Thursday, February 4, 2016

Mayor Yarber responds to airport bill

Mayor Tony Yarber issued this statement:

Mayor Tony T. Yarber’s Statement on Sen. Josh Harkins’ Airport Legislation

“The bill, as it stands currently, creates a regional governance with no true representation that considers population. It is highly unusual to see these kinds of governances established that take away the voice of the people in which it is supposed to represent, and it does not serve the best interests of these citizens. The airport is the result of the exclusive investment of Jacksonians, ranging from the early 1960s to date. Any attempt to legislate that investment away from those who made this exclusive investment is nothing short of an unsupported takeover. The Jackson-Medgar Wiley Evers International Airport is a crucial economic driver for the City of Jackson, connecting Mississippi’s Capital City to the nation and world. There should be no question about the airport’s management as its revenues exceed expenditures annually. It would be detrimental to the citizens of the City of Jackson and the City’s future economic development plans to have the operation, management, and control of the airport stripped from the Jackson Municipal Airport Authority, created by the governing authorities of the City of Jackson in 1960 pursuant to state law.”

Meanwhile our favorite numbskull and fraudster, Derrick Johnson, just couldn't help screaming racism.  It is apparently the only word he knows in his limited vocabulary:


Meanwhile the Mississippi Business Journal tried to slam the Mayor in an editorial yesterday:

Jackson Mayor Tony Yarber has been the invisible man in the debate over control of Jackson Medgar Wiley-Evers International Airport, leaving it to others to argue against taking control of the airport away from Jackson City Hall.

Not wanting to steal the spotlight from Punxsutawney Phil, Yarber chose the day after Groundhog Day to surface long enough to issue an official statement about why it’s a bad idea for the airport to be governed by representatives of the counties the airport serves instead of Jackson residents hand-picked by the mayor.

A switch to tri-county governance is a bad idea because the airport is the “exclusive” investment of Jacksonians going back to the early 1960s, Yarber says of state Sen. Josh Harkins’ proposal to establish a seven-member airport governing board with two representatives from each county – Hinds, Rankin and Madison – and one at-large member.

So Jackson City Hall paid for the terminal, the runways and the roads leading to the airport?

Not hardly.

But what about airport revenues being in the black?

Have you priced tickets out there lately or parked your car there? Airport bean counters have relied on steady increases in carrier landing fees and parking charges – not new business or belt tightening — to erase the red ink. Fitch Ratings Service noted this when it declined to restore the A- rating it took away from the airport after Southwest Airlines left Jackson. Fitch instead has maintained a rating of BBB+ on the airport’s $38 million in debt. It’s a rating of stable but at the low-end of investment-grade ratings.

That Yarber is speaking at all on the airport control proposal is encouraging, given the importance of the issue and his previous willingness to ignore it. Truth is, we thought the mayor had decided to do with this issue what he long ago decided to do with Jackson’s Farish Street redevelopment: park it out back.

The public heard not a peep from Yarber in the 45 days that followed the announcement of Sen. Harkins’ legislation. The guess is that it took some prodding from his handlers to get him to speak at of editorial.

Kingfish note: Opponents of this bill, allow me to help you out.  There is one little fact that you don't recognize when you fight this bill.  This is the Jackson airport.  However, there are many cities, counties, and businesses that have an interest in the airport as well.  They are affected by how well it performs.  The business community is much larger than Jackson.  Keep on saying me,me, me and refusing to recognize they have some valid concerns.  Jackson doesn't exist in a bubble and its about time the leadership in government and the community started recognizing that little fact.


Anonymous said...

One big problem with the bill is the weighted board appointments by the Governor. If the bill passes, change it to let Rankin, hinds and Madison Counties make the appointments rather than just nominating several to be chosen by the governor.

This whole thing is nothing but a power grab by Bryant and certain legislators to make sure their money men and cronies get the jobs and contracts including attorney, supplies etc.

Will the state pay Jackson for the taking? Can the state legally take property from an incorporated entity without compensation?

If Bryant is successful, then Jackson should be compensated for the value of the facility.

I am a Republican, but it is obvious that the Republicans now have absolute power and of course, absolute power corrupts.

The recent "fixing" of the election in Smith County is another example.

