Monday, July 29, 2019

PEAQ Coach Suspended

USA Swimming suspended PEAQ Coach Savannah Reis from the association on July 24.  The organization is the national governing body for swimming in the United States.  USA Swimming's website states that it suspended Mrs. Reis due allegations of misconduct. 



Mrs. Reis and her husband, Fernando, formed Performance Elite Aquatics in 2014.  The swim team is in Madison.  The website states suspension is "interim."   It alleges she violated the "safesport code." 




75 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure what violation she committed or what this is about. However I live in Jackson and my kids were former swimmers at other team and my neighbors in belhaven have 2 sons that swim with this organization. I sure hope some kid hasn't been violated. Any details?

Anonymous said...

“Not newsworthy!!!!”

[/sees photo].

Okay, den.

Anonymous said...

This is how mere allegations ruin people’s lives. Though I’m sure if there’s an exoneration it will get equal billing.

Anonymous said...

Does she still teach elementary school in Madison?

Anonymous said...

KF, do you have any info suggesting this was due to some serious misconduct?

Because I'm reasonably familiar with youth sports organizations (not swimming specifically) and suspensions can come for a wide variety of reasons, from actual abuse all the way down to pretty technical safety violations.

Anonymous said...

National organizations like USA swimming, USA gymnastics, etc don't suspend people just because there is an accusation. There must be something there to back it up. My guess is there was some type of sexual misconduct with at least some proof to back it up.

Anonymous said...

It will all come out, but the Olympic Safesport Code covers a multitude of things.

Everything from inappropriate text messages to improper touching.

https://www.usaswimming.org/docs/default-source/safe-sportdocuments/maapp/usaswimmingmaapp.pdf

Anonymous said...

Why do I feel like if this was a male being accused , it would garner way more publicity ? If she is guilty , I hope justice is served.

Anonymous said...

After talking to a few people in the local swim community, no one knows how serious it is. I would not think USA Swimming would suspend someone for texting after 8 pm or some minor violation of the SafeSport rules.

However, Fernando and Savannah have been known to not be the most organized. They both have full time careers outside of the swim team and they have a van full of kids. I wonder if its just some paperwork that didn't get completed on a timely basis - but then why would it be on JJ?

Anonymous said...

The USA swimming website clearly states beside the violation if it is sexual in nature. There is not such wording for Ms. Reis' violation. A quick look at the Safe code and most of the rules are something other than that in nature.

Both of my kids swim on PEAQ and we have been happy with the Reis'. I am sure that the specifics of the violation will come out in time but to assume something sexual in nature at this point appears to be untrue and unfair.

Anonymous said...

I think I know why it is on JJ.

Because, if an attractive woman is in violation of a rule, some people want to know why. It's the reason we all pull up this site. And, the people who claim that potential scandals are not interesting to read about; well, they're either lying or have a boring personality.

Just sayin, how many former USA Olympic Trial members are the Business Manager of a good private school, live in Mississippi, and their wife is a elementary teacher and they have four kids? And in the middle of life somewhere, some paperwork doesn't get filed on time?

Could happen to anyone of us and we'd be reading about you. Most do not hold a grudge, so quit worrying.

Anonymous said...

1:59 is right. Its unfair to assume sexual misconduct, although the vast majority of those suspended under violation of SafeSport have been suspended for sexual misconduct.

Looking at the Safesport rules posted above - here are some possible violations.

Meeting with a minor athlete without another adult present, or in a room without an unlocked or open door.

Meeting with a minor athlete inside a minor athlete's hotel room during team travel.

Conducting individual training sessions outside regular practice in an environment that could not be observed by another adult.

Communicating with a minor athlete without copying the legal guardian.

Communicating with a minor athlete outside the hours of 8 am. to 8 p.m., unless an emergency or during competition travel.

Communicating with a minor athlete after legal guardian has made request for minor athlete to not be contacted.

Having a private social media connection with a minor athlete.

Having a minor athlete ride alone in a personal vehicle without written permission by the legal guardian.

Not having two adults during room check during team travel.

Sharing a hotel room with an athlete.

Having minor athletes share hotel rooms with members of the opposite sex.

Using a recording device in a locker room.

Exposing breasts, buttocks, groin or genitals to a minor athlete in a locker room for any reason.

Being alone in a locker room with a minor athlete for any non-emergency reason.

Performing a massage on any minor athlete for any reason, even if coach is a licensed massage therapost.



All of the above are violations of the SafeSport that aren't as serious as sexual misconduct, and if repeated could warrant a suspension.

Anonymous said...

@1:59
Has the coach informed the team of the suspension and the reason behind it?

Anonymous said...

@2:34 Allegations of misconduct are not for “paperwork” errors, or get you on the suspended list. That would go against the Head Coach.

Anonymous said...

Has nothing to do with incomplete paperwork . If that were the case it would be like an expired drivers license , not posted on their NATIONAL public Safe Sport site.

People don’t want to believe anything bad could happen because this is a female , a teacher , wife , and mom, BUT, people need to open their eyes. Way more to this story than is being said.

Anonymous said...

An attractive woman suspended. No details announced. Of course the commentators on this blog immediately jump on the sexual predator bandwagon. Let your imagination run boys.

Anonymous said...

Most of you will have egg on your face. This is no paperwork issue and has nothing to do with being in a room with a minor. It's a conduct issue of the most egregious sort, the kind of thing that, in three weeks, will have all the men on here asking why the hell they didn't go out for swimming and enjoy a bit of this.

Rewind to the Jambalaya story two months ago about the teenage boy and his teacher and all the horn-dogs on here salivating. Now, punch replay.

Anonymous said...

6:11, that’s a serious allegation. Fernando just sent an email out to the team saying that they had not been informed of the specific allegation against Savannah. Calls and texts to the coaching staff and key parents have been unanswered all day.

There is no way this could be sexual misconduct. She’s a mom of four.

Anonymous said...

KF obviously has heard more than what he posted, but he is smart enough not to put his ass on the line for a lawsuit. If this was as simple as making someone swim extra laps, etc., KF would have said so. He has published a tease with this story, because he wouldn’t have published it at all if it was not potentially explosive. Odds are strong that this post will not be published.

Anonymous said...

I think if this was sexual misconduct, we would be seeing a mug shot with this story and not the photo being used. If she were guilty of something like that the first call would have been to the police. Not a leadership board. This is a mother with a family. Should give her the benefit of the doubt until something is shown otherwise.

Anonymous said...

This seems like something petty and contrived. Tipping off Kimgfish with a story like this? These kinds of accusations ruin lives.

Anonymous said...

I've been around the block a few times and experience leads me to make several points:
One, people do all kinds of things regardless of how may children they have.
Two, how do you know the police haven't been called?
Three, allegations ruin lives if they are unfounded, thanks #metoo, but this has gone a little further than that. If the allegations are false, let's just hope the damage to the Reis family is minimized. If true, let the chips fall where they may.

Anonymous said...

I personally know Savannah and Fernando Reis. I highly doubt this has anything to do with sexual misconduct. The SafeSport rules that she may be in violation of could be something as simple as repeatedly leaving the pool deck with no coach supervising the swimmers (which is a safety issue for the swimmers). My gut tells me that once this all comes out it will be something of that nature.

On a related note, the other metro swim clubs (Mako and Sunkist) have had it out for Fernando because he is able to develop more talent and be highly competitive with fewer swimmers than the numbers-loaded Sunkist and Mako swim team. And no, I'm not a parent of a current swimmer with PEAQ. This is known in the local swim community.

Anonymous said...

Hey 1:59. That's the problem, you took a "quick look". Interim suspensions only list "allegations of misconduct". Those that show a suspension end date cite the specific reason. Learn how to read a chart.

Anonymous said...

@8:23
A National organization doesn’t suspended you and not tell you what you have been accused of.

Anonymous said...

@6:23 you are spot on. USA Swimming is required by law to contact the authorities if a minor has been violated. I think someone with an axe to grind is going after Mrs Reese and we should all sit back and let this play out. I am also skeptical of this being sent to JJ because this looks like someone is just pissed and wants to hurt this lady.

Anonymous said...

@7am, I don't think this has anything to do with swim politics. Relationships between the three teams have improved and are now positive. All area coaches are gifted in their own ways and all teams have had successes. This is something else. And the charges aren't against Fernando. Something has happened whether big or small and an investigation will reveal it. The leaking of this to kingfish is worrisome to me because that appears to show malice and a plan. Is that malice because something terrible was done by Reis? Or is that malice unreasonable and now a campaign is being started to ruin her? The current story isn't JJ worthy. So, something bigger will be revealed or someone used JJ as a pawn in their plan.

Anonymous said...

@7:00am

You're related note is the funniest comment on this thread. Everyone in the swim community knows that Fernando poached his talent from Makos and Sunkist when the team first started. They were promised "Champagne and Olympic Dreams". Why is it that some of them left Peaq and went back if Fernando is so good? Or did Savannah have something to do with it?

Anonymous said...

The timing of this is really really odd coming right before a new school year begins. This person has been at Madison Station for about 10 years and has been a very good teacher. At the end of last year, she was basically slandered and investigated for allegations by the administration at school. It seems like somebody or some group is carrying a grudge against Reis. Word on the street is that this has become how the new principal deals with some people - make life so miserable that they leave or retire. There could be potential liability in the future for Madison County if this behavior continues.

Anonymous said...

Oh come on 7:00. Do you know the story of how PEAQ formed in 2014? He and a small group of parents recruited the top talent off of Makos team and formed a team at the Madison Healthplex. Those kids were kicked out of the Healthplex in 2016 because they trashed locker rooms, were disrespectful and basically turds.

So they rented the old Courthouse facility at Cypress Lake. The residents of Cypress Lake should go take a look at that facility. Some might say its better than it was when it was empty and others might look at the way the place has been kept and be appalled. The kiddie pool is literally full of muck and algae.

As far as talent, he took the best from Makos in 2014, so PEAQ does have some talented swimmers. But no more than Makos and Sunkist, who have combined to win the last 12 state championships. Looking at the rosters - PEAQ put a kid at Delta State and the University of Nebraska at Omaha, and this year has a commit to LSU and Alabama. That's nice. But Makos has put a swimmer in the Olympic Trials, has 9 current college swimmers and just put a pair at Alabama. Does PEAQ get to count the current Tennessee swimmer that had to switch to Makos his senior year because he wasn't getting the instruction he needed? And Sunkist has produced a national champion.

To accuse coaches at Makos and Sunkist of being behind this is ludicrous and you should apologize. I hope for Fernando and Savannah's case this is something minor, but USA Swimming or any national governing body doesn't suspend coaches for minor infractions, and if you know it.

Anonymous said...

@9:13
If you don’t know all the facts behind certain situations then don’t come for PEAQ swimmers or other teams. No one knows the full story about what is going on, so no one should be assuming the worst.

Anonymous said...

9:19 - bigger teams SHOULD have more swimmers swimming collegiately, etc. More swimmers mean likelihood for more success. And anyone who knows anything about swimming knows that the bigger clubs have more success more often because many time its a numbers game with points. Therefore, what's your point?

The apologies should come from those who have jumped on the "sexual misconduct" assumptions.

Anonymous said...

Here is USA Swimming Safe Sport phone number why not call and ask why Savannah was suspended. 720-524-5640

Anonymous said...

12:19

People know why she was suspended.

Everyone will know soon. USA Swimming just moved faster than anticipated. We'll see what Madison County Schools does. That will "tell the tale."

Anonymous said...

