Monday, May 14, 2018

SEC Wants Receiver in Ponzi scheme, Delbert Opposes

The Securities and Exchange Commission asked U.S. District Judge Carlton Reeves to appoint a temporary receiver for Lamar Adams and his company Madison Timber Properties.  The SEC accused the two defendants of operating a Ponzi scheme that defrauded 150 investors out of more than $85 million since 2005 in a lawsuit filed in U.S. District Court on April 20.   The SEC said Adams sold bogus timber rights and deeds that guaranteed 13% interest rates.  The defendants have not responded to the complaint.

The SEC argued that a receiver was needed to that the defendants' assets could be "preserved" for distribution to the victims.  The request states that a receiver will submit a report within 60 days that states how the assets will be distributed to the victims.  The SEC said in a separate memorandum

Defendants and their agents still have control and possession of investor funds as well as certain  assets purchased with investor funds.  Counsel for Defendant Adams has identified interests owned  by Adams in at least four real estate ventures. See Exhibit A (May 8, 2018, Letter from John M. Colette).  Upon information and belief, Adams acquired at least some of these interests while the scheme alleged in the Complaint was on-going.  It is, thus, highly likely that such interests were acquired, in whole or in part, with investor funds.  Counsel for Adams has also advised that several payments are coming due this month to maintain Adams’ ownership interests in these ventures.  

Adams asked the Court on May 8 for permission to make payments for several notes due on  several properties he owned in order to protect his interests.  The payments are:

Oxford Springs, LLC, May payment due for $135,000
Mallard Park, LLC, May payment due for $40,000
Delta Farmland, LLC; June payment due for $15,000
707, LLC, August payment due for $4,000

The defendant argued preserving the his interests in those properties would "maximize recovery" for the government as well as the victims. 

The SEC also said that a receiver was warranted because at least one victim filed a lawsuit against Adams and Madison Timber:

Absent a receiver and the associated stay of third party litigation that would accompany his or her  appointment, there will be a “race to the courthouse” and the attendant possibility for certain investors to obtain preferential treatment with respect to Defendants’ assets.
 Mr. Adams pleaded guilty in U.S. District Court last week to one count of wire fraud.  The Justice Department said in that case that Adams defrauded 250 investors of more than $100 million.

However, Secretary of State Gilbert Hosemann filed a motion to intervene Friday that opposes the SEC's motion to appoint a receiver.  Mr. Hosemann said that the defendants are Mississippi citizens as well as a large part of the victims.  The alleged violations are also violations of the Mississippi Securities Act.    His motion asks the court to appoint Derek Henderson as receiver.  Mr. Henderson is a bankruptcy trustee in Jackson.   The Secretary of State claimed

9.  The Secretary has a significant interest in the appointment of receiver in this action,  given the number of Mississippi investors involved, significant assets being located in the State, the  Secretary’s own interest in the assets with respect to fines, penalties, and restitution to  Mississippi investors, and the receiver’s obligations and abilities to administer the recovery and  restitution of investors’ funds.  The Secretary does not believe the SEC’s recommended appointment  can protect those interests adequately and effectively.
Mississippi Special Assistant Attorney General Douglas Miracle represents the Secretary of State.

Earlier Posts
Victim sues Timber Trolls 
Lamar Adams pleads guilty.  
SEC: Ponzi scheme began in 2004. 
Flashback Friday
Clearcutting the timber. 
Wicker wobbed in Ponzi scheme.
Pinnacle Trust issues statement on Ponzi scheme
Lamar Adams waives indictment.
Feds: Lamar Adams took over $100 million in Ponzi scheme.
TIM-BERRR!!!



72 comments:

Anonymous said...

Simon other words Gibbert wants his buddy billing for all of this sorting out?

Anonymous said...

SEC! SEC! SEC! SEC! SEC! SEC!

Anonymous said...