Anonymous said...

won't hold up in court nor will it withstand FAA scrutiny.

Anonymous said...

The nadir of Jackson's political power is Jackson's own doing. The rest of Mississippi doesn't give a sheet about Jackson. The chickens have come home to roost and the tail no longer wags the dog. If Jackson's leaders can't find even the simple courage to demand Stokes' resignation after he not once, but now twice, has called for violence against the police officers from neighboring jurisdictions then Jackson deserves every legal usurption the rest of Mississippi requests through their elected representatives from its "Capital City".

Anonymous said...

Our airport is one of the main economic drivers for our state and especially Central Miss. I am not inclined to leave the control of it in the hands of an administration who cannot even fix water leaks in the streets ie. Woodrow Wilson! We need a competent regional board not a bunch of favors to kin folks and political payoffs. This is too important to continue as is as we attempt to attract industry and business to our area.

Anonymous said...

The rest of the state is getting a little tired of Rankin county also. Do you think a taxpayer in D'Lo wants his tax money spent on moving the HQ of an agency to be closer to the agency head's house? When we have amply office space all over Jackson already built?

Anonymous said...

Derrick Johnson, Stamps, et al have cried racism so many times nobody listens any longer.

Realtor family member selling nice move-in ready sub $300k 4bdrm in Madison. Said half of the lookers upwardly mobile middle-class black professionals w/ children shopping school district and safety. Guess where these potential buyers are moving from?

Anonymous said...

... in the hands of an administration who cannot even fix water leaks in the streets ...

Nor resolve clearly identified well-known neighborhood surface sewage discharges.

Anonymous said...


I'm all for regional governance, but let's not just pick and choose. Rankin only wants to take the best opportunities, and push all the problems to Jackson/Hinds residents.

A Modest Proposal: Abolish all cities within Madison, Hinds,and Rankin.Combine the three counties and establish a true metropolitan government. We all know that isn't going to happen. Why not? Too many political fiefdoms and the resulting body would be majority African-American.

Why doesn't this bill take over the metro water system? The justification would be just as logical. No one wants that hot potato.

Why is the Jackson airport the only one in this bill? Why aren't the other regional airports included?

Anonymous said...

I bet Madison taxpayers can't wait for their airport to be subject to Rankin and Hinds oversite. Rest assured if they can take the big airport, they can take your little airport. This is a power grab by Rankin pure and simple.

Anonymous said...

Do you think a taxpayer in D'Lo wants his tax money spent on moving the HQ of an agency to be closer to the agency head's house? When we have amply office space all over Jackson already built?

The taxpayer in D'Lo doesn't give one hoot about keeping state government agencies inside of Jackson, ample office space or not. You must catch and eat carp.

Anonymous said...

9:27, 9:35, I agree. Jackson has named the game and makes the rules. It is time the rest of the state plays by the same rules.
They can keep Stokes and all of the other racists. The rest of the state will try to make up for their mistakes. If that means removing the airport from their control that is their choice. If that means boycotting the city it is their choice. Even if that means moving the capital city, that is their choice.

Jackson, you want Stokes making the rules, learn to live with the results.

Kingfish said...

Blame MCEDA for Madison being included.

Anonymous said...

Did y'all see the story where the NAACP Chapter President in Arizona had to resign after getting caught complementing this TV Newser reporter about her blessings?

Can we get Derrick Johnson to comment? Er, uh, about the propriety of his colleague's comments?

Anonymous said...

9:58 Abolish Jackson. Blow it up. Start over.

Anonymous said...

The taxpayer in D'Lo does care about the state squandering his money to build more buildings in the governor's backyard. I assure you that.

PittPanther said...

KF, by all accounts, including yourself, the airport is being professionally managed. So what are the "concerns" that the other towns have that are not being addressed? And how will those concerns be addressed by regional control?

I have yet to hear what are the problems with the airport as it stands now, and how regional control will fix these problems.

With the small-minded history of this state, a part of me believes that this entire escapade is because someone looked at the pictures of the current board that is displayed in the airport lobby, and made comments to their buddies about "all those n-words running your town."

Anonymous said...

The nadir of Jackson's political power is Jackson's own doing.

@9:27 AM it only gets worse.

Jackbekistan hasn't reached its political power low point yet. That is still to come and now arrives rapidly.

There will be a housing explosion in Clinton, westward and along the new corridor as a result of Continental.

The exodus out of Jackghanistan is about to become a stampede and sure as Hades won't be the result of white flight.

Come the next redistricting these crazy ass legislative districts like Senate 26 and Senate 29, or Supervisor 2 and Supervisor 5, no longer will retain small fingers into the city to protect incumbent Democrats.

They may be replaced by other Democrats but they won't be Jackustan based.

The population shifting with Continental jobs to live in western Hinds won't tolerate being represented by someone living in Jackson.

Tick, tock, tick tock.

Kingfish said...

Some changes need to be made but not the wholesale butchering proposed. Unless the state pays for it. However, the usual Krewe of Fools think nothing is wrong, no changes should be made, and the rest of the state does not matter.

Anonymous said...

I thought MCEDA wanted to build their own airport.

Anonymous said...

The Republicans better enjoy their power while they can. Demographic changes indicate that MAJOR changes are coming, within the lifetime of many of us. Our children won't know what a statewide Republican is.

Anonymous said...

With the D'Lo median household income at $28,750 I doubt many of its ~450 fine citizens will even notice a few incremental pennies in tax, if they pay any tax at all.

Kingfish said...

New BOS killed it. No real need for it. Especially since Newman wants to bring Hawkins Field up to speed.

Anonymous said...

After Newman fixes Hawkins, Stokes will protest the increase in noise when the usage grows and nobody in leadership will tell him to shut up.

Anonymous said...

Demographic changes indicate that MAJOR changes are coming, within the lifetime of many of us. Our children won't know what a statewide Republican is.

Been hearing that since Fordice first won in '92. How's it working out so far?

Anonymous said...

Discontinue Hawkins Field...turn it into a basketball court...or a drag racing strip. something more indicative of the culture! we don't need no stinkin airports over there

Anonymous said...

11:20 - the demographics projected in Fordice's time are still the same. The projections are still the same. Back then the projection was 2025. Today is still basically the same. Hate to say it and hate to see it but unless some changes are made 11:04 will be proven to be correct.

Anonymous said...

@9:35. Problem with your comment is that it is not "our" airport. The airport belongs to the City of Jackson. Just like Bruce Campbell belongs to Madison. And Key Field belongs to Meridian.

They are all for 'our' use, but the airports don't belong to the state. Its not your choice - unless you are a citizen of Jackson - to decide whose hands it is left in.

9:58 is on to something, whether aware of it or not. Watch this bill to be amended and add all the major airports in the state - Key (Meridian), Trent Lott International (HancockCo.), Gulfport, Tupelo, Hattiesburg. If one of the airports needs to be under state control then all need to be. If one takes the attitude that Jackson is "our" airport, then all are "ours".

Anonymous said...

I agree that the larger issue is that Jackson thinks it's the only game in town and refuses to work with any of the surrounding cities--even the ones in Hinds county--one of which (byram) is now majority african-american. someone has to extend an olive branch and get everyone to the table.

of course madison and rankin counties should have someone on the airport board-and even hinds county as a whole.

but this bill seems to be a money grab.

Malcolm said...

Kingfish you are Racist!!!!!

Anonymous said...

ok, lets just rebuild the capitol in Rankin County and build a redundant back-up facility in Madison. Taxpayers all over the state don't mind. Just build more buildings and call it growth.

Anonymous said...


Everybody is racist. Anyone who says they're not is lying. It's a matter of how you manage it as to whether you're labeled as such.

Kingfish said...

A guy who has an Uncle Tom of the Year award is calling other people racist. Ok.

Anonymous said...

Just give Jackson 4 appointees, HC 1, RC 1 and MC 1. Everyone has some representation. Pass the professional requirements to be a board member.

Anonymous said...


"of course madison and rankin counties should have someone on the airport board-and even hinds county as a whole. "

Why? They had nothing to do with the construction, maintenance or operation of it for the past 60 years - why should they have someone on the board now?

And, by the way, all five of the members - competent or not - are also from Hinds County, so they do have 'someone' on the board. But lets not split infinitives here and confuse some of the readers.