This just goes to show how little factual information gets thrown up on this site and gets twisted into wild conspiracy theories.
Fact: Are PEAQ coaches not very popular? True.
Fact: Is PEAQ even a superior swim club? Not even remotely true.
Fact: Has PEAQ had some negative perception issues? Definitely.
Fact: Did the formation of PEAQ use negativity and slander to recruit swimmers away from established programs? Possibly.
That being said, to assume that this situation is a sexual scandal or otherwise is purely speculation at this point.

Anonymous said...

9:13 am -- Know the facts about Reis' behavior at a school sponsored event before you start slandering Madison County Schools and the administration.

Anonymous said...

12:52 FACT: Fernando only addressed the suspension with the team after it became public on this site.

Anonymous said...

My kids have been with PEAQ Swim team since 2017. 2019 has been a rough year. Some of our best families have left our team and it seemed like Fernando doesn't care. When we have talked to him about it he dismisses it as "Its their loss. They'll be sorry." and it keeps happening. The poster above that commented about the facility - we pay a monthly facility fee on top of team dues to keep it up. The place is a disaster and an embarrassment. Some of the older swimmers treat the place like crap - and again no one cares. For what we pay in collective facility fees + the rent that comes in from the tennis and indoor batting cages, they could pay a site manager that would keep the place clean.

We have been exploring our options to leave - USA Swimming requires swimmers that switch teams sit out for 120 days, so we had waited for this last state championship meet that happened in Tupelo earlier this month.

I do not know anything. No one I have spoken to on the team knows anything. Fernando has kept this under wraps. There is a rumor and it is devastating if true. I hope for those four beautiful Reis kids' sake it isn't true.

Anonymous said...

Adults willing to slit each other's throats over which swimming club a 10-year-old joins.

The coach of the Sharks slandering the coach of the Sunbeams anonymously online and vice-versa.

"I mean sure, you could let Brayden and Brayleigh swim with the Sunbeams. If you want them to drown and get molested. Not necessarily in that order."

God I love suburbia.

Unknown said...

KF sucks

Anonymous said...

Think about all of the kids from all teams. They read this and its trash. Why should our kids to act right when adults come on this site and make up false stuff and trash talk everyone? This whole thing could be a simple misunderstanding. Or, it could be the egregious act that a poster above said. Until we know, just stop. A "wise" person once said "be the reason someone believes in the goodness of people." Maybe they and we should try that.

Anonymous said...

Apparently, someone has been misinformed. Fernando nor Savannah have been a member of the United States Olympic Trial Team.

Anonymous said...

Swim parents seem so at home here in the arsehole of the internet. Pigs in mud. Their hardworking kids deserve better.

Anonymous said...

So, tell me again how Kingfish is guilty for posting news on a news blog.

PS: Hypothetically; if a school employee were to get inebriated at a school event, would that warrant at least a note to the file? Just hypothetically, mind you.

And please understand that her age, number of children, marital status and number of years employed in Madison are all irrelevant, so stop bringing it up.

Anonymous said...

As someone actually in the swim community, I can tell you USA Swimming does not issue interim bans without already having major evidence against the accused when involving a minor. They do this to protect the victim(s) and future victims. USA Swimming also fully explains to the accused what they are being accused of and provides them ample opportunity to defend themselves. The accused is afforded due process and it takes time; some say much too long in most cases. When there is an abundance of preliminary proof (i.e. video, pictures, texts, etc.), temporary measures are issued to put a hard stop to what is going on and so there are no more victims. This is not leaving minors unsupervised in the pool, this is tragic.
Also, there is no question that head coach Fernando, as owner of PEAQ, and his wife/assistant coach Savannah, who has been publicly reprimanded with an interim ban due to allegations so egregious, have been fully made aware by USA Swimming every step of the way. The decision to invoke temporary measures is confirmed in writing and delivered to all parties involved. There will be a final resolution after due process, one that will likely lead to a lifetime ban from USA Swimming and all sports under the USOC umbrella. There will likely be legal ramifications as well for both coach and owner, the matter is under investigation in both Rankin and Madison counties.
It is also widely known in the swim community that Fernando has been reported to USA Swimming for numerous unprofessional and unscrupulous transgressions. Fernando is a known charlatan who preys on the dreams of overly-involved parents of talented swimmers who can’t do as they please at Makos and Sunkist. Swimmers Fernando has recruited away from the honorable clubs have all performed well-below what would have been had they just stayed the course with their clubs, both Makos and Sunkist have decades of success. It is often said on pool decks throughout the region, imagine how good these talented swimmers on PEAQ would be if they had real coaching.
Sadly, there is a long trail of disappointment and devastation left behind by this family and those that enabled their bad behavior since arriving in our swim community. The matter currently at hand is terribly tragic, but thankfully a few good souls reported what they knew to the appropriate authorities and shared the proof. My heart goes out to the victim(s) and I pray justice will be served once and for all.

Anonymous said...

I cannot let @12:22's comment go unanswered. Posting something like this is what is wrong with these blogs and the Internet. I don't know about the charges facing Savannah so I won't speak to those, but I do know my friend and peer Fernando. He is an excellent coach and caring man. The Mississippi Swimming community just named him Age Group Coach of the Year. That honor is voted on by his peers in the swim community. His reputation is not what 12:22 is stating.

Anonymous said...

This reeks of disgruntled parent(s) who are out to defame the coach.

Anonymous said...

People need to chill out and wait until the investigation has been closed. You are simply ruining people’s reputations and families before hearing anyone out. Ridiculous. This gossip site is annoying.

Anonymous said...

A "wise" person once said "be the reason someone believes in the goodness of people."

Who?

Anonymous said...

No one knows anything, but I highly doubt KF would post something if he didn't know where this was going. Lets just take a step back and wait to see if this is paperwork, leaving the pool unattended, or something else.

Anonymous said...

There is a lot of gossip, and truth, on this site but the following is a FACT:
https://swimswam.com/winkler-banned-goodner-ii-reis-given-interim-sanctions-by-safesport/

Anonymous said...

The swim parents sound no different than any of the other travel parents around this area.

Anonymous said...

But, 2:29, we get to watch the baseball travel coaches duke it out. Swim coaches are much more refined.

Anonymous said...

She was removed from the madison county schools website today.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if she will try to claim she still doesn’t know why?

Anonymous said...

When will the other shoe drop? The longer it takes, the more it sounds like the accusations are BS.

Anonymous said...

I am sure this site is on fire in Reunion. Has anyone that was assigned to her class gotten a statement from the school on what happened to their teacher?

Anonymous said...

11:00 - Have you, in your 36 years of existence on the planet every heard of an employer mailing out to the public an explanation for a personnel action? Keep an eye on your mailbox though while you're shelling peas.

Anonymous said...

Uh, how do you know how old that typist is? And, I assumed if you live in Reunion, your future hall of famer kids go to a pay-fee school.

Almost forgot, I'm printing MRA Car Rider Stickers to attach to your wife's windshield. Also JP, JA, & SA stickers for the rear window. I sell them as a set. Depending on the function you want to attend, you can switch affiliated schools real quick. They are shipped for free with your paid handling fee. Let me how many you need.

Anonymous said...

@12:16 I'm not suggesting the district get in to detail about personnel issues. But, it obviously is very public now. KF has another post citing "sources" saying the district put her on admin leave with pay.

The school district mailed out teacher assignments. I am not sure if those for Madison Station had gone out before the district knew about this. But, if the district had mailed those out for Madison Station, and parents got those in the mail, you would think the district would have an interest in saying something to those parents. Just something acknowledging the allegations and stating that they are investigating. It may be that the district knew before this became public and those notices didn't go out for Madison Station first grade.

Nothing nefarious. Just wondering what the communication may or may not be. Someone in the know seems to be talking to KF if he is citing sources. The district might want to get ahead of that with an official communication. But, there could be some legal reason not to.

Anonymous said...

I received a post card with her name on it as my child's teacher for the upcoming school year.

Anonymous said...

No idea what the suspension is about but comments like 7/30@9:07am, 7/30@9:19am, and 7/31@12:22am, are full of old lies perpetuated by a handful of rival team parents and coaches. There was nothing improper about the formation of PEAQ. Those false claims were tested and disproven in a hearing. PEAQ did not leave the Healthplex because its swimmers were disrespectful turds. Fernando Reis is not a subpar coach or a dishonorable person. Perhaps the cowardly liars who wrote those comments bought into lies other people told them or maybe they just enjoy lying. Either way, it was wise of them to hide behind anonymity because their false statements could get them sued.

Anonymous said...

PEAQ parent here - 4:03, Fernando is a great coach, but if you were a part of the team during the Healthplex-Cypress Lake transition, you know that was ugly. They asked us to leave because our kids were not respectful of their facility. That is absolutely true. It almost killed the team. Unfortunately this latest issue may kill the team.

There's always going to be a bit of rivalry between all of the Metro teams. All have great swimmers and great coaches. What I am most worried about at this point is Fernando and his kids. They did nothing to deserve any of this and deserve our prayers and support.

Anonymous said...

https://www.usaswimming.org/utility/landing-pages/safe-sport/banned-member-list---temp

Whatever occurred, it did not specify sexual misconduct like it does with other suspensions as shown on the link above, so I think that accusation can be eliminated.

Anonymous said...

PEAQ parent here, Savannah and Fernando have been nothing but wonderful to our kids. All of this supposition is shameful and I imagine some of you will have quite a bit of egg on your face when the truth comes out. I hope when all the information is released each of you spend as much time exonerating her as you have condemning her. Although I doubt that will be the case. We joined after the team left the health plex and I have no doubt some of the kids treated that facility poorly, as those same kids treat the cypress lake facility equally as poor. My opinion that is a reflection on the parents not the coaches. Perhaps we should consider spending more time raising our children to be decent people and less time throwing stones.

Anonymous said...

4:46 I know for a fact that nothing like that caused PEAQ to leave the Healthplex. The facility's expanded membership wanted more access to the pool and management made a business decision to scale back the team's use. Younger PEAQ groups continued to train there. PEAQ had been actively seeking a dedicated pool anyway. Feel free to scandalize your own children without knowing precisely what happened but I'd rather get the truth out there. All of the kids are innocent victims of all this speculative gossip.

Anonymous said...

You guys are worried about things that may or may not have happened. Meanwhile you’ve got student athletes at MC switching urine samples so as not to be caught with drugs in the specimen. The coaches/teachers know, administrators know, and parents don’t care. This community is crumbling under its own glutinous weight with all the finger pointing. Dang, look at the mirror and ask if your child or yourself is doing all that is good. I’m weary of all this mess!

Anonymous said...

Nice attempt at deflection 7:42. But your claim has nothing to do with the situation involving your swim coach, now, does it?

Anonymous said...

I haven’t seen any recent news on this.

Anonymous said...

It appears that Savannah has now been cleared by Safesport and will be returning to her coaching duties. I have no knowledge of what the allegation was but I hope there are consequences for the accuser if false accusations were made.

Anonymous said...

Where are all the haters now?

Will there be a new post on JJ saying she has been cleared??

Anonymous said...

Ms. Reis should sue USA Swimming and perhaps some of the individuals above the alluded to the insider knowledge of something dubious while not knowing anything. That is called defamation and it comes with very stiff potential civil penalties. USA Swimming should rethink it's position on destroying people's reputation based on unsubstantiated and anonymous claims. It's unconscionable what they did to this family. Erring on the side of caution should not include destroying someone's reputation. There is a new breed of attorney's taking up cases like this. Thank goodness.

Anonymous said...

I don’t see her suing them anytime soon. It was taken off to be upgraded to a lifetime ban. She was just arrested in Rankin co Friday. The male in question had text and pics. She is in a lot of trouble.

Kingfish said...

Um, no comments now?

Anonymous said...

It is not over. It is true and it is serious. There is a place in Hell for people like her.



Recent Comments

Search Jackson Jambalaya

Subscribe to JJ's Youtube channel

Archives

Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
.