Sunday, February 21, 2016

Ethics Commission: Madison County prosecuting attorney can maintain a law practice.

 JJ received this one comment about the pay raise for the Madison County Prosecuting Attorney that has dominated the pages of the Clarion-Ledger recently:

xxxxxx- you can no longer claim the self-anointed title of journalist if you are chicken shit about covering Madison county prosecutor efforts to get raise. If this was any other person, you would be all over it with your snarky, childish criticism.

HA! Ms. Hancock is a big girl and can handle herself.  One is going to take heat whenever one publicly asks for a raise. It comes with the territory and the newspaper is fulfilling its watchdog role in scrutinizing the raise. However, the state newspaper is not telling the entire story as well.  The Clarion-Ledger reported on February 17:

The Madison County Board of Supervisors voted Monday to draw up a contract to limit the private law practice of county prosecutor Pamela Hancock.

Hancock, who began serving her first term in January, also owns her own firm, Hancock and Associates.

Monday night, board attorney Katie Bryant Snell said that the county's statute does not say Hancock must exclusively work for the county full time, nor does the statute define full time.

However, other positions in Madison County, such as district attorney and county judges, are limited by the county and cannot privately practice law.

Snell said if the board felt Hancock was not working for the county on a full-time basis, they could classify her as part time. The annual salary for a part-time county prosecutor is $28,000. A part-time prosecutor is not provided an office or support staff by the county, Snell said.

In her role as county prosecutor, Hancock currently earns $120,500, which includes a board-approved raise of $28,500 that Hancock received at the first meeting of February.

Hancock's predecessor earned $92,853.

"Honestly, Madison County needs a full-time prosecutor," Snell told the board.

Snell then referenced the county prosecutor in Forrest County. Like Hancock, the Forrest County prosecutor maintains a private practice. According to Snell, Forrest County drew up a contract with their prosecutor to ensure she gave the county full-time hours.

"I feel like under circumstances, if Mrs. Hancock wants to maintain some sort of private practice on the side, that offers some protection for the board going forward in terms of her practice and assuring us that she is operating full time," Snell said.

Speaking to the board, Hancock listed her weekly activities for the county including court appearances and legal training for officers. Hancock said she worked 48 hours last week.

"To me full time is from eight to five, five days a week," District 4 Supervisor Gerald Steen said. "That's what I supported when you said full time."

"I wish that was what I worked," Hancock said. "I did not ever intend to mislead you. Full time to me is fully participating in the criminal process and giving the job everything that it requires. I rarely take a lunch, I work 12 (hours) a day, two and three days a week there. So I don't think I'm giving the county any less if I have to take an hour or two here or there one time since I've been there. The judges are afforded six months to wind down their private practice and no one is saying anything to them about that."

District 5 supervisor Paul Griffin said he believes elected officials should be able to work other jobs.

"Being an elected official shouldn't keep you from having a business," Griffin said. "How do you get to the point to saying she can't have another business and be full time in the position?"

Steen said he was "open to look at it" but "full time to me is not two days a week."

Hancock reiterated that she "fully participates" in the "criminal process" in the county.

District 1 supervisor Sheila Jones said it is her understanding that Hancock works full time.

"I know we're talking about part time and full time but as a lawyer I can tell you, you do what you have to do to get the work done," Jones said. "I've talked to the clerk twice now and I talked to Pammy before we had this vote, and the clerk assures me that she's there full time. In fact, according to the clerk, they actually netted $40,000 more last month than they did last year for the same month so I think she's doing something right ... she tells us she's full time, the clerk tells us she's full time, I don't know what else we have to do."

Snell told the board she would draw up a contract between Hancock and the county to define full time as 40 hours a week.

The contract will be presented at the next board meeting.
 Ms. Hancock did issue this statement:

I work more than 40 hours per week as the Madison County Prosecuting Attorney, and participate in all phases of the criminal process there, accordingly I am full-time. I am also on call to the law enforcement, clerks and judges with whom I work. The Board of Supervisors acted in accordance with the law in approving the discretionary raise to 90% of that of County Court Judges.

The fact that I am allowed by law to maintain my law firm, in no way takes away from my full-time status as Madison County Prosecuting Attorney. All filings for my firm are filed through my MEC access as the sole firm owner for efficiency, accordingly, the documents cited in the article do not indicate anything other than my firm and one of its 5 attorneys are working on the case.

 Kingfish note:  Let's just go ahead and say I'm in the tank for Ms. Hancock.  She was the first advertiser on this website and is a personal friend.  The trolls are going to call me names as they are doing anyway.  However, allow me to present some additional facts.  This website has posted more thorough and complete information about this subject than has the Clarion-Ledger and will continue to do so.  You, the gentle readers, are quite capable of reading everything and forming your own opinion.  In other words, JJ trusts the readers and their judgment. 

The Ethics Commission told Ms. Hancock in a November 6, 2015 letter (posted below) that she could maintain a private practice (p.4):

The Ethics in Government Laws do not prohibit a county prosecuting attorney from maintaining a private law practice. (DID EVERYONE GET THAT????).  HOWEVER, a county prosecuting attorney may not use his or her position in county government to obtain or attempt to obtain any pecuniary benefit for himself or herself, his or her "relative" or "any business with which he or she is associated" as proscribed in Section 25-4-105(1) , Mississippi Code of 1972.  The county prosecuting attorney could be prohibited from participating in any case involving his or her client or relative (no kidding.). 

That was the Ethics Commission opinion.  What does the actual law say about this matter?  Section 19-23 of the Mississippi Code states:

 (1)There shall be, in the counties where such an office now exists, a county prosecuting attorney, elected in the county at each general election for state and county officers. The several counties in the state shall have the right to come from under and within the provisions of this chapter in the manner hereinafter provided.

(3), (5), (7) Election of attorneys, re-establishment of office (doesn't really apply to this discussion)

(9)The county prosecuting attorney shall possess all the qualifications of other county officers, and in addition thereto shall be a regular licensed and practicing lawyer.

(11) Duties of county prosecuting attorney.  Section outlines duties and provides boundaries between the offices of the county prosecuting attorney and the district attorney.

(13) The county prosecuting attorney shall not represent or defend any person in any criminal prosecution in the name of the state, county or municipality of the county, nor shall he give any advice against the state, his county or in a criminal case against a municipality of his county, and shall not represent any person in any case against the state, his county, or in a criminal case arising in a municipal court of his county. Nothing herein shall prohibit any county prosecuting attorney from defending any person in any criminal prosecution in any county not within the circuit court district of such county prosecuting attorney.

(15) The county prosecuting attorney may be employed by the supervisors as the attorney for the board of supervisors, and may be paid the additional salary otherwise provided by law for the board's attorney, in addition to the salary of the county attorney, fixed for services as county prosecuting attorney. (Perhaps we should replace the rookie with Ms. Hancock.)

(17), (19),  (21) deal with scheduling, specific counties, and procedural matters.
 As one can see, the Mississippi Code does not bar a county prosecuting attorney from  maintaining a business or law practice.  The newspaper article mentioned something about the increase in fees received by her office.  JJ submitted a public records request for the fines and monies received by the county prosecuting attorney's office in January of the last five years as well as received in December 2015. Read the numbers for yourself:


January 2011 $164,682
January 2012 $179,151
January 2013 $150,327
January 2014 $118,697
January 2015 $152,984
January 2016 $172,013

December 2015: $131,162

However, one month is only one month.  Only time will tell whether the increase is a blip or an actual improvement over her predecessor.  Then there is the matter of Gerald Steen, the supervisor who was against good government before he was for it.  The same supervisor who voted for a tax increase.  He made the motion to hire Rudy Warnock before he ran away from that vote.  In fact, he was pretty happy hanging out with the cabal, enjoying the goodies, and giving sweetheart no-bid contracts to his friends until he got too big for his britches and got kicked out of the sandbox.

Mr. Steen had no problem with the previous tax assessor operating an appraisal firm on the side for years. The District Attorney operates a court collections firm (It does NOT do any business with Rankin or Madison counties).  Then there are the constables.  Several of them are full-time county employees yet Mr. Steen shows no interest in whether their elected positions and full-time jobs conflict with each other.  He doesn't ask any other elected officials whether operating their private businesses means they can't work full-time for the county. Nope. Mr. Steen shows no such interest at all.   One can only assume he is raising this issue because the County Prosecuting Attorney is a woman or he sees a chance to put an elected official under his thumb.

No other elected official in Madison County is required nor asked to sign a contract with the board of supervisors.  The statutes do not give any power at all to define the hours for another elected official.  Separation of powers, anyone?  Such contracts are not asked nor expected of elected officials in Rankin or Hinds counties as well.  One must wonder if this bone-headed idea is a sign that the Governor's daughter is already in over her head when she can't understand such a basic constitutional concept at $200,000 per year.  The county prosecuting attorney should reject any contract unless the Sheriff, District Attorney, Tax Assessor, and Tax Collector are required to sign such contracts as well.  She should also tell Mr. Steen to use this proposed contract as a four-point suppository. 

Oh, and as for my commentor with no  name, I've never claimed to be a journalist.  What I have said repeatedly is I consider myself to be one who provides informed commentary and information in the  same vein as Jack Anderson, Robert Novak, Victor Reisel, and William Safire with a dash of Winchel thrown in for flavor.  A shame you can't tell the difference.  

One final note: Compare the information provided by the newspaper and this website when forming your opinion.

Clarion-Ledger reported:
Board votes to give new CPA a raise that is nearly $30,000.
Reports Ms. Hancock is maintaining the operation of her law firm
Board wants to make her sign a contract.

JJ reported:
Ethics Commission opinion allowing CPA to maintain a private law practice
Fees received by Justice Court clerk for several years for a comparison
Comparison of CPA's staff, expenses, and salaries for all three counties
actual Mississippi code

Earlier post comparing counties.


41 comments:

Anonymous said...

Not another journalist in all of Mississippi who hits for the cycle as often as you do Kingfish. Not.a.one!

Anonymous said...

You are in the tank. You put statements in here that have been shown to you to be irrelevant and also not factual.

Constables are by statute part time employees of the county. So to refer to them as similar situation is just you showing your rear end.

The tax assessor might "own" part of an appraisal business but according to the testimony on the coast several years ago, he does not provide private appraisal work.

Supervisors are part time employees, again by definition.

Frankly, I don't care whether Hancock is full time or part time. If she wants to practice law and it is allowed by statute, fine. But - if the county expected her to be full time when they gave her a 30% pay raise, then she either ought to be full time or else the county ought to take back the extra $28k.

All the other crap that you and your asskisser at 5:51 thinks is relevant has nothing to do with the issue at hand - which is, simply: Whether the pay raise given by the supervisors was done under different assumptions. Not necessarily a fault due to either of the parties - but, if they expected her to not be in the private practice of law and she wants to continue to do so, they ought to take back the extra $$$s. If she wants the extra money and full time (no private practice) is the condition precedent, then ball is in her court.

The rest of the crap is just that. I don't care what 'the office' collected this month. If it was there to be collected then I'm happy to see that she (or more probably, her staff) is doing their job. The one she ran for and was getting paid for.

What any other official (tax assessor, constable, sheriff, DA, or whoever - does in the prosecution of their office is nothing but smelly stuff to drag across the road to throw off the bloodhounds from their scent.

Kingfish said...

I did not say constable was a full time job. I said their other jobs were full time and they happen to be full time county jobs.

Anonymous said...

The real question is what did the voters expect when they elected Hancock?

Anonymous said...

You are in the tank.

[AND] you only come here to bitch and moan and whine. When you start your own all-knowing gig share a link to that location and we'll see if you step up to publishing even remotely the plethora of bullshit KF greenlights from your own sorry ass.

Anonymous said...

Sally Struthers Hancock pulled the wool over the eyes of the Tea Party elite.

She batted those long eye lashes and said she would work "full time yall."

Then, after she got her raise and kept her practice...she said "lots of people work 2 full time jobs yall."

She played these fools like a fiddle. They look stupid...immediately.

Good thing theres a new BOS!

What a damn joke.

Oh and KF got tons of emails about Sally Struthers....it took him a week to report the CL busting Sally in her brazen lies.

Maybe KF gets a special rate from Sally?

Kingfish said...

The only "tons" of emails I got was several from you, Billy Bob, and it was quite clear you have a personal beef with her.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous at 7:43, what did the voters expect, well they wanted someone in that position that would work more than her predecessor did. He was only working maybe 2 days a week and getting paid $92,000, she claims to be working 5 days a week and on call to officers and other attorneys, and is getting paid $120,000. I believe if you do the math, the county is getting more out of her than her predecessor.

Anonymous said...

8:50....She's been in the job for less than two months. It's a little early to fully assess what the county is "getting out of her".

So far, she has been on the job less than 4% of the total four year term to which she was elected. When she asked for a $28,000 raise, she had been in the job one month out of the 48 month term. That's 2%. YOU do the math.

Who knows? By the end of six months, she might have figured out how to do the county job in 3.5 days per week and by the end of the second year, she might be in the office, on average, 2.5 days per week. If that turns out to be the case, then they'll wake up and realize the taxpayers got screwed in the salary deal.

Anonymous said...

8:22 What do eye lashes, or looks at all really, have to do with any of this? No offense to the Ms. Hancock, but my wife and I didn't vote for her based on looks. We voted for her because she walked our entire neighborhood one Saturday morning prior to primaries in 90 something degree heat, introduced herself and explained the duties of the job, then answered our questions for 10 minutes. She went door to door actually knocking and conversing, not just sending teens to throw fliers on porches, which unfortunately is the norm.

What's got Steen riled up? One minute he says "full time" to him isn't M-F 8-5, next minute he claims "full time to me is not two days a week". The lady just told them she worked 48 hours the prior week, which included a couple of 12 hour days. Which is it Gerald....full time quantified by time at the office or not?

Anonymous said...

I love seeing men white knight on her behalf.

One minute she’s a “big girl” and can handle criticism…the next she requires an advocacy piece written in defense for her.

Anonymous said...

I don't know how many hours are needed to do a good job as a prosecuting attorney.
I don't know the potential conflicts of interest that could arise.
But, generally, I would think one couldn't do both jobs either ethically or efficiently without one of the jobs suffering.

Anonymous said...

6:57: Steen NEVER said 8-5 was not full time to him. I was sitting on the second row when he clearly said that "Full time to me is more like 8-5, Monday thru Friday. Sheila also said, earlier, that 'Pammy' had told (me) she would not be working at the law firm and would be full time but now the court clerk had promised Sheila that she was there full time. Just watch, in two years she'll be hard to find around the courthouse buildings in Canton unless court is in session.

Anonymous said...

It is a problem throughout Madison County. Elected officials are elected and then do not work. The county pays their employees and the elected official shows u[ from time to time. This is true of the Tax Assessor, Tax Collector and others. All of those elected officials should be held accountable. Also, there are some employees that seldom show up for work, but the elected official they work for does not care.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 8:44, Just to help you out with some facts, Pamela Hancock NEVER said she would not be working at the law firm, she has a along stated and continues to stat that she is working full time as Madison County Prosecutor, which is more than her predecessor ever did in his 12 years, the last several years collecting $92,000 a year for full time work 2 days a week. I also have attended all of the meeting myself.

Anonymous said...

Sheila Jones and Tony Greer are vacationing in Washington on taxpayer expense. So Sheila should just keep her mouth shut. Greet drives a county vehicle back and forth to Clinton every day. That is commuting. Calculate the cost of driving back and forth from Clinton to Canton every day. this is in addition to a salary of almost $120,000 a year. One set of thieves get kicked out, another set of thieves go into office.

Anonymous said...

If they are elected means they are a politician. If they are a politician that means they are crooked.
There should be an age limit on who can post on here. Just reading the posts a person would get the idea there are a lot of grade school kids posting.
Imagine a grow person not knowing a politician was crooked.

Anonymous said...

Great job by Geoff Pender exposing how our "distinguished" legislators (Rep and Dem alike) use campaign funds to pay personal expenses and effectively supplementing their public salary. Meanwhile, their mindless partisan followers ignore the hypocrisy of elected officials railing about transparency of agencies and agency officials while living off of campaign funds provided primarily by special interests.

Anonymous said...

Now it all makes sense why no other elected officials went after Pickering for "dipping" into campaign funds. It appears we have an in-bread political structure in Mississippi. As long as everyone is getting his/hers, no problem.

Anonymous said...

9:55 -what does any of that have to do with the price of a barrel of apples in Montgomery? Or, what the county pays to a prosecuting attorney?

Nothing. But I guess it gave you a chance to bitch about not getting the county admin position.

Anonymous said...

11:28 - Pender, in all his excellence, only pointed to one Dem in his article. That being AG Jim Hood, who is one of the biggest violators. And one of the individuals responsible for seeing that laws are followed.

Not disagreeing that there are several Repubs that follow this practice, but if anyone could check the entire black caucus of legislators they would find more violations there than anywhere. Problem is, many of those don't file complete reports to begin with; their receipts and expenditures are grossly lacking.

Anonymous said...

This entire issue is simple.

Pammie went and asked for a 40% raise once she started her first year in office.

The BOS voted to give her the raise. Some argue that the board 'understood' that she would be working full-time and that was their basis for providing the raise.

If the BOS is not satisfied with her continuing relationship - whatever it is - with her law firm, they should take back the raise.

If Pammie only wants the job with the 40% increase in pay, and the board agrees but with these terms, she can either keep the elected position and work on those terms, or go back to the $92,000 and continue to work with her law firm.

All this other crap is just that. The BOS doesn't set the hours, terms, or pay for the Assessor, Collector, Clerks, etc. The system that does is crappy, but the terms are not set by the BOS. Pammie's position does have this flexibility. The Board has the right to raise the pay; the Board has the right to put terms and conditions on that raise.

Simple. All the rest of this is folks that like her and want to defend her; folks that don't like her; and folks that don't like the Board. Get back to the issue.

PittPanther said...

In the private sector, full time means a minimum of 40 hours per week. You're expected to work as many hours as needed beyond 40 if you have deadlines and commitments that require it. You're never allowed to work fewer than 40 hours.

If she's working two full time jobs, that means she's walking out the door exactly at 5pm every day from her Madison gig. Don't expect any extra hours or extra efforts, because her other job is expecting her participation.

This is an unreasonable situation.

Jim Galloway said...

KF, your post is disingenuous, at best. You don't address the issue, which is "Is MS Hancock working full time as a County Prosecuting Attorney." The Ethics in Government laws permit part time work, as do the statutes creating the County Attorney position. Part time CPAs get paid around $28,000. If Ms Hancock spends even one working hour doing any work other than that of County Attorney, she is not working "full time" for the County. It's really pretty simple. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Anonymous said...

I think Pammie should keep her private practice and take the $28,000 as a part-time county prosecutor for the next 4 years, then exit stage left before the next election.

I’m not sure if her ego would allow for that.

Anonymous said...

Jim Galloway, you should be ashamed of such a ridiculous comment, you are basically saying that if a individual works full time for any job, and part time for another job they should be classified as part time for both. That is insane. Kingfish has the Ethics opinion, maybe you should re-read it and than apologize to Kingfish.

Calculate Dis Here said...

9:54 be stoppin' by to say, "Just to help you out with some facts, Pamela Hancock NEVER said she would not be working at the law firm, she has a along stated and continues to stat that she is working full time.....I also have attended all of the meeting myself."

Well, I do declare. But, the conversations she had with Board Members Steen and Jones were private conversations regarding her full time work. You were NOT in attendance at those discussions. Both of them, initially said they were deceived and misled.

Problem was, the new president called for a motion, allowed zero discussion, had none, none was asked for and the vote resulted in a waste of $28 thousand annually. That's a quarter of a million dollars in eight years. Chump change, right?

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 3:23, this is really not worth a response, but you must be a Allen Phillips supporter, you say exit stage left, that's what he did when he lost the election in August, he failed to work in November and December, along with taking a week off the day after the election all the while getting paid full time by county. Why you insist on trying to bash Pammi, (not Pammie), I'm not sure. Maybe you should exit stage left!

Anonymous said...

Typical. We say we want more jobs, someone gets elected who provides jobs through her law firm. Nitwits criticize and want to penalize her.

Anonymous said...

Calculate Dis Here, Were you at the so called "PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS" regarding her full time work? I believe and STATE for FACT you were NOT. Unless you are in fact Jones or Steen, BAM! Jones and Steen have never said they were deceived or misled, if you recall the last board meeting Steen himself said to Hancock he was not mislead. Were you there?

Anonymous said...

" If Ms Hancock spends even one working hour doing any work other than that of County Attorney, she is not working "full time" for the County. It's really pretty simple. "

That's the dumbest thing I've ever read on this blog (and there have been some monstrously stupid things said here).

There have been several times in my life I have worked a full-time (40 hour week) and then worked a second, unrelated, part-time job.

As for Pitt Panther's ignorance of the private sector, well - I have no idea where to start. Apparently he feels employers can force employees to work more than 40 hours without paying them. Well, that kind of depends on the union's contract, and probably ties into dat ol' debil The Emancipation Proclamation too. Ask Walmart how that works - they got fined beaucoups bucks for making employees keep working after they had punched out.

Let's focus on results. If she doesn't hack it in her elected position, elect someone else next time. If she gets the job done in less than 40 weeks, why penalize her for being efficient, or "working smarter" then her predecessor?

Anonymous said...

Give her a chance to do the job. Time will tell if her collections stay high and she gets the job done , we will all know in a years time. She may decide the job is not flexible enough to run her practice or the supervisors may see she can't do both BuT right now there has not been enough time to tell. Everyone deserves a chance. Give her ample time before you make assumptions. Time will telll, it always does!

Anonymous said...

The judges are afforded six months to wind down their private practice and no one is saying anything to them about that.

It only took Will Longwitz 15 minutes to wind down his law practice.

PittPanther said...

9:44pm, you might want to look up the difference between hourly and salaried employees. Here's a hint, she's salaried. That means she might work 40, 50, 60, hours per week. Whatever it takes to get the job done that week. Pretty standard in the white collar world.

Once you're no longer confused, read my earlier post again. This time you might actually understand it.

Anonymous said...

Sally Struthers lied.

She gave her word she would be full time at county.

That implies no other work. Steen thought thats what she stated.

Sally got her extra coins and with it the largest pay raise in the shortest period of time...all with zero experience in the field.

So an unqualified person lies to the new tea party BOS to extract more money and that is acceptable behavior?

Trey Baxter, Steen, Jones - yall just got played....

If she shows up next time looking for more funds yall might want to check her purse at the door!

Anonymous said...

That implies no other work.

No, it means a minimum of 40 hours weekly in exchange for the salary.

Anonymous said...

Fine

Show us her time sheets for both jobs then.

Perfecf solution...good idea 6:43 AM

Anonymous said...

Pitt Panther, Your post said you could work no less than 40. In the professional world, particularly in the legal world, we work 50-60 hours per week, but some weeks we work 20. It ebbs and flows, but it's full time work on balance. Pam can do both. It isn't that hard to get that, although it requires hard work to perform.

Each time I see your name on a comment I think to myself that I'm about to read the most inane take on the post at issue. I get a kick out of imagining your day-to-day interactions in the real world and how frustrating they must be.

Anonymous said...

Full-time SALARIED means fixed salary no matter how many or how few hours a person works. They are paid to get the job done. If they get it done in 20 hours, you pay their salary. If they get it done in 60, you pay the same salary. Only real question is if she really can get the job done if not there every day. Also, clerk will support her because they have to work together. Clerk will also support decision of board, because clerk's job depends on board.

Anonymous said...

If the attorney for the BOS, Phillette, has to keep up with her hours...why can't we just make Sally Struthers provide her time sheets for her days on a weekly basis?

That way Sally's private clients can know for sure that Sally is not billing them for work she is doing for the County.....

That's fair right?

Anonymous said...

She knew what the job paid when she ran for office. She should have announced in the campaign that she wanted a $27,000 raise. I voted for her. If I had known she was so greedy and a liar, I would not have voted for her. She is pathetic.

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In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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