Wednesday, November 14, 2018

It's the Big One!!!

A crime victim must have watched Sanford & Son.   WBTV (Matthews, NC) reported:


Police are looking for a man who invaded the home of an 85-year-old woman in Matthews.

That woman, resourceful, brave and was able to think fast to defend herself by pretending to have a heart attack.

The invader left the woman unharmed, but the neighborhood is still rattled and very sad about the invasion, especially because it was against a woman who lives alone.

“She’s a woman that ah, I’ve never really seen anybody like her,” said Tim Sessoms, a neighbor.

Saturday morning around 10:30 a.m., police say a stranger knocked at the woman’s door wearing a hat with dark grayish-green work style clothing on.

Officers responded the call for a burglary that reportedly took place on the 900 block of Evian Lane.

The victim said her faith in God kept her calm while the man demanded she give him 
money.

All the while he was searching her home, she was brainstorming ways to get him out of her house.

Then she decided to fake a heart attack.

“I’m proud of the fact that she was able to do that for herself,” said Sessoms.

The woman told me the intruder said he didn’t want to hurt her, then went to get her a phone for her to call 911.

The intruder left, she called the police and they arrived shortly after. Rest of story.


Hmmm...... where have we seen this before?




9 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm coming, Elizabeth!

Anonymous said...

Nice job press, now they can go and rob her again...

Anonymous said...

Had to click on 'read more' to learn this was in....egad...North Carolina! No more local donut stories?

Anonymous said...

Probably a damn Republican

Fred said...

"Esther, they could stick your face in some dough and make gorilla cookies...!"

Anonymous said...

4:06, you didn't have to click if you had read the first line.

Anonymous said...

Like "All in the Family", "Sanford & Son" was one of the greatest and least politically correct shows in TV history, and they were hilarious!!! There's no way either one of those shows would make it on TV in this sad time that we live in. Thank GOD for reruns!!!

Anonymous said...

"4:06, you didn't have to click if you had read the first line.
November 15, 2018 at 7:45 AM"

Not true, 'you big dummy'!, in my best Fred Sanford voice. We read and hear cyber stories all the time from stations in other states and cities and the activity took place hundreds of miles away. Google Mike Espy and you'll read news coverage about him by a number of northeastern states' press.

Anonymous said...


Julio: Buenos Dias, Mr. Sanford.

Fred Sanford: And beans and disease to you, too.



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Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

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Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

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Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


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Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

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