Dilbert Hoseman is about as corrupt an individual as you can get. The feds want justice, Dilbert wants to keep the dirty laundry (and millions of dollars) in Mississippi for as long as it takes to cover up his mess, and protect his friends from indictment. Lynn Fitch would do the same cowardly thing because she's a swamp creature also from the Oxford plantation appointed by the Barbour machine. She's standing confident among the corrupt good ole' boys, and looking to continue on. Poor Mississippi - still fighting the lost cause against the feds. It's the sole reason Mississippi is culturally at the bottom of every list regarding every concern of it's people and its government's (lack of) performance. Before long the entire state might be in receivership because they're whole state is 40+% dependent on federal funds to manage its needs, but the leadership is so corrupt they STILL can't get it done.

Anonymous said...

@8:36 - Unprecedented stupidity, even for the commenters here.

Delbert wants the SEC out because they take FOREVER to do anything. Go look at how much faster the state distributed the Morgan Keegan restitution money vs the feds. The end.

Anonymous said...

8:50 is basically right, but Delbert needs to explain --very clearly and very publicly-- why he's doing this, especially if he's looking at a new elected position soon.

There are plenty of voters like 8:36 who will look at this and ask, why the hell would this northeast Jackson guy be opposed to putting an outside party in charge of these assets?

Anonymous said...

8:36,

Plantation? WTF are you even talking about?

Anonymous said...

850, it's easy to distribute quickly when you settle for a nickel on a dollar. Delbert lack of action in the Morgan Stanley case is not an examole I would pull out and throw down in support of Delbert's position.

Delbert wants in on this deal because he wants to be in charge - just like he thinks he should be in charge of everything. After all, since he is the smartest person in the room, obviously he should be in charge.

Also, he needs this because he was so late to the table in this case - so if he can take over this receivership he hopes people will forget that he wasn't around until after the feds scored the touchdown.

His argument that 'most' of the investors were from MS is his problem - this scam was operated in 'his' state; the investors were in 'his' state; and he is the regulator in this state. But it took Mike Hurst, the SEC, the FBI - the feds - to uncover and prosecute. In the state where he should have been doing something other than recording all those LLC's and asking the legislature to allow him to charge and annual fee to renew them.

Anonymous said...

The Morgan Keegan restitution was a rigged deal by the States (Delbert head of the line). Pennies on the dollar. Absolutely pitiful.

Anonymous said...

the 40+% figure cited by 8:36am is true. all of the num-nuts republicans , who constantly scream about cutting federal spending, better be careful what they ask for. go ahead , slash federal spending here. this place will turn into a bigger third world plantation backwater than it is now.

Anonymous said...

Someone please explain to non attorney - simple man

Anonymous said...

Hearing something about Adams trying to take a trip to Argentina. Anyone else heard this rumor.

Anonymous said...

I like Delbert, but he needs to back out quietly. It smells of trying to protect political buddies. Let the SEC handle. Period.

Anonymous said...

9:26 AM +100,000

This IS Mississippi.

It is reasonable to be suspicious of Hosemann's actions and sudden need to take control.

Anonymous said...

Argentina?? Great place for villains, crooks, has beens and the like.

BTW...Hannibal the Cannibal retired there...previously known as
Dr. Hannibal Lecter....a genius!

Don't think that Lamar is quite on that level though!

Anonymous said...

Since Delbert's Securities Division has no criminal authority, only administrative, he needs to back off. No need for him to be involved on the back end.

He should focus on Buster Bailey's escapades, information which has been in Delbert's office for at least four years.

Anonymous said...

9:33, the Federal money going away would be the best possible long term outcome for Mississippi. The only power these numb-nuts have is derived from directing these monies to their faithful. Just like their predecessors from the other party before them. Would it be painful in the short term? Sure. But the market would correct it in time. Investors, both from here, and all over would pick up bargains and make something of them. Without the pay to play to the current entrenched machines, we'd all be a lot better off.

The kingmakers of both parties will continue being the winners as long as all of you keep lining up behind them. While you're fighting over abortion; putting 'In God We Trust,' on car tags and state seals; and whether or not at some point in the future a devout Christian might be asked to make a wedding cake for a couple of queers; letting two people, whose lifestyle you don't approve of enter into a contract of monogamy that has zero affect on you; throwing people in jail for growing a plant; and trying to keep poor kids in Jackson from going anywhere except the closest school to their house... these idiot politicians will continue to rob you blind.

By comparison, this ponzi scheme is small potatoes. "A man is no less a slave because he is allowed to choose a new master once in a term of years." -Lysander Spooner.

Anonymous said...

Hear! Hear! @12:18

Anonymous said...

So now you've written three comments and self-congratulated yourself in a fourth.

Anonymous said...

@12:18 Are you kidding?! You obviously have no clue how government or a free-market economy works - save for what some poli-sci professor spoon-fed you...

Anonymous said...

Can we talk about the positive things going on down town Jackson, This is beginning to sound like a broken record.

Anonymous said...

What happens to the promoters?

Anonymous said...

Does anyone know what Mallard Park, LLC, Delta Farmland, LLC; and 707, LLC are or have I missed other posts?

Anonymous said...

Fuuuk meh, are these monthly payments??

Anonymous said...

Now I know I'm dumber than a rock, but a quick search on Delbert's site tells me Delta Farmland LLC (both of em) is dissolved. There's an investments, an INC and a properties, but the company styled in that filing isn't a going concern.

Which makes me wonder how the heck they're supposed to take that fifteen grand?

Anonymous said...

Mallard Park is a 5 Star duck club with multi million dollar lodge. Fenced in.

Anonymous said...

When are the names of the (duped) victims going to be released? Inquiring minds want to know. I will bet the list reads like a who is who from the "expert investors" from the Jackson area. I have been told that this has hit one particular country club pretty hard.

Anonymous said...

I wanna know where Wayne “TK” Kelly is. Seems like he vanished.

Keep up w the Jones’ said...

@3:50. Since the list will be a who’s who of Jackson, is it too late to send in a check for maybe $25 so I can be included in The Who’s who list?

Anonymous said...

I sure hope the man I know who is a share holder in the Mallard Park that I know about isn't caught up with this Adams fella.

Anonymous said...

350 Why do you think the list of investors should be released? More telling is the fact that you want it released. Just what business is it of yours, or anybodys, other than the investigators and the courts.

Oh I know the answer - it's like a gory car wreck. As long as it isn't you or yours, you want to stop and see the blood and guts.

In this case, you want to gloat over someone who has (or had) money and laugh to yourself that your friend got duped -and lost a lot of money. It's not to go be sympathetic although I'm sure you will feign sorry if it's a "friend" - but since you glee in their misery I'm sure your sorry will only be skin deep.

Keep hoping though - you might be able to uncover some names as time goes on. Maybe enough to keep your inquiring mind fed.

Anonymous said...

Misery loves company!

Anonymous said...

I was planning to vote for Delbert for Lt Gov but may have to take a look at Jay Hughes now. I am definitely opposed to putting some good ole boy in charge of the assets that are left.

Anonymous said...

Mallard Park people were partners with a guy, Adams, who agreed to buy in to a fancy duck camp.

Nothing more and nothing less.

Adams used stolen money to make his way to the table.

Now his biz partners get to be partners with the feds until a taker comes along.

Any takers with a load of cash?

Anonymous said...

My money's on the SEC, as in federal premption.

Anonymous said...

Wayne Kelly is hiding with P.L. Blake.

Anonymous said...

@6:20 I’m not saying you’re completely wrong but he was 1 of 5 developers of Mallard Park. They then sold 10 memberships for $650k a pop.

Anonymous said...

with P.L. Blake cutting out newspaper clippings?

Anonymous said...

Anonymous
Wayne Kelly is not hiding. He has noting to hide about.

Anonymous said...

Wayne Kelly is not hiding. He had nothing to hide about.

Anonymous said...

Agree, as bad as jax nerds want people to suffer, it is not a crime to introduce someone to a criminal; as long as you don’t know he was a criminal. Some would argue that they are in fact the biggest victims.

Anonymous said...

Will the real Ed Cates please stand up. Those of you who don't believe he died in a car fire still think he died in prison.

Anonymous said...

P L Blake? The Dickie Scruggs P L Blake? I must have missed something...what does P L Blake have to do with this Ponzi scheme?

And who is Wayne Kelly?

Anonymous said...

5/15, 7.30 AM

Yes, the Dickie Scruggs PL Blake. And he has absolutely nothing to do with the Ponzi scheme. One of the loyal JJ posters dragged that name up either in jest or because in the poster's mind everything is connected to everything, as many contributors to this site often believe. For instance: Butler Snow and Ole Miss are the source of all scandal in the state of Mississippi.

Anonymous said...

Wayne Kelly is a very nervous man. Although he’s probably on an island somewhere smoking cigars and drinking fruity drinks out of a coconut!

Anonymous said...

What the hell is a "5 star duck club"?

Are you required to wear a coat and tie?

Is there a Michelin rated chef there?

Are reservations required?

Or is it just a bunch of Bubbas in PFGs and shorts wearing ball caps and drinking Wild Turkey with their well-done T-bones?

5 Star duck club my ass.

Pass the SPF 40, please said...

I wonder if Mike Billings and Wayne Kelly are vacationing on the same remote island

Anonymous said...

You obviously hunt a crap duck club.

Yeh, I’ve been a couple that I would consider 5 star. Best lodging, food and drinks available to humankind

Anonymous said...

@8:46am ....."For instance: Butler Snow and Ole Miss are the source of all scandal in the state of Mississippi." Annnnnnnnd how many alumni are connected between the two? If you don't think there's STRONG, and statistically significant correlation between these particular variables, and why Mississippi is at the bottom of the national pile, then you're part of that corrupt insider group wishes for it.

Anonymous said...

to 1:40 pm ...it seems you dont mention that the waterfowl hunting was 5 star. you were probably at a shooting preserve and just dont want to admit it

Anonymous said...

to 3:48 pm,,,,,,,,,,"5 STAR DUCK CLUB"....... "fenced in"............hahaha you it must be at a shooting preserve where you kill em in a big flight pen. people in mississippi know about as much about waterfowl hunting as i know about the backside of the moon.

Anonymous said...

Should have known this Ponzi scheme would turn into an SEC meathead “it’s the fault of Ole Miss” story. Funny how jealousy over a college campus can cause so much rage and stupidity.

With an abundance of extortionist lawyers and the corrupt legal system in Mississippi (we learned so much in 2007 didn’t we?), how is it that Butler Snow is the additional “source of all scandal?”

The SEC meathead debate is somewhat understandable, because, well, meatheads are the ones debating. Butler Snow getting the other half of the blame makes no sense though.

Anonymous said...

@ 5:12am Nobody's jealous of the plantation in Oxford anymore pal. What's do be jealous of? Everyday it's coming more and more into focus of what the heritage and history of that school is.....which is hate. Today, many alumni walk the halls of power throughout the state, and really do wish they could go back - often saying, "You never really graduate....". It's public knowledge that Butler Snow is paid $60 grand a month just as a retainer by the Ole' Missus'. Lamar Adams is just another Lamar and Old South supporter connected to that group, along with recruiters, etc. etc. and of course Roger Wicker, another one Sigma Nu Snake. People are not jealous, they're sick to death of nothing very positive coming out of Oxford......while only thing that is, is their long standing arrogance - from a loooong time ago. It's revered throughout the campus with names from the Confederacy that they are PROUD of. Someone should tell their alumni, "Ahem, it's 2018.

Anonymous said...

May I as a simpleton ask a few questions? How does Roger Wicker who only draws $174,000 per year have $100k of disposable income after expenses to invest a lump sum payment? (Government employee, and probably one who looks after himself more than his constituency). Isn’t that what they all are up there for to begin with? To get a piece of the pie? But this piece came back to bite him.

Would we have known about all of this if Wicker hadn’t been duped, along with other professionals who are supposed to have good common sense?

WHO, is stupid enough to believe these people would guarantee a 13% return on investment of timber when timber prices are down and even the timber harvesters (who actuallly do the timber felling and transporting) are not making profits? Have you looked at the age of their equipment and the age of the tractor/trailers transporting the timber to the mills? If it were such a lucrative biz they would be flush with money and up to date equipment. I know a few and it’s not as good as you think it is. Matter of fact. Some of the old money that came from the early 20th century timber harvesting from just a few counties south of Jackson, their families but NOT all of them moved to Jackson and their people are still here. I’m quite sure they weren’t duped by Adams.

Anonymous said...

Your opening question - accusation, that is - ignores the fact that Wicker had a life before he was elected to Congress. He had a successful law practice in Tupelo. He and his wife owned and operated local motels in Tupelo - facilities bought from personal money earned by them before he went to Congress. Hjust because he currently earns a salary of $174k does not mean that is the sole source of income he has ever seen. And, evidently foreign to your simpleton way of thinking, his previous life has provided income, and savings, and investments that he still maintains. Working families can do this over a fotry year lifespan if they live within their means, work hard, and invest wisely. Evidently Wucker's investments throughout the rest of his life were much wiser than the one he let his friend, Brent Alexander, dupe him into this time. Now he is like many other folks who are facing the probability of losing a large part of their life savings in one fell swoop.

Anonymous said...

@11:41 And lose their life savings they should. Wicker and the others were probably "relying" on political cover from the perception that Butler/Snow would protect them. The entire thing stinks to heaven and I believe the really juicy parts of this read meat haven't even been publically made yet.

Anonymous said...

Wicker invested in the Alexander Seawright Timber Fund I LLC.? Who loaned(invested) in Lamar Adams Madison Timber Fund?

Anonymous said...

11:41, how did such a smart man as Wicker allow himself to be taken by a scam? And why would you leave the private sector if you are doing so well if not for further lucrative gains for easy money as he did. A politician is NOT to be trusted.....

Anonymous said...

I don't understand the fascination with the Butler Snow law firm - as if they can 'protect' just anybody or everybody - just because they say so. The absolute idiocy of such a concept is beyond comprehension of anybody with any piece of a brain.

No, I doubt seriously that Wicker ever even thought about needing cover, or protection, from anybody - much less Butler Snow - when he made this (ill advised) investment. And just because he is a political individual doesn't mean he will come out of this mess any better than any of the others that fell for the storyline pitched to them by this scam.

And for people to think this is the first investment scam to ever be sold in this state, or for it to be the first crappy investment to be made by a political person - let me assure you that you are wrong. Thinking that Wicker is an exception is also a mistake. The only thing that makes him different from a few hundred other folks is that he is the only one that has to file a public disclosure of his financial holdings and debts - something nobody else on this site has to do, nor do probably most of the other doctors, lawyers, indian chiefs, or trust fund babies have to do.

Anonymous said...

Ok people find it strange that a person making $174,000 as a senator would have disposable income to invest ?previous law practice ? Inheritance ? Wife’s income ? Inheritance ? In his 60s making 6 figures for 30 years . There are some morons on this blog . and Sigma Nu snakes ? What other fraternity alumni should I be aware of ?

Anonymous said...

5/14 - 8:36 am is spot ON . IT SEEMS they taught a course at THE ole ms. they figure out new ways to get paid - politics , lobbyists , fraternity bro. Favor$ , ccj fireside chat$ - EVERYONE has their hand in someone’s COOKIE JAR.
How many squires of the court r their in ms. - venture to say 10,000 - ponder that - one for every ten folks in the hood - the legislature ,
The grove, the ccj of Jackson, IF ONLY the walls of the old SUN N SAND MOTEL BARS COULD TALK “
Why cant folks do right - dollars , ego, arrogance, will get ya every time. Can’t wait to see the starting line up. BATTER UP !

Anonymous said...

to 3:48pm. Its a ‘high fence’ game fence to prevent the escape of the trophy deer. Each duck hole is intensively managed to atrract ducks and located in a good flyway. Heated blinds. Quiet electric utv’s to get you around the expansive property. The game ‘butlers’ come to gather the kill and clean it for you. A cook will cook it up to be served in the exquisitely decorated and large lodge with enough suites to rival a hotel. It was an integral part of his deception to have this sort of property for investors to come to. Trappings of weath to trap the wealthy. Rumor had it the mdwfp had to retrieve a collared black bear off the camp property because it never left, it was having no trouble finding food. Yes , 5 stars is about right.

Anonymous said...

As a 25 year lawyer I’ve seen Don Clark and Butler Snow team up the biggest low lifes to defeat litigation which would embroil the low lifes in a tangled mess for years and which would benefit the citizens of MS.

When the defense lawyers represent the richest plaintiffs lawyers...to the detriment of the people....you have the definition of a “swamp.”



Anonymous said...

@7:45 AM May 16, bad news “pal”…the “people” you speak about that are “sick to death of nothing very positive coming out of Oxford,” well, like you, they’re delusional via hatred of a school and they live in their own little pathetic personal worlds. You speak of these “people” as if there are many, and many there may be in your own little pathetic world…but the vast majority of Mississippians having heard a statement like yours would roll their eyes and file it under just another SEC meathead yacking.

Carry on meathead!

Anonymous said...


3:46,

If you are a grown man, and I assume you are---why would you still be concerned about the Sigma Nu Fraternity ??? I believe you need to grow up and take care of business. What ever is going on with Adams and Bailey do not have a direct affect on you unless you are an investor. Gladis Cravets !!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

@5:12 your right Lamar Adams is old south, he wanted white only dealt no and partners. He has been a racist all his life!

Anonymous said...

5 Star duck club... means whites only

Anonymous said...

@ 9:44am Uh, let me clue you in: The Sigma Nu "Snakes" (their choosing) is a reference to the old Trent Lott machine......wake the hell up. You don't have a clue about how far back the corruption coming out of Oxford is....nobody gives a damn about the fraternity.

Anonymous said...

3:36............. the eternal frat boy, get over it. this is the real world and your BS SEC utopia college life dont mean nothing anymore.

Anonymous said...

to may 16 at 8:40 pm....you seem real proud of you shooting preserve..... i mean your hunting club. high fence clubs buy ranch raised deer with big racks and turn them loose in a high fence enclosure so certain well- heeled fatass sports who dont know how to hunt , can killem while the deer has his head buried in a pile of corn. i worked as a waterfowl hunting guide for many years and the worst people i ever had to guide were rich doctors who thought they were expert waterfowlers because they had made a couple of trips to argentina where you kill fowl over bait. i m sure a big group of hookers show up at your club every evening about 5pm , but i dont expect you to list that little 5 star amenity.

Anonymous said...

This is BS about Sigma Nu ..what about the recently departed SAE chapter they were the real frat NETWORK .. William Faulkner , Paul B Johnson , LQC Lamar III , Dickie Scruggs ,the real man in charge Haley Barbour now this was the true political power in the state may they RIP Phi Alpha

Anonymous said...

roger wicker fell for this scam? the same roger wicker who is in washington running the country? god save us

Anonymous said...

Wayne Kelly is not hiding. He also thought he was the only one working for Lamar at the time. I’ve known him my entire life. He had some of his dearest friends and family invested, and was invested himself. I just hope he can convince the FBI/ SEC of this fact!



Recent Comments

Search Jackson Jambalaya

Subscribe to JJ's Youtube channel

Archives

Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).


Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.


In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.


Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS
.