Thursday, November 14, 2019

Lane Confesses!

A lawsuit claims David L. Lane confessed to embezzling, allegedly, funds from homeowners associations in the Jackson metro area.  The Lakebend Homeowners Association in Brandon made the startling claim in a lawsuit filed against Ridgeway Lane, David W. Lane, and David L. Lane in Rankin County Circuit Court this morning. 


The lawsuit says it all.  Lakebend stated in its complaint:

On November 7, 2019, Donna Pennick, an employee of Defendant company, informed the president of the LHOA, William Burckard, that there was "trouble" with the account....

On Tuesday, November 12, 2019, William Burkard went to the offices of the Defendant and spoke directly with David (W.) Lane. Mr. Burkard asked "Are the bank accounts going to match the monthly reports", to which Mr. Lane replied "No". William Burkard asked "how much will they be off?" Mr. Lane repsonded "I don't know", then Mr. Lane confessed "I let alot of people down."....

The Community Bank statements for LHOA's operating and reserve accounts reflected significantly lower balances than the balances reflected on Ridgway Lane's financial reports to LHOA for the same accounts. The comparison revealed a total difference of hundreds of thousands of dollars... LHOA's investigation of the exact amounts misappropriated by Defendants is ongoing and will be shown through discovery and at trial. In the reserve account alone, the difference was at least $235,000.

The rest of the complaint tracks what is filed in similar lawsuits filed against Ridgway Lane.  Lakebend alleges the defendants embezzled hundreds of thousands of dollars, provided false reports and prevented Lakebend from having access to its own bank accounts. 

Lakebend charges the defendants with breach of contract, conversion, unjust enrichment, negligence, civil theft, and breach of fiduciary duty.

Attorney Michael Wolf, fully recovered from the trauma of serving as Pelahatchie city attorney, represents Lakebend. The case is assigned to Circuit Judge John Emfinger.



Kingfish note: Oddly enough, sawces said LHOA began investigating when a maintenance man's paycheck bounced.

The Kingfish estimates the total losses to be between $3 and $4 million based on information gleaned from lawsuits and behind the scenes.  Stay tuned.

Earlier Ridgway Lane posts
Dinsmor losses over $200,000 
On deck: Bruenberg 
Up next: The Barrington.  
Bridgewater goes for freeze, Bridgewater at Old Agency says RL embezzled over $340,000 
Palisades plundered.  
Dinsmor HOA discoveres "irregularitites."  
Bridgewater accuses HOA manager of embezzlement.  







60 comments:

Anonymous said...

$3 to $4 Million? What were the Lane's doing with all the money? Lavish houses? Expensive trips? Hoarding it?

Anonymous said...

I can only speculate that he may have a gambling or drug problem.

What say y'all?

Anonymous said...

I used to live in Timbers which is managed by Lane. I had a sinking suspicion because they would never want to do maintenance and really just ran rough shod over our board. Donna Pennick who was our contact was always rude to homeowners. I bet she was in on it. They would go through property managers like crazy, but she was always the mainstay. From past experience never go by the reports alone, call the bank and check the balances yourself. They slipped up by letting the check bounce at Lakebend. They should go to jail for a long time.

I. Lostin Abigway said...

I'm stunned to learn that yet another set of pretentious drunks from the Grove have been taken by yet another set of pretentious drunks from the Grove.

Call in some pretentious drunks from the Grove, OMLS subset, and let's have even more drinks, and lets figger this all out.

Hotty Toddy. Keep Calm and Pretend You're "Upscale."

Anonymous said...

Better call suicide prevention to get on over the RLs offices.

Anonymous said...

They better lock his ass up and seize all assets or there will be some self inflicted Jeffery Epsteining going on. This guy didn't do this 100% on his own. If I am betting, I bet someone was getting a kick back to allow this to happen or keep their damn mouth shut.

I wouldn't be surprised if damn near every HOA they managed had been looted. Don't they do some commercial buildings downtown as well?

Anonymous said...

12:37PM, your jealousy of the Grove is comical and only a true sure enough redneck lumps everyone that roots for the team you hate into the same group.

By the way, what college football team did you play for?

Hehehe

Anonymous said...

Didn't David Lane recently move into a house near eastover in northeast Jackson?

Anonymous said...

I believe folks are going to find that the bonds won't pay. In most cases, a financial surety bond like the type these folks would have... it specifically disclaims it won't pay if a partner is the one doing the thieving. Employees? Yes.

Anonymous said...

Lostin Abigway at 12:37

The most recent victims are very modest income residents, who live in nice but reasonably priced condos. A lot of retirees live at Lakebend. So you may want to hold your mocking a bit...

Anonymous said...

1:09 PM, if he did, he bought the house under a different name. David Lane or Lane yields no results on the land roll.

Anonymous said...

The lawsuit does not specify which David Lane confessed contradicting the original blog

Anonymous said...

You didn't "let" people down, asshole. You embezzled money that didn't belong to you.

Anonymous said...

I wonder if the elder Lane is planning on taking the fall for the younger son.The elder has been in this business for a long time. Always had a good reputation. It doesn't make sense that at 70 something years old that he would suddenly break bad.

Walter White said...

Speaking of breaking bad, there may be a storage locker somewhere. " I got's to do this."

Macy Hanson said...

This should go criminal shortly and a Receiver should be appointed to collect on behalf of all victims in a consolidated proceeding for the civil claims. The civil side to this needs to be orderly; and the victims should share and share alike in any recovery. You might have to have different "sub-pots" of recovery for HOAs that have surety bond coverage for their losses, etc. But doing this piece meal is going to lead to a logistical nightmare and unfairness in recovery.

(Although part of me is cheering for Bridgewater to get their money back first, if anyone does, since they seemed to catch this first - all the other HOAs are lucky for Bridgewater discovering this and promptly filing suit).

It will be interesting to see how many of these assets can be tracked, let alone recaptured. My fear is that a few million dollars can go pretty quickly, especially if several people were getting a cut of the action.

The best question still lingering out there is: how did so many HOA boards not reconcile the Ridgeway Lane financial reports with the source accounts? At least quarterly, or twice or year? We're talking about hundreds of thousands of dollars. It seems to me like this is Duty No. 1 for an HOA board. I know that it is easy to criticize after the fact, but this appears to be careless on the part of these HOA boards.

If the various HOA boards did not conduct periodic account-reconciliations, then I do think they have some potential liability to their members for any losses that cannot be recovered from the property manager. Maybe not 100% (or close to it) liability, but maybe around 50%. It is more than foreseeable that a third-party property manager might embezzle your HOA funds. That is why minimal oversight is required. Six-figure certificates of deposit get cashed (by the property manager, not the HOA!) and the HOA boards have no knowledge? How does that even happen?

This should be a wake up call to every HOA board in the state and also to every HOA member out there. And only trust financial statements that come, directly, from the source of the funds, preferably who is FDIC or SIPC insured.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, "Community Bank". They were really watching out for their communities... Freddy and Thomas can go cry on a bag of money....

Anonymous said...

All involved should get as least as long as Bernie.

Anonymous said...

I still say he probably rolled it a few times in timber deeds and intended to pocket the profits and put the money back. Or some other scheme he got sucked into.

Anonymous said...

12:07 -

Maybe they invested it in a timber fund.

Anonymous said...

All this and ONE pissant Ole Myth fan gets riled up.

Anonymous said...

I was on an HOA board in another state for a few years.

NOTE: None of the two different property management companies that we had during my tenure had check writing/cashing authority, nor did they have access to our bank accounts/CDs, etc.

All checks had to be endorsed by two authorized board members.

This is a no-brainer! Large sums of money make some otherwise seemingly honest people do stupid/crazy/illegal stuff.

Anonymous said...

12:13 - Why do you suggest a 'gambling or drug problem'? The Bible warns us of greed. How come you're searching beyond that?

Anonymous said...

