Sunday, January 29, 2017

More Madison County madness?

It appears the song remains the same as Madison County supervisors continue to squabble. The subject of the latest scrum is the county road plan. It seems one Gerald Steen is determined to have his way. The Madison County Journal reported recently:

District 3 Supervisor Gerald Steen rammed through a $13 million road resurfacing plan he plans to complete in the next 15 months and perhaps finance over the next 20 years, despite objections on Tuesday night from two supervisors who say they were not involved in the process.

District 1 Supervisor Sheila Jones and District 2 Supervisor Trey Baxter voted against the plan during a regular meeting of the Madison County Board of Supervisors until they have an opportunity to review the suggestions and determine how the work would be funded.

The pair unsuccessfully tried to table the item for two weeks but failed 2-3, with Steen, District 4 Supervisor David Bishop and District 5 Supervisor Paul Griffin voting against.

“This is taxpayer money,” Jones said. “At least one district supervisor didn’t know anything about this until tonight.”

Baxter added, “I don’t know how delaying two weeks is going to encumber anything.”

County Road Manager/Engineer Dan Gaillet initially presented the board with an unfunded four-year road plan to the tune of $51.3 million and asked the board for recommendations how to move forward.

After the board approved the unfunded road plan, Steen proposed his plan.

“Every district has needs,” Steen said. “(I’m) just trying to put together something everybody can live with and get some things done throughout the county.”

Steen said they would fund the roads through bonds, although there were no details given on how long the bonds would be financed.

A large number of roads in Steen’s plan are resurfacing projects in subdivisions.

Gaillet said borrowing money over 10 years to pave roads would be unwise because the overlay work lasts about that long.

County Administrator Shelton Vance said he didn’t have the opportunity to look at the numbers but it could be a combination of bonds, some being 20-year notes.

Jones and Baxter then tried to table the item again until Vance had an opportunity to meet with a bond consultant to discuss options but it too failed 2-3.

“Any bonds is gonna come back in front of us to vote for,” Steen said.

“Does it not bother anyone not all of us have the information,” Jones pleaded.

Steen, Griffin and Bishop ultimately approved Steen’s road plan in a 3-2 vote.

Only 12 of the 59 roads included in the $13 million package were identified in a county road evaluation report by Stantec in 2016 which ranked roads according to condition and traffic count.

“Our road plan should be a comprehensive one that keeps traffic moving, fosters growth and development and provides safe roads,” Baxter, who serves as Board President, said Wednesday. “At the same time we have to consider it in terms of our overall budget and debt.

“We need to make sure we prioritize projects and live within our means before we blow our budget on projects that may or may not be vital to smart growth and development,” he continued. “I am also firmly opposed to borrowing money that taxpayers will still be repaying long after the roads it paved are gone.”

The roads included on Steen’s plan include:

• Cherry Hill reconstruction for $350,000
• Plantation Drive for $14,000
• North Ridge Subdivision for $133,000
• Wildberry Pointe for $6,100
• Baywood Pointe for $10,500
• Strawberry Pointe for $5,250
• Dogwood Pointe for $10,500
• Mockingbird Lane/Huntington Drive for $101,500
• Rosewood Pointe for $5,250
• Pickford Pointe for $5,250
• Bradford Pointe for $5,250
• Cedar Pointe for $4,375
• Honeysuckle for $21,000
• Oak Ridge Circle for $35,750
• Hillchase for $13,000
• Long Cove Drive for $29,250
• Long Cove Court for $4,874
• St. Charles Place for $27,625
• Bayview Drive for $30,875
• Baytowne Square for $4,062
• Derby Drive for $16,250
• Woodgate Drive for $26,000
• Greensview Drive for $19,500
• Hampton Way for $16,250
• Aspend Drive/Vail Cove for $20,000
• Chinquapin Cove for $11,500
• Clear Water Cove for $9,000
• Edgewater Drive for $28,500
• Gateway Drive for $15,000
• Lakeshore Drive for $14,500
• River Gate Cove for $10,500
• Dave Brown Road for $164,000
• Spillway Road for $100,000
• Robinson Springs Road for $2.5 million
• Cobblestone Subdivision for $250,000
• Sandlewoods Subdivision for $500,000
• Highwoods Subdivision for $200,000
• Treasure Cove for $100,000
• Old Agency Parkway for $600,000
• Lake Castle Road for $500,000
• Sunnybrook/Cotton Road for $700,000
• St. Augustine Drive from Highway 51 to Old Canton Road for $125,000
• Rice Road from Highway 51 to Pear Orchard Road for $125,000
• Virlilia Road for $2.5 million
• Industrial Boulevard for $160,000
• Stokes Road Bridge for $375,000
• Greens Crossing for $350,000
• Purvis Road Bridge for $500,000
• West Sowell Road for $50,000
• Finney Road for $260,000
• Harvey’s Crossing for $600,000
• Beamon Road for $350,000
• George Washington Road for $50,000
• Tyson Road for $80,000
• Green Road for $37,000
• Deerfield reconstruction for $700,000
• Grown Williams Road for $100,000

 So who is going to get paid on the bonds?


Anonymous said...

That's a lot of money to spend when you have the Pickens-Gilberton Fault Zone located in your area.

That report is what the gubbermint don't want you to see.

You folks up in Madison should have one your homework and not spent your life savings on homes that are potentially vulnerable to damage such as described. 6-15-2015, a 3.1 magnitude tremor occurred 4 miles southwest of canton. Damage is already done.

Anonymous said...

Surprised to see my road on there, certainly not in a subdivision, but we've only received hot patch pot hole fixes for the past 20 years save a 100 ft stretch that was overlaid ( crappy job by the way) after log trucks totally rutted it up.

Anonymous said...

Take another toke off the pipe, 4:57. This thread has nothing to do with your 'sky is falling' freak-out.

This is about nothing more than Bishop colluding with Steen to shit-can the study they paid professional engineers for and substituting the Gerald Steen plan that will satisfy their financial contributors.

Bishop has (almost) paid off his two major contibutors in the past month. Not sure exactly who Steen is sucking up to, but it will come out in the wash soon.

When a supervisor asks, "Can we pause a minute and take a look at this?" and Bishop and Steen say, "No, we have to pass this thing so we can see what's in it", you know there's some rotten fish in Denmark.

Bishop ran on a bootleg platform of honesty and it took right at a year for him to flip.

Anonymous said...

Baxter is the fly in the ointment...he won't rotate they've done forever.

He showed his greed and inability to compromise...and he got met with 3 votes against him.

And Jones is just trifling....ineffective at being a leader.

And little Phil the lawyer? She is lost as a goose!

Anonymous said...

How amusing it's getting harder and harder to find those Bishop supporters, folks in Gluckstadt cave pretty fast.

Anonymous said...

Anyone care to explain how Baxter got the board attorney to tell the board that it was illegal to replace Baxter as President after one year? That is enough to get her disbared.

Anonymous said...

Bishops nose must hurt where that ring Steen has in it is dragging him down a dark road ...

Can't even see the big picture for the fog he is in. What a shame ..many voters are very disappointed in him.

Who wants to bet that Bishop knew of and saw Steen's road plan before the meeting and vote?

Heck Virlilia road is on this plan. Yes he saw and helped pass it....

The men might should think twice about millions of $$ in new bonds ?

If they persist, they will not fall in the winners column next round.

Anonymous said...

Oh Madison county, which has the potential to be the greatest County in the State, always held back by that greed thing. Been watching and living in this county for over 50 years and the BOS and theirs lawyers have really screwed the people of the area for a long long time.

Anonymous said...

Who the hell bond finances street repairs over 20 years?? Dumb

Anonymous said...

5:49- Fly in the ointment... for doing his job. You must be someone involved in this deal or posting on behalf of someone who is. I am just a citizen, but it seems pretty clear that Baxter and Jones are the most sensible and responsible officials on the board. There are a lot of smart residents in Madison Co. and everyone should remember that. The citizens just need to stay informed and engaged.

Anonymous said...

@7:10 I believe Mayor Frank Melton did. Didn't work well. Really shocked and disappointed with Supervisor Bishop.

Anonymous said...

This MESS really happened at the recent county supervisor board meeting after the County Engineer presented a 5 year + Plan to the board.

Start listening at 56:36

STEENS ROAD PLAN and more motions start at 58:30 >>> 1 hr , 19 minutes..
Bishop and Paul follow along

Watch this

Anonymous said...

The editorial in the Madison County journal stated that District one got one million dollars and District two got one million dollars, however it failed to mention that District one already has 5 million for reunion phase three and District two has 8 million for Bozeman Rd.

Anonymous said...

...many voters are very disappointed in him.

How many? How do you know? Did you conduct a poll?

Anonymous said...

7:16 pm

Ask Baxter why he directed the lawyer to misstate law on rotation of positions?

Come back when you've completed some type due diligence.

Anonymous said...


What law about rotation ?

You produce a Law
Word for word
Come on show us

Doesn't change the fact that Steen and Bishop ( with Griffin votes ) are a tag team.

Those 3 are willing to put the county on the hook for millions of dollars in bonds to pave roads. Acting like a bunch of democrats!

Stay on topic would you..

Anonymous said...

9:19- I don't think this thread had anything to do with who's Board President. However, please educate us, what statute are you referring to?

Takin' A Break, Boss! said...

Reunion is now in District 1, 7:53?

But of course Boss-Hogg-Bishop had seen the Steen-Plan prior to the meeting and Paul doesn't care about roads. All Paul wants is a damned lake so he can hold court at weekend picnics. All Bishop really wanted was Virlilia. That pays off most of the mark he owes Howard.

But, back to basics. The Steen-Plan is nothing more than a "Pothole Plan" designed by a guy who knows not jack about the logistics of a network of roads needed to move people about effectively and efficiently. The county paid a ton for a professional study, completely disregarded it and substituted a pothole-plan.

As with the prior board, you can tell who is crooked and who is not by which ones actually need these jobs for daily subsistence and to pay off their bills. The ones who do not fall in that circle will remain above the fray and remain honest and transparent. With the prior board they all fell into the first group. With the current board there are two who don't need this money to survive. Connect the bucks and you connect the dots.

Anonymous said...

What manner of road work can be done for less than $5000 or is that just shovels?

Fish Is Jumpin' And Cotton Is High.. said...

Laughable that one of you women actually believes Baxter coerced the Board attorney to lie regarding rotation. All in hell she did was state her understanding of the AG's opinion from years back. If anything, she might should have leaned toward Bishop since he has threatened everybodies job in the County, including hers.

If you yackety women up there aren't careful, you're going to wind back up with Rudy and Espy and Bishop might be the new Banks. Or he might be gone.

Summer time is jest around the cawnuh. Go ahead and check Belks for the new line of bikinis. Griffin Lake is calling. The fix is in. Bishop and Steen are gifting it to Griffin.

Anonymous said...

That "Plan" only included a small area of the county included the City of Madison. Hmmmmm. The roads that I am familiar with on the new plan need fixing. Many have gone for decades in terrible shape. Baxter is an egotistical freak that is consumed with himself. Little Phil is his puppet, who legal opinions are what Baxter tells her to say. Those two are part of the Bryant, Barbour cartel that KG wrote about a few months ago. The Democrats will win back the 4th District next time, so might as well fix some roads there that Banks ignored for decades.

Anonymous said...

Bishops screws his constituents but gets to pay off his two big donors. Steen finally gets a little power. The big question is, what did those two clowns promise Griffin for his vote? Madison County politics at its best.

Kingfish said...

Blame Jim Herring for some of it. Herring represented him in the election contest lawsuit and charged him an outrageous bill. Let us just say the amount of the bill was the size of the price of a rental house in NE Jackson.

Anonymous said...

Kingfish, that is really a cheap shot toward Herring.Since when does a lawyer get the blame for doing his job. Fees, by all lawyers are always too high when they win so why single this one out? You do not know the terms of the representation agreement so how can you comment how what is too high. Plus you can buy rental houses in NE Jackson for near nothing and I do not like any lawyers.

Anonymous said...

Bigger question ...

what voters who put Bishop in office will demand now he get his head out of the clouds and being yanked around by Steen????

Anonymous said...

LOL. Everyone is blaming this on Steen. perhaps Bishop just wants to make sure his district is taken care of. I think most of the anger at Bishop and Steen is coming from Mary's people since she cannot control him. If Baxter would not conduct so many power plays against Bishop, perhaps Bishop would fall in line.

Anonymous said...

This is Ms. Anyone voted into office is going to be crooked. That is just the rules. If they are not crooked they will not get elected. Do you actually think people vote for a politician for what they will do for the country?

Anonymous said...

9:19 has no answer because there is no law nor is there precedent.

Down The Hall And Back said...

Y'all better stop worry about nipping at the heels of Baxter and start paying attention to Bishop. A taste of power has consumed the man and he is the Tasmanian Devil in the County Office Complex. Ask anybody at any desk.

Not only is Bishop snagged by the treble-hook of his three major contributors but he is hooked tight by Herring's spinner bait. The legal bill aside (that's just the cost of the contest), Bishop also allowed Herring to tell him who to gift the Zoning Director's job to. So this mess may never end where we can have honest and effective government.

Anonymous said...

I think the Bishop is a good honest person that was going to help stop all the mess that have been going on for years.All this all this talk that is being created here is by the bunch that Bishop beat.

Anonymous said...

The Madison residents that left Jackson 20 years ago, will leave Madison in the same shape they left Jackson, once that mess starts to crumble. Then they will deny anything needs repairs and they will go build another sub-division and incorporate another area in Yazoo, Madison, Rankin, or Copiah counties. Pushing the urban sprawl even farther.

Its better to fix that stuff now while the cost is minimal, as opposed to 30 years later.

Have any of you learned anything from the mistakes made in Jackson?

Anonymous said...

Mad Co[w] disease.

Anonymous said...

The supervisors have rotated the presidency for years...the statute on point does not say one way or another.

A lawyer cannot point to the statute and say definitively what a statute does not say explicitly.

To do so is to be a puppet not a lawyer for the entity.

Anonymous said...

Baxter was too arrogant to give up the President title. There is no real power in being President, only prestige.

Anonymous said...

Methinks Madison County has so many problems that it needs its on Jambalya blog.

Anonymous said...

Me thinks it's looking like Bishop will vote with Steen so Steen CAN get his way....
No one cares about Steen but Steen
You people lurking here who put Bishop in office better get in his grill now.

Anonymous said...

11:26 - Please pay attention. The lawyer did not point to a statute, since, hello....there isn't one. The lawyer only pointed to an attorney general's opinion. It's a lie to say they've always rotated. Some did, some didn't. Remember Richardson? Do you need other names?

But, this isn't about rotation. It's about Bishop's petty need for power and to be in charge. He may well have thought himself to be an honest man when he placed those ads saying he would join the other two honest supervisors. But, once he got the shock of looming legal bills and the prospect of going back to producing trophy plaques for a living, he changed his colors real damned quick.

Anonymous said...

MCA 19-3-7

Law school is 3 years....try it

Anonymous said...

It is possible that Bishop does not have to pay Herrin. The County of Madison might should be paying. It was their vote that was contested. Banks is the one who should pay.

Jill Ford would have been the better Supervisor, no doubt. I agree with the posters who say that money was spend on a professional road plan and now it should be followed or the reasons to make exceptions should be discussed, in public.

Shame on any elected official who will not discuss openly and advise all members of plans in time to be well informed before a vote. Pelosi must be the teacher?

Anonymous said...

"All this all this talk that is being created here is by the bunch that Bishop beat."

Actually, speaking for myself, I'm one who just wishes Bishop would fulfill his campaign promises instead of being played like a fiddle by Gerald Steen. The 'bunch that Bishop beat' is probably quite willing to sit back and watch him self destruct. That would be a better strategy.

But I Wanna Be Captain Friday Night said...

7:50; Your MCA citation says nothing one way or the other about rotation or term of office, only that there will be an election by the board. How long were you in law school?

The fact that some Boards have rotated and some have not is irrelevant. Some have also worn coats and ties while others attended in jeans and straw hats. Some have also slept through long portions of meetings only to be awakened by the sounds of laughter. But none of that, including who in the past might or might not have rotated establishes law.

"Universal Citation: MS Code § 19-3-7 (2013)
The members of the board of supervisors, having given bond and taken the oath of office, shall meet at the courthouse of their county, on the first Monday in January next succeeding the election, and shall organize by electing one of their number to be president, and by electing one of their number to be vice-president, and, being so organized, and attended by the sheriff and clerk, the board may proceed to discharge its duties."

Anonymous said...

3:20 am

Wow ...up early and still stupid.

That's exactly the point....which you fail to see.

A lawyer who definitively takes a position based on ambiguous language is a advocate....not a lawyer for the entity.

And further....directing the entity lawyer to "make" law for your position is tyrannical. Baxter usurped his role as member and played lawyer. That is reason enough he should be dismissed.

And AG opinions? They are non binding guesses at best...and this one is not even on all point.

One last thing about patterns and conduct and things are performed over time does indeed have bearing on how things are performed in the future. Legal doctrines of waiver, lasches, and estoppel (mutual/nonmutual collateral offensive) developed (google "law of the case" as a fun aside) as a direct result. So before you dig too deep a hole...shut your uneducated mouth.

Anonymous said...

It really does not matter who is President. There is no additional power in being President. Baxter is making his own bed by insisting on staying on as President. The height of arrogance.

Anonymous said...

So who talked to Gerald Steen yesterday?
Its told the line was to the door .................
Pretty sure the chats were not to encourage him and Bishop to borrow millions...


Anonymous said...

So...7:03 finally stumbled to the kitchen and posted. And stupidly.

First of all, when an elected public body asks its attorney for his/her opinion, it would be unwise to say, "I ain't givin' you one." So, the other option is to cite the AG's opinion and comment on it. That's what the paycheck is for. And any time an opinion of an opinion is given, there will be somebody on one side or the other who disagrees with it and sees a giant conspiracy (as in your case). Lawyers are retained to give advice, opinions and guidance. Hello!

And to answer your next hollow suggestion:

"And further....directing the entity lawyer to "make" law for your position is tyrannical. Baxter usurped his role as member and played lawyer. That is reason enough he should be dismissed."

Where is your evidence of any of that? Today you claim Baxter should be dismissed. Yesterday you claimed she should had lied for Baxter and should be disbarred. Actually, you ought to climb your ass back in bed and pull the covers over your head instead of revealing your ignorance. Your other option is to back up your BS theories.

Anonymous said...

10:33 AM

House keeping.

You have ceded (or waived) the legal arguments and for that we thank you.

Next, you are wrong....lots of times the legal opinion is just that...there is not one available. In that event the answer is to solve the problem amongst the group. Baxter is not able to do that....hence the problem.

And yes, if you direct someone to state for certain what is not the are over stepping your bounds. Why stop there...why not give him veto authority and just have the lawyer say that's "fine?"

* note, you are confusing me with others....I never said she should be disbarred....all I said was she should be the lawyer for the board..not the board member who tells her what to do and what to say when to say it and how to say independent....not a "potted plant."

Nice try school....3 can go at night too if you like.

Anonymous said...

Shouldn't some of the cities chip-in for roads to be repaved within their jurisdictions?

Anonymous said...

10:52; If you have the ability to either attend meetings or watch them on the live feed, you will see that your claim never happened.

Baxter nor anyone else 'directed someone to state for certain what the law is'. Try again after you've had a few coctails tonight. I do hope Bishop is not paying you for your opinion. An awful lot of us donated to the cause. Which night class did you attend?

Anonymous said...

5:00 pm

So you are present during all Baxters personal time? He never spoke to her? Ever?

We have witnessed your we get to see you're so gullible?

Please...go back to what it is you do...cause this ain't it.

Anonymous said...

All of this just makes me sick. Thought Madison County was getting beyond this behavior and pettiness. Anything not shared with the whole Board and agreed to in private is just plain wrong. It is also wrong to spend the public money for professional reports and then disregard them. All votes, not of an emergency nature, should be held after at least a week of study by all member of the Board.

Attends The Meetings said...

6:13 - We've seen your conspiracy theories. Now...for your next act, please present your evidence.

You really ought to think for yourself and stop listening to Bishop. That way you might not appear so ignorant.

Bishop listens to Steen and you listen to Bishop. Thankfully it stops there.

Anonymous said...

Bishop has stated on Facebook that he will not be posting on Facebook regarding county business and will no longer respond to such inquiries. In other words, the heat in the kitchen got a bit hot when he was called to task.

Maybe one of the people on here who pretend to speak FOR him can explain why he refused Supervisor Jones' request to have this Steen plan available for further study and discussion prior to a vote.

What could Griffin possibly stand to gain by that and how could he possibly go along with a plan if HE had not seen it outside the meeting?

Anonymous said...

1:07 PM

They have to vote on the bond issue...and heat will come to bear. Hopefully sanity will prevail.

Baxter and Jones are egomaniacs.....they should have Bishop in their corner easily....why can't they help lead him to their way? Because they are arrogant and belittling.

And Baxter....where exactly does he live anyway?

Crap or Get Off The Pot.. said...

1:26; I either attend or watch the live feed of all the meetings. I rarely see Supervisor Jones interject and she is certainly never argumentative or domineering. She will ask an occasional question. Not sure where you get your 'arrogant and belittling' assessment. Perhaps you can cite a reference. Check any meeting in the archives and please cite the time line on the tape where she OR Baxter either one are arrogant or belittling of anybody in any meeting.

If you want to see arrogant and belittling you can look to Griffin for that. But, you WILL NOT be able to cite an example of either Jones or Baxter being belittling or arrogant in any board meeting. There's your challenge. Take your time.

But, wait! Maybe you meant they are arrogant or belittling in one of Bishop's secret meetings....but they aren't invited to those. So, back to the challenge. You may begin.

Anonymous said...

7:03, 10:52 and others where the same person posts: Enough of your arrogance. Would a lawyer with a real practice (involves active cases according to Google) be on this blog endlessly keyboarding about who wants to be president of a damned county board of supervisors and chattering on about rules of estoppel and the ever-mythical doctrine of precedent? Have you nothing else to work on?

Put up or shut up with your bullshit claims of Baxter directing the lawyer to do anything unethical. Otherwise, shut your over-educated yet uniformed mouth.

Anonymous said...

Here is an OPEN MEETING for you all who are really concerned.

Today 2/2/17
Lake Caroline Main Clubhouse
6 pm

Ya'll can ask BISHOP all the questions you want

Anonymous said...

I watched a bit of it. Bishop is truly an amateur. Pretends to be Dom Delouise but then breaks off into either Buddy Hackett or Jackie Gleason. Never did defend his position on a single point.

The man realizes he has taken the path of most resistance and is about to snatch himself back into reality methinks. That would be a good thing.

Anonymous said...

VIDEO of Meeting -- David Bishop at Lake Caroline
Part 1 / appx 9 min
Part 2/ 1 hour

I'm Dumb But Not This Dumb said...

I clicked on the above link. As soon as Bishop said "In the meeting I got the Gerald Steen Plan and I looked at it (he says while pretending to hold up and look at a plan for the first time).....", my radar went off. That's when I turned the feed off. If he actually thinks we are stupid enough to believe he had not conspired with Steen in the presentation and adoption of this Road Plan, he's got another think comin'.

YUP! That's How It Happened Alright.. said...

"I looked and I saw my roads on there so I voted for it."

Now just how good of a representative of the people would govern in THAT manner? Really.

There are only three possibilities here:

1) Bishop thinks we all fell off a potato wagon yesterday.

2) Bishop fell of a potato wagon yesterday.

3) 1 and 2

Anonymous said...


BISHOP does remind me of Jackie Gleason now that you mention it.

Cannot make this stuff up>>

Me thinks Steen didn't have him prepared enough to go solo !~ LOL

These videos prove it!

Repost to share again

Reminder-- There are 2 videos
part 1 -- appx 9 min.
Intro by D Jones then Supervisor Bishop

part 2 - 1hr +

He says he wants to move traffic to the interstate.
He says all supervisor have seen this road plan since OCTOBER.

ME thinks he wants what his boss tells him to want and NO one saw the STEEN road plan except him, Steen and Griffin...
Pass out this 2nd road plan and just pass it!!

The Courthouse Gang said...

Kingfish - Can you post the cartoon of John Bell Crosby asking "Miss Me Yet?"

Anonymous said...

If Bishop had been wearing an earpiece so Steen could direct his comments, the meeting would have gone much smoother. Remember, Steen stayed in office by only 20 votes and he's got a ring in Bishop's nose.

It's not Karl Banks that Bishop needs to worry about in 2.5 years. It's whoever emerges from the woodwork. Nobody will win a majority in the primary and Banks will go down in the runoff. Bishop can apply to be a building inspector.

Waiting Patiently.. said...

Where's that fellow who claimed Baxter and Jones are 'arrogant and belittling' of others? Guess he couldn't back up his bullshit.

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In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.

In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS