Friday, May 18, 2018

Worse than pitiful

Here is another open manhole.  This one is probably just 50-100 yards away from St. Andrews Episcopal School on Old Canton Road.  No bondo was used this time as the manhole was just left wide open.  You can't make this up. 






76 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is pathetic! Thanks KF for pointing these out!

Anonymous said...

The message the Lumumba administration is sending about community leadership and self governance is loud and clear. The population of Jackson is incapable of self rule or governance. This is not a racial thing and includes the white folks sitting on the council twiddling their thumbs as the city falls apart. I remember when the kids were killed on Riverside years ago and nothing has been fixed since then either.

Anonymous said...

Next!

Anonymous said...

Wow what does the councilman have to say? Who took over after Foote?

Anonymous said...

So the cones there aren't a warning?

Anonymous said...

#FuckingFixThis

Sorry, but radical civil rights programs come first.

Anonymous said...

It is not unusual for manhole covers to be stolen and sold to recyclers. I can visualize low-lifes doing this.

Anonymous said...

Councilman.? Ashby foote... ha... he probably isn't even aware of the tragedy that happened yesterday. If he is aware don't look for a response... the guy is truly weak! I mean pathetic. We have no representation as long as Ashby is there

Anonymous said...

It IS, in fact, unusual 1:12. You're speculating. There are very few recyclers in the metro and none of them will pay for a manhole cover, copper or other articles that are on the 'easy steal' list. Try again later.

Anonymous said...

Lil chokwe is well over his head with this. He's not use to citizens demanding actions and solutions to problems and It seems they've had a belly full and are sick of simply put investigations into matters or were conducting a study. People want action.

Anonymous said...

You really can't blame this all on the mayor. Some of these potholes are older than his law degree, much less his administration. Riverside has been a disaster for over a decade. Ridgewood is not much different.

Anonymous said...


Do you think someone is doing this on purpose ??????????

There is an awful lot of hate for Northeast Jackson !!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

@1:12 Sadly you are wrong. Recyclers are under more and more scrutiny with things that are obviously stolen. They would only accept manhole covers if they are brought in by the city or contractors with documentation that they were removed legally.

Anonymous said...

1:22...Why would baby Choke care about some white citizens of Jackson making demands ? You are kidding...right ?

Anonymous said...


Was this marked at all?

Anonymous said...

Been saying this for 5 years. Better concentrate on 4 things, police, fire, public works and infrastructure only. To hell with the zoo, parks, Jackson pools, renaming streets and social programs. If you don't fix the first 4 things no one will be here to pay taxes. The only reason some of the streets have been fixed is due to the 1 cent sales tax and the city wanted to control that. My suggestion is keep paving as fast as you can and lets have some road blocks every other night in 4 or 5 places in Jackson. Buy some tents to put the arrested criminals in and lock them up. Get a mean judge and put down the hammer.

Anonymous said...

The idiots in charge haven't figured out that if you have good infrastructure, safety, and decent schools, you can attract businesses and promote economic development. Instead they work for "opportunities" and "equality" from inside a house made of crumbling shit. None of these big picture type goals are even on the table if you can't drive down the f---ing street without dying.

Anonymous said...

Is this what a "dignity economy" looks like? SMDH

Anonymous said...

At this time zip code 39211 is the primary contributor to the city government tax coffers. It is also primarily a residential area. The property tax rates in Jackson are the highest in the state. Eddie Fair made an appearance at the City Council last year that KF covered. They asked him, "Eddie, where's all the tax money?" and Eddie said, "Left town with all the businesses". So NE Jackson has a choice, keep on bitching and complaining and NOTHING will ever happen, OR actively work to make NE Jackson a separate incorporated entity that can control its roads, water, sewer, and police. Sure would be nice not to have a boil water notice every other month!, storm drains that have not been cleaned in 10 years (oh yea), something besides catch and release, and roads that don't destroy your frontend, etc., etc. It can happen if enough people in NE Jackson want it to happen. The legislature is super majority Republican and the Governor is Republican. What is missing is the will to do it, and a bunch of folks (all the politicians) in NE Jackson that GO ALONG TO GET ALONG.

Ivory wants to know said...

Just curious, but are all of the open manholes in the predominately white areas of town?

Change the Flag and Fill the Potholes said...

"Worse than Pitiful" is the only appropriate assessment of the infrastructure conditions in MS. Teenagers shouldn't have to pay with their lives for deferred maintenance. Driving takes enough attention without having to be vigilant for potholes, sinkholes and open manholes - we might as well be navigating around IED's in the Middle-East. The City is at fault but the State is equally culpable. Shutting down over 100 bridges deemed too dangerous for vehicular traffic - are they serious??? And Tate calls himself a "Conservative" who can't support a gas tax hike to pay for road maintenance and improvements?!... Well I am also a "Conservative" with a daughter who lost a best friend yesterday and would gladly pay more at the pump for safe roads and bridges. This isn't a partisan or even political issue. I'm sick of those bullshit excuses from MS leaders. My daughter will attend college out of state - I may just follow and take my tax dollars elsewhere...

Anonymous said...

What about the one in in front of JA. It has a cone covering it.

Anonymous said...

Nail on the head at 1:59 p.m. It really isn't hard, is it? But, God forbid, the majority electors in this City vote in competence.

Anonymous said...

That is the manhole I was talking about on the earlier post about the child's death. The cone and the yellow tape are obviously new additions cause they were not there this morning. Knee jerk reaction by the city to CYA in case of another accident.

Anonymous said...

Why not use the profits from the 2 municipal golf courses to buy new manhole covers!!

Anonymous said...

There is a manhole with no cover on Silas Brown behind the downtown post office. There is sometimes a barrel over it, if it has not been knocked over. Been that way for a year or more.

Anonymous said...

Not defending this at all, but --

the manhole was covered by the barrel (prior to this picture being taken when the barrel was evidently moved to the side) and there was another cone with 'police/caution' tape from barrel to cone to power pole. While the cover obviously needs to be replaced, it was adequately marked - unlike some.

Hate to join in the discussion about the tragedy on Ridgewood, but the fact is that road is probably in the best shape of any road in Jackson. Recently been resurfaced and reconstructed in many ways. And this tragedy appears to be a result of the reconstruction rather than the lack of attention - with the completion of the work by raising the manholes to be level with the new street surface a week or so ago.

To blame the terrible situation with the young girl on the conditions of the infrastructure in Jackson just doesn't match - except to give people who want to bitch (appropriately) about the overall street conditions something to rally around. What would you prefer - to not resurface Ridgewood, leave the street in the bad shape it was in prior to 2017, which would have meant that the manhole cover would not have been replaced?

Yes, of course, if it meant the life was not lost. But the accident is more closely related to the construction work (and the failure of the policeperson on site not remaining once called there by the earlier accident) than to the condition of Jackson's streets.

Anonymous said...

Cones are the one thing Jackson has a surplus. Jackson has more cones than they can keep up with. What they don’t have is workers who care. Sad!

Anonymous said...

I think yesterday's accident and infrastructure are indeed related. Ridgewood needed to be resurfaced because it was in terrible neglected condition like many others. The job was done incorrectly - manholes need to be level. I believe that the city hired an incompetent contractor for this. I have driven on other repaved streets with low manholes. Where's the oversight for these projects? The city workers who were supposed to mark and fix open manholes also failed, as well as the police who responded to an earlier car who ran into the hole.

ALL of this is because the infrastructure was severely neglected and in the rush to catch up with the repairs leads to shoddy work.

Anonymous said...

3:00, I would agree with much of your comment, and share your grief for the loss of one of my children's friends as well.

But, this accident was not the result of deferred maintenance. This road is now one of the better roads in the state. It was a subject of deferred maintenance a year ago, but not when this accident happened. Construction accident, maybe. But the overall infrastructure of the city was not the situation that caused the loss of this beautiful life.

Anonymous said...

This road is now one of the better roads in the state.

Hardly.

Anonymous said...

No 4:05 - this was not 'rushed'. And it was not an incompetent contractor. Yes, Ridgewood was in terrible shape, as are many other streets in Jackson (and actually in several other areas of the state as well, for what that's worth.) But, it 'was' in terrible shape. And, the construction that was done was not finished. There was a 'punch list' of items to be completed, which it appears the contractor (or sub-contractor) attended to last week. And in doing so, one of the items was not done properly. Recognize, of course, it was done by a human, and humans are fallible. Don't have any idea who did the work to raise the manhole levels and install the cover. Don't know (as nobody else on this site at this time either) exactly what caused this manhole cover to turn, as it appears it did. But I can say for absolute certainty that there was not a "rush" to catch up with the needed repairs, and for you to suggest the same would bring out a chorus of laughs from throughout the city. Most are all correct in saying that there is not a "rush".

As to the oversight, it would appear to me that the oversight is why the contractor was doing the work last week; the city had noted the issue with the manholes and required them to be finished before the project was closed out. Don't know what you think you know about construction but it doesn't happen with the wave of a magic wand, and is not without potential danger. Nor is it done immediately.

As to the police issue, from what I know (which is nothing more than I read on these blog sites and in the paper) I would agree. Don't know why the police responding to the earlier incident left until the situation was addressed, and IMHO that is the failure in this situation. But while that is a city failure, it does not translate into shoddy infrastructure on Ridgewood.

Anonymous said...

Hire Another Consultant - Yea Buddy - So
Some Mo Folks Can Get Greased Under
The Table
Convention Center
Standard Life
Westin Hotel
Follow The Money to The Lawyers

Anonymous said...

For the record: the next tragic accident waiting to happen on northside between ridgewood and kirkwood. The bumps in the road on the hill are going to cause someone to be thrown from the road into either a tree or oncoming traffic. Just watch

Anonymous said...

That has already happened 5:15........50 years ago a classmate (can’t remember who) was late getting to school (Murrah) topped that hill westbound speeding, lost control and ran off the road into Bobby Moore’s front yard, crashed into a tree and broke his leg. The cause? Teenage driving. I held my breath every time one of mine left the house while teenagers. Please tell each of yours to be safe and tell them why.....

Anonymous said...

2:39 P.M. - I am on board with your plan. What do we have to do? Let’s take some damn action instead of bitching on the internet.

Anonymous said...

Yet JPS is asking for more taxpayer money again. I'm so sick of jps I could scream. My neighborhood only pays the taxes yet can't send kids to public schools. I guess st Andrews JA and prep are all thankful to hos for that though.

Anonymous said...

Potholes, sinkholes, open manholes.....all need to be circled with fluorescent spray paint. Orange, yellow, bright green...any color that will, hopefully, get drivers' attention day and night.

This will need to be done by concerned citizens of Jackson...to help the city's "leaders" know where repairs are needed. If majority of holes circled, it would be interesting to see what the city looks like from above:)

Signs with the phone numbers of the Mayor's office and the Public Works Dept will also help concerned citizens know where to call to report problems that need to be addressed. I feel sure all calls will be most appreciated by Mayor Lumumba and Public Works Director Robert Miller....and addressed immediately....for sure....oh, yeah.

Jacksun said...

As a St A Alum and parent, this really makes angry with the City.

Anonymous said...

Someone please tell me how this accident can be blamed on the Public Works Department - with facts that are known today. A contractor was completing the project of repaving the street by raising the manholes to street level - part of the contracted work which Jackson PW required the contractor to complete. The product failed, and the result was an absolutely terrible accident. Far be it from me to defend the City of Jackson, but in this case I can't see why - other than frustration with the situation throughout the city - fingers are being pointed at PW, or particularly to the Director, Mr. Miller (who has been in his position for less than six months) and other than overseeing the completion of this project had nothing to do with its design or implementation.

Bitch about the street conditions all day long and I will readily agree with you. But to point fingers of blame on a situation such as this without having any basis except for not knowing where else to point does not help resolve anything. For myself, I am going to grieve with this family, attend the services at our church tomorrow, and pray for their grief to be attended to by our loving God.

I am not going to waste time pissing up a rope bitching about somebody - or a department - that had no control over the fail that created this disaster.

F mickns said...

Cover stolen for value of metal?

http://www.newsweek.com/manhole-covers-stolen-scrap-metal-89575

https://www.mswmag.com/online_exclusives/2015/02/5_ways_cities_are_clamping_down_on_manhole_cover_theft

https://www.mswmag.com/online_exclusives/2015/02/5_ways_cities_are_clamping_down_on_manhole_cover_theft.

http://www.scraplaws.com/scrap-laws-by-state.php?stateid=MS

https://iscrapapp.com/blog/us-scrap-metal-laws-by-state/



Freak Accident? One Jackson manhole manhole cover broke and fell into manhole

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2016/02/13/manhole-cover-crashes-into-suvs-windshield-killing-driver.html

Possible prank theft?
http://www.cumberlandnews.co.uk/news/Vandalsa-manhole-prank-leaves-victim-in-hospital-ef8f63f5-d3d9-483d-8e2f-a0449b7b74b5-ds

Anonymous said...

I moved out of the Nation of Jackson 15 months ago. I don't even drive through that city if I can help it. When I do drive into Jackson, about once every few months, I am struck by how much the same streets have deteriorated since the last time, and renew my resolve to stay out.

Anonymous said...

Thank you Ashby for taking a public stand—NOT!

Anonymous said...

Manhole covers. The city can’t even keep up with manhole covers. How pathetic. Add this to the long list of reasons why people and businesses move from Jackson.

Anonymous said...

The real issue is that there is no money to fix anything in Jackson. Just look at the population decline since 1990 - these numbers are from the US Census Bureau:

1990 - 196,526
2000 - 185,260
2010 - 173,744
2020 - (projected) 163,000

What these numbers represent are tax dollars leaving the city - it really is that basic.

When people don't want to live someplace they vote with their feet. Time honored tradition. And the largest exodus has been white tax payers. The 2010 CL headline after the census result...White Population Declines to 17%.

By 2020 it is projected to be 10%.

You can bet NOTHING is going to get fixed - NO MONEY. If you live in Jackson...buy a large truck with HD suspension and learn to drive like you are dodging IEDs in Baghdad.


Anonymous said...

@8:06.....

A have heard a Toyota Land Cruiser will do fine on Jackson's deteriorating Streets...

Anonymous said...

Fmickens - that's what I posted earlier, but two people said no way. Well, way. Denial is not a river in Egypt, and neither is ignorance.

Kingfish said...

Hasn't been an issue for several years and SOS began cracking down. Dealers won't pay for manhole covers.

Also the prices are now so low, so I'm told, that it's almost not worth it to go to the dealers. Police said it hasn't been a problem for some time as well.

Anonymous said...

Yes, but they can be sold in other cities, and are sold in other cities. Look, they aren't just vaporizing or being beamed up to outerspace.

Anonymous said...

@10:04

One would have to travel two states away to find a scrap metal dealer to take a man hole cover. The take would be $40. Most of the druggies who steal scrap metal don’t have the means to travel to sell. They are chasing the next high

The Big Libby said...

Now we we all damn well know that even if they were stolen, they were never properly secured. Yet another act of tortious negligence.

No matter how ya chop it, slice it, or dice it—- the same entities are still responsible.

Keep ‘em coming. This is getting fun. What you people really need to come up with is a list of what you can’t be sued for. I’d start there. After you walk backwards for oh, say, about two seconds to see where this is all going, you’ve already fell in an unmarked open manhole and you’re only hope of surviving this experience is an upside down construction barrell that can’t hold much weight, if any.

Anonymous said...

10:04 Reading is fundamental.
Instead of speculating on transporting manhole covers to places where they are bought, why not read the next sentence that the JPD says that stolen covers haven't been a problem of late.

Anonymous said...

So....Mickns has spent a bit of time and managed to find a few links to stolen manhole covers. Let me know when Frankie has evidence that any scrap dealer in the area will buy a manhole cover if you show up with one.

Call 'The Can Man' in Canton or Jackson and ask what they'll give you for a manhole cover. The answer will be "Not a single damned dime!" Nobody 'stole' this manhole cover. Mickns continues to be an apologist for all things Jackson.

Anonymous said...

8:06, want to provide a link to back up your US Census Bureau projections for 2020? Because I’m pretty sure you just made that up.

Anonymous said...

Instead of putting warning cones and tape out, wouldn't it be easier to just put another manhole cover in place?

Anonymous said...

The damned covers have not been stolen. Move on from that idiocy. This is just another example of total incompetence. Whether it's the fault of Public Works, a contractor, a follow up by an inspector who was given an oversight job or the police department....it's nothing but the larger issue of incompetence. Stuff an orange barrel in the hole and move on down the road. Come back and check on the barrel a year later. Replace as necessary.

Anonymous said...

There is a lot of blame to go around. Bottom line, the police lady called to the uncovered manhole before the accident
Is at fault. She should have stayed there until it was safely marked to protect the public. How can she sleep at night knowing she is responsible for this.

Anonymous said...

@ 6:07 The foundry that made them closed, it was on Rankin St. I doubt the city got the molds before everything was scrapped after the gentleman who owned it died. I doubt they have any spares, I doubt they have the money to replace them and they obviously don't have anyone who cares.

Anonymous said...

What more is necessary for the National Guard to be called in to protect citizens from the life-threatening incompetence of Jackson's city government?

Anonymous said...

all you folks shouting about how certain government workers need to be disciplined or what ever need to under stand this. no one in government has any accountability whatsoever . no matter how bad they screw things up they cant be held responsible. that is precisely why everybody wants a government job. you just show up with a pulse rate and a brain wave or two, and you practice incompetence all day and then go home. for that you get a pretty good salary and full benefits including good health insurance, and civil service protection that says you cannot be fired short of committing mass murder.

Miller's Shuck and Jive said...

... and they obviously don't have anyone who cares.

Miller's comments yesterday to Ladd's Pravda that he is not aware of any other missing covers should outrage everyone in Jackson -- especially the black community which has to deal with far more infrastructure issues on a daily basis that Belhaven/Fondren/NE Jackson.

The same person who works so hard to convince anyone (and everyone) that he possesses a towering command of the issues, and his department, is either purposefully engaging in misdirection or is not as masterful in the performance of his job duties as the spin foisted upon the public and local press.

NOW we see exposed that Miller wants the discourse both ways. He wants to be seen as the veteran experienced DPW SME on one hand but on the other, when political and obfuscation expediency is required, he plays dumb.

We were told that Miller walks on water. Nope, he sinks. Jackson is LOST.




(Side note: Notice how the hard hitting JFPravda did not challenge Miller's 'I dunno' assertion though Ladd repeatedly crows about her outfit being hard hitting. Ha!)

Anonymous said...

Just asking because I have no degree in transportation. city management or anything related to this topic.

It seems to me some manhole issues could be resolved if engineers would find a way to place the manhole in the center of a traffic land and not on the edge in the tire tracks. Thoughts from an expert?

Dee Ray said...

Claiming that 'the foundry closed' is about as asinine as anything I've read or heard to-date. Do you believe every town in America has a foundry that makes damned man-hole covers? They're ordered and shipped either by truck or train to every city in America. I'm sure they're expensive, yet not quite as expensive as a funeral.

Anonymous said...

@8:18am She sleeps at night because she is a product of 'next'

Anonymous said...

My heart goes out to the family of the young lady who was killed. It is a horrible and unthinkable experience to lose a child.
The city administration seems to be focused on placing the blame on any and everyone except the city administration.
Until the people of Jackson wake up and vote these incompetent asses out of office nothing will change. I fear that the problem is, they are never going to wake up and take action.
IN ENGLAND THEY DRIVE ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE ROAD
IN JACKSON THEY DRIVE ON WHAT’S LEFT OF THE ROAD

Johnny Weir said...

I blame the ALL residents on the steet. They needed to step up and fix this dangerous issue on their street. Someone should have went to The Home Depot and brought a couple of orange cones. Than badger the
Hell out of the city. But NO, all the resident said Not my Problem. That's why I pay Taxes Resident of that street You got blood of this young woman on your hands.

Anonymous said...

Johny Weir - it must hurt to be that stupid and nasty.

Anonymous said...

8:23am

There is no need for a "foundry". They could cut 3/4" steel, buy replacements or just go to amazon and pay $180 for a road-ready plastic replacement. There is nothing that requires the city of jackson logo on the cover.

This is simply indifference to the citizens by the city

https://www.amazon.com/Standartpark-Manhole-Removable-Reinforced-Durability/dp/B01DOS36GY

Anonymous said...

Much money is paid to crooks like IMS to do nothing for their pay. Real simple.

HDMatthias, MD said...

Someone suggested spraying fluorescent paint around these. I bought two cans--hot pink and hot orange. I'm carrying them in my car. I just hope I don't get killed when I'm spraying around them.

Anonymous said...

There is a massive open sinkhole in Ridgewood Road south of Lakeland Drive right in front of the mailboxes just behind the McDonalds. It is surrounded by orange barrels and yellow tape. Very dangerous...

Anonymous said...

How about getting the high paid mentors or consultants companies are forced to hire to get contracts with the city to check on man holes. I am sure they can find a few minutes in their busy day of observing to look at a few man holes.

Anonymous said...

That one has been open for 2-3 weeks with the barrel on it. Fairly sure someone stole it because it was there one morning and gone the next as I drive that road every day. Miraculously it was fixed day after the accident. It appears the only problem was no one would get off their ass and go fix it.

Anonymous said...

10$8 - Again, nobody 'stole' anything. If there was a cover off to the side one day and gone the next, the public works department removed it since it didn't fit.

There ain't no booger-bears, the sky is not falling and there is not a manhole-cover thief sneaking around Jackson.

This is reminding me of the public school system. Get busy and blame the problems on everything except where the blame actually lies.

Anonymous said...

My son called three times about this manhole, and after the THIRD time, the city (?) put a cone and tape up around it. There's just no excuse! The city should track these calls, and there should be dire, adverse consequences for the negligent employees!!!

Anonymous said...

Although the city and many individuals might disagree, the paving contractor finished their job and handed everything back over to the city about a week before the tragic accident on Ridgewood Rd. The city would not accept the job as completed unless they had checked everything, which leads one to believe the contractor had done their job correctly and left nothing uncovered! THE CITY KNEW OF THIS MISSING/INCORRECTLY PLACED/BROKEN MANHOLE BEFORE MS. FORTNER'S ACCIDENT!!! PERIOD. END. OF. STORY!!!!

2016 Hottest Reporter Poll

Suscribe to latest on JJ.

Recent Comments

Search Jackson Jambalaya

Subscribe to JJ's Youtube channel

Who is the hottest reporter?

Archives

Who is the Hottest Reporter in Jackson?

Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
.