There is absolutely NO WAY the Lane’s pulled this off themselves. There is at the very least a CPA certifying the financials of all these HOA’s at least annually. (My guess is the same CPA for all.) Also, there’s NO WAY RL employees didn’t know something was occurring. The Lanes did NOT handle all the receivables and payables alone.... there’s no way that’s even possible. And I have absolutely NO WORDS for HOA’s with no access to their bank accounts... WHAT??? Who in their right freaking mind would serve in the dark like that? I feel for the boards of these HOA’s. They are volunteering their time to serve their neighborhood, and most don’t possess the mental capacity to oversee all the necessary aspects. I live in an affected neighborhood. I, admittedly, do not participate in the HOA beyond paying dues. It’s too much drama. I have great respect for those that volunteer; however, I also believe you shouldn’t stick your neck out (and I never would have) while 100% blindly trusting someone else.

Community Bank... I don’t believe you are off the hook. I know recourse is non-existent legally (I realize RL had full authority on accounts), but I hope folks are paying attention. If a HOA is near red or bouncing checks, or inaccurate deposits into accounts are constantly being moved to correct accounts, YOU should have reached out to the board president(s). There’s NO WAY it would make sense for multiple accounts to have issues and for you to continually accept excuses from the Lanes. I have experience with Community Bank. I know they are hands on. I know they would have called Lane every time there was an issue. There should have been red flags regarding his transfers of money in and out of accounts. I just don’t believe the bank didn’t have concerns. Thankfully, it appears most of these HOA are getting visual access and/or signatory authority to their accounts to verify financials versus balances.

Anonymous said...

3:14 - Lay the pipe down.

Anonymous said...

Has the Jackson Public School District checked into the fact that Ridgeway Lane handled the annual leases and payments for the sixthteenth section land for the school district?

Anonymous said...

So, there's after all a down side to being wealthy enough to live in an area with a HOA. Personally, I don't have to ever worry about that.

Anonymous said...

@4:20 PM - Not to worry, as the JPS has their financial house in order, due to their recent bond $ale$.

Kingfish said...

JPS checked everything last week when news broke. RL didn't have any actual access to the accounts nor did the Lanes handle any checks. Lessees make checks payable to JPS and an accountant looks at all deposits.

Anonymous said...

3:14 here to 3:36 - No pipe involved. What does your comment even have to do with anything? I guess you’re referring to the Community comments. I know the bank has no legal liability... I stated that. I also know from first-hand experience how the bankers at Community “take care” of their clients. I didn’t say this in first comment, but it’s highly likely they moved funds for Lane, with his permission and based on his excuses, via those phone calls. I’ve experienced this treatment. The bankers will do this with verbal consent. I’ve heard some of the excuses provided included blaming office staff for depositing into wrong accounts. (I have to wonder if the office staff knew they were the Lanes go to excuse?) I just believe people (bankers) are smarter than parades of excuses. Community shouldn’t have looked the other way.

Anonymous said...

How do we hire the lady lawyer from the Madison Timber deal to get everyone's money back from these scam artists??

Anonymous said...

I think this may have gone way beyond embezzlement in into RICO territory.

Anonymous said...

Homeowners, whether you like the people on your boards or not, they are all responsible for what happened on their watch. For no one to look at their own bank accounts ever, to give all check signing authority to Ridgway Lane and give them not just a blank check but the entire checkbook is inconceivable. As homeowners, you can look at your own boards and assess whether they should be allowed to continue and you should! Fiduciary duty has been breached all over this town. They are all quick to point fingers at someone else and talk of how they are going to go after Ridgway Lane. They are also hoping you will miss that you should also be looking at them! One could pose the question if it is embezzlement if your board literally hands someone the checkbook and tells them to do what they want because they don’t want anything to do with it. Shameful there is not more responsibility on the parts of these boards. Voluntary resignation is in order for all of these people. What do you do anyway when you pay an external company to do the work you were elected to do?

Anonymous said...

4:55 - Lay the pipe down.

Anonymous said...

Well to the dipstick posting above these HOA boards we’re duped by Ridgeway Lane
If you’re so knowledgeable and valiant step up and be on your board

Anonymous said...

12:37, I’m lovin it!

Anonymous said...

I wander if the idiots on the HOA at Legacy neighborhood in Brandon used these guys??

Anonymous said...

It’s always straight forward when an HOA board follows the neighborhood covenant without any exceptions. Know your covenant and follow it. No one will question you when you follow the rules. Hope and pray your neighborhood’s covenant specifies that an uninterested third party is required to audit the accounts every 6 months. If not, the neighbors should amend the covenant ASAP.

Anonymous said...

@7:41 Novel idea! Deal! Get some of the old guard whose complete and total identities are tied up in these HOA boards to step down (Hint: They won’t. Wonder why?) and you’re on. It’s harder than you think to just “serve”. We should all blindly trust that millions were embezzled by two men with no others aware or involved in it being told to keep quiet or look the other way? If they are that naive they should remain in board leadership as if nothing happened? Being on a board that handles cash of that amount actually requires responsibility. Just because a lot of people got “duped” (maybe/maybe not) does not mean associations are bound to continue to follow their “lead”. It’s easy to be duped when you don’t look at a bank statement ever or have the ability to sign your own HOA checks or get a third party audit... Being that naive is all the more reason to step down. Dipstick... 🤣👍

Anonymous said...

People that buy houses/property with CC&Rs literally pay a corporation run by Karen and the retirement crew to restrict their property rights and make decisions like give complete control of the money to a third party. All under the bs guise of “but the HOA is protecting the value of YOUR property.” It’s insanity.

Anonymous said...

@3.14 PM

I don't believe that this is a vast conspiracy, but rather a case of simple fraud on the part of a few people. I very much doubt that a CPA firm was certifying any of the HOA accounts. CPA's are expensive, and HOA's don't want to pay the fees. Other posters have suggested an audit. An audit is the most expensive service a CPA can provide, so that is even less likely.

The structure and services provided by a management company ( like RL) to an HOA is not complicated, and it would be pretty simple for someone within the HOA to review the accounting records maintained by the management company and compare to the bank statements on a monthly or even quarterly basis. This would be sufficient to catch any irregularities or fraud. Unfortunately for all of these HOA's that were swindled, they were too trusting of RL. Trusting to the point that they failed to provide any checks and balances at all. That certainly does not excuse RL for what appears to be outright fraud and theft, for which they should be held accountable. But for the HOA's, the M.O. should always be "trust but verify."

As for Community Bank, they had no duty to monitor or question any of the transactions as long as RL had signature authority on the accounts. Perhaps an observant banker might have noticed the funds moving from HOA accounts to RL (and then presumably from RL to the partners/owners), but I am not even sure if it would be ethical for a banker to discuss this with anyone other than the customer themselves (i.e. RL), as those transactions are confidential business information.

As for other collaborators, I do agree that it seems unlikely that none of the other RL employees were aware of what was going on. I believe I read somewhere in an earlier post that RL was writing checks out of the HOA accounts to itself, so unless the Lanes were writing the checks and keeping the books themselves, the bookkeeper/accountant would had to have been in the know.

Anonymous said...

Banks have liability when they know certain types of crimes are being committed. I am also confident other RL employees were in on this. Finally, there is case law regarding lawyers and accountants serving on HOA boards and getting dinged on their E&O coverage for screw ups. This thing is going to get bigger and bigger and bigger...

Anonymous said...

@9:49pm- I just don’t see how there wasn’t a CPA auditing any of it. Who was filing the corporate tax returns for each HOA? Someone was signing/certifying those returns. I agree the office staff, at least the bookkeeper(s) had to know... if not, they are too incompetent to be maintaining and balancing financial books.

Don’t be so quick to think Community doesn’t sway from the rules to offer convenience(s) to their big business customers.

Regardless, I’m still shocked to learn all of these HOA’s, mine included, blindly trusted RL. I can’t imagine who in their right mind would serve on a board with ZERO checks and balances. One explanation provided to us was that the previous board set it up and it’s always been that way. I appreciate their service, but I’d never in a million years agree to this explanation if I were a new board member. I have a feeling it will be an expensive lesson learned for many.

Anonymous said...

Wait a minute..do you mean JPS had better management of its funds than these HOA boards?

Anonymous said...

I agree boards should resign. First duty is to protect the property of the community and that includes money. Lesson learned, now give others opportunity.

Anonymous said...

@11.11

HOA's are usually either unincorporated associations or non-profits, so they either file minimal information with the IRS or none at all, so again, no CPA would need to be involved.

