Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Star Wars Math: 4 = $300 million

How bad is the new Star Wars movie?  So bad that the Street Committee says George Lucas was brought back to fix Act III after it scored a 4 on test screening, causing Robert Iger to totally lose it.  One reason D&D were kicked to the curb.   Keep in mind the source in the video below is a masked-dude wearing a John Lennon shirt with a Star Trek backdrop.  Enjoy.


David Mann said...

In my best Peter Griffin voice,,,,WHO THE HELL CARES

Anonymous said...

The solution should be obvious to anyone. The franchise simply needs more dancing ewoks and JarJar Binks.

Why? Because it is entertainment for children and not for single middle aged soyboys.

Anonymous said...

8:08 is right.
Future generations aren't going to be inspired by how many Hollywood movies you sat and watched. At your funeral, no one is going to be impressed by how well you recognized celebrities on screen. If you have free time do something productive. Get a callous on your hands.

Anonymous said...

I think its pretty impressive Disney has managed to destroy one of the most profitable franchises in recent history.

Anonymous said...

Doomcock is wonderful. Things will be better when he is "the ruler of earth" and no longer "the future ruler of earth."

People won't be embezzling from homeowner's associations anymore for one thing.

Anonymous said...

There is a very educational podcast entitled "The Making of Star Wars." Available on iTunes. Explains how George Lucas came up with the Star Wars idea and the misery of making the movie. I'm not a Star Wars fanatic, but learned quite a bit listening to the podcast, including details about the sale to Disney.

Anonymous said...

I've been a Star Wars fan for as long as I can remember. The Last Jedi was tragically bad. I expect TRoS will be just as bad because TLJ left it with nowhere to go and no decent outcomes.

That said, all this stuff about test screenings is nonsense. It simply isn't true. The movie's plot has leaked online already. They aren't pushing the date back and changing the ending to any great degree.

Anonymous said...

Remember that a large team of highly-paid, highly-credentialed people went along with everything shown in that test screening for years. Nobody at Disney read the script and said stop.

Usually when that happens it's because there's some sacred cow that everyone is afraid to challenge.

Which makes sense here. Imagine you're an upper-mid-level exec. You see a female producer very publicly given the reins of a billion dollar franchise, then demand that we resuscitate the ultimate Old White Man villain just so a Strong Woman (TM) Mary Sue character can annihilate him in comically over-the-top fashion ... what do you do?

The smart play is to shut up and let her take the blame for it. Which I suspect is exactly what a lot of people did here, until they couldn't do it any longer.

Kingfish said...

My hands are much more calloused than yours will ever be.

Anonymous said...

Take a moment and listen carefully. I swear this is Adam Driver in a different outfit.

Anonymous said...

While everyone waits for the next Star Wars, check out Legend of The Galactic Heroes on Blu-ray or your favorites streaming service. The English dub Blu-ray was released 3/19

It's the saga of a Galactic Empire based on Imperial Germany vs an Alliance of Free Planets.

Anonymous said...

It's good to know that the comments on this site about Star Wars are just as bad as the comments about political stories.

Anonymous said...

I really liked the CG animated Clone Wars series from 10 years ago. It had plenty of diversity and even had good female characters. But I guess Obi Wan and Anakin were too white and too male for today's world. Mark Hamill is an insufferable liberal cuck too.

Anonymous said...

Why all the hate for Jar Jar? I thought he was great when I was a kid. He was so funny. I had the Jar Jar Naboo playset and a Jar Jar Halloween costume and mask. I really miss Jar Jar!

Anonymous said...

I'm revisiting this old thread because I just watched the first two episodes of The Mandalorian and it is the best product of the Star War franchise since The Empire Strikes Back which makes sense because that's when Boba Fett was introduced.
The Mandalorian Trailer on YouTube

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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).

Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.

In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

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Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS