A 14-year old runway from a children's home stole a JPD cruiser from Precinct 3 this evening. The yewt drove for two miles before his joyride ended. He apparently couldn't handle a curve and left the road. The cruiser came to a stop in by some woods and suffered minor damage. The JPD officer assigned to the car left his keys in the ignition. Yup. It is probably a safe prediction that the officer will face some disciplinary action as well as some chewing of the gluteus maximus although it might be a gluteus extremus minumus when the session is over. The yewt will soon face the face of Judge Skinner.
Sunday, April 3, 2016
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Trollfest '09
Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.
Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).
Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.
Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".
In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.
In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.
Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.
Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).
Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.
Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".
In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.
In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.
Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.
Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
Trollfest '07
Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.
There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.
If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.
If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!
This is definitely a Beaver production.
Note: Security provided by INS.
24 comments:
Say it aint so . . . this could never happen in the "City with Soul".
Can't wait to see how they spin this one.
I have noticed police cars of various districts left running in different places while on duty. I was told (not by anyone official) that it was so they could leave quickly if necessary - perhaps that it is silly, but it seemed like a possible explanation. Is it possible the keys are left in the cars for the same reason?
I asked that question. I was told the car was not left running but that he simply left the keys in the ignition.
They leave the car running for several reasons. It uses less gas. They also have to turn on and power up several things before they can leave. At least that is what the police have always told me.
I can Now see why Kenney Stokes is calling for a Curfew on teens.
......."They leave the car running for several reasons. It uses less gas. They also have to turn on and power up several things before they can leave. At least that is what the police have always told me.".......
Yes, a car left idling for 8 hours uses less gas than a car not running for 8 hours. (Too bad I cannot insert a picture of a guy bent over laughing out loud here)
I guess using that same logic, it's safe to believe that if there are less police, there will be less crime.
If the car were diesel it would use less fuel to leave it running. No gasoline engines though. And I'm sure they're all about fuel consumption to begin with.
Damn straight. And the lights burn out more quickly if turned off than turned on.
Seriously though, and some of the comments have been made in jest, it takes awhile for the computers, dashcams, and other equipment to boot up so the standard practice is to leave the cars running in case they get a call and have to leave immediately. K-9 cars are left running for obvious reasons.
When I worked as a policeman, my car was running my entire shift but, I had sense enough to go get a duplicate key so I could lock it whenever I was out of it and prevent situations just like this one from happening.
I guess Common Sense isn't so common anymore!
Wish I had that kids balls. He'll have bragging rites in the 'Hoodz' for weeks.
I know a man who stole a sheriff's deputy car and took it for a ride until they caught him. It cost him nearly 3 months in jail but that was Rankin county.
before 10PM? (midnight on the weekends?) Of course, everyone knows that youths don't commit crimes before 10PM (12AM on weekends.)
And yes--this kid is going to be legit on the streets in 3 months...
Honestly, some of you commenters need to relax with your hint of racist micro aggression.
When we were 14 and stupid, we "stole" a vehicle at a weekend church lock-in. Crashed it. Then tried to sneak back in to the lock in. Difference is that we were all "good kids" from "good families" at a "good church." So, while the police did become involved, nothing became of it. Now it's a great story to tell people to shock them.
We weren't from the "City with Soul" as 9:53 PM said yesterday, but I guess we were "Vicksburg River Rats."
14 year olds are going to be 14 year olds. Sadly, though, it seems like this kid has no family to guide him or help change this behavior. We all learned from that and grew up to do well. I hope our justice system helps this kid out. Small chance, though.
12:23, hate to be the one to break it to you but you were not good kids, from good families, or at a good church. That is all in your mind. If you were around anyone of the three you would know better. You didn't know better and are not a bit different from the thugs in Jackson. Not all 14 year olds are thieves.
Back in another lifetime and galaxy far away....I took a Cook Construction steamroller for a joyride around the Jitney Jungle parking lot where we all use to congregate. Does that qualify?
in college as a freshman pledge to a frat, along with all the other pledges, went to a chapter of our frat at another school, broke in and took plaques and frat stuff. we made it back to our school and the next weekend the other chapter had to bring lots of beer to ransom back their stuff. good times, until, when in law school, I figured out that technically that was burglary of a dwelling... really, really stupid for an 18 year old.
I was told a long, long time ago by a Counseling teacher, "If you want to know why somebody does something, watch for what happens next".
2:19
I hate to break it to you, but the world doesn't work as simply and as black and white as you like to believe. Thank you for summarily concluding the type of person I am, where I come from, and my old church. Life must be very easy and convenient for you, passing judgement and dismissing the humanity of others around you so easily based on a single mistake. You continue to do that, keep working hard and you might just make it to Deacon or Elder or Wedding Committee at your church. Actually helping others around you might be a goal a little more difficult to attain.
As evidenced by subsequent comments, the rest of us will be mindful of one another's humanity, reflect on our own ignorant mistakes, be thankful in the people and circumstances that shaped us away from such behaviors, and continue to challenge each other to think of ways we can make ourselves and others around us better.
I know how the kid will be received by his friends because I have experience. I stole the drink cart in a golf tournament once, and my friends treated me like a king.
What the hell is the 'wedding committee'?
5:11, a thief is a thief. Doesn't matter who they are, where they came from, or how good of a person they try to act like.
I have a friend who did a teen-joyride at a local airport. Borrowed a small plane and flew it around the Atlanta area. He became an F-15 driver in the Air Force. Not recommending it but it's a true story. He was a really good stick.
I think 9:10 is suggesting this kid might become a cop in Madison.
An up and coming common street thug.
6:04
Wedding Committee is a special committee team whose farm system and hardest hit recruiting grounds is the Singles area of the Church. Usually in charge of all the very specific minute details of weddings (outside of the external wedding planner) should they happen at a certain church.
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