I agree that it is surprising and ultimately tragic that these HOA's were not more attentive to the financials. Here's my hypothesis as to why this is the case:

For most people serving on an HOA, it's a mild pain in the ass. There is really no incentive to go above and beyond: show up for most of the meetings, speak your piece, cast your vote and go home. Also, for most people paying into HOA's, it's not a life-changing amount of money. I used to live in Reunion, and it was around $1000/year. Not trivial, but also not something I got wrapped around the axle about either. So it's a lot of homeowners throwing a little money into a pot each year with a small group of largely disinterested people "managing" the funds (i.e. the HOA), which they gladly offload to a third party like RL. For years and years, everything appeared to be okay (and for many of those years there may have been no actual fraud), so there was implicit trust built up between the HOA and RL, and no one believed that they had any reason to question or quality check RL's work.

Anonymous said...

There are some HOA'S in Madison The City that are self managed that are not doing their job,and stealing money.I live in one of these.If you do not agree with their way of running things,they will not maintain common areas in the vicinity of your personal property and will ignore you when you ask for said area's to be maintained. The people who are hired to do lawn and landscape maintenance have been told by the HOA board to ignore certain area's around said people's homes and the HOA takes pride in the fact that you have been neglected. The assholes who are responsible for this B.S. will get what is coming to them in due time.HOA board members should be limited to two terms in office by covenants,and also by city,county,and State Law.This includes Photographers and Retired State Employees who are collecting PERS checks and HOA members money.

Anonymous said...

3:57 - Why the hard-on for state retirees? Would your suggestion also apply to those neighbors who've retired from other places? If not, why not? Oh, wait...retired state employees don't deserve to be retired and can't be trusted. Right?

Photographers? What the hell is wrong with you?

Anonymous said...

For those of you who think you can avoid an HOA by moving to a non-HOA neighborhood, think again.

The entire city of Madison is a functional HOA, under the direction of City Hall. If you think an HOA Board enjoys power, wait til you hear from that little old lady at City Hall!

Our HOA did not do this...The City did.

https://www.wapt.com/article/madison-couple-facing-jail-time-for-keeping-rv-in-driveway/29775937?fbclid=IwAR1g_EYQPcL4E3djPHsi8CNOKQoiybyQvl9fmQ0a3uAlEZGouYF-DpXm5gc

Anonymous said...

3:37am (Jesus, btw)

If you think someone stole from you, I’d report it to the DA and the FBI. I’m sure you’d find a sympathetic ear these days.

Otherwise, quit ur bitchin’

Anonymous said...

@ "Wandering" idiot @ 8:12, I believe Legacy HOA is ran by itself. No management company. Remember "all who wonder are not lost"

Phillip said...

Why are all of you people anonymous? Take responsibility for what you say. Or don't say anything. Keyboard warriors solve nothing. Adults do.

I moved here in 1996. I am not part of the Grove crowd, I. Lostin Abigway, as I was educated elsewhere. I have always lived in a neighborhood with an HOA, and all of them have used a company to handle dues, maintenance, assessments. Ridgway Lane seemed to me, as an outsider, to be a company that had a lot of respect and served a lot of customers. You seem to have an axe to grind against those of us who live in these neighborhoods. The one I live in is probably going to be the big cherry on top in this scandal. Everyone I personally know in this neighborhood has worked really hard to be where they are, or managed their finances well. I am sure there are some trust fund folks and some people living on a shoestring who are over their head. Those are everywhere. I appreciate the work the people on these boards do, giving of their time to their neighbors.Sometimes you get megalomaniacal sociopaths in those positions and they make life hard for everyone in the neighborhood. Most of the folks I have dealt with, save for one, have been pretty reasonable, but they all work day jobs and have lives. It makes sense to use a professional manager to help with a neighborhood having hundreds of homes. It's a big job for a few people on a board to do. Sadly, trust can be misplaced, or lost, and that seems to have been the circumstance here. A lot of money always seems to beget subterfuge unless a watchful eye is maintained. The lesson for HOAs here is to be more open to their members, and to regularly reconcile the books, with periodic audits. Autopilot leads to situations like this one.

If you don't like neighborhoods or municipalities with rules, move to those with few or none, rather than attacking and deriding those of us who choose to reside where we do. I don't like everything my HOA or neighbors do. I try to be unobtrusive, but you'll always know I am there; I don't hide behind a veil of anonymity. We should learn from these lessons and hold the feet of those responsible to the fire. If the bank fell short in its fiduciary duty, it should be held accountable as well. I'm no expert om such things, and will have to depend on the attorneys, and potentially the prosecutors, involved.

Anonymous said...

@Phillip while I appreciate your comments, I have a couple of follow up points. One, there are a lot of Phillips around. What’s your last name? Rhetorical unless you really want it out there. :) You are right adults solve problems and keyboard warriors may or may not. There is value in public conversation to bring awareness AND at times some of the adults solving problems need to be anonymous for various reasons. Many “experts” post anonymously here with good reason to and it doesn’t mean they aren’t working other avenues. A blanket statement that the people on the boards seem reasonable and there are only a couple sociopaths may be true. It may not be though. With millions of dollars and a lot of families involved, there should be due diligence to look at everyone involved and not give free passes because they volunteer their time and seem like nice people. Every meeting I went to, David Lane seemed to be a fine, upstanding person too. Looks can be deceiving. Most people are good. There are more than a few bad apples/sociopaths.

Anonymous said...

Accountant of the Century: Cindy Dunbar at Bridgewater One!
Cindy is a new board member this year and is the one who first discovered the Ridgway Lane accounting errors. Let’s elevate Cindy to HOA board President. Hip hip hooray! Thank you, Cindy.

Kingfish said...

Who cares who Philip is? Not approving any more comments that are simply back and forth with him over who he is.

Phillip Sucks said...

KF - you apparently don't GET IT!!! "Phillip" must be one of your pals.

Oh well, it's your fucking blog, dickwad.

Cynical Sam said...

@10:42 AM - that was rude. Give KF a break. He runs a great blog.

Anonymous said...

@11:54pm- A quick search on SOS’s website will show you they are all indeed incorporated, most as “non-profit corporations.” While being non-profit may eliminate most tax burdens, it does not eliminate the need for federal filings and fiscal responsibility. Periodic audits are a cost of doing business, especially when so many people are involved and boards are continually changing. There are zero excuses for any HOA to have accepted RL’s word as proof when it came to financial statements and supporting documentation. Now, in addition to possibly irrecoverable losses, they are padding attorneys’ pockets.

Anonymous said...

The only winners to come out of this will be all the debt collection/HOA attorneys charging $300+/hr to claw back a paltry percentage of the already spent HOA funds, maybe.

There are quite a few of these debt collection/HOA attorneys out there that have built their entire practices on using homeowners' own money against them. Oh, Mr. Homeowner, you thought you could plant those azaleas without asking Karen and the menopause crew for their permission? lol, here's a notice of violation letter from the HOA's attorney notifying you to remove the azaleas or they will hire someone with your own money to come on your property and remove them for you. It's fine, it's not trespass. You agreed to this when you bought your property under unregulated corporate rule. Oh, and now you owe the HOA for the letter drafted by the $300/hr attorney on top of your HOA dues. So you basically paid to kick yourself in the balls with your own money because you wanted some nice flowers. And you better pay that debt, because they'll hire the same attorney to put a lien on your house and seek judgment against you to garnish your wages (with attorneys tacked on fees of course) if you don't. Hope you enjoyed planting and digging up those $5,000 azaleas.

Karen will then let you know that everything they did is for your own good and in the name of "maintaining neighborhood property values." They're really only trying to help you because you don't know shit about the neighborhood or property values. What Karen doesn't want you to know is that property values are 95% based on the condition of home, sqft, acreage (if any), and school district. Whether or not you have rose gold siding and your driveway blown off twice a week doesn't matter one bit. Don't let some dumbass realtor who couldn't cut it in a real job tell you otherwise.

What was that? You thought you lived in America, land of the free? lol, nope. You live under corporate rule with no regulations on said rule. I hope your Karen is nice.

Anonymous said...

Also, am I the only one or am i seeing a pattern of a lot of influence at community bank.



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Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
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