Saturday, October 22, 2016

The Fall of the Tribe of Hotty Toddy



And there arose to the north of Eden a tribe called the Hotty-Toddys, who were also called metros. And the Hotty-Toddys were very displeasing; they didst place centerpieces on their banquet tables, and didst exalt themselves much. And they didst glorify the southern kingdom of the past.


And for a brief time they didst enjoy success on the battlefield. But in the second year of the reign of John son of Joseph, a man named James, of the house of Meredith, of the nation of Cush, didst attempt to enter the seminary at Oxford. But the Hotty-Toddys despised and oppressed the Cush-ites, and refused him entry. But the Judges decreed that James must be allowed to enter. And the Hotty-Toddys rose up with great vengeance and furious anger, and didst burn their own city, and even slew two aliens in their midst. And the LORD saw that it was no good, and was much angered, and uttered a curse upon the Hotty-Toddys:

"THOU SHALT TASTE VICTORY ONCE MORE, THEN NEVER AGAIN SHALL THOU BE FIRST AMONG THY BRETHREN"

And after the following harvest, they didst enjoy their last great victory, then their warriors became lost in the wilderness. And a man named Elisha, who was also called Archie, didst attempt to lead them back to glory, but was wounded in the land of Eden and tasted not the fruits of victory. Then a great famine fell upon Oxford, until Eli son of Archie arrived upon a white horse. Eli led the Hotty-Toddys to many small victories, and girded his loins against an invasion by the warriors from Eden.

But Eli fell backwards*. And a great roar arose, and Johnny of the house of Vaught, the great king of the Hotty-Toddy past, didst ask "What be the meaning of this tumult?" For Johnny was a very old man, 93, and nearly blind. And the Hotty-Toddys cried in despair, "The invaders from Eden hath carried off the West championship! Our curse is still upon us, and the Heisman shall never come to the house of Manning."

And the LORD then caused a great delusion to fall upon the tribe of Hotty-Toddy, and they drove their general David from their midst, even though David had led them to victories for the first time in forty years. And they chose a recruiter of warriors from a western land, Bay Bay of the house of Yawyawyawyaw, because their delusion kept them from seeing he was a fool. And Bay Bay disdt tear his garments, and shout words none could understand. And the LORD loosed against the Hotty-Toddys bands of Cowboys, and Bulldogs, and even Commodores, who laid waste to Oxford. And the Hotty-Toddys continued to exalt Bay Bay, even as half his warriors disappeared from Oxford, and rued the days of Cutcliffe. And finally Les of Eden came to Oxford and destroyed it once and for all. 1 Samuel 4:3.  

Then there arose a false prophet from the House of Nutt. Although he was cast out by swine, the faithful's hope was restored as he trampled the Tiger,  vanquished the Raiders of Red, and slew the Cowboy in the House of Jerry.  There was much feasting as milk and honey flowed from the rivers of the  Delta to the lands of Elvis.  However, more sorrow smote the tribe as the prophet's promises proved false when the curse struck him with a madness that left him speechless and confused.  The prophet wandered at times on sidelines alone, quiet at times, babbling at others, while the faithful said oh no, we've been cursed yet again.  However, Les of Eden was not without mercy as he was indeed a just man and knelt to end the game.  1 Samuel 4:4.   

However, Les suffered the same fate as King Saul by showing mercy to the enemy. The Lord shewed his wrath and withdrew his favor from Les of Eden.  Les and his Edenites came back to the land of the Hotty-Toddys, boastful of their strength.  The Hotty-Toddy's drank the blood of many sacrifices to their false idols in their pagan temple called "The Grove" as they worked themselves into a frenzy.  The Edenites fell into a trap as their exalted general Zachariah slept while the Hotty's caught them unawares.  When Zachariah finally awoke, he slew many Hotty's but alas he fell in the end. The Hotty's made more sacrifices to their false idols as they feverishly danced naked  after they vanquished Les of Eden. 

However, the Hotty-Toddy's grew lazy as they lived off the fat of the land and drank much wine.  They returned to the Valley of Death led by a young king named Beaux, III.  He danced naked before the enemy, pointed three fingers at the heavens,  ignored the counsel of his lord, and died on the plains of battle.  The Hotty-Toddy's were held to much scorn as their pride went down along with their downfall.  

 Prediction:  LSU by a touchdown.  Ole Miss has a better qb but has several flaws.  The running game is very weak and hurts Ole Miss when it needs to eat up some clock.  The fastball offense is good for scoring points but bad for holding a  lead.  Ole Miss also suffers from a weak run defense.  Forget Fournette.  Guice just reached 1,000 yards faster than any other LSU running back and that is saying quite a bit.  The exit of Les and Cam means the offense is showing more variation instead of Toss dive on first down, toss dive on second down, and long bomb on third down.  Gone are the 80 play practices that took place two to three times a week during the season.  Players are fresher and spend more time on film studying the other team.

Howevvvvvvver, this IS LSU-Ole Miss. The series is also a tough one from the LSU side although LSU leads the series 10-5 since 2001. Don't believe me?

2001: Ole Miss win.
2002: LSU by 1.
2003: LSU by 3
2004: LSU by 3 despite a record-setting rushing performance by Broussard.
2005: LSU blowout because Ole Miss quits on Orgeron.
2006: LSU in OT
2007: LSU comes back in fourth quarter
2008: Ole Miss ass-kicking
2009: Les Miles can't tell time.
2010: LSU wins at the end of the game.
2011: The knee game.
2012: LSU needs 4th quarter comeback to win game.
2013: Ole Miss wins by 3.
2014: LSU upsets Ole Miss 10-7.
2015: Ole Miss won 38-17 

38 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ho hum. Never read this before.

Anonymous said...

Hobby Lobby!!

Anonymous said...

Chicago Transit Authority - Does anybody know what time it is....Does anybody really care?

Anonymous said...

Where was the book of Jeremiah? The wayward youth from the tribe of ducks who was banished from the tribe but was picked up by the tribe Rebels to steer him straight and give him another chance, because heppin' folks, and he was their next Heisman candidate, who also stopped short. But the tribe of Rebels made "4 Heisman" stickers like the ones prior so that he would be exalted to the candidacy, but never did he achieve.

Anonymous said...

Well said

Daves not here said...

This went over my head!

Anonymous said...

You've posted some inane, stupid crap before but this really tops it off, Kingfish. Puh-leaze.

Anonymous said...

GTHOM

You can't spell scum with UM

Where old times (like racism) are not forgotten

No Bear Shark here. said...

8:19 - You really ought to look over your posts before you click 'enter'.

What evidence do you have that the school is racist? I'm no Ole Myth fan, but your comment is pure-ass ignorant. And I checked over my post.

Anonymous said...

good going KF..

Anonymous said...

9:38 asked: "What evidence do you have that the school is racist?"

How many fraternities and/or students have been expelled and/or suspended for racist activity? Such as, noose over a statue, offensive banners, angry words about our president?

How many people have been removed from the public eye in their stadium for displaying a certain flag, playing Dixie, shouting "the south shall rise again"?

Care to reconsider your defense of the most racist university in our state?

To Correct The Ignorant.. said...

Yes; and thank you 6:26.

'..removing people from the public eye for displaying a symbol of heritage' is not a symptom or symbol of racism. It's actually a symbol of an over-reactive, ignorant position of a liberal administration that has jumped aboard the train of misinformation and ignorance.

Next: Placing a noose over a statue was the bad act of one immature boy from another state. In no way did it represent the mindset or actions of an entire fraternity. The response (assuming you are correct) was an over-reach taken only to appease a larger group of malcontents, including yourself.

Next: You mentioned 'angry words'. What the hell? Is college not a place for open, honest, straight-forward debate and expression? Did your panties get twisted because someone expressed themselves openly about the president? Were you offended? Did you squirm off into a corner in tears and search for a safe-space. Angry? Please...you pussy.

Next: 'The South shall rise again'. Hopefully that is the truth. And it has nothing to do with race. But, you're immature and uneducated and programmed to see race and meanness in every word and action, aren't you? You must run and hide from that and seek out your safe space. Hopefully Detroit, Chicago, New Orleans, Birmingham, Jackson and, indeed, The South, shall ALL rise again. Wouldn't that be nice? But you'd lose your opportunity to proclaim yourself a victim if that were to happen.

And lastly: You mention the 'most racist university in our state'. The jury is still out on that one; but, currently the participants in that contest are Valley, Alcorn and Jackson State. Stay tuned. And hang close to your safe space.

Anonymous said...

@8:39 AM

Anonymous said...

LOVED this, KF. Had to think about some of them for a few minutes, and some of them I never did figure out, but even so, I laughed until I had tears. Truly, truly funny!!!! Made my day.

Anonymous said...

I look forward to reading this every year.

Anonymous said...

Well stated 8:39.

6:26 is one of many sniveling insecure "little people" who stay butt hurt as a way off life.

Anonymous said...

@8:39: keep chocking that chicken....and remember that when you act all astonished at how blind liberals are to the crimes of the Clintons, you are practicing the same lack of discernment regarding the scUM in Oxford....racists yearning for the old times

Anonymous said...

Where are all these hotty totty women ( hot mommas ) dancin around nekkid? That's the place I want to go! Reckon those 3 hot gals that worked for the MDOT who were caught last year buying beer in oxford or batesville or wherever and loading up the MDOT truck,will be there dancing nekkid? That's where I wanna be!!!

By the way......has anyone heard anything else out of that issue? I know this is off topic but I sure would like to know since that dept fined 3 of my trucks right after that incident.

Anonymous said...

Ole miss fraternities are integrated. States are not and will never be.

Anonymous said...

Can someone answer a question for me? How do coaches make a salary funded by the state and get alumni to donate to exhorborant amounts to supplement their salaries and not be in some form conflicted? I've always wanted to know how that works

Anonymous said...

@2:20-scUM definition of fraternal integration:

a mammy cook serves the white dudes for supper
the waiters are non-Caucasian
a token is admitted so that others can mock him during the segregated meetings

Anonymous said...

who is the moron at ESPN that continues to show the ass-whipping between Arkansas & Auburn, when Ole Miss and LSU has started?
That idiot needs to lose his job.
I HATE ESPN. Going to bed. Fuck them all.

Anonymous said...

"Whence then came the Fall of '15. In the great new House of the Hotty Toddy, led in it's fealty to the parsonage of the Freeze, in the reign of the Stocks, came but a jester from the House of Coon, of the dutchy of Petal. His golden locks and sword of Social Justice and shield of Safe Space did fell furl the hallowed colors of the Kingdom from the House of the Hotty-Toddy's. And the kingdom reacted in righteous rage towards the House of the Hotty-Toddy's.

His crusade enlisted aid of the Mannie of House Jackson, scion of the Ladd, and did fail to quell the old guard of the Hotty-Toddy's, the vociferous knight Soper, house of Tupelo. Where the fair battle rages still, as the colors of the great Kingdom of the Sippi, descendants of the Dixies and brothers to the Bamas. Find themselves in a state of turmoil asking "why hast they not returned to their brethren?"

The Final Bell said...

And Coach O shouted

FOOBAW!

FOOBAW!

Anonymous said...

To say Ole Miss fraternities are "integrated" is like saying Rankin County is "diverse."

Yes....black people certainly exist amongst the powers that be....but that's about as far as it goes.

There are no black elected officials in Rankin.....there are no white girls going on dates with black boys off Louis Wilson...in public anyway.

Race relations start at home....and in Mississippi....it's still a war zone.

So don't expect their progeny to do any better when they wander to Faulkner's world.

Anonymous said...

I am not sure what is funnier: MSUcks losing to sUcK

Or scUM losing to LSWho.

Goober Patrol said...

So, 7:34, in your little warped mind 'integration' equals white girls dating black boys and won't exist until that's the daily norm? What a Dick!

Maybe you should hang at the Wal Mart down on 18 instead.

Anonymous said...

8:39 am You managed to exemplify racism in arguing that you aren't racist.
Yes, a university is a place for free debate, but it's also supposed to be a place where intelligent people are exchanging ideas and racism is scientifically and historically stupid.
Most of the states in the Confederacy have " risen again" if you mean economically. You say it has nothing to do with race but given your list, I can't tell what your measures are other than race. Chicago has a problem in their poorest area, but in every other way, Chicago is doing quite well. I would remind you that New York City and Washington, D.C. had crime problems that were addressed by improving the police department.
If symbols have no relevance in society, then why are folks upset about a football player kneeling or upset when Nazi symbols are displayed or find hajibs and burkas threatening? Why is ISIS trying to destroy cultural symbols?
One is also supposed to learn to be civilized and well mannered while in a university as well. Being civilized requires one not to be antagonistic but rather to be persuasive.
Attacking others does not win them over to your point of view. It puts them on the defensive . That is something else you should have learned .

Anonymous said...

At least the house of hobby lobby now has a reason to self impose that bowl ban and get a head start on sanctions.

Anonymous said...

Let's change back over to Football. I was in Baton Rouge last week and watched the Coach Zero show. He said that LSU was going to run Fournette until Ole Miss stopped him. Now I am not a multimillionaire football coach but if I can get LSU's game plan by simply watching a call-in TV/Radio show then perhaps the Ole Miss coaches could as well. But obviously they did not. Now a moment on my soapbox....for the poorest state in the union to pay coaches millions of dollars while short-changing public education and mental health is an absolute crime. Our priorities are skewed to the point of ridiculousness!

Anonymous said...

I have an opinion about the election,racism, the south rising again, etc., etc.
Can anyone tell me what that has to do with Fournette running wild on the rebels, bears, whatever you want to call them.
The Tigers rule supreme, last I checked they are 3-0 against Mississippi teams.... Hell yall can't even claim Dak..

Anonymous said...

Coaches are paid entirely too much

I'm 8:39.. said...

"One is also supposed to learn to be civilized and well mannered while in a university as well. Being civilized requires one not to be antagonistic but rather to be persuasive."

The above is from the same little weak-dick-lass who was offended because some students dared to criticize our half-black president. Anybody who speaks out against the community organizer is automatically a racist. And this is directly from the "Home School of Tom Head" who never attended an on campus course in his life.

Take this as a lesson: YOU do not get to define the makeup or mentality of a college student body. Supposedly it's a diverse group of many types of young people (and a few old ones). It is neither your task nor your option to require your definition of 'civilized' or well behaved and you can forget pushing all students into your meat-grinder of 'Little Bernies'. If you are comfortable in silk panties, fine; however, some prefer denim boxers.

Anonymous said...

I@im 8:39

If you don't know the difference between an angry protest and rampant use of a word that rhymes with rigger, you might be a student at Ole Miss

Anonymous said...

1:22 - Not sure where that comes from in this discussion. You people do love to invent shit though. If you repeat it three times and sit cross-legged for twelve minutes under an oak at Belhaven or Millsaps, it becomes the truth.

Anonymous said...

@5:43. History is not on your side. Perhaps you think denial is a river in Egypt.

It's funny because you are unable to use key word and search engines

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/racial-slurs-yelled-at-ole-miss-obama-protest/

Weenie Patrol Chief said...

Horrors, I say! Horrors! Someone used a 'racial slur'. And as surely as all Arkansans wear overalls, that means all OM students are racist and the campus needs foot-wash-stations and safe-spaces. And seminars with forced attendance.

Meanwhile: The Black Lives Matter Cretin Crowd shouts 'Down With White Cops!' and 'Kill The Honky Pigs' Asses!' which carefully translated surely means all black people hate all white people.

You little weenie-headed-skinny-jean-wearing limp-dicks who troll this site from the Latte Cafe really need something productive to do. Like, er'a, a job.

Anonymous said...

@5:56. When one denies the racist history of scUM, who got throttled by Coach O, one has to remember that in the context of the discussion in this thread, the defenders of "old times there are not forgotten" were simply wrong. The question is did they knowingly expose their ignorance, or was it simply a lie?

Me? If I were a parent, I would not let my child attend the scUM. Because racist fraternities, drunk coeds, drugs and alcohol, etc. not to mention it's in OxFart, a pretentious town that thinks more highly of itself than it should.

I spent years traveling there. My impressions of the town are based on observations from 1984-2011. It's a dumpy university in a dumpy town in the crumminess state in the country.

That their lawyers end up in prison and/or being disbarred is a testament to their lack of integrity.

lulz

ps: GTHOM

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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


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Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

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