Anonymous said...

2:18, you might be on to something. Maybe Harkins should file a new bill and let Rankin County build themselves a new airport. That way he can get what he thinks the state needs - and if he's smart he can join in with Madison to do this. Hey - Madison already has a very nice with pretty pictures master plan. Their donating this to the cause could give them a $1.2 M in kind contribution. But the problem is that all the sites considered there were in Madison so it won't be in the promised land of Rankin!

Guess we need to build two new ones - one in Madison and one in Rankin. Maybe a little redundant but if Harkins and his buddies want to have an airport so bad that would make more sense than taking away one that was built by Jackson.

Anonymous said...

Mississippi goes Democrat in 9 years by 2025? Sure, anything you say.

Anonymous said...

"Will the state pay Jackson for the taking?"

Glad you asked. Why shoud we?? There's no one left in Jackson who had anything to do with paying for eh current airport. We have all moved to rankin and Madison County. The wellfare kings and queens left in Jackson can't even pay for fixing their myrad of potholes.

Anonymous said... assured that Hinds County residents do NOT consent to being represented by Jackson in anything. Hinds County outside of Jackson is quite a nice place.

Anonymous said...

This big government is the better government because it's a Republican government. We're here to help.

That baseball stadium in Biloxi? Regional. Let's take it. Natatorium in Laurel? Regional. Perhaps Memphis should cede their airport to Mississippi since so many would rather go there? See where this goes. Power, money, and greed are the only reasons this bill exists. That, or this government believes they can overcome industry realities.

Anonymous said...

4:58 - I like it. While at it there is a nice Art Museum in Laurel. Isn't owned by the city but hey, just a little detail about a non-profit. And that aquarium they are fixing to build in Gulfport. It even has state money in it - lets get it to go along with the baseball stadium and the airport.

And there are a lot of 'museums' and such that are all around the state - and several of them actually have state money involved in them as well. Blues HOF in Meridian comes to mind. Love to have that. And by taking Key Field we can have a two-some that we can promote together.

Anonymous said...

4:11 - WRONG. Even if your ridiculous argument had any merit, it is just not correct. I was here then and am here now. Over the years as it has been improved more Jackson money has gone into the airport. There has not been any state, Rankin or Madison money put into it since the beginning. (The National Guard $$$s at the beginning was actually federal dollars, not state dollars.)

You and your continuing accusors about the nature of all Jackson and Hinds County residents is getting old. Glad you left. Glad you are happy that you left. I hope you are happy. But - that still does not mean that those that would prefer not to leave are all 'welfare kings and queens.' Just like it doesn't mean that all you that have left and gone to Reunion are queens.

Anonymous said...

And to 412 - I live in Jackson. And I pay Hinds County taxes. I am a resident of Hinds County. I might not like who the Mayor appoints to put on the airport board, but I can't be real happy with who Lt. Graham would put there either. Our Supes is better than they used to be but it still ain't great. As a Hinds County resident outside of Jackson, are you taking credit for the election of the Hinds County DA? He represents the county, dont you see.

Anonymous said...

This whole situation is sad. It's like watching the neighborhood kids manage a treehouse and then demand that they be in charge of a skyscraper.

Anonymous said...

You and your continuing accusors about the nature of all Jackson and Hinds County residents is getting old. Glad you left.

No, I'm still here. I'm still paying the shakedown taxes in this Jackson/Hinds crap hole.

Tony's New Do said...

Who has not recognized Yarber's new look? He's got that full-blown muslim look goin' on.

Anonymous said...

That is funny. Who started this regional grabfest?

Power, money, and greed are the only reasons this bill exists.

That aquifer up north? Regional. Let's sue Tennessee and see if my buddies can find some real settlement gold.

And HOW many of you Barbour loving establishment Republican numbskulls keep voting, and have voted, for Hood? Cause he sure as hell ain't winning elections with only Donkeycrat votes.

Anonymous said...

4:11....the potholes your inept people left behind.

Anonymous said...

Its simple....the rest of the state should demand that we regionalize the water and sewer system of the tri-county area and regionalize the road maintenance departments of all three counties. Then Rankin can have the airport. But they can't just come in an cherry pick what assets they want to steal from Jackson.

Anonymous said...

I wish you bloggers who delight in regurgitating "Stokes" at ever opportunity would introduce a bill in the Legislature to allow for recall for public officials. Jackson is no more responsible for his election than Rankin County or Madison County are. Only the voters in Ward 3 are responsible for this cronic embarrassment to Jackson, to Hinds County, and to Mississippi. He is almost a caricature of what many nationally would like to pin on Mississippi. I dare say most Jacksonians are embarrassed by Stokes and by his statements.

Anonymous said...

I wish you bloggers who delight in regurgitating "Stokes" at ever opportunity would introduce a bill in the Legislature to allow for recall for public officials.

Naive or lame, pick the label which best fits your size.

Do you truly believe Stokes' constituents will do the heavy lifting necessary to recall his prodigious fanny?

The Donkeycrats don't seem to have any problem haranguing resignations. The Thad loving Barbour establishment Stepford Republicans like Ben Allen?

Every single one EUNUCHS when it comes to dealing with Donkeys.

Jackson is LOST.

Anonymous said...

8:38- you're not aware that Jackson literally stole $5 million per year from Rankin County for over 20 years, as charges for their "unaccounted" sewage treatment expenditures. You bet your sweet behinds that they'll come and cherry pick whatever they damn well please and their ain't thing one you can do about it. The various civil rights groups, excuse the pun...don't have a sewer pot to pee in, as the city is under Federal Orders to clean up their act, without any mention of race. Don't be sad, be happy that the Governor still wants Jackson for the Capital. Clinton looks promising, as do a number of Madison and Rankin locations.

Anonymous said...

9:51: Yeah, what city or county wouldn't want to convert massive swaths of it's private property to zero-revenue producing public property, while its taxpayers foot the difference?

In other news, I was speaking with a Rankin GOPer the other day. We went back and forth about the airport. Person didn't really know how an airport or the airline industry functions but he knew that big-government could lower Jackson's fares. The conversation finished with his stating "Look, people are just sick of dealing with the [racial expletive]s."

Pretty well framed the issue from the Rankin perspective, if you ask me.

Anonymous said...

So [Democrat]s is now a racial expletive? Your self-serving comment doesn't pass the s[deleted] test.

Anonymous said...

I am so sick of everything being racial!
Here's a news flash, there are incompetent numbskulls in both races and smart, ethical people in both races!
And, if y'all haven't seen any numbskulls or corrupt white folks in Madison and Rankin governance it's only because you don't want to see it!
I'm with KF, a regional airport should have regional representation, but this is a takeover and you'll be throwing out the baby with the bathwater!

Anonymous said...

On Jackson's water and sewer problems, why isn't Cochran helping? I thought this was why we sent him back? The Congress is going to send Flint Michigan some $200 million or more.

Anonymous said...

Just because some folks want to say this is a 'regional' airport doesn't make it one. A regional airport is created by a region - see Golden Triangle Regional Airport for a good example. The three counties went together and built an airport.

That is not what happened with Jackson International. The City of Jackson built an airport. Because it happens to serve people from as far away as Greenville, Natchez, Philadelphia, Mendenhall etc. doesn't mean that all those counties have an ownership interest.

Yes it sits in the middle of the metro area - but that is not limited to the three counties. Checking the census, the metro area also includes Copiah and Warren Counties. If this bill were about trying to make this city owned property into a regional facility, why did it leave out these other two counties?

And if the issue were about the $5million that Rankin pays for the treatment of their crap, why aren't they regionalisng the treatment plant? Answer: Cause they don't want that. This is not about regions; not about payments for sewage; etc. It is about the fact that Rankin County office holders don't want black folks controlling something within their districts.

Watch when other airports are attempted to be added to this bill - then the truth will come out. Gulfport is run by white officials. Tupelo is run by white folks. Hattiesburg is not controlled by black yet, although their is a good constant food fight between the black mayor and the white council - but promises to provide good fodder for this fight.

I've heard the same comments as above - the folks in Rankin County don't like the look of the officials pictures within the "EVERS" airport. If I were in the legislature looking for future bigger office, I wouldn't want to touch this one with your ten foot pole.

Anonymous said...

3:56, "It is about the fact that Rankin County office holders don't want black folks controlling something within their districts"

Take a real good hard look at Jackson. Who would blame the people in Rankin County?

Anonymous said...

4:59 here. I don't blame the people in Rankin County at all, except that they want to take over something that's not theirs just because they don't like the race of the folks involved.

I don't care or blame or anything. If the folks in Rankin County don't want to do business with the Jackson airport because it is controlled by people they don't want to associate with - that's their business. They can drive, or take a bus, or drive to another airport.

What I 'blame' (to use your word) them for is that because they don't like it that want to take it. Frankly - based on how well Rankin County has managed its public school system as a family business paid for by the taxpayers without regard to good expenditures of the tax dollars, I don't think putting those folks in charge would necessarily be an improvement.

The point I was making is - this is nothing but Rankin's racial attitudes showing through. Be interesting to watch what politicians from other areas of the state will do with this hot potato - and whether they jump on the wagon and expose any racist attitude.

Anonymous said...

On Jackson's water and sewer problems, why isn't Cochran helping? I thought this was why we sent him back?

Cochran wasn't sent back to help Jackson. He was sent back to help Barbour's clients. The black Democrats got paid. They have no reason to complain now and nobody to blame but themselves for believing the dupe.

Anonymous said...

9:11, I can understand and agree with most of what you said. Color is only part of the problem. The biggest part of the reason there is a grab for the airport is to punish Jackson.
Jackson leadership has continually made crime their most important subject. Not preventing crime, protecting criminals. Jackson leaders have drained the money from the city and put it in their pockets and the pocket of their friends. This has caused many problems with water, streets, and upkeep of the city.
The takeover of the airport is one way to punish the leaders and prevent the airport from becoming much like the city of Jackson, a cesspool.
If Jackson leaders would have done the job they were elected to do there would not be a takeover of the airport. They refused. The state will do what they have to do.

Anonymous said...

8:12. Grow up and move on. Just because Chrissy still wants to relive old elections and now The Donald is following that path doesn't mean that is the road to anything. Election is over. You lost. You don't like it. But, it is now 2016 - that was then and everyone else has gone on to bigger and better things.

Anonymous said...


Most here reject your interpretive spin on a concise and well spoken reveal by 8:12.

Anonymous said...

Cochran was sent back because he was a much more reasonable individual than the narcacissit opponent he had and the supporters behind that that Chrssey was the saviour. Cochran was sent back to help the entire state, not 'just' Jackson. As to Jackson, the recent TIGER grant that is going to be used to rebuild North State Street, including the water, sewer and drainage of the street probably would not have gone to Jackson without Cochran's help.

But nobody expects Cochran or any other Senator or Representative to use the federal treasury to solve in its entirity the problems of Jackson's sewer system - which by the way is similar to what many every other large cities are facing.

But 11:45's comment appeared to be aimed at those like 2:47 who want to throw out their bitching without backup over an election that was held two years ago. You sound like the bitching between Cruz and Trump over the Iowa elections -- oh, yes. that makes sense. You are the same folks that are supporting Cruz or Trump

Anonymous said...

Cochran was sent back because crooks needed him. Everyone knows what happened in the election. The people are alright with crooked elections. How about a little honesty.

Anonymous said...

11:45 & 2:46 (same person)

Yup, need the Thad-types staying in DC to afford your Hillary necessary support.

Anonymous said...

I happen to know exactly what happened in the election. The only crooks were on the McD side - you know, the ones that broke into a nursing home; the ones that broke into a courthouse where the ballots were stored. All the accusations that keep on popping up have nothing to do with 'crooked elections' and have no factual claim. They are just based on Chrissey's whine and made up numbers that were never substantiated. But y'all want to keep on living in that world of Oz - even on a post about Mayor Yarbor and the airport mess. Keep it up. Enjoy yourself. Tell The Donald we all said hello as he makes his election claims because he hates to admit he lost too.

Anonymous said...

10:14, people have a way of forgetting or dismissing the one fact that even one of the attorneys on the case admitted to voting illegally.
How can people look in the mirror every day when they see the reflection of a crook. Is it easy to get used to it after being a crook for so long?

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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).

Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.

In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS