Saturday, May 19, 2018

Woman struck open manhole & called for help hours before student killed.

A Northeast Jackson woman's car was damaged by the same manhole that killed Frannie Fortner just a few hours later on Thursday.  The woman told JJ that contact with the uncovered manhole blew out her two right side tires.  She made this comment on JJ Thursday night:

I hit it at 9:30... how dare someone say it did not take place...have voice recordings of the report if you want to question this. I called JPD..... they took no report no anything...didn't even ask. I told the officer this is a hazard get a cone something take care of this and the officer that I know by name did nothing!! I was afraid to stay in my car and wait for a tow truck because I was about to be hit at any moment by people dodging the hole yes open hole!!!!! My daughter got me so I could sit in her car for safety.. and the officer got out and tried to replace it and she couldn't pick it up and guess what she left!!!!! Wow!!!! Do your job and protect the citizens of Jackson.
She said she struck the uncovered manhole, blew out two tires, and called JPD.  The officer arrived and attempted to move the cover but it was too heavy for her to do so.  However, she took no report.  She did not block access to the manhole with her cruiser and wait for Public Works personnel to arrive.  Indeed,  no one from Public Works ever did arrive and the woman said it is because she did not call the Public Works department.  

 Kingfish note: What does one say?  The Kingfish travels on that section of road several times a day.  The section of Ridgewood Road between Lenox and Old Canton Road was literally crumbling to pieces before it was resurfaced last year and again this year.  However, as unfortunately happens all too often in this city, the geniuses who resurface all too often don't raise the manholes to the same level as the road, thus creating new giant potholes.  Carlisle and Poplar Streets are good examples of this crap.  There were two manholes around Venetian Way and Saratoga on Ridgewood Road that were particularly deep until last week.  One was probably four-five inches deep and would rattle the teeth if struck while driving at the speed limit of 35 mph.  Superior Asphalt (owned by Yates) finally came out last week and leveled everything after a few months on Ridgewood.  

Then there is the matter of placing manholes where tires normally contact the road instead of other sections of the road such as the middle.  

There is also the issue of the disconnect that all too often happens between JPD and Public Works but that is a post for another time.  

Just curious. Since Mayor Lumumba and his peeps are so dead-set on making public the names of officers involved in shootings, will the Mayor release the name of the officer who left the scene of this woman's wreck?


Anonymous said...

This will make not difference for Jackson is far worse than any of this shows. We are just hearing about the tip of the iceburg.

Anonymous said...

And why can’t Jackson get the West runway at JAN resurfaced? Check into that, KF.

Anonymous said...

These radical leaders I. Jackson simply do not care. This victim was white and this mayor won’t lose a second of sleep over this. He’s too worried about canonizing Lil Lonnie and implementation of his radical and racial plan for Jackistan.

Anonymous said...

Judging from the article in the morning paper, the city seems to be laying this off on private deep pockets, with little attention to the fact that city officials of many departments had warning of a "clear and present danger." If there's a march on City Hall, I'll join.

Previously Associated with Road Builders said...

Realize now that the current location of Ridgewood Road is a very old location that runs north and south along a Section Line. It probably started out as a dirt path, then became a gravel road and finally a 2 lane paved road. It was a 2 lane paved road in the early 1970's when I rode my bike (weather permitting) from nearly Briarwood Drive up to Spann Elementary School and back as a 3rd and 4th grader. At that time, Ridgewood had a gravel shoulder. And I was there pedaling my bike along the edge of it at 9-10 years old. With that being said, there were probably manholes on the edges of the 2 lane road, that didn't get relocated when it was widened to 4 lanes in the late 1970's-Early 1980's. Now they are in the "wheel lane" of the 4 lanes and not in the middle of a single lane. I do know this: One of my previous employers was an Engineer and Land Surveyor that performed all the surveying layout work while he was employed with Cook Construction, who were the original asphalt paving contractor when Ridgewood Road was widened to 4 lanes, and he was VERY aggravated that the manholes on that project wound up in the "wheel lanes" of the travel lanes. I worked with him later on in the late 80's on the I-55 project between Meadowbrook Rd. and Jacksonian Plaza. So to recap, more than likely the relocation of the manholes in Ridgewood Road weren't in the Scope of Work of the original 4 lane widening project of Ridgewood Road.

Anonymous said...

To serve and protect—

Anonymous said...

A big problem is when you do reach someone on the phone with the city they are hostile rude and don't give a flip. Take your message Nd never place it cores you to proper department. On the phone they're almost irritated to have to answer.

Anonymous said...

At some point, any municipality that allows health and public safety hazards to exist with no accountability, must have the responsibility of reducing, or eliminating the existence of said hazards taken away from them.

It is time for the City of Jackson to have the maintenance of Ridgewood Rd. from the intersection of Lakeland Drive to County Line Rd. taken away and placed in the hands of MDOT.

We have one youngster dead from the incompetence in Public Works at the City of Jacklson.

We don't need, don't want and are not going to tolerate this situation to reoccur.

Anonymous said...

Kingfish noted "The section of Ridgewood Road between Lenox and Old Canton Road was literally crumbling to pieces before it was resurfaced last year and again this year."

Why the road was resurfaced twice within two years. Are they using proper "paper glue" on these roads?
No pun intended. In general condition Jackson roads need are repaired/resurfaced too often. Looks like the asphalt is not the right kind for Jackson (whatever may be the environmental soil conditions etc.) Please get proper asphalt for those roads. I will push for it on some other occasion.

I am sorry that one young life is lost due to these road conditions. Every city department involved in this is responsible. Hope they shed a tear and try to do their jobs right.

Anonymous said...

No one in NE Jackson has the balls to incorporate as their own city. They'll moan, complain but another kid dead and no one who wants to upset the status quo, their own identity, their "history" in the neighborhood, or their small exclusive power base. I live here, I know. I saw it up front and personal with the Oxford House. Short sighted iron clad control by very few people, who are afraid of being called racist if they say anything against the current city council or god forbid, talk about becoming our own incorporated entity. No infrastructure, no policing, no voice in city government, failing public schools in NE Jackson and bearing the brunt of taxation in the city..........."LET THEM EAT CAKE" ......or the "BAND PLAYS ON AS THE TITANIC SINKS" --- whatever, but at some point, it will collapse on the NE Jackson community and all you had to do was have enough guts to stand up for yourselves. That of course appears to be too hard. Been done elsewhere with success. Course new ideas are to be feared.

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately MDOT has enough trouble with the massive number of bridges across the state closed down and another round of closures coming soon.

Anonymous said...

So..was the cover missing? Or did someone put one on that was not the correct size.

Mr. Mississippi said...

We've got to be fair to the JPD officer - the police force in Jackson is understaffed, overworked, and underpaid. And, a city that's up to its knees in blood needs officers elsewhere in the city.

With that said, the officer really should have stayed on the scene until something was done. But, it's not reasonable to expect the officer to stay at that location for 3 years, waiting for the department of transportation to come and replace one of dozens of open pipes.

I think it's time for the legislature to take a deep breath, realize there's a problem here in the city, and take some steps to provide assistance for the four pillars of a community: (1) roads, (2) water, (3) safety, and (4) education. All the other fluffy BS, like zoos and parks can wait. The city is in crisis. And, the longer the state waits to step in, the more and more the only city in the state (something that should be an asset to the whole state!) will become a national disgrace and liability.

It's time for the state to step in, appoint a manager, with access to resources, and oust these elected bozos who are in over their heads!

Anonymous said...

Someone should check out the sinkhole at the intersection of Ridgewood and Lelia (other side of Lakeland from this). Orange barrels and caution tape are not a proper solution to fixing our roads.

Anonymous said...

@ 4:32...
Your correct. Look at Detroit lately... once the state took over problems were corrected and now the city is really booming although many people here would complain of gentrification like Detroit is experiencing now. Large influx of whites moving in and it's really shaping up. Cass park was worse than battlefield park area and now it's been bulldozed and nice high end retail and houses are going up. Just and example.

Anonymous said...

ashpalt mix is not the problem with roads around here. it is the same thing that affects every structure....yazoo clay.

guy up top talking about the widening hit the nail on the head as to why the manholes are located where they are. he obviously has first hand knowledge as well.

i am suspect that incorrectly sized top was matched with the extenion ring if it was indeed able top be knocked off by traffic. in other words was it on when superior (yates) finished, but either an incorrect, temporary top or not installed completely. manholes are basically impossible for traffic to knock off if correctly installed. in theory (abd design), it is impossible. something was amiss for it to vulnerable to being knocked off or askew, resulting in the earlier tire damage and police response, followed by this tragedy.

they will get it all figured out in the lawsuits.

Anonymous said...

After this failure of a paving project I'm uneasy about the trench developing on my street because it's part of the Hawthorne bridge detour traffic.

Anonymous said...

3:03 nailed it. If the JCC/Eastover/Sheffield crowd, along with all the other citizens who don’t want to live in a cesspool, organized and refused to see this city go down the tubes, there would be a slim chance that we could have a decent city, again. If nothing changes, there is no chance. I suspect most of the people that pay most of the taxes would be thrilled to put some timeand backbone in. It would be an uphill battle for sure, but there are folks that love a challenge . I just wonder if enough of them are local. I notice that a rapidly increasing number of people decide Jackson is to be avoided. I hope we aren’t past the tipping point, but I’m afraid we passed that up a decade ago.

Anonymous said...

505, great suppositions, but nothing in your theory fits with the facts of the case. No, the tops come fit to the rings. That's not the problem. Doesn't appear to have anything to do with the installation. You fail to even consider the possibility that the evidence seems to point to - that the ring was faulty and that it failed. Broke. It is a cast iron product that appears to have had a failure in casting that allowed the support for the cover to break. At least according to the actual news reports (not the bloviating by commentators and authors of websites). Instead of stating absolutes and pointing fingers based on armchair beer drinking concepts it would make much more sense in a case like this to wait until the actual investigative reports are complete. At that time when the failure of the ring to stay intact (breaking off as the TV reporters showed last night on air) the true case of this accident can be determined.

But, I know it is much more fun for many to see who all they can drive down through their unbased accusations. Maybe we should all go back to the Adams Timber Trust and discuss it - at least in that case we weren't dancing about while dealing with a personal tragedy of a family over the loss of a lovely young girl - only a bunch of our neighbors who we were envious of that lost a bundle of money.

Y'all have a good time a church tomorrow. You probably need it after the past few days.

Anonymous said...

Both Shelby and Ashby Foote are silent on this issue.

Anonymous said...

"I notice that a rapidly increasing number of people decide Jackson is to be avoided."

No shit? What was your clue?

Anonymous said...

I wonder who will break their silence first: Shelby Foote or Ashby Foote?

Anonymous said...

I want to hear from Stokes on this issue. Zoo on his mind. Blood on his hands. This goes for all the leaders of this once great city.

Anonymous said...

4:58 is right. The state just has to come in and take over the city--appoint leaders since the voters are largely incapable of electing qualified individuals. City workers should also be held accountable to do their jobs.

It's doable--we should hire Kevyn Orr. He's the person appointed by the Gov. of Michigan to turn around the city. Which he got started on the path to recovery.

Anonymous said...

4:32 has the right idea; however, if the State funds it, the State needs to run it... long term. Otherwise, your just flushing the money down the toilet. Unfortunately, the majority of voters in Jtown don’t trust whitey. Racism is alive and well and profitable in Jackson, MS. And will be for generations to come. It’s slowly being defeated but even then Cronyism will survive and its not racist.

Anonymous said...

If there was any realistic opportunity to secede and incorporate the NE Jxn area into a city, I'd work my tail off to do that. I'd prefer to include Fondren, too. Any attorneys out there that can give guidance on how to do this? It seems :our" mayor is not interested in our side of town. I have kids who drive and seeing one of our children die due to the amazing incompentece of the current admin is the last straw. We aren't wealthy but can afford to sell and bail. I so hate it as I love my home town but this is it. A precious soul died due to city issues and the mayor won't even step up and find solutions.

Anonymous said...

Look it's no secret that the mayor or council people like stokes or stamps give a rip about whites in Jackson except on tax day. Also, who is the complete moron that is on a urban radio local station 97.7 fm... Saturday AM... this person is a total uninformed person on most issues. I love it when these people pander to there supporters. I find it comical yet disappointing at the same time. Everything is racist in this guys mind... the zoo the airport... belhaven northeast Jackson even is racist. We're not a part of his Jackson.

Anonymous said...

to the bozos who think NE jackson needs to break away, secede and incorporate into a separate city, that aint gonna happen. no law, policy or precedent allows for carving a new city out of an existing city.

Anonymous said...

The mayor lives off of Pear Orchard Road in NE Jackson, so you would THINK he would care about his own part of town.

Anonymous said...

Stop proposing things that can’t happen. It’s like the commenters here have no sense of law and policy, but will belch about them all day for trolling kicks. 1) There is no mechanism for the state to take over a municipality. 2) Same for breaking away and forming a new city.

Anonymous said...

No matter what the cause of the failure of the man hole cover it all comes down to failure of the city officials and their departments. The police were called when the first car ran into the open manhole. The came, which surprised me, but just looked then drove off.
Who ever the police was should be fired immediately. A policeman should be posted on the manhole until it is repaired.
Life is not worth much in our capital city. All of this marching up and down the streets, gatherings to remember some murder victim, and excuse making is not doing a damn bit of good.
The only good that could come out of marching up and down the street would be if the people would pick up trash while they were marching.

Anonymous said...

8:34 and 9:27

Perhaps you are the bozos. I spent 33sec and googled up a document that says your opinions are way off.

The same statute which grants citizens of an adjoining territory the right to initiate an annexation
gives citizens of existing cities the right to seek deannexation.
The procedures are the same as
for citizen-initiated annexations and are covered by the same statutes. This has been a little used
remedy in the state. The Mississippi Supreme Court recently rendered a decision in one of the
few deannexation cases to arise since the adoption of the 1950 statutes.
The Court held that
the test is the same for annexations and deannexations – reasonableness.

Anonymous said...

The Mayor is more interested in playing “radical” than in actually causing radical change. He’s been in office for eight months, but little has changed. He’s not a true radical, that’s just his branding.

I’ve personally called, faxed, used the Jackson311 app and emailed city officials with details about problems that need to be addressed, to no avail.

For example, there are three orange barrels around a manhole in front of Jackson Academy, the school Frances would have graduated from. There are no warning signs that alert drivers to the fact that the lane is closed. It has been this way for close to two weeks, yet nothing gets done, despite my service requests.

After he stated he wasn’t aware of any other open manholes, I sent an email to Bob Miller recommending that he read about two of them on JacksonJambalaya.

He said that if I was to provide specific locations he said he would work to have them addressed promptly. I sent him the exact links to make it easy for him.

We shall see if anything comes of it.

Anonymous said...

Two months ago, a downed tree blocked off Northside right before North State. A major intersection. The tree fell on a Friday night and was not removed until Monday morning. Meanwhile, the City had two police cars stationed on either side almost all day on Saturday.

And then approximately three weeks ago, someone who was freaking out about the alleged shootings on I-55 at Northside called the police and they sent out an officer to explain to her that there were no shootings.

The City has time to have policemen barricade a road all day and make house calls to quash rumors but no time to remove a tree blocking a major intersection or fix open manholes. I'm sorry but what little resources the City does have are completely misdirected.

Anonymous said...

To the next suspect of a deadly shooting in The City of Jackson: Do us a solid and confess to lifting a manhole lid, dropping your firearm in the hole and replacing the lid. But you aint gonna tell them where.

Anonymous said...

Ashby Foote is totally worthless. It is a mystery why anyone would want that job if they aren't even a little motivated to do something positive.

Anonymous said...

11:08 - thanks! I was about to help our clown friends with a little history. Towns in Alabama and Georgia have successfully de-annexed and left municipalities that did not support them. Taxes in and nothing to show for the taxes paid. Also New Orleans East is attempting this same remedy I believe. Nay sayers must be those whose power base might slip away. On the coast it took a natural disaster to wipe out those entrenched incompetent locals who had no vision. Wonder what it’s going to take in NE Jackson? I’d be at the first meeting for creation of a new entity (LeFleur, NEJackson - whatever you want to call it) but as in Oxford House and other situations a few people allow something to start and then move in slowly to shut it down. Change is to be feared.

Anonymous said...

to 11;08 and 2:21..... yall are quite the storytellers. parts of cities do not "secede ". maybe you are confusing that with a tax- grab annexation, like jackson did several years ago when they annexed the growing little unincorporated village of byram. of course several residents banded together and fought it in court and the supreme court eventually reversed the annexation stating that it was , you guessed it, a tax grab.

Anonymous said...

the hypocrisy of the up-tight, right wing republican nazi party trolls on this site is amazing. a week ago you were all jumping up and down screaming about the civil justice system and how the plaintiffs bar is to blame for all the misery in their lives and everything that is wrong with the country . over the last couple of days your tune changes to " sue everybody and everything right out of existence. " whats the matter ? cant you make up you mind? you are all graduates of the SEC school of whats working now and dont know history past last tuesday.

Anonymous said...

Ashby Foote gave WLBT a quote Friday in a lengthy piece about the city's investigation and how little officials are willing to talk about right now.

"I have spoken to the mayor and [interim] chief of police about the importance of being responsive to 311 and 911 calls," Foote said. "They agree with that as well. We need to make sure our first responders and professional services are handled in a professional manner."

Anonymous said...

In the Atlanta area it started with Sandy Springs. In 2005. Now 10 communities have been formed from former parts of Atlanta. It is called the "city hood movement". Very same problems as Jackson, incompetence and corruption run amok. Here is the link:

Anonymous said...

I find it amazing we have heard absolutely nothing from kenniff stokes, stamps, and Aaron banks on the city council. I can assure you that they could give a rip since this was a white person that died. That's banks from the southcjackson area that replaced Tyrone is next to the worst right behind Foote...

Anonymous said...

Jackson has a number of problems, obviously. One major issue that doesn't seem to get attention is the sheer size of the city. If you look at a list of cities in the same population range, Jackson is near the top of the list in terms of its overall area (footprint). Those that are similarly sized are distinguishable because of their economic activity. Thus, Jackson is left with a huge footprint of sewers, roads, and utilities, and the need for police and fire protection, with little economic activity to support such services. Additionally, given that it is a state capitol, you have to also factor in all the non-profits and government agencies that do not pay ad valorem taxes. The size of the city is a major issue.

Anonymous said...

@ 8:35am

Finally, a pragmatist speaking on the issue.

Just adding to what 8:35am stated. Jackson is a big city that simply does not have the revenue to make the necessary improvements as fast as they need to be done.

The capital city complex will help offset costs for the city, but it doesn't help that the city doesn't bring in enough revenues either. The 1% increase on certain purchases have helped. The ad valorem increases will increase education's operational costs, but there are so many other things that affect the city as a whole.

You can fuss, cuss, and belittle all you want, but that's not changing anything in the short or long term.

Anonymous said...

@8:35 - further reasons for de-annexation.

Anonymous said...

8:35 That's what happens when a large population leave an area. The area remains the same size but the population density plummets.

Anonymous said...

What does the "Metro Chamber of Commerce" that was once the Jackson Chamber of Commerce say about all of this. Does Jackson have a real stand alone chamber?

Anonymous said...

8:35, @10.02. I don't disagree that depopulation is a factor for Jackson, but I think even if the city's population was stable, or had modestly increased, that modern services demanded and needed for a 200k person city could be supported economically here. In other words, an extra 30,000 residents wouldn't, by themselves, drastically improve things. Not that it wouldn't help...

Detroit is a case study for the effects of depopulation. If you look at the numbers though, Jackson's reduction in population (200k to 170k) is not even in the same ballpark as Detroit (2 million down to less than 700k).

Anonymous said... recap: Jackson is a really big place. With a really, really big footprint (new buzzword). So, for that reason, the cop who was negligent and the contractor who is liable should be given passes. Got it.

Anonymous said...

I live in Gulfport, but I do spend quite a bit of time working in Jackson. We have our problems with roads down here, East Biloxi at the moment is atrocious, but here's some sugar for your coffee. Last summer, I noticed a cracked lid for a manhole cover on a low-travel street, manhole cover sitting in it at a 45 degree angle, at about 5:00 on a thunderstorming Friday afternoon. I called Gulfport Public Works, told them about it, the person I talked with on the phone had an "OH-Shit, we've gotta get that fixed quick" attitude about it, asked me briefly for my name and address, and said she'd get a priorty work order in on it for the crew on duty. I drove back down that street about 30 mins after making the phone call, and damned if they hadn't already came by and put blinking delineanator cones around the manhole, obviously, it would be a bitch to fix with a skeleton crew on a weekend evening. It was repaired within a week, and Gulfport sent me a friggen letter thanking me for pointing it out to them. Can Jackson follow suit?? We all know the answer to that question

Anonymous said...

Our esteemed Mayor issued a statement that said, in part, "We owe a responsibility to the Fortner family and we owe that acknowledgment to the citizens of Jackson," Lumumba continued.

(Who writes for him? Does he not speak English as his primary language? He graduated from law school. for chrissakes.)

Lumumba said a Jackson police officer inspected the manhole after an earlier complaint and believed it to be secured.

(This is at odds to what the original complainant said. She stated that the officer couldn't move it because it was too heavy, and that she left after trying to move it into place. Someone is lying, and I doubt it is the woman who called JPD at 9:00 AM.)

The Public Works Department was notified, but no barricade was put up.

(No shit. Is this ultimately Bob Miller's responsibility?)

Anonymous said...

Look that 311 is a joke now days. Years ago it was great speaking to Andy from 311... not anymore apparently...

Anonymous said...

@9:21. I have good friends in the JPD and the HCSO who are involved in inivestigating this tragedy. The comment they made to me when we hugged and grieved (not knowing Franny well, it was just grief that normal people feel over senseless loss) the day after was, "She was going the speed limit and doing everything right, so at least her parents have that." They said a small car like that with the weight (engine) in the front doesn't take much to flip, and her borrowed car went head over heels when it hit the pothole cover sticking up out of the street, no fault of hers. She is a victim who is now whole again, but no one who loved her is, for now at least. I hope your cold, hard heart can stop making judgements when you are clueless about the facts, especially that of a young woman just going out into the world who did NOTHING wrong. And I hope your actions are never misjudged and maligned by strangers if you are doing the right thing and suffer consequences from someone else's mistakes. Try being the solution, not the problem. smh

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Trollfest '09

Trollfest '07 was such a success that Jackson Jambalaya will once again host Trollfest '09. Catch this great event which will leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Othor Cain and his band, The Black Power Structure headline the night while Sonjay Poontang returns for an encore performance. Former Frank Melton bodyguard Marcus Wright makes his premier appearance at Trollfest singing "I'm a Sweet Transvestite" from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." Kamikaze will sing his new hit, “How I sold out to da Man.” Robbie Bell again performs: “Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Bells” and “Any friend of Ed Peters is a friend of mine”. After the show, Ms. Bell will autograph copies of her mug shot photos. In a salute to “Dancing with the Stars”, Ms. Bell and Hinds County District Attorney Robert Smith will dance the Wango Tango.

Wrestling returns, except this time it will be a Battle Royal with Othor Cain, Ben Allen, Kim Wade, Haley Fisackerly, Alan Lange, and “Big Cat” Donna Ladd all in the ring at the same time. The Battle Royal will be in a steel cage, no time limit, no referee, and the losers must leave town. Marshand Crisler will be the honorary referee (as it gives him a title without actually having to do anything).

Meet KIM Waaaaaade at the Entergy Tent. For five pesos, Kim will sell you a chance to win a deed to a crack house on Ridgeway Street stuffed in the Howard Industries pinata. Don't worry if the pinata is beaten to shreds, as Mr. Wade has Jose, Emmanuel, and Carlos, all illegal immigrants, available as replacements for the it. Upon leaving the Entergy tent, fig leaves will be available in case Entergy literally takes everything you have as part of its Trollfest ticket price adjustment charge.

Donna Ladd of The Jackson Free Press will give several classes on learning how to write. Smearing, writing without factchecking, and reporting only one side of a story will be covered. A donation to pay their taxes will be accepted and she will be signing copies of their former federal tax liens. Ms. Ladd will give a dramatic reading of her two award-winning essays (They received The Jackson Free Press "Best Of" awards.) "Why everything is always about me" and "Why I cover murders better than anyone else in Jackson".

In the spirit of helping those who are less fortunate, Trollfest '09 adopts a cause for which a portion of the proceeds and donations will be donated: Keeping Frank Melton in his home. The “Keep Frank Melton From Being Homeless” booth will sell chances for five dollars to pin the tail on the jackass. John Reeves has graciously volunteered to be the jackass for this honorable excursion into saving Frank's ass. What's an ass between two friends after all? If Mr. Reeves is unable to um, perform, Speaker Billy McCoy has also volunteered as when the word “jackass” was mentioned he immediately ran as fast as he could to sign up.

In order to help clean up the legal profession, Adam Kilgore of the Mississippi Bar will be giving away free, round-trip plane tickets to the North Pole where they keep their bar complaint forms (which are NOT available online). If you don't want to go to the North Pole, you can enjoy Brant Brantley's (of the Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance) free guided tours of the quicksand field over by High Street where all complaints against judges disappear. If for some reason you are unable to control yourself, never fear; Judge Houston Patton will operate his jail where no lawyers are needed or allowed as you just sit there for minutes... hours.... months...years until he decides he is tired of you sitting in his jail. Do not think Judge Patton is a bad judge however as he plans to serve free Mad Dog 20/20 to all inmates.

Trollfest '09 is a pet-friendly event as well. Feel free to bring your dog with you and do not worry if your pet gets hungry, as employees of the Jackson Zoo will be on hand to provide some of their animals as food when it gets to be feeding time for your little loved one.

Relax at the Fox News Tent. Since there are only three blonde reporters in Jackson (being blonde is a requirement for working at Fox News), Megan and Kathryn from WAPT and Wendy from WLBT will be on loan to Fox. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both and a torn-up Obama yard sign will entitle you to free drinks served by Megan, Wendy, and Kathryn. Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required. Just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '09 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

Note: Security provided by INS.

Trollfest '07

Jackson Jambalaya is the home of Trollfest '07. Catch this great event which promises to leave NE Jackson & Fondren in flames. Sonjay Poontang and his band headline the night with a special steel cage, no time limit "loser must leave town" bout between Alan Lange and "Big Cat"Donna Ladd following afterwards. Kamikaze will perform his new song F*** Bush, he's still a _____. Did I mention there was no referee? Dr. Heddy Matthias and Lori Gregory will face off in the undercard dueling with dangling participles and other um, devices. Robbie Bell will perform Her two latest songs: My Best Friends are in the Media and Mama's, Don't Let Your Babies Grow up to be George Bell. Sid Salter of The Clarion-Ledger will host "Pin the Tail on the Trial Lawyer", sponsored by State Farm.

There will be a hugging booth where in exchange for your young son, Frank Melton will give you a loooong hug. Trollfest will have a dunking booth where Muhammed the terrorist will curse you to Allah as you try to hit a target that will drop him into a vat of pig grease. However, in the true spirit of Separate But Equal, Don Imus and someone from NE Jackson will also sit in the dunking booth for an equal amount of time. Tom Head will give a reading for two hours on why he can't figure out who the hell he is. Cliff Cargill will give lessons with his .80 caliber desert eagle, using Frank Melton photos as targets. Tackleberry will be on hand for an autograph session. KIM Waaaaaade will be passing out free titles and deeds to crackhouses formerly owned by The Wood Street Players.

If you get tired come relax at the Fox News Tent. To gain admittance to the VIP section, bring either your Republican Party ID card or a Rebel Flag. Bringing both will entitle you to free drinks.Get your tickets now. Since this is an event for trolls, no ID is required, just bring the hate. Bring the family, Trollfest '07 is for EVERYONE!!!

This is definitely a Beaver production.

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