into a different yet stable neighborhoods. For example, Fondren, between N. State and N. West. Horrible all rental hood for thirty years. Slowly, white and black young families are taking it back block by block. Us old timers ( I am 52 ) will be surprised in 15 years with the facelift of that stable neighborhood.

Anonymous said...

A good number of the properties are owned by "Conrex Master, LLC". It does not seem to be registered in Mississippi with the SOS. Guess their legal team is slipping a little.

Anonymous said...

@10:06 PM
Your comment makes no sense. Property has been rented in Europe and Asia for centuries without issues. There was no destruction of neighborhoods or property value. What is different today that didn't exist in homogeneous societies of Europe and Asia of the past?

Anonymous said...

Quickest way to destroy a neighborhood is a landlord that doesn't give a damn.

Anonymous said...

TO ' i travel alot' @2;23........obviously you haven't traveled very far. all of your hip-hop prose and abstract concepts notwithstanding, its plain that you dont understand the most basic fundamental of residential real estate. and that is the only people who will be concerned about a neighborhood are the ones that got their money invested in it. vagabond renters dont give a flip.

Anonymous said...

12:49 you are so wrong these houses will not be maintained ever heard of a slum lord?

Anonymous said...

2:41 it’s not the color it’s the culture and a lot of POC are better than some of the whites around here

Anonymous said...

3:22 there are plenty of nice houses in ne Jackson it’s that they are surrounded by the creeping wave of crime

Anonymous said...

You can dress up Jackson with The District but it’s still Jackson like lipstick on a pig

Anonymous said...

10:06 obviously you have never lived in a major American city where most people do rent

Anonymous said...

4:44PM That's AWESOME and helps prove my point. People aren't deathly afraid of other people based on skin color. What they are afraid of is the safety of their family, the soundness of their real estate investment and the quality of the education their kids can receive. Tired old excuse makers like 2:41PM are ridiculous (and they may just be a pot stirrer as this is an open comment forum).

Anonymous said...

https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2019/02/single-family-landlords-wall-street/582394/

More Corporate Welfare for the Rich, but, the AFP/Tea Partiers LOVE them some GubMint money. What could happen?


"When Wall Street Is Your Landlord

With help from the federal government, institutional investors became major players in the rental market. They promised to return profits to their investors and convenience to their tenants. Investors are happy. Tenants are not."


"I reviewed one Colony Starwood lease from 2016; it was 34 pages long and specified that tenants were responsible for landscaping, “routine insect control,” replacing air filters in their central air systems once a month, repairing broken glass (regardless of how it was broken), and repairing and maintaining sewer and sink backups. American Homes 4 Rent started levying “trip charges” if maintenance staff were sent out to homes to assist with repairs that the tenants should have performed themselves, David Singelyn, the company CEO, explained at a 2015 investor forum. Some companies began requiring that tenants buy renter’s insurance to cover the property itself, rather than just their belongings, a clause lawyers in some states say is unenforceable."

"Despite the fact that the housing market has largely rebounded, the federal government continued financially supporting single-family rental companies until recently. In 2017, Fannie Mae provided a $1 billion loan guarantee for Invitation Homes, which allowed the company to benefit from lower interest rates than it would have received without the government’s backing, as well as more favorable loan terms. It wasn’t until August 2018 that the Federal Housing Finance Agency, which was created in 2008 to oversee federal housing agencies, announced that it was ending its participation in the single-family rental market because the companies could be successful without the government’s help."

Anonymous said...

Something that most people are unaware of is the new business model of delinquent tax sales. This has changed drastically in the past few years, especially since most of the sales are now online tax auctions. Traditionally, you went to the courthouse, the sale was held in a vacant court room. You registered, was given a #, and each seat was numbered. You took your assigned seat along with the rest of the bidders. The tax assessor had a list of delinquent properties starting with owners names in A-Z order. The 1st property was offered to the 1st registered buyer, 001. If you wanted to buy the taxes, you raised your card with your registered #. If you didn't want it, you passed, and the next bidder was given the option. There was some under the table stuff that went on, but you had to be in the "Know". Most bidders just wanted the interest on the delinquent taxes, between 1 to 1-1/2 % a month. A decent return on your investment, as most people would eventually pay. There were those, who were in real estate and bought properties to rent or resell. But they were local. About the only way a small time investor could game the system, was pay people 50.00 to go register and just take a seat for a couple of hours. So if you could get 12 people to work, then each rotation through the delinquent list, you got 12 chances instead of 1. Many people don't understand how you can lose your house to non-payment of property taxes. It takes 3 years of non-payment. You can miss 2 years, then come in and pay the taxes + the interest penalty and save your property. If you miss the 3rd year, its essentially gone. Now if different people get to pay the taxes on a property over 3 years, and it is lost, who gets the tax title? This is the key. The person who pays the delinquent taxes the 1st year gets 1st choice, but if they want it, they have to pay the other 2 years + the penalties to get the title. If they just want their interest, the property gets offered to the 2nd year bidder. If they want it, they have to pay the others to get the title, and so on. But something happened in the past few years to the process. The counties realized that because a CD was paying .5 %, so many more people were looking for a better ROI. And they implemented a new rule in the sale. If your chair got offered a property with a 1000.00 delinquent tax, anyone else in the room (1st shout) could yell overbid 100.00. Then someone else could yell overbid 200.00. Now this is where it gets complicated, for if you overbid the tax due, and the owner paid the taxes the next day, or next year, you were only going to receive the owed taxes + the standard % penalty. The amount overbid went to the tax assessor. Hence the arrival of the National Corporate Tax buyers. They were there to buy property. They had paid contractors with excel printouts that ranked the properties they wanted. They corporate buyers had programs that had analyzed the county property data. Location, value, prior tax payment history, ROI, ect. They traveled from tax sale to sale, as their job, with lodging and expenses paid (sometimes hiring a few locals to sit in chairs). This changed the county tax sales drastically.

Anonymous said...

But their agenda was on a corporate scale. Very few local investors could or would risk a 26k tax bill on a closed commercial facility in a very poor county. Then came the arrival of the online tax auctions, operating similar to Ebay. This has been going on longer in other states because they began online sales years ago, MS was just harder because you had to pay people to travel, and many times, counties had their sales on the same day. Many MS counties dont have their property ownership records online. But some do. Many use a company named Delta to provide that service. If a county is online, it's public record, you dont have to register, and can search the records for who owns what, taxation assessment, tax history, home, patio, shed sketches & dimensions. But be warned, you may find out that there is a lot of discrepancy in valuations. One small parcel od land may be valued at 5500.00 an acre, and someone a 1/4 a mile away may be valued at 500.00 an acre. But in MS, what you don't know doesn't hurt you. BTW, you can look at Richland County SC online and see how many subdivisions have rental homes with corporate owners. Some are over 25% rental, then add in the foreclosed on but not yet sold and you see where this is heading. The easiest way is to glance at the prior tax. If the tax burden doubled or tripled from one year to the next, it has most likely had a homestead exemption change.

Anonymous said...

All large fortunes were built either directly or indirectly on government money, nursed by the Tax Code, and protected by the US Armed Forces. Money earmarked for the poor rebounds to the benefit of the rich and tax cuts for the beloved middle class goes overwhelmingly to the wealthy. No matter who is in the White House the song remains the same.

Anonymous said...

Landlords, particularly absentee landlords, have no literal skin in the neighborhood or community game. They only have skin in the square footage they rent. Beyond the perimeter of that box, they don't give a shit. As long as they can roll the dice and make more off the rental than they spend maintaining it, all is well. And when they reach the point where they can't do that (not if but when), all they care about is unloading it.

Prove me wrong.

Bluebonnet said...

Have been thinking of moving to Madison County from DFW area in upcoming retirement, but these comments are alarming. Is the alarm warranted?

Anonymous said...

Here comes the gentrification to go along with the new coffee shops and bakeries....

Anonymous said...

I didn't realize there are 'major American cities where most people rent'. Really? Like where? Not counting Jackson.

Anonymous said...

To all of you wondering what the Queen (Mayor Mary) is going to do about this or why she hasn't done anything... She plans to step down at the end of this term, so she isn't planning on losing a fight as her final legacy. And then look out... the little weasel Trey Baxter intends to become the new King of Madison. LOL!!!

Anonymous said...

"A private, foreign purchased over 500 homes in the Jackson metro area and converted them to rental properies."

Try a little proofreading. Twice.

The Unsilent Majority said...

9:42 and 2:29 typed way too many words. Not sure if they were eloquent or just incoherent drivel, but I’m not reading it to find out

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Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

